if your 3 year old has a panic attack every time you make a phone call...

[lizajane]

would you
1) ignore him and let him sob
2) constantly interupt every single phone call you make or answer to reassure him that it will not "take a long time" and to hear every "i have to tell you something... um... (tries hard to think of anything to tell me)
3)stop making phone calls and stop answering the phone

i tried the timer thing. no go. sobbed hysterically anyway.

thanks for any thoughts. i just don't know what to do next and never making or receiving a phone call between the hours of 6am and 7:30pm might present a challenge.

[writermama]

No ideas, but hugs to you. I mean, it's not like being home with kids doesn't already feel isolating, not being able to use the phone would be unbearable.

I hope you get some good answers.

[sdbc]

Gosh, I'm not sure if this will work, but maybe you could talk to him about it while you aren't on the phone. Tell him that when you're on the phone, he isn't allowed to interrupt unless it's an emergency, and if he does, you'll put him in his room for a timeout without stopping your conversation.

I don't know if it will work, or if you even do time outs, but it might work if you are consistent...

Sue, mommy to Aurora (Rory) born 5/13/04

[lizajane]

sadly, also a no go. when i gave him a timeout once for constantly interupting me and whining and finally sobbing, he cried HYSTERICALLY and kept coming back down the stairs to wail, "MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" time outs dont' really work for him because he is the highly sensitive child (as per the book) and it is so incredibly terrifying for him to be separated from us, the discipline is completely ineffective. and the phone thing isn't really a discipline issue. it is a sensitive child issue. and i have talked to him about it and asked him for ideas. we even decided that i would ask him if he needed anything before i made or answered a call and then he could choose to sit quietly in my lap during the whole call if he needed to. that worked ONE TIME. and back to hysterical sobbing...

[Wife_and_mommy]

oh boy. I'd be inclined to see it as a behavior issue if it's happening *every* single time you use the phone. I'd put dd in her crib and use the phone across the house so her screams aren't heard.


I hope you get some better advice from the gd moms.

Also, a friend has the "interrupt rule" at her house. Her dc's have to touch her leg if they want to interrupt *any* conversation(phone/inperson) and *wait* until she's available. I've seen it work very well adn will probably use something very similar. FYI, they wait a minute or two.

Hugs to you. That can't be easy......




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[Toba]

Is it an actual panic attack or just a meltdown? I suffer from panic disorder and it scares ME, and I'm 35 years old (plus, I have to medicate myself when it happens).

If it's just a meltdown, can you try giving him your cell phone while you're on the phone? My son has figured out how to use the camera and the video camcorder on my phone and I am constantly erasing pics of feet or the floor or whatever (and a few pics of Elmo on TV), but it definitely gives me a few minutes to finish up with my phone call. :)


~Kimberly Anne~

[ribbit1019]

A friend's kid did this to her as well. It was awful to hear him have a break down everytime she picked up the phone. I seem to recall that allowing him to speak with willing parties helped significantly. She also would hand him his own phone so that he could "talk" too. So heartwrenching to listen to though, and I know a lot of you calls probably are of a busniess nature. Hugs Liza!! If it helps at all the little boy grew out of it at about 4ish and is a very well adjusted popular little man in first grade! :)


Christy
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[kcandz]

Here is a suggestion, maybe you have already tried it, in regard to timeouts. We do ours in a spot where DC can see me or DH so we aren't separated, but we do not respond to the wailing (which does happen) - we do kitchen chores or whatever since it is only 2 minutes but are very careful to stay within eyesight of DC. We watch the timer very carefully too. That way, DC is in "time out" from us spending time together, but is not completely freaked out due to isolation. Maybe that is how you do timeouts already, the way I read your post is that you have DS upstairs alone for a timeout while you are downstairs.

[lisams]

How about putting together a special box for phone time - like a box with a few fun toys that you pull out during phone calls? Or I'll pull out something like playdough/stickers that I can sit right next to her while she plays with it when I'm on the phone. Sometimes I'll roll little balls of playdough with her and she feels like I'm not completely ignoring her. I'll admit to making deals with DD when I know I'll be on the phone for a long time. For example, letting her pick a short movie out to watch or letting her know we'll go to the park when I'm done, make a special snack together, etc.

I've noticed that if I make it somewhat positive for DD, she's more likely to not be bothered by it the next time.

Hope you find something that works. We went through a rough patch with this, and it DOES get better, I promise!!!

[lizajane]

not as bad as the panic attack he had at the ped's office recently when the jack a$$ ped tried to touch him without so much as saying hello first... but maybe a cross between a full panic attack and a meltdown. he has terror in his wide eyes, he can't catch his breath from sobbing, he shakes and he sweats.

[Puddy73]

Hugs! That must be terribly frustrating. I don't have any experience parenting a sensitive child, but my mother says that I often reacted like this when separated from her as a child. We were practically joined at the hip until I started kindergarten. She swears that getting me a dog really helped me to relax and reduced panicky behavior. This is not to imply in any way that you can be replaced by a dog, just throwing it out as a last ditch possibility (since I'm sure that the last thing you need is one more thing to take care of!).


Jennifer
Mommy to Annabelle 9/08/03 & Finn 10/31/05

"If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane." - Jimmy Buffett

[lizajane]

lol!!!

we have TWO dogs!!