tired

[new-mommy]

Lately I am feeling really sad thinking that I might be too strickt w. my 20 month old baby girl. I feel like all day all she hears is NO, DON'T, STOP, OUCH! I'm a stay-home mom, between taking care the house, husband and everything else, I get very tired which results in getting impatient w. her sometimes. When she mis-behaves or spills, I get angry and say "OH NOOOOO WHY DID U DO THAT.. I START CLEANING ANGRILY". I feel very bad for doing that. Like a few days ago I took her to a restaurent, she wanted to touch the fake leaves, I said no yakkky she panic(ed) and stopped, I said it's full of dust. I got all these paranoyas as well. I feel LIKE I M NOT A GOOD MOTHER. She is a lil angel, she is not a tantrum-thrower kinda baby, very sweet baby she is.

I welcome any advice.
thanks

[our1stbaby]

I can understand your situation. It's not at all your fault so first of all stop blaiming yourself. You are also a human being...right... you too have mood patterns...

But as you are realizing what you are doing so half of the problem is already solved. What I think is you just have to change your outlook. Take it easy. She is a small kid after all, curious about things.

Give yourself sometime out of your buzy schedule.
Get involved with your daughter's activity or get her involved in what you do. This way she will feel the importance & at the ame time it will keep her buzy.
Good Luck.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Being a mom is really, really hard work. You are doing a great job!

When you catch yourself about to freak about something stop and think, "what is the worst thing that will happen if she does X?" Odds are almost always that nothing bad will really happen. Like in your example about touching a plant when out...she gets a bit dusty. :)

I agree with the pp, she is curious and just wants to explore the world around her. Help keep her safe but allow her freedom. If she spills, makes a mess, or something else try and get her involved with helping to clean up but don't get too mad at her. Accidents happen and she is old enough to put toys away. Accidents are ok and they are how we learn. She needs to know that you support and love her even when she isn't perfect.

Don't expect perfection from her wrt behavior. That just isn't going to happen and that is ok! Do you have any good books on child development? There is a series of books that is a bit out dated but have good, basic information about what sorts of things kids do. I just read the 3yo book and found myself nodding in agreement as though it was written about my child.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0440506727/ref=pd_cp_b_1?pf_rd_p=317711001&pf_rd_s=center-41&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=0440506387&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=1Y7YZ9JWQ0RG1RSPB7FR
The book "Caring for your Baby and Young Child" by the American Academy of Pediatrics is a great reference to have around. I also love the Dr. Sears' books.

I bet it would be great if you could find a playgroup or moms' group with parents that have kids around that age. It's just nice to have a group of supportive moms that you can commiserate with. You'll find your feelings are pretty normal. It's nice to get out of the house too!

Housework really can wait. It's true that what you want them to remember about their childhood isn't that the house was always clean but that you had time for her. If you really sit down and evaluate your day I bet you will find ways that you could ease some household stress and have more fun.

Oh, and try and set up a house that isn't full of "no's." Rather than constantly saying things like, "no, don't play with the remote control" (for example), keep the remote out of her reach. Make her environmental accessible and safe for her to explore. Work hard to totally childproof at least one room and gate it off. Tether the furniture, get really good outlet covers, make sure there are no dangling electrical wires, take fragile stuff out, put lots of fun things in there that she can do independently and just let her explore. It will be really nice for both of you. My whole house is basically one big OK by this point.

You are doing a good job. :) Try and enjoy this age and encourage her natural curiosity and development in life.

Just an FYI, the Lounge is a great place to post posts like this b/c it is busier than the boards down here. Lots of great moms on the boards and I know many would be happy to help out! They just don't tend to branch out of the Lounge all that much.

Beth