Oh my! Such passionate, frequent tantrums! Am I the only one?

[Karenn]

I know toddlers are supposed to have tantrums, but I didn't expect it to be quite like this. In the course of about two weeks, Colin (almost 16 mos.) has gone from being a laid back easy going baby to a high strung tantrum waiting to happen! I guess I just didn't expect the change to be so dramatic. Perhaps it's my own fault- I've always sort of secretly prided myself on how easy going he is(was). Nothing would ruffle his feathers, and a simple shake of my head and "un unh" would stop him from misbehaving. Now, if anything doesn't go quite like he expects or wants it to, he throws himself on the floor for a full blown tantrum. It usually only lasts a couple of minutes at most, but it's happening multiple times each day. Has anyone else experienced such a dramatic change? Do your toddlers have multiple tantrums in a day? Is this what my life is going to be like for the next few months? Any advice? I'm basically ignoring the tantrums and continuing to maintain the boundaries. I've re-read my Brazelton and Burton White, and that helps, but I'd love to hear from some of the rest of you out there who've been there, or are right there with me. I have to tell you, some days I've felt like getting on the floor with him and kicking my own feet! ;)

Thanks,

[luvbeinmama]

Yes they do, and it happens at slightly different ages. Is he getting frustrated from not being able to communicate? That's what DS's tantrums were about at that age. (He only had a few, not like yours, but there they were.) Sticking to your boundaries and ignoring it is definitely the way to go if they are power struggle tantrums. If they are communication tantrums, you may need a different approach... try to figure out what he's trying to tell you without him having to figure out how to say it. I'm not sure if that is helpful, but is something to think about, anyway. Good luck! :)

[mom2kandj]

Tantrums, passive resistance, and ignoring everyone are popular in our house right now. The tantrums from my normally easy going guy started at 12 months! Luvbeinmama is right about it being communication related! My DS is only at 10-12 words right now and he only uses 4 or 5 daily! :( DH and I are working very hard on DS's speech as our ped is not worried about a speech delay. We've found that the tantrums can be minimized by looking for physical cues in anticipating DS's needs. When we know what he wants, we try to work with DS on verbalizing. As long as he attempts to make a sound other than grunting and pointing, we congratulate him and clap. I found that I was saying no too much to the kids and that they were always on the verge of a tantrum. "Don't do that, no yelling, mom said no, etc." They're doing much better with the positive reinforcement and the mood around here has lightened. HTH!


Rose
mom 2 katie (34 months)
& Jack (18 months)

[raynjen]

My daughter started this a little earlier than your son (probably between 12 and 15 months). Good news and bad news - first the good, we were very consistent with our reactions to this (mostly ignoring, but usually removing from the situation too) and it went away after about a week. Aha! We were so proud of our consistent and superior selves! Sooo, the bad news, no matter how consistent you are these tantrums (in different forms and for different reasons) reappear every so often (you can almost time them in my daughter - once a month) to make sure that YOU are still sure about yourself. I like Brazelton and White also, but I HIGHLY recommend Dr. James Dobson, Dare to Discipline, as a valuable resource. Stick to your guns, your son is still your sweet biddable child inside, he just wants to make sure that somebody is holding the line for him.

Good Luck!
Jen in Okinawa
Mom to Noelle (10/25/01)

[Karenn]

Thanks for the encouragment and advice everyone. Fortunately, the tantrums have drastically subsided in the last couple of days. Any that have happened have been very half-hearted. I am so relieved! I think that perhaps our vacation knocked him a little more off balance than I had realized. Plus, I think I'm beginning to realize that Colin requires a great deal of evidence before he draws a conclusion about anything. He had to try a few extra tantrums just to be CERTAIN that they weren't going to be effective. ;)

[MelissaTC]

My little guy has just started throwing tantrums over the past 2 weeks. He is about 15.5 months. It was great to see this thread. I, too, would feel proud that he was such an easy going little guy. Not anymore!! Is this out of frustration or a way to exert their independence? Matthew threw himself on the floor at the photo place today. Didn't make a great impression with the photographer...oh well. I am trying not to cave into it and basically ignore it but it is hard to do. We were on a plane flying from NYC to Raleigh when he decided to scream and carry on. DH was unbelievably calm. I just wanted to give DS a parachute!

[Karenn]

Melissa,
Colin was screaming on one of our plane rides too! I have to say, the longer I've been home from vacation, the more I'm beginning to think that it was a major factor in the escalation of tantrums. Things are so much better this week, I can't even describe it! I hope it gets better for you too.

Colin's tantrums seem to stem from frustration (we're out of bananas, we can't stay outside in the rain, etc.) I think that in part, he's exploring ways to show emotions that he's just beginning to understand. I think he's also exploring ways that he can control his environment (which of course includes me :) ).

He was this close to having a tantrum at the doctor's office yesterday while we were waiting in the examining room. Fortunately, he decided that it wasn't worth the effort. ;) A week ago, I'm not sure that would have been the case!

I hope your easy going Matthew returns shortly!

[egoldber]

I totally agree that travel has a very disruptive effect. I find that Sarah sleeps much worse when we travel, so is always in a slightly overtired state. Almost all her tantrums happen when she has gotten overtired. And you also get out of your normal routine, which can throw them off balance.

Sarah is generally very easy going, but even she still has tantrums now and then. I don't think its normal for a toddler to NOT have tantrums occasionally! Glad things are going better now.

HTH,

[KUvsOU]

My son is 16 months and it seems like the tantrums are starting. I thought I was going to die in Kindermusik yesterday. He really did not want to participate and when I tried to pick him up he would go crazy. I know yesterday it was partially due to him being tired. All the other kids in the class are under a year so I felt like I owed some kind of explanation. I think his top molars are coming so I tried to let everyone know this so the would think I was a terrible mom.

I also think so of his frustration like others have indicated is due to his inability to communicate what he wants as well as feeling the need to test his boundaries.

Whatever the case, I hope he starts to go back to his mellow self soon! :)

Shawna
Mom of Cade 6/16/02

[KathyO]

Mine has only had a few full-blown public meltdowns in her life, but at least once a day, when she is being moved away from something (after lots of verbal notice) she does what I call her "anti-globalization protester routine"... goes completely limp, waits for a few seconds, then either scrambles up to head straight back to whatever it was... or scoots backwards on her stomach in the hope that this style of locomotion will not be noticed!!

If it's any comfort to you, veteran moms have told me that tantrums abate once the child is more able to articulate his emotions, to himself and to you, and is more able to absorb YOUR side of the negotiation (we have to go home for lunch now - would you like five more minutes on the slide or in the sandbox? Or whatever...) I'm hanging in for that day!

Cheers,

KathyO