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twins r fun
11-01-2003, 12:38 AM
All these moms I know are starting to freak me out about enrolling in a preschool. They are saying that registration for next September needs to be done in January or February so they are picking out their schools now. I figured this must be just for the very elite schools, but in questioning them it is for pretty much any of them-elite, county run, church schools, co ops. Jacob and Caleb won't go to kindergarten until 2007, so I would want them in a 4 year old program in 2006, and a 3 year old program in 2005. Is there any reason I would want them in a two's program next year? My initial assumption was that there is really no need for it, but I thought I should put some actual thought into it before I lose it as an option. What are some things I need to consider? I guess the main reason that I'm wondering about it is that they will actually be almost 3 by the beginning of next school year. I'm sure I will register them for some mother/child classes, but will we need more than that? Is putting them in a school so early pushing them too much. As of yet I am undecided about when to have a third child, but it is likely it would be sometime next school year. If so, preschool would probably be very helpful to me, but is is it worth registering them based on the possibility of having a baby next year. This seems so far away to have to plan for now!

Beth, I know you're very happy having Sarah in preschool. Any thoughts for me? Can you help me out with the benefits/disadvantages. And Kathy O, I know the you had DD in preschool, but pulled her out. What are your thoughts on this?

muskiesusan
11-01-2003, 12:52 PM
I am going through the same issues right now! With October birthdays, I think it makes it a little harder to decide when to put in preschool since they will be in kindergarten later than most. I don't want to put Nick in too late for fear it won't be as much of a challenge ie be almost 3 with 2 year olds, or would he just do the 3 or 4 year old program twice? I have been looking at Montessouri programs since they are grouped by ages (3-6 year olds all in the same class), however, with his late birthday, he wouldn't be able to enroll this coming year.

I need a break. DH is gone a lot with work and we do have another baby on the way, but we actually don't have alot of preschools for 2 year olds that aren't really expensive. That may be the deciding factor!

Susan
WAHM to Nicholas 10/01/01
& Baby #2 due 4/23/04!!!!

emmiem
11-01-2003, 12:54 PM
It doesn't matter what kind of school it is, registration starts earlier than ever. I have my DD who is 2 3/4 in a Parents Day Out Program. She goes twice a week 9-1. She loves it and it gives me the time to do all the things that are hard to do with a toddler in tow. She has been going since she was 1 1/2. I will enroll her in a preschool next year that goes 5 days a week but just for the morning. There is a full day option. My DD is timid around other children but this gives her the exposure she needs. They also do all the things I generally don't do like paint, play-dough, etc. I am a little nervous about the 5 day thing but there is some research out there that the consistency is better for the children. They don't have to wonder, If it is Thursday, where do I go? If it is too much for her, we will rethink it. We will be having another child in the fall which would also give me time alone with one child.
Emmie

egoldber
11-01-2003, 02:15 PM
Nicole, unfortunately you REALLY do need to start this winter to find a place for next fall. I was really lucky to find a place that I am very happy with at the last minute. Most places do their main enrollment in Jan/Feb, but then they also have cancellations in the late summer.

Here are some things I really like about Sarah's program.

1) They have a "younger twos" program, so that she isn't in the same class as kids that are almost 3. Due to her language delays, I don't think she would do nearly as well in that type of environment. You may want to find a place that has an "older twos" program, which might be what I do with Sarah next fall.

2) For the 2's they have LOTS of schedules: M/W, T/Th, MWF, T/Th/F . I like having Sarah in 2 days a week, and then she and I also do a mommy&me class on Wednesday.

3) The preschool is very low-key, not a high-powered "the preschool to get my kids in Harvard" kinda place.

4) Potty training isn't required for ANY age group.

5) They do lots of physical activity. Every day that the weather permits they are outside running around on their very nice, small playground. They also have a music or "dance" teacher come in.

6) They encourage parent participation in the school and the preschool committee, but it isn't required. (While I hear that co-op schools are great, personally I don't have the time. But that might be something that you would really enjoy and you could put on yout resume later.)

7) The teachers have been there for years (the school has very low staff turnover), and they are very loving and affectionate with the kids. Sarah gives her teachers a big hug and kiss when she arrives and when she leaves.

8) Its cheaper per hour than having a babysitter!

From my point of view its a total win-win. She's getting a chance to experience lots of new things in a safe and nurturing environment. I'm getting a guilt-free break two days a week. It has revolutionized my life and my attitude.

Good luck!

KathyO
11-01-2003, 03:36 PM
I pulled my daughter out because of a basic mismatch between her skills/abilities and what the school needed her to be able to do. I should start out by saying that this place is really excellent - the staff are kind and flexible, with tons of experience; they really make an effort to SEE and work with your child, rather than see an ideal child that they compare your not-perfect child to (if that makes any sense), and I've had loads of recommendations for the place from people whose approach to childraising I am comfortable with. So it wasn't "their fault", so to speak.

Oddly, it wasn't the mommy-separation thing that was the issue. DD started out eager, but then got more reluctant with every session. And because they were still getting to know her, they couldn't put a finger on exactly what the problem was. It wasn't until I sat in on a session that I really saw the disconnect.

Basically, she doesn't have the receptive communication skills to quickly understand what's being asked of her, and the environment, with all the stuff on the walls and the toys to play with, was just stimulating enough that she was quickly getting tired and overloaded. My little dynamo who can career around the playground for two hours at a time was yawning before the first hour was up. But she's always been wired enough that fatigue just makes her go FASTER, and it was getting harder for the staff to manage her with just verbal cues as the morning went on.

The other factor that added to the frustration was that she is one of those kids who finds transitions difficult when she's really involved in something. So she'd be having a ball in the paints area when everyone had to stop what they were doing and go wash up for snack, or she'd be deeply into some toy or another when everyone came together for story/song time. What made it really interesting was that there was an Asian boy with no English at all starting at the same time as she was, but he was clearly of a more mellow temperament, and his tendency to just surf along with whatever the group seemed to be doing helped compensate for the communication issues. Some kids profit by being around and following along with older kids (she's just 2 and a half, and the average age in this gang is more like 3-plus) but mine found the fact that everyone else was functioning on a slightly higher plane frustrating. I have wondered whether she might do better in a slightly younger crowd, like Beth's daughter. (Unfortunately I live in a smallish city, so the options are limited.) Certainly she does well at the asssortment of drop-ins that we frequent, and there is an angel of a teacher at one of them who likes to bring in crafts and activities that she knows Catherine will enjoy, and Catherine has really responded well to her approach. I plan to attend (even if the contractions are 5 minutes apart by then!!!) a seminar she'll be giving at the local parenting resources centre soon, on teaching and assisting kids who are as active and hands-on and relentlessly curious and self-directed as mine.

I've kind of run on here, but I hope that'll give you an idea of the factors at work. On the one hand, it sounds like Jacob and Caleb have a lot in common with Catherine, but on the other, it could work, and imagine 5-6 hours of you-time every week!! In your position, I would register now, and then take a good look at the boys as the starting date begins to near, and make a judgement call then. Or even go so far as to try them out, and be prepared to pull them if it just doesn't seem to be a good match yet. It's been only a month since our preschool "experiment", and already I am seeing definite progress in her towards the skills that will make the next try successful! Maybe even in the new session in January, but if not, then we can wait.

Hope all this blather helps,

KathyO

Melanie
11-03-2003, 03:54 AM
KathyO, from your description, you might want to look into a Waldorf Nursery School.

KathyO
11-03-2003, 01:24 PM
What's a Waldorf Nursery School? I suspect that we don't have one... We do have a Montessori, but they're very pricy and they insist on toilet training.

KathyO

twins r fun
11-04-2003, 09:59 PM
Thanks for all the feedback. I'm still struggling with this, but from a different angle now. I like Kathy O's suggestion of going through the process of registering and just seeing what I feel like in the fall so I might do that. They will be almost 3 if they go next fall so I'm hoping that being older twos will help them with some of the issues you were referring to Kathy (becuase indeed they do sound a lot like your DD). This is just a side question (which I should probably know the answer to, having worked in daycares, but..) are all preschools also daycares (other than co-ops, I guess)? When I send them to preschool will they have to be going with some kids who are there all day. I see why this is cost effective for facilities, but it seems like those kids would have a much better handle on the routines and feel more secure in the environment than kids who come only 5 or 6 hours a week. My thought is that maybe Jacob and Caleb would be on more even footing with the other kids if I took them somewhere that was JUST a preschool and all the kids attended for the same amount of time.

Okay, onto my real issue. I feel totally guilty about sending them to preschool when it's not really necessary. Please don't take offense anyone because I am not judging anyone who does send their two year old to preschool, I'm just working through my own neurosis here! I want to be a SAHM, I love spending my days with my boys, most days they aren't even driving me too crazy by the end. I feel like to send them to preschool just so I can have time for myself is being lazy and pushing off work that is really mine to be doing. I know I want to send them at 3 and 4 for the school experience, but I just don't see them needing THREE years of preschool experience so the only reason to do it next year would be for myself (unless someone can give me other reasons). I think it would be different if I knew I was having a baby next year, but I'm having trouble justifying it just so I can run errands and clean and spend time doing something I want or need to do. It is hard to get things done with the boys and I imagine that life would be much easier and more organized if I had a few hours without them every week, but if I want to be a SAHM why would I try to get out of spending time with my kids. I'm sure if I find an appropriate program the boys would enjoy it and it would be good for them, but so are the activities we do together, so why would I change things?

Again, I hope not to offend anyone and would really appreciate some feedback on this guilt thing!

lukkykatt
11-04-2003, 11:43 PM
Hi Nicole,

Not all pre-schools have daycare too. DS goes to a school where all the students go for the morning only. It varies by school how they do it.

I did not send my older son to pre school until he was 3. To be honest, I never even knew there were 2 year old programs. But, I probably would have kept him home til 3 anyway. Now, I WILL be sending my younger son to a 2 year old program next year. As you know, it is just more tiring dealing with 2 kids all day without having a chance to regroup. Plus, when we go to events at my older son's school, my little one runs around the place like crazy. I think he is really going to enjoy it.

I looked at alot of the programs where you are, and am in the process of looking again because DS is going to have to switch schools to go to Pre K next year (because of the whole change in birthday cut-off thing), so if you have any specific questions, just email me.

And don't worry, you will make the right decision about whether or not to send them next year. And you will have a gut feeling when you find the "right" school.

KathyO
11-05-2003, 02:29 PM
I agree with you that kids don't NEED to be in preschool at that age, and that the folks who do it to give their kid some kind of "competitive advantage" (ewwwww) are maybe barking up the wrong tree, so to speak, but...

I do believe that if the child is ready for it, and the program is well designed and kindly run, that it can be a real confidence-builder for the kids, and on a much more basic level, preschools have all sorts of cool toys and activity areas and such that they don't get access to at home... at least, not in OUR home!!! So, if the experience is a positive one, it isn't just you warehousing them while you go off partying or something.

But, speaking of going off partying, you don't have to be at your very wits' end to derive benefits from a little time to yourself. I know people from other cultures, where children are raised more communally, who can't understand our insistence that ONE person, or ONE couple, have the care of the children every minute of every day.

To take another angle, motherhood is (to borrow from Vicki Iovine) the longest, strangest marathon you will ever run. Do marathoners only take breathers when total system collapse has set in? No - they space them out and take them regularly all the way through, so they'll be able to keep going and perform well from start to finish. As a twin mom, you are entitled to TWICE the breathers that everyone else needs!

Just my thoughts... keep us posted on how things work out!

Best,

KathyO

COElizabeth
11-06-2003, 03:21 PM
I agree with Kate, Nicole! I'm plenty guilty of not following her advice, but I think it's probably much healthier for everyone to take breaks BEFORE we get to the point of total exhaustion, snappiness, lack of patience, etc. Sort of like the idea that you should always leave a party or vacation destination while you are still having fun!

Also, I think it's worth looking at from the child's perspective. Sure, you do fun stuff, but there are even more toys and paints and books at a pre-school, and everyone needs some variety in the people they interact with. And which would you rather do - accompany Mom to the dentist, the drugstore, the grocery store (where you are constantly told you can't have the food you really want! :) ), the dry cleaners, or go play with a bunch of other kids, finger paint, etc. My sister also now frequently meets her DH for lunch when the kids are at pre-school and school, and it gives them couple time that is otherwise very scarce!

Oh, and one more thing, from the little research I have done, it seems that the "parents' day out" type programs are more likely to be ones where all the kids come for a few hours, rather than also being full-time day care centers with a few part-timers thrown in. They seem to be mostly in churches, but I am sure there are others.

Elizabeth, Mom to James, 9-20-02