I cried like a baby! And even worse, she did too.......

[brubeck]

Well today was Amy's first solo day of preschool. We have been before but I have always gone with her. The class today was in the same room with the same teacher that she knows and likes. Well I dropped her off and the teacher kindly took Amy under her wing and gave her a project to do so she wouldn't be distressed at my leaving (I did say goodbye to her). I left the room and even though I had promised myself I wouldn't I blubbered myself silly while holding my other baby tight to my chest. Well, I thought, if Amy can be mature about this I sure can!

Then less than an hour later I get a phone call from the teacher asking if I would come to get Amy early because she has been crying a lot. I got there and the door opened and she was right in front of it, standing and staring at it as if she had been willing me to walk in. I felt so guilty! Of course once I was there she wanted to color and have a snack and didn't want to leave. So the good news is that she likes it, she just doesn't want to do it without me. All of the other little girls were offering her their drawings and wanting to sit beside her, I was so moved. But I still felt incredibly guilty at abandoning my child. I know, it's only 3 hours twice a week and she's got to learn to be separated from me but still..... please someone talk some sense into me!

[kathsmom]

Helen,

I just wanted to let you know that I totally know where you are coming from! When Katherine started kindergarten last year, I was almost 8 months pregnant with Andrew. She was so excited! We got pictures of all of us at home, I got pictures at school, etc. As I walked out of the room, I just started crying uncontrollably. Several of the moms came up to me and tried to comfort me. Katherine goes to a small private Christian school that is held in the church. We're not members of the church, but know a family who is and their kids go to the school. All the moms said, "Oh, you're the pregnant lady with the daughter who just started kindergarten today." My friend had told them about me and told them to comfort and encourage me if they saw me crying or upset.

Well, I finally gained control of my snivelling self and then the pastor came up to me and introduced himself and asked which class my child was in. I just looked at him and started bawling again. He was very nice about it. I was just so embarrassed!

Katherine didn't have as much trouble with preschool, because she had been in daycare when she was younger. She did cry (some days it was a little and some days it was a lot), but she eventually got over it.

I hope this helps to know that you're not the only one who has gone through this! Take care!

[egoldber]

Helen, I felt EXACTLY the same way you did when Sarah first started preschool! She actually did fine, but I was a blubbering idiot. But in retrospect, I think that its one of the best things I've done for her. Its given her lots of opportunities to do things that I don't/won't do, she's learned new skills, and has a great time. I also think its one of the best things that I have done for ME! It gives me an amazing sense of freedom, even though its only a few hours a week.

I don't know if Amy likes Barney, but Sarah does and I found the book "Barney and Baby Bop Go To School" very helpful! Its all about Baby Bop's first day at preschool. We read this EVERY day for 2 weeks before Sarah's first day. I made a big deal of the fact that Barney dropped her off, but he always came back for her later. I think that helped us. (And there are other books and other characters if Barney's not a favorite.)

In reality, Sarah has good day and bad days at preschool, in that some days she's happy to see the back of me and some days she doesn't want to stay and the teacher has to intervene. But in general, it has been an incredibly positive experience and I would absolutely do it again. But I would definitely stick with it and give it at least a month.

Good luck! It really does get easier!

[brubeck]

I know, I should stick with it. After all, it will only get worse as time goes on. I want her to start a Pre-K program in the Fall and if she doesn't learn to separate now, when will she?

Thanks for the recommendation on the book Beth, I'll take a look into it!

[Melanie]

Just to give you the flipside opinion...I think it's important not to force independence upon them before they are ready, or it will cause even MORE dependence b/c they are fearful & mistrusting. Sooo...if you still keep going, I wouldn't worry that it means she'll want you next to her in high school.

If she's fine when you leave, then leave, but I think it's good that you came right back...maybe the teacher can call you sooner next time, or you can just take a book and find a nearby bench to read. That way she'll get to be independent, but only as long as she's comfortable and will be reassured that mommy will be there when she needs her.

[brubeck]

Well we went back today!

Completely co-incidentally, we found a story on the Sesame Street web site about Elmo being sad because his Mommy had to leave him and go to work. The emphasis in the story was that even though he missed her, he had fun with various activities and then she came back. So I pointed out to Amy how I had come back to pick her up after preschool. She definitely made the connection.

This morning we went to Target and I bought her a lunchbox (she picked it out) in which to bring her snack to school. She knows that this is her SCHOOL lunchbox and she ONLY uses it when going to school. She was really excited to get it too.

So today when I dropped her off I said I was going to 'work' (what Elmo's Mommy said) and said that I would be back to get her soon. I showed her that I had put the lunchbox in her cubby. Well then I went home and waited for the phone call. It never came!

I got to the preschool a little early so I would be there right when the doors opened for pickup. When they did Amy was dressed in her coat with all of her things and was ready to be picked up. But she had made it through the whole thing and the teacher said that she didn't cry. She also didn't hug me as desperately as she did on Tuesday.

So we both feel better about this now. The only problem is that now we are off for 2 weeks for Christmas break. But hopefully this will carry over to January! In the meantime Beth I'll be reading her that Barney book you recommended.

Thanks everyone!

[egoldber]

Of that's wonderful!!! Honestly, she's going to have such a good time. Sarah always has so much fun at preschool.

And FYI, be prepared (and it sounds like you are) for some regression, especially if you're traveling over the holidays. I have noticed that when we go away and her routine has been disrupted, that it takes DD about a week to settle back in at preschool.

Yeah!! I'm glad it was better today! :)

[Melanie]

How wonderful...smart mommy to do the elmo and lunchbox thing, too.