murasaki
01-20-2004, 03:32 PM
Hello, all:
I am new to the forum and was looking back over the posts from the last few months. I saw posts from moms of toddlers who hit other kids and toddlers who won't sit still. I can definitely empathize, as my son Adam (20 months) also won't sit still and is aggressive with other kids. At first, I chalked up Adam's restlessness and aggressiveness to the fact that he's a boy (this, after a lifetime of fighting sex stereotyping!), so it's great to read posts about toddler girls with similar behaviors.
Won't Sit Still: Sunday, I went to a neighborhood coffeehouse at which a musician was playing children's music. Someone had sent out an announcement to our local parents' e-mail group, so the place was packed. There must have been 50 toddlers there with their parents. The scene was dimly lit, crowded and VERY LOUD. Adam showed no interest in the musician. All he wanted to do was play in the stairwell, which exited onto a busy state road. So I just hovered over him, helping him up and down the stairs, making sure he didn't bolt out the door and end up as road kill on SR 97. I had such a miserable time and then developed a migraine when I arrived home. 50 other parents had well behaved children who didn't want to play in the stairwell. Why am I the only one in town who can't enjoy these events?
Regarding Gymboree: Adam really enjoys Gymboree because it's the perfect outlet for his boundless physical energy. He goes to the Play classes and he plays endlessly on the equipment. Sometimes he participates in the teacher-led activity, but that's rare. I don't mind having my son as the only one not in the circle because the Play classes are set up to be very flexible. Yesterday, we previewed a Gymboree Music class, and again Adam showed no interest in singing the teacher-led songs (although he did lead the group in very high-spirited dancing). So we'll stick to the Play classes.
Pushing: Last week, my son and I went to TWO events at which he was aggressively shoving other children out of the way. Adam shoves other children who get in the way of him getting what he wants: sitting in the rocking chair that he wants, holding a toy that he wants, or just being in the path of his indoor Little Tykes truck. Most of Adam's victims were toddler girls about the same age. In one altercation, Adam shoved the 22-month-old daughter of the party hostess and she fell back and hit her head on a chair. This girl was actually an innocent bystander in a shoving match between Adam and another toddler boy over a toy truck. Last week, one mom of a very well-behaved toddler girl in particular gave me one of those "You horrible mother. Can't you control your child?" stares.
I want to know at what age is it appropriate to start disciplining him to stop the pushing. Reading through previous posts on hitting has given me some good ideas about the positive discipline approach: showing Adam the acceptable alternative to shoving. This approach has worked well in teaching Adam to stop other bad behaviors: throwing toys ("We only throw balls, not blocks.") and throwing utensils & food ("The way to tell Mommy you're done with dinner is to hand Mommy the fork and spoon and say 'All Done.'")
I am a member of a 100-parent e-mail group in my hometown, but I'm reluctant to write that group for advice because the group includes many parents of Adam's pushing victims.
Also, I know what it's like to be the parent of a victim myself. Adam's best friend is the most aggressive little toddler in town and Adam has been hit by this boy many times. However, the friend's family has been overseas this past month, so Adam has been the most aggressive one in town during their absence.
I work part-time and Adam is in daycare/preschool three days a week. I asked him teacher if he shows this aggressive behavior in class and she said that he doesn't. What are the teachers doing right that I'm doing wrong?
-Troubled in Takoma
I am new to the forum and was looking back over the posts from the last few months. I saw posts from moms of toddlers who hit other kids and toddlers who won't sit still. I can definitely empathize, as my son Adam (20 months) also won't sit still and is aggressive with other kids. At first, I chalked up Adam's restlessness and aggressiveness to the fact that he's a boy (this, after a lifetime of fighting sex stereotyping!), so it's great to read posts about toddler girls with similar behaviors.
Won't Sit Still: Sunday, I went to a neighborhood coffeehouse at which a musician was playing children's music. Someone had sent out an announcement to our local parents' e-mail group, so the place was packed. There must have been 50 toddlers there with their parents. The scene was dimly lit, crowded and VERY LOUD. Adam showed no interest in the musician. All he wanted to do was play in the stairwell, which exited onto a busy state road. So I just hovered over him, helping him up and down the stairs, making sure he didn't bolt out the door and end up as road kill on SR 97. I had such a miserable time and then developed a migraine when I arrived home. 50 other parents had well behaved children who didn't want to play in the stairwell. Why am I the only one in town who can't enjoy these events?
Regarding Gymboree: Adam really enjoys Gymboree because it's the perfect outlet for his boundless physical energy. He goes to the Play classes and he plays endlessly on the equipment. Sometimes he participates in the teacher-led activity, but that's rare. I don't mind having my son as the only one not in the circle because the Play classes are set up to be very flexible. Yesterday, we previewed a Gymboree Music class, and again Adam showed no interest in singing the teacher-led songs (although he did lead the group in very high-spirited dancing). So we'll stick to the Play classes.
Pushing: Last week, my son and I went to TWO events at which he was aggressively shoving other children out of the way. Adam shoves other children who get in the way of him getting what he wants: sitting in the rocking chair that he wants, holding a toy that he wants, or just being in the path of his indoor Little Tykes truck. Most of Adam's victims were toddler girls about the same age. In one altercation, Adam shoved the 22-month-old daughter of the party hostess and she fell back and hit her head on a chair. This girl was actually an innocent bystander in a shoving match between Adam and another toddler boy over a toy truck. Last week, one mom of a very well-behaved toddler girl in particular gave me one of those "You horrible mother. Can't you control your child?" stares.
I want to know at what age is it appropriate to start disciplining him to stop the pushing. Reading through previous posts on hitting has given me some good ideas about the positive discipline approach: showing Adam the acceptable alternative to shoving. This approach has worked well in teaching Adam to stop other bad behaviors: throwing toys ("We only throw balls, not blocks.") and throwing utensils & food ("The way to tell Mommy you're done with dinner is to hand Mommy the fork and spoon and say 'All Done.'")
I am a member of a 100-parent e-mail group in my hometown, but I'm reluctant to write that group for advice because the group includes many parents of Adam's pushing victims.
Also, I know what it's like to be the parent of a victim myself. Adam's best friend is the most aggressive little toddler in town and Adam has been hit by this boy many times. However, the friend's family has been overseas this past month, so Adam has been the most aggressive one in town during their absence.
I work part-time and Adam is in daycare/preschool three days a week. I asked him teacher if he shows this aggressive behavior in class and she said that he doesn't. What are the teachers doing right that I'm doing wrong?
-Troubled in Takoma