My toddler is going to kill me ~ tantrums in public

[JulieL]

So errands with DS have gone to ok to absolutely terrifying. He wants to walk by himself. So I indulge him and when we don't have much to get I try to hold his hand. Of course he doesn't want to hold my hand. So I tell him, stay close to Mommy. He looks at me and runs off like it's a game. I am so scared someone will pick him up and kidnap him. When I tell him I will pick him up if he can't stay by me he throws himself on the floor, screams and rolls. Several times he has hit his head (with me desperately trying to keep himself from hurting himself) on something in the store, a rack, an isle whatever. When I go to pick him up (which takes every muscle in my body ~ why is that I am 23 and he is not quite 2, I should be much stronger!!!) Then when I have him in my arms he hits me, and pulls on my hair. Ok this is when my mommy meter gets quite the trial. I mean I get so angry when he hits me. I don't take it out on him but honestly sometimes it takes every ounce of my being to not to do or say something I would regret. I know that being a parent is a learning experiance but oh my gosh I didn't think I would be this tired. Like so many of you my husband is extremely busy and although on the weekends he does watch Anthony so I can get errands done, I still end up with errands to do during the week as well. I know that I am not the only one going through this but just had to vent. I had a very bad and exhausting morning and am so tired. When will he stop??? I finally ended up spanking him which I never do when he smacked me for the umteenth time this morning. I feel aweful and HATE the idea of spanking but I just will not tolerate him smacking me straight in the face...SIGH... am I a bad mom for feeling like this? I mean I have to keep some sort of control. I HAVE to get out of the house and I refuse to let an almost 2 year old have control over ME. Ok, I think I am done. I think I will pour myself a third cup of coffee and it's not even 3:00 yet.

[luvbeinmama]

This is going to take some time and perserverance from you. AND the willingness to walk out of the store without what you went in for and get it later. Try this: At the door (outside) to the store, tell him point blank that if he runs off and does not stay with you (or hold hands if that is what you want) then he goes in the cart/stroller (get a cart, even if it's just a small item). Make sure he understands this. The FIRST time he runs off in the store, put him in the cart/stroller and belt him in. Let him scream. When you pick him up, pick him up with one arm between his legs with hand going up to his belly, and the other arm over his shoulder going down to his chest, his back to your tummy. He can flail all he wants in this position, and he will not be able to get out. Although you may get a couple bruises, he won't really be able to hurt you. While you are holding him, tell him if he won't get in the cart/stroller, you will leave the store and go home. Strap him in your conveyance when he stops flailing. If he doesn't stop flailing, leave the store, go back to the car and go home. Be REALLY consistent about this. Do it EVERY TIME you go into a store. He will get the message fairly quickly. Do not tolerate any disobedience in this area right now. Do NOT allow him to run off once and give him a second chance. He needs to know that this is a strict boundary that he cannot push. He is pushing you to see where the boundary is. He will continue to do this until you set it in stone. Once the boundary is in place, you will be amazed how good he can be. He will continue to periodically push you to see if the boundaries have changed. Do not change the boundaries unless you think he can handle it, and if you do, make sure to set a specific new boundary. Kids want to know what they can get away with and what they can't. It gives them a sense of security to know where the boundaries are. Without boundaries your child feels lost and insecure, like the world is too big. This is the time to set your child some limits. You have their rapt attention at this age. Too many parents fail to set limits during this critical time in a child's development and then wonder why their teenage children don't respect them. Do you respect people that have no boundaries? Neither do our children.

I hope this helps you.

[sarasprings]

I aggree with the PP. It is difficult with DS because he will very rarely hold hands. I start by giving him a choice of being carried or walking and holding my hand. He gets one chance at walking. If he lets go, he's in my arms. We have issues with carts -- we have cart stores and walking stores. If there is a problem with a cart in a cart store, then we leave (sometimes I buy what I have with me while uncomfortably holding DS).

I hope you find something that works for you.