How does your toddler react to playgroup at YOUR house?

[christic]

As my daughter closes in on her second birthday she's starting to get more and more upset when her little friends come over and play with HER toys. Last time we hosted playgroup she actually ran around gathering up all her babies and took them into the kitchen. Eventually she seemed to calm down a bit and enjoy the playtime, but there was plenty of screaming in the meantime. We were both stressed out by the time the morning was over.

Is this normal? The other kids also seem to be a bit more stressed when playgroup is at their house, but my daughter's reaction seems a bit more extreme to me. I know sharing isn't automatic at this age, but I'm wondering if anyone has any tips for easing the stress of it all for her. At about what age does sharing become easier?

And it happens with the cat too...I've tried to explain to her many times that the cat doesn't want to read her favorite book even though she's walking dangerously close to it! :)

Thanks for any thoughts!
Chris

[lukkykatt]

It is totally normal behavior! It is always more fun to play with a bunch of new and different toys at someone else's house than it is to share yours!

What I used to do before we were hosting playgroup was to tell DS that his friends were coming over and would be playing with his toys. I told him that just like his friends shared with us at their houses, it was now our turn to share our toys. Then I would ask if he had anything special that he couldn't share, and we would put that away before the other kids came over.

Also, if a toy became the item of a fight between toddlers, I would remind them to share and take turns with it. If it just wasn't happening after a few tries I would tell them that since they weren't able to share that toy, I was putting it away, and we could try again next time.

I forget when things get easier, but I am thinking it is towards 3.

[egoldber]

My DD definitely has a harder time when playgroup is here. Something that help us are to minimize the amount of toys I have out. The last few playgroups I have been really ruthless about this. There are fewer toys for the kids to squabble over. I also take away all toys that she REALLY loves. The other kids still have a fun time and it isn't so emotionally charged for DD to share toys that she is not as attached to. But its definitely normal. I found the worst phase to be about 18 - 24 months. Recently its been a bit better.

HTH,

[brubeck]

My neighbor and I often have playdates at each others' houses. When we do, the visitor brings along a toy from home that the host child doesn't have. That way the host gets to play with something 'new' as well. Of course the borrowed toy goes home with the original owner, but it's much easier to teach sharing when there is immediate reciprocity!

[christic]

Thanks so much for the ideas. I'm especialy intrigued by the idea of putting out fewer toys since my strategy has been just the opposite. I figured if I had as many toys as possible out everyone could find something to be content with--obviously this hasn't been working! I also may ask her if she just wants to put her babies "to bed" before playgroup starts. She seems to have the most trouble with other people playing with her dolls, so why have them out at all.

Thanks again!

[Hallie_D]

I'm glad to know DS isn't the only one who thinks the cat is trying to read his books or play with his toys. He's been shouting "NO!" at our poor kitty all week whenever the cat walks near a toy or a book.

I used to be a preschool teacher and my class of 2.5 year-olds still had trouble sharing but my threes were pretty good. Toys that came from home had to stay in the child's cubby all day to avoid charged situations. I think the advice you got about limiting the number of toys they can use during play group is really good.

[skygoddess]

This has recently become an issue for us now that DD1 is 20 months and is getting iffy about sharing her toys. What we tried last playdate was to meet her friends at the playground at a nearby park, and it worked much better. They had a ball running around, and there were few fights. I guess it's a little harder to get territorial over a large piece of playground equipment. Now that the weather is getting warmer, I think we'll do this more often.

HTH,
Nancy

[raynjen]

We don't do a playgroup per se, but when she starts getting possesive we tell DD, "If you can't share X then it has to go in time out". Usually DD would rather have her toy out where she can keep an eye on it than put away. We do something similar at playground, toy stores, or anyplace else when a meltdown is imminent (or already occuring). First we get her attention, "Noelle, are you listening?" then pause. Next we ask, "are you ready to go home (leave the store, put that toy away, insert phrase here)". Finally we give the consequence, "if you don't share (calm down, follow mom, hold hands, etc.) then we are going home (leaving the store, putting the toy back, etc.)

I think the main key is getting her attention, pausing, and making it her choice. Of course this doesn't always work and it is harder when she is in the situation still. Often I squat down to her height and get my face about 12" from hers so that all she sees is me not the other kid, the toy, or whatever it is that is causing the meltdown. After doing this consistently for a month we are able to sometimes just use key words, "Are you ready to go?"

Let us know what ends up working for you.

Jen in Okinawa
Mom to Noelle (2 1/3)

[christic]

Well, we had playgroup at our house again today and it went much better--although people were out of town and unavailable so it was just Alice and ONE of her little friends so not much of a test run! We followed everyone's advice :) I put all her dolls up in her room for a pretend nap, I tried to prepare her more beforehand, and her playmate brought over some of her toys too. It was much calmer. There were definitely some squabbles but they seemed to be distributed equally between both girls instead of it just being Alice having a meltdown. A good time was had by all two of them :)

Thanks for all the tips!

Chris