AAHH!! Julia is hitting us AND other kids! What to do?

[cdlamis]

I am sure this has been discussed somewhere here but DH and I just got home from a long, frustrating outing with Julia and I need advice.

Julia is 20 months old and she has been hitting DH and I. We never hit her back or even smack her hands. We always say "Ow, that hurts mommy" or "No hitting, be nice". I even have started walking away from her to let her know that I will not be near her if she hits me. She usually will kiss me or smile to let me know she's sorry (no words or signs yet for "sorry"). But nothing works long term. Are we giving her attention when we try to talk to her? Should we try the opposite and completely ignore her when she hits?

Next dilemma- :)
When she hits us, I know it's for attention or to express her frustration which I understand. But she has started hitting other kids for no good reason! Today we had to leave the playground because she hit a few kids just because they walked by or touched her. No one was being mean or even looking at her. I do not tolerate this and we left right away and told her why we were leaving. I am so sad and frustrated because we have intentioanlly tried to reinforce positive behavior and thought we were doing everything right! I guess this is my first lesson in parenting- that I cannot control everything and Julia does have a mind of her own. What can we do?

Sorry this got so long! I would love to hear from anyone with advice~
TIA-

Daniella
Mom to Julia 6-13-02
http://www.shutterfly.com/osi.jsp?i=67b0de21b35d0802848f *December pictures

[trumansmom]

Lots of sympathy coming your way! DS periodically goes through this. Usually, it's right before a HUGE learning spurt. I have generally chalked it up to complete frustration about knowing there is something he wants to say or do, but not being able to. As soon as he masters that skill, things get better for a while. We joke that our little guy is an angel 3 weeks out of the month.

Sounds like you are doing exactly what you need to be doing. Others may have more advice for you.

Good luck!

Jeanne
Mom to Truman 11/29/01 and EDD 4/23/04!

[brubeck]

I haven't had to deal with this particular issue too much, but in general for bad behaviour I think you're right in letting her know that it is completely unacceptable. You did the right thing coming home from the park. If it happens again make it more swift. AS SOON AS IT HAPPENS run to her, pick her up and pretend to be leaving the park. When she gets upset 'relent' and take her back. This is her warning. If she does it again, leave the park for real.

At home of course you can't leave but I find one of the biggest punishments for my DD is going to bed. I just tell her that if she acts like a baby (or like a whatever) then she can't be downstairs with the rest of the family and has to go to bed. Your DD is younger so you may have to simplify the concept, but the idea is the same: pick her up and walk to her bedroom (warning) and then the second time do it for real. Put her in her crib or if she is in a big girl bed lock her in with a gate. You can come back in 5 minutes or whenever she has stopped tantruming. (whichever is later)

This is a technique that has helped me with my DD's unacceptable behaviour. (even during the Terrible Twos)

[egoldber]

I've been using the techniques from the book "1-2-3 Magic" for hitting. Lately DD went throught a TERRIBLE phase where she was hitting me, DH, the pets, etc. And we also got a notice from school that she was pushing, so we definitely stepped up our discipline efforts.

Julia's a little young (the book is for ages 2 and up), but what the author recommends is very similar to what Helen described. She gets 2 "warnings" and then has to take a time-out in her room for 2 minutes (their guideline for timeout is X minutes where X is how old the child is).

This has been really working for us for a number of issues and we feel like we have turned the corner.

Good luck!

[cdlamis]

Thanks everyone! I will follow the advice. It was also nice to know that I am not alone.
Beth- I will look into that book.
Thanks!

Daniella
Mom to Julia 6-13-02
http://www.shutterfly.com/osi.jsp?i=67b0de21b35d0802848f *December pictures