Feeling like evil mom (long and ranting)

[egoldber]

For the last few weeks, Sarah has been just driving me bonkers with her eating. She eats virtually nothing throughout the day, then wants to eat tons and tons between 6 and 8. And all she wants is cereal and yogurt.

So yesterday, I had totally had it and put my foot down. Even though I have always been of the "put the food in front of them and they will eat it when they are hungry" camp and "don't force your kid to clean their plate" school, last night when she asked for yogurt and cereal after refusing dinner 45 minutes before, I said NO! I said she could have yogurt and cereal, BUT she had to eat her dinner first.

It was a battle. There was wailing and moaning and gnashing of teeth. But by golly, she ate her dinner. And then had two yogurts and a huge helping of cereal. Sigh. So I put her to bed, and she wakes up crying, 15 minues later ("water mommy.... "eat mommy..") and I told her no, it wasn't time to eat and go to sleep. After 3-4 rounds of this she went to sleep.

Fast forward to tonight. The same scenario, doesn't eat all day, then refuses dinner. Around 7 she asks for yogurt. I tell her she can have yogurt, but she has to finish her dinner first. She sits at the table with the plate of food and just sits and plays. After several minutes of this, I tell her that she doesn't have to eat the dinner, but if she's not hungry, then its time for bed. She asks for yogurt again and again I tell her not until she eats her dinner. She cries, gets down from the table and we go to bed.

And she went to sleep with no trouble and there's been nary a peep out of her. But I am feeling like the world's worst parent for sending my child to bed without any supper. ARGGHHHH!!

Thanks for listening. :)

[Jeanmick]

<<Hug>> I can totally relate! My DD has been there, and at times she still is. Sometimes she'll eat, or eat a little and sometimes she'll not eat a single thing on her plate. I got tired of playing the silly games, so finally when she decided not to eat what we put at the table, then I figured that it her decision not to eat.

So now, if she doesn't finish her food or decides not to eat it all all, I'll leave her food on the table for about a half an hour or so after she refused to eat. If within that time she asks for food (usually a snack-type of food), then I'll say to her, "You have to finish your meal first, then you can have a snack/dessert," or if it's close to the next meal, I'll tell her that she needs to wait until lunch/dinner. Very similar to what you've done with your DD. After a few times of whining and complaining, she's now got the idea...she'll still ask for a snack, but if I tell her that she has to wait, she understands most of the time. :)

My DD has also gone to bed a few times w/o eating anything for dinner. When she asked for food, I said, "Sorry, it was your decision not to eat...you can have as much water as you'd like, but you have to wait to eat until breakfast tomorrow." Talk about Mommy guilt, but like your DD, she went to bed w/o any problem. And she survived! :) But, I'll tell you, in the AM, she was very hungry! No difficulty with feeding her!

Hang in there...

[Jeanne]

We've gone through the same thing with Charlotte and to some degree, it hasn't totally reversed itself yet. It makes me crazy because I don't want her to think that I'm going to make five different things for dinner until she gets what she wants. And yet, she doesn't understand what I'm trying to do just yet. She's got a 9pm bedtime and in the past month, has been eating like a hound between 8 and 9pm.

Have you been through the medicine battle yet? We just had our first round of antibiotic ever and it was the ugliest scene imaginable. I was going to post my rant on that but was simply too traumatized and dejected to do so. I was really rough on her but had had it after five days of trying to get the medicine down -lots of yelling and crying. I truly have never felt so bad. It did however, make an impression because she has since taken the medicine without incident. It's hard when you are trying to make an impression and it comes across so negativly. It's in their best interest but makes me feel like total crap. Sometimes I feel like I am aging rapidly from these battles!

[mary b]

Hi Beth, your house sounds an awful like our house these days!!! Noelle's diet lately is pretty much cheese sticks, yogurts and grapes. I, too, am from the "you will eat what we eat camp" but I agree it doesn't always work.

I just keep laughing about all my friends with older kids. When Noe was about 1 year, i would brag about how good she ate and they would all say, "just you wait...."

guess they were right!
Hang in there,
Mary
mom to Noelle and Lindsey

[lukkykatt]

Beth, I can't tell you the number of food issues that we have at my house. I've read a few "feeding your child" type books, to no avail. For months I made one family dinner, and most nights they just didn't eat. My boys are thin, so after months of doing this and nothing changing, I switched back to giving them foods that they like at dinner. Even doing that, most nights dinner hardly gets eaten.

My 4 year old knows that if he doesn't eat his dinner ("growing food"), he can't have anything else. My 22 month old, of course does not know this. He has recently started walking over to the pantry and pulling things out that he would like to eat. So it is a constant battle trying to get him to understand that his dinner is on the table and he can't help himself from the pantry. Tonight's dinner was a bagel with cream cheese, tofu hotdog, and sliced apple - so how bad can you feel for them? It's child-friendly food and they still won't eat it!!!

I have no answers, but you certainly are not alone!

[luvbeinmama]

Beth, hang in there, you are (obviously) not alone here. DS likes to ask for other things during dinner, too. But he has to eat his dinner first. That's the rule. I figure, if he's not hungry enough to finish his meal to get the treat, he's not really that hungry anyway and he just wanted it because it sounded good to him.

You are not evil, you are creating boundaries for her. That's a good thing. It's not like you aren't giving her anything to eat after all. AND since you just put your foot down Wednesday (I am assuming you were giving in prior to that) and this has been going on for a bit, she's probably a bit confused, too. It is much harder to enforce a new rule that is a change from what you did previously than one that is new due to a new situation. Keep that foot down now that you've put it there, though. I hope it gets better soon for you.

[Sarah1]

>I am feeling like the world's worst parent for sending my child to bed without any supper.
>ARGGHHHH!!
>

Oh, Beth! You should NOT feel that way! It would be really easy to just give her yogurt whenever and wherever, and I'm sure it breaks your heart to hear her asking for food from her crib...but Sarah NEEDS you to help her develop good eating habits! You're doing the right thing, even if it means a missed meal.

I admire you for sticking to your guns! And Sarah will be the better for it!

[khakismom]

Beth, I'm right there with you too. Kathleen's appetite seems to come and go in waves. Right now, she wants to eat constantly. She'll say she's not hungry for dinner or pick at her food, but then ask for cheese or something else later in the evening--just like Sarah. I've had to put my foot down telling her that we don't just eat all day long, but during breakfast, lunch and dinner.

It's a battle, that's for sure. But I think you're doing it right--setting boundaries for Sarah. Good luck, sweetie!!

[JulieL]

Nope you are so not alone. I had several fights with DH that he had to wear his bib when he eats. It was aweful. He would ask for DH or my dinner while we ate and we would say ok, but you have to wear your bib to eat. He would yell no and then beg for food. This went on for a couple of days. Sometimes it just meant he didn't eat lunch or whatever. He finally got it and doesn't fight it to much now. If he was a clean eater I might give up the bib, but as it is he is a total mess after every meal. So no you aren't alone, and I too felt aweful. Guess that's just motherhood for you.

[toomanystrollers]

Lots of supper-less nights here - hugs mama :)

I serve "kid-friendly" breakfasts and lunches but for dinner, I refuse to cater to their demands. Otherwise we'd be eating peanut butter & jelly for years. I cook just your basic dishes - casseroles, pasta, etc (nothing bizarre IMO) and if they don't like - oh well.