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View Full Version : Ahhh, life with a toddler!!



jojo2324
05-07-2004, 11:08 PM
Please help me navigate this trying period!!

Backgroud: DS is 22 months. Has about 8 spoken words. Does not respond well to correction (ie, doesn't correct himself). Little sister arrived on the scene about 4 months ago. He is totally cool with her, loves to give her a pacifier, give her kisses, put hats on her, etc. At times, he can be rough and "push" her swing (push = shove), or slap her on the belly. But I don't think it's malicious, merely he is over excited. (Normal behavior from him.)

I am in the process of preparing to go back to work. A nanny has just recently come to live with us. She has been here for a week.

DS has been just about the biggest toad on the planet since her arrival.

I have left him with her several times during the day while I am working. In about another week or two, I will be working day and night, so much of his time will be spent with her. Problem is when I am home. This is when he acts out. He is whiny, clingy, climbing all over me, calling out MOM MOM MOM!!!! all the time, etc. It all makes sense to me: mommy's not home as much, so when she is, make sure she knows she's missed. Plus, who's this new person??

I think he is fine when I am not home. But I don't want what precious time I have with him spent like this. I know it's expected for him to react to this new situation, and it will take some time for all of us to adjust, but what can I do in the mean time? I make sure to play on the floor with him, and we eat meals together, and I give him his bath. Essentially, when I'm not feeding DD or working, I'm with him. But still, the whining and velcro behavior is incessant.

Any thoughts? TIA!! :)

brubeck
05-08-2004, 12:22 AM
I experienced the same thing when I went back to work after Andrew was born. Amy was used to me being home and so she had forgotten that at times I used go off and leave her with the babysitter.

It was a couple of weeks before she stopped being super clingy when I was at home, and now it has been about 10 months and she is still clingy for the half hour or so after I get home. I just take it as a sign that I am missed. :)

It did taper off by itself, but in the meantime I tried to have her do things while I was in the room with her (rather than while she was on top of me). So if I was in the kitchen I gave her books and crayons at the table. If I was folding laundry I gave her a towel to fold. If I was cleaning the house I gave her a Swiffer and asked her to wipe things down. That way she could be WITH me, but not ON me, KWIM? Would that work with Gannon?

jojo2324
05-08-2004, 11:08 PM
I don't know - I try redirecting his attention, but it doesn't always work. Admittedly, I sometimes have Sorrel at my breast when I am trying to do this stuff. Today I was able to calm him down a bit by getting overly animated about a puzzle. I just got him a set of Colorforms, so hopefully tomorrow those will hold his attention for longer than 3 minutes. But if I am not giving him all of my attention, he has a complete meltdown, and it's really hard to listen to after a while!!

I am sure with time he will feel better about the situation, but it's just really...loud around here lately! :)

brubeck
05-09-2004, 12:36 PM
I had that issue too while nursing Andrew. People talk about nursing as mother/baby bonding, I swear he and I did not bond one second while nursing if Amy wasn't sleeping or playing with Daddy in another room. Whenever I was nursing and Amy was around all the attention was on her. If I appeared to be ignoring the nursing baby then she did too. I only drew the line when she wanted to sit on my lap. One of my favourite activities during this time was to read to her. She would hold the book and turn the pages and feel like a big girl and I would read out loud.

Of course some days I would just be tired and we would all just plop on the couch with the TV on, but I always did try to have SOMETHING going on for Amy because otherwise there was just no peace.

Hallie_D
05-11-2004, 04:23 PM
Joanne, you may already be doing this but could you pick one activity you know he loves to do with you (that doesn't have to take a long time) and make it a routine to do that activity every day when you get home? If it is something like building with blocks, maybe you could ask him to "get ready to build with blocks" as soon as you get home. He can choose the area where he wants to build, has to get the blocks, take them out of their bucket/box/bin...so he is anticipating the special time he will spend with you, but while preparing for it he is not ON you. That also gives you opportunities to give positive feedback: "Oh, this looks like a fun place to build with blocks! You did a great job carrying the blocks over here!" etc.

I also work full-time and have found that a little play routine when we get home has helped Elijah to be less clingy. The anticipation of whatever it is we are going to do distracts him from the fact that he hasn't seen me all day, so we are able to have fun with much less whining.

HTH,