When did you tell your older child that you were pregnant?

[Hallie_D]

Well, in most cases I'm sure it wasn't in those words! :-)

DS is two and I'm due with #2 in January. I think it is much to early to talk to him about having another baby, because I know he has no concept of time (or what it means to have another baby in the house!). How far along were you before you started discussing "baby brother or sister" with your older child? Did you talk about your pregnancy to your DH/friends/family in front of your older child before discussing things with your child?

Before I knew I was pregnant DS was talking about babies and we told him that before he was born he grew in my tummy. Now he likes to lift up my shirt, say "Baby!" and kiss my tummy--so cute! But I know he wouldn't understand if I told him there actually IS a baby in there now...

Thanks for your input!

[Karenn]

Colin "knows", and I think we told him sometime after the first trimester was over. He loves to come over and pat my tummy and say "baby." I tell him how gentle he is with the baby and he gets very proud of himself. I don't know that he REALLY understands it, but he's spent a great deal of time trying to figure out who has babies in their tummy and who doesn't. (Cookie monster doesn't, mommy does.) He's also spent a lot of time working out the fact that the baby is in my tummy, not my arm, leg, knee, etc. :) He also LOVES to look at the ultrasound pictures and wave to the baby. We have lots of baby stuff around and he's been allowed to explore it a little bit. It's even to the point where if I tell him something is "little" he'll say "baby," and know it's not for him.

[luvbeinmama]

I don't remember exactly, but we didn't even know right away (my first ultrasound revealed a 12-week fetus when I was expecting an 8-week blob). DS was 2 when I got pg with DD and we pretty much kept DS informed the whole time. I did NOT want to be discussing stuff in front of him that we hadn't even told him (how rude is that?). I don't know how much he understood right away, but by the end of the pg he pretty much knew what was going on & why mommy's tummy was getting so huge. I don't think the time-table matters to them beyond what is happening "this day", but you can tell him that the baby is growing now and won't be here for a long time. Personally, I tried to keep DS involved and "in the know" about it as much as possible. When DH brought him to the hospital to see his sister for the first time, he was soo excited about meeting his new baby sister. She is still "my dd" to him. Hope that helps.

[ismommy]

First Congrats on yor pregnancy!! When is your due date?
Bella is 2 and 1/2 and she was the second person I told DH being the first. She does understand about the baby in my tummy and is thrilled and talks about baby x all the time. At first she kept saying when and I told her January and explained the months so now she knows that we have to be patient and wait for baby x to grow and according to her when he is done growing he will crawl out of my belly( lets hope its that easy)
It been really fun having her input in my pregnancy - one of her "job" is to make sure I drink enough water for baby x so she reminds me and bring me water bottles. She also gives me a running commnetary on what he is doing " He is hungry Mama so he is climbing into your bra and drinking breast milk" Now he is sleepy so he is clmibing in his crib and going night-night. Night-night babyx I love you" I find it funny that she seems to think I have an entire living area in my belly.
One of our good friends was recently pregnant so bella saw her tummy grow and then met baby evan the first day he was born so she grasps it.
That has been our experience. I guess it depends on the individual child.
HTH. Wishing you an easy 9 months

Helene
mommy to Isabella
baby x EDD 1/11/05

[loewymartin]

Wow - we're right on track with each other! Alia's birthday is May 16, 2002 and I'm due January 12th!

I was pregnant a few months ago but miscarried at 17 weeks, so we're going to wait a while on this one. We purchased "I'm a big sister" for Alia last time and she actually asked to read it last night. It's a great book and kind of sets the stage for bringing home a baby.

We'll most likely tell her around the 20 week mark. I figure I'll be really showing then, and she may be able to "get" it because I look like I'm carrying a baby in my "tummy" :-)

Enjoy - we'll have to swap stories as we go through this together!

Michelle - Mom to Alia born 5/16/02

[Hallie_D]

I'm due January 9th--we'll definitely have to swap stories! Are you having any morning sickness?

I was thinking I would wait until I was showing as well, but he is showing so much interest in my tummy now I've been tempted to talk about it sooner. It has been especially hard on the evenings that I've been feeling most sick (for me it is definitely evening sickness!) and I want to be able to say why I need to lie down (or why I have to bolt to the bathroom).

BTW, I love the name Alia!

[Hallie_D]

LOL--I love that your baby has a luxury home inside your uterus! That is so cute that her job is to help you drink water. I don't know if it is the difference between 2 and 2.5, or the difference between boys and girls, or if it is just the difference between any two children, but I can't imagine Eli having that level of understanding. But maybe it is just because his language isn't nearly as developed--he is on 3-4 word sentences and nothing as complex as Isabella.

One thing I'm very excited about...One of my earliest memories is when I was just 2 yrs old and my mother was very pregnant with my sister. My father called me into the bedroom where my mother was lying back on some pillows. He put a plate on her stomach, which immediately started jumping like crazy. He said, "Look, Hallie! That's the baby kicking!" I am SO looking forward to doing that with Elijah!

BTW, I'm due Jan. 9. I haven't changed my signature because I think one or two people from work read the boards (babies, not toddlers) and I'm not telling anyone at work yet. I don't post very often, but I don't want the news spread by my signature when I do.

[loewymartin]

I'm not really having any symptoms (which is a little worrisome!) I had horrible m/s with Alia and it was even worse with the last pregnancy (I was on meds for it). This time I'm not sick in the least, just very tired by the time I get home. I had an u/s last week to check the date and have my first appointment next Tuesday. Have you had any spotting? I have had a very minimal amount this week, and I'm thinking it's from lifting Alia. (Thanks for the comment on her name! We have a very common last name, so we wanted something different for the first name!)

If you want to tell him I think it would be fine. Alia didn't get it last time, and I'm not sure if she would this time quite yet. That book I mentioned also comes in a "Big Brother" version and I thought it was adorable. It might be a good way to kind of set the stage.

Neat idea about the plate too! I remember watching my stomach jump with Alia inside - I think she'll enjoy watching her sibling do it too :-)

Feel better!

Michelle - Mom to Alia born 5/16/02

[Hallie_D]

I have been lucky enough not to have any spotting so far. I had very heavy bleeding during the first trimester with Eli and it was very stressful. I am also exhausted by the time I get home. DH took Eli to visit family this week, and I have to say, much as I miss them (and it is SO hard to be away from Eli!), it has been wonderful being able to relax and go to bed early. The extra sleep has made me feel much less nauseous.

I will definitely go buy that book--Eli loves reading with us so it will be the perfect way to introduce the concept. That is, if we can get him to put down his favorites to read something new!

Good luck at your appointment!

[ismommy]

I do think part of its age. One of Bella's good friends is 6 months younger and doesn't communicate as well as Bella does. Bella already loves to lie on my belly. I cant wait until she can feel baby x move.
I can't believe how many of us are due in January. We should start a January moms group:)
Helene
mommy to Isabella
baby x EDD 1/11/05

[jubilee]

I just wanted to congratulate you pregnant mommys! My son was 10 when I got pregnant, so I told him the day I got the positive pregnancy test. And the very next day I told my work... I'm not big on keeping secrets :)

[atlbaby]

I was quite sick with DD#2 and I didn't really start to show until I was nearly finished with the 2nd trimester, so it was easy to not say anything to Arielle until about 3 months before the baby was born. She was only 21 months at the time I began to discuss the baby, though, and I am sure she had no clue what I was talking about. We'd read books (I'm a Big Sister, and Our New Baby) and she'd kiss my tummy under my shirt and say "baby". But she really didn't get a thing, I'm sure. Eli (and Alia! :) ) are already two, and I bet they'll both comprehend a lot more about what babies do, where they sleep, how to be gentle, even if they won't understand the concept of how things are going to change around the house. I know Arielle really got into dolls and mothering about 2-3 months after she turned two. And she's beginning to understand the concept of time, at 31 months. Not "next week/month" but "tomorrow" and "yesterday". Both Eli and Alia will be 31 months when their little brothers/sisters are born, so I suspect these next few months will make a huge difference!

Congratulations to both of you!! :)

-Rachel
Mom to Arielle, 10/30/01
and Daliya, 10/27/03

[loewymartin]

Hallie,

I tried to email you back, but it bounced :-( I'm miscarrying again...I go for a D&C today to see if we can get a tissue sample to help us figure out what is going on.

I wish you a happy, healthy pregnancy! I hope to join you in that pregnancy state in a few months :-)

Michelle

[Hallie_D]

Oh Michelle, I am so, so sorry. I was hoping and hoping that everything was ok--I got a little worried when you hadn't posted in a while.

I'll be sending you good vibes today--hopefully they will find something constructive and you will be pregnant again very soon.

[AugBaby]

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. We also had two miscarriages, although not consecutive, and are hoping to conceive again soon.

Take care of yourself,
Chrys

[lmintzer]

Hallie,
Our age gaps are very similar. DS#2 was born when DS#1 was 2 years and 7 months (April 2001 and Nov. 2003). I believe we started talking about "the baby in mama's tummy" some time during the summer when I was past the 1st trimester. We just started making it part of normal conversation, and we got DS a few "big brother" books (our favorite was "I'm a Big Brother Now". Once I was showing, we "showed" him the baby, and we also had him come with us to some OB appts. He could imitate the baby's heartbeat sound which was really cute.

We did a lot of praising his big-brother-to-be skills and did some talking about some of the things that would be both exciting and hard.

I think he was old enough to understand that a baby was coming. However, like with the big people, he didn't really know what it was going to be like until Joshua was here.