Dealing with a fearless toddler--help me!

[Sarah1]

DD has always been easygoing and generally agreeable. She rarely whines or throws tantrums, and she's really good around other people and kids.

Here is my problem: this kid has NO fear, and lately, she has been terrifying me with the things she does. She is just so generally reckless at the park (i.e. diving down the slide head first, when she KNOWS she is supposed to sit down!) and sometimes at home that I find myself constantly afraid of her hurting herself. Even though I say "NO" and give her a punishment when she behaves this way (i.e. leaving the park, taking a time out), I don't feel like she GETS that this behavior is unacceptable! What can I do??? She's taken quite a few minor spills and tumbles, had bruises and skinned knees, but she doesn't seem to care! When she takes a fall (i.e. when she's running and loses her footing), she just kind of laughs and gets up again, even if she's bruised herself a little bit. I'm glad she's a tough little girl, but lately, I am so worried she's going to seriously, seriously hurt herself.

How can I cope with this??? Please tell me it's just a stage.

[brubeck]

Part of it is just a stage and part of it is you getting used to her activity levels. I used to freak out when my kids fell down but now I am a bit more relaxed because like your DD they do it ALL the time. If they aren't crying I figure it can't hurt that much and they are okay. My ped even said that if she sees toddler without bruises all over their shins (below the knee only) she wonders if they are getting enough exercise.

Now this doesn't mean that they should engage in reckless behaviour! There are rules that have to be followed and if they can't figure out 'You can only sit on the slide.' how will they ever deal with 'You must hold my hand in the parking lot.' or 'We do not jump out of the window.'?

When my DD was this age I followed her all over the playground. I was her shadow. Anything she wanted to do that was a bit risky I held her. Going down the slide I was right behind her or (if the slide was small enough) I would stand next to it and hold my hands around her waist. Gradually I became confident about what she could handle and I started letting go. My 18 month old DS now runs all over the play structure and can go down the slide by himself but I know he will sit and I know he will hold onto the railings. watching him constantly gives me a better idea of his abilities and eventually makes it easier to let go.

I know it's not easy, but eventually you will feel better about it and she will get more control over her body so she doesn't scare you so much with her antics.

[egoldber]

I totally agree with Helen. Its a big adjustment for us when they become so mobile and active and what to explore everything. Other than true safety issues (like going down the slide head first), I try not to worry too much. Bumps and bruises are just part of the age.

If it makes you feel any better, today DD has about 5 bruises on her legs, and a huge knot on her head tight now, LOL!

[Karenn]

Colin is like this. At the playground I'm starting to get used to seeing the other moms with their hands poised over their mouths in shock as they watch my little boy run into one "dangerous" situation after another. (They're not judging :) They're usually just my friends saying "Wow, how do you do keep up with him?") He'll attempt step off of a 4' high climbing structure without a care in the world. He'll go tearing across the playground at top speed, fall flat on his face and get back up and start running again. If he sees and older kid climb a tall structure, he'll try to follow them up.

Like Helen said, I stick to him like his shadow and in places that are clearly dangerous and I stop him the instant I see him move to do something questionable. However, my definition of "questionable" has loosened as we've played more often at the park. I'm realizing that he really is capable of a lot more than I give him credit for. I'll let him just step off of places that are only a foot off of the ground and tumble a little bit on the wood chips underneath. He doesn't seem to care, but I think he's learning from the different tumbles and starting to be a bit more cautious.

Things HAVE gotten better in the last month or two. The other day at our gym class, he was actually a little reluctant to jump off of a mat that was a couple of feet off of the ground. I don't know if that's come with development or practice, but I'm hoping the trend continues! My friends with older kids tell me that there will come a day when I don't have to follow him around the playground and I can stand in one place and chat! I'm so looking forward to that!

[brubeck]

Karen that day does come. For my DD is was at about 2 and a half years old. Good thing too, because once my DS hit 9 months he started walking and I had to be HIS shadow for awhile! :)

I forgot to mention that it helps if you go to the same playground a LOT. You get to know it and so does your child and you both feel more comfy there.