Time outs......

[muskiesusan]

So aliens have taken over my son. He has become a bear to live with and fights everything. I have been lucky that up until now, he hasn't needed much discipline, if I told him to stop something, he did. Not any more!

I have been putting him in time outs, but I don't think he understands the staying put and why he is there. Will this click with him soon? I am staying the course, but just curious how long it
took your kids to understand the whole time out thing.

Susan
Mom to Nick 10/01/01
& Alex 04/27/04

[candybomiller]

The point of a time out is to remove your son from YOU. In 1-2-3 Magic, it says that when a child is in his room for time out, it's ok if he plays. It's ok if he has fun. The point is that he is removed from your presence, which is what he really wants.

I don't think there's any way you're going to get a child to sit in his room and reflect on what he's done. At this age, that shouldn't be the point of a time out.

Did I answer your question at all??

[muskiesusan]

I put him in his room, but he spends the whole time banging on the door screaming. I have to be there to keep him in the room, otherwise he will just come out (he can climb gates and has figured out the child proof door knob covers). I see others who kids know they need to stay put in the chair, room or whatever, so I was wondering how long does it take to get to that point? I don't think he understands why he is being put into his room. Does that make more sense?

Susan
Mom to Nick 10/01/01
& Alex 04/27/04

[trumansmom]

Susan, I know exactly what you mean. All I can say is at some time, it just clicks. It happened for Truman about a week ago. Suddenly he "gets it" when I put him in time out. We also started using a timer about that time, so that may or may not have made a difference.

The difference is so great that the other night we were out, and I told him since we couldn't take a time out, I needed him to take a deep breath and relax so we could talk. DH laughed at me, but Truman did it! And then he calmed down. (At least for a minute or two!) And now just the threat of a time out carries a LOT of weight.

I would just say keep doing what you're doing, and maybe try a timer. I usually set it for slightly under 2 minutes. It's long enough for DS to understand he's in trouble.

Jeanne
Mom to Truman 11/29/01 and Eleanor 4/14/04

[mary b]

hi susan,

Timeouts work most of time with us but lately, we have been having better luck with taking away a favorite toy or TV program. Noe has been refusing to get out of the local pool, so we have been enforcing the "if you don't get out the pool, NOW, you don't get to watch ANY TV today.. if took a few days but it is working like a charm now..

Mary

[raynjen]

"but he spends the whole time banging on the door screaming"

It sounds to me like he 'gets it' and is royally objecting to his punishment =). Seriously, Noelle has had to be carried to her room for time outs before and she will stay there now until she cools down. I think if you just quietly escort him back to his room each time he comes out he will eventually 'get it' that he has to stay there for time out. It won't be fun, you'll probably spend half of the first day just taking him back to his room (put a chair in the hall to sit on). My guess is that by the third day he will stay put. I have a further prediction - once he has learned to stay in his room you will be able to say, "do you want to do 'X' or do you want a time out?" and he will comply!

Of course, with a second baby around, this will be a bit difficult to accomplish. Maybe plan a weekend at home with DH where he does the baby and you do Nick?

Jen in Okinawa
Mom to Noelle (2 2/3)
Architect in a previous life!