Argh! How to discipline a 22-month-old? Time outs? Other?

[kristine_elen]

I'm not even sure if I should be disciplining Jack because he only acts up when he's tired -- like today when he wouldn't nap and then turned into a terror on the changing table, kicking and squirming and just laughing when I yelled for him to stop. (I know I probably shouldn't yetll, but I did.)

At dinner he sometimes rocks back and forth in his high chair in order to actually move about the kitchen. Again, he thinks I'm funny when I get serious and tell him to stop in a big voice.

He's too young to stay in a Time Out chair. Any thoughts on what I should do, if anything? (No spanking.) I'm wondering if I should use his playpen as a Time Out area. It's sure not getting any other use.

Thanks for any advice.

[Southerngirl75]

I know exactly what you are going through. My daughter is about the same age and she does the same things and reacts the same way when I raise my voice. I have learned the past few weeks though that she responds much better to me talking to her in a clam voice and telling her why she shouldn't be doing what she is doing or why she should listen to mommy.

I have done the rasing voice thing too and she will just laugh but latley if she is really upset (not wanting to get in her chair for dinner or throwing a fit when I change her diaper) I have tired to just calm her down by holding her and cuddling with her and then I tell her that she has to do what mommy says and I just camly talk to her. Then I ask her if she is ready to do what I asked and she will then shake her head yes and do what I tell her to do.

I have realized the past few weeks that she is really getting to the age where I can reason with her. She also understands almost everything I say to her now so this new approach has been working so well. I like being able to just camly talk to her rather than raise my voice to her. I feel much better and I think it works better than raising my voice. I hope this has helped you. I know this is a tough age.

[nitaghei]

I've been using something out of Burton White. When DS is being a brat - I sit him down, usually in my lap, and hold his arms down so he can't move. Then I tell I will let him down and let him play when he calms down. No real force - I don't want to hurt him, obviously - just enough to immobilize him. Usually 30 seconds or so this is enough to calm him down. And I don't remember the last time I needed to do this.

He started major tantrums when he was about 15 months old (screaming, kicking, headbanging). Those I completely ignored - as in walking away, turning my back - total withdrawal of attention. It's amazing how quickly the tantrums disappeared! :)

And, I always end the activity if he's misbehaving. If he's throwing food - food gets taken away. And so forth.

Lori (momof3labs) had a suggestion for timeouts in a high chair. I think she took everything away and turned the chair to the wall - for maybe 1 or 2 minutes? The key to a successful timeout is finding a place that's boring. And the right length of time - not too short and not too long.

The most powerful discipline tool, IME, is withdrawal of attention. Even bad attention (yelling) seems to be preferable to no attention. My dogs hate it when I ignore them; so does DS. I do praise lavishly and reward both the dogs and DS for good behavior. Yes, I may as well admit it - I use the same training techniques on my son as I do on my dogs. And yes, I never use physical corrections (beyond what I said above) on DS. Don't use them on the dogs either (other than holding their muzzles shut, gently). I would never hit the dogs; I would never spank DS.

HTH

Nita
mom to Neel, January 2003
dog mom to a cocker and a PWD