What would you do about this playmate?

[jadamom]

The other day we had a new friend come over with her 3-yr-old, who in the span of 2 hours managed to pull DD around by her shirt, bat at her face, try to pull toys out of her hands, crawl all over her, and finally push her off of her seat onto the floor, causing her to cry. Is this normal 3-yr-old stuff? The kids in our regular playgroup are all still under 3 and pretty docile. We are not used to this. The mom is very nice and will intervene and instruct the child that this is not appropriate behavior, but it doesn't prevent the next thing from happening. What would you do? Should we limit our contact with them?

[Jeanmick]

Is this a boy or girl? Not that it matters, but just wondering. My three-year-old DD is definitely a spitfire, but doesn't pull her 20 month old brother's shirt, crawl all over him or bat at his face. She has tried to pull toys from him (claiming that they're hers) and has pushed him away from her when he wants to get near her. Typical sibling stuff, but still, it's not behavior that I like to see happen.

If you think that your DD is not getting anything out of the visits or you feel uncomfortable with the interactions, then I'd probably limit the contact w/ them. Another option is to meet in a neutral place, like a park instead of a house. The playground is usually a good distraction if playtime w/ each other gets too uncomfortable for you.

Here's an experience I had that may help you. I recently met a parent who has a DD and DS the same age as my children. We first got together a couple of times at the park. The kids had a lot of fun running and climbing on the playground and playing in the sand with their toys. There were no issues that were difficult to handle. The next time we got together, I had them over at our house to play. Boy, was it different. Don't get me wrong; the children are friendly and nice, but they screamed and ran all over our house, jumped on our couches, tables and each other, I might add, and scattered many of my children's toys all over the place. Of course, my children followed their lead and loved every minute of it! The parent (who's very sweet and friendly) had a hard time keeping them in check.

I think we'll be meeting at the park next time. :)

[jadamom]

This is a little boy. You are so right. We have met them at the park before and never had any problems then. It's cold out now, so we had to meet indoors this time. Also, he's recently gotten a new little sibling, so my MIL was suggesting that some of this may be due to attention-getting behavior. Thanks for your input. Maybe we can meet them at the library or storytime instead.

[Sarah1]

I'd give her another chance. Maybe she was having a bad day...who knows? But, if she's like that the next time (or next couple of times), if it were me, I'd limit my contact with her, because why put yourself and your DD through that?? I also think it's a good idea to try and meet somewhere other than your house, like a playground, as the PP suggested.

Good luck!

[kransden]

Some malls also have excellent play places. You might consider that this time of year too!

Karin and Katie 10/24/02

[MartiesMom2B]

My almost 3 year old nephew is very rough with DD. He is used to getting his own way and is the size of a 5 year old, so I think he's rougher than he realizes. We just have to keep an eagle eye on him when Martie is around. I think the next time you should meet at a neutral place and give her another chance.

-Sonia

[Southerngirl75]

My best friend has a son who act just like that. He will be three ths month. I know how you feel about him doing those things to your DD. It can be very frustrating. My frend's son has gotten better but when he was acting like that I just tried to not come into contact with them as much. I think maybe also you could tell your DD to come and sit with you when he starts acting like that so that he can have some time to calm down. It is a tough situation. HTH!