At wit's end... (Long and grumpy.)

[Judegirl]

There's no Bitching Post over here, but since we're trying to get it going I posted here instead of at BB. I need to vent. :( And I need help, but with so many different things that I don't even know how to ask for it. So I'm just going to spew, and maybe if some of you kind, wise mamas can help me out, I will end up with some scrap of my sanity left.

First of all, we seem to be RIGHT back where we were 7 months ago regarding sleep. The way we *finally* got dd to sleep was to let her cry for 1-2 minutes, then go in and start over. Bedtime was a breeze ever since, though she had 4-6 night wakings, and for the last month, a 5am wake-up.

Then she either got sick or started teething again - still not sure which. (Dd teethes for about a decade per tooth. Grrr.) Bedtime refusal came back, but now she vomits if she cries for even a minute. She's not doing it for attention; she's been vomiting when she's happy and in our arms, too - ped says it's a sensitive gag reflex. So she won't sleep, crying makes her vomit everything she's eaten (she's now essentially gone without food for three consecutive meals, since she's thrown up each meal since breakfast, which she didn't want to eat.) I am sick and tired of showering everybody off, stripping the crib, scrubbing the carpet - this kid eats a lot, so clean-up is no small job. And I cannot being myself to let her cry knowing that she will throw up her dinner (and I will have to clean it all), just to try again afterwards and have her STILL not go to sleep and start the whole process over again.

When she does fall asleep, she won't let me put her back into the crib. She will with dh, but if it's me she wakes up screaming the minute I try to put her down - and then we're back to vomitland. (Dh can't take all the wakeups on the nights before he works, so something has to give here.)

On top of that, she has been a big ol' fuss-head, which we have been spared until now. Everything she wants, she wants NOW - she doesn't even give us a chance to say yes or no before she fusses for it. And she's been clingy (which she always is when she's not feeling well), which I can handle, but at the same time she's hitting me!

Diaper changes are a nightmare. Some babies cry, some twist and turn, some kick. Mine is a fighter. She locks her thighs together and she grabs our hands when we try to separate them and she blocks us at every turn. It's like playing Tekken. Diaper changes are taking forever (and she's in fitted cloth, AND she's having 5-6 dirty ones a day, so they're happening ALL the time) and have become a major PITA. Sometimes distractions work, but most of the time they don't.

So she's sleep-deprived, which makes her even more hyper and fussy, she's running a fever (which the doc says could be teething or viral), she's vomiting a lot (which the doc says could be teething/ gag reflex or viral), she's got diarhhea, she's throwing tantrums, hitting and crying for no apparent reason (yes, I know that's not unusual, but it's such a dramatic change for her.) Oh, and mealtimes have become a joke, too. She's throwing her food and spoons AT me. Oh, and she won't stop grabbing my glasses, which I will admit is offically driving me bonkers.

She's calling all the shots, which makes me feel like we need to set some tougher limits, but I don't know how and I don't want a "Stop that!" atmosphere. I must've told her a hundred times today that she couldn't do or have something...all about different somethings.

She thinks all of the above is an absolute riot. She laughs so hard that she starts tearing. She runs around like the Tasmanian Devil, alternately crying and laughing, switching back and forth on a dime, and Mommy is just stupefied. I just stand there and look at her half the time, dumbfounded.

Toddlerhood. Aaaarrrrggghhh. Tell me this is mostly the teeth - or the virus - or something...that it will pass before she's three. And anything anyone can say about how to handle - or not handle - any of these things would be deeply appreciated.

Thank you for letting me write my novel here.
Jude

[slknight]

Oh, goodness, Jude! That sounds really difficult. I don't have any good advice, but the 5-6 dirty diapers/diarrhea sound to me like she might have some kind of virus on top of everything else. That would certainly make things worse - and that will pass. Good luck.

[MartiesMom2B]

It sounds to me that the diapers are teething related though. Due to Martie's karate kicks during diaper changes, and the fact that she's grown out of her diapers we went to disposies.

Have you tried Hyland's? Martie used to like them, but now she hates medicine x(

You have my complete sympathy. I wish that I could give better advice.

-Sonia
Mommy to my Strawberry Shortcake lovin' Martie

[barbarhow]

It will pass. It will pass. It will pass. I say the same thing to myself several times a day lately. It seems rather cruel that on top of the 5 wakenings per night you get to deal with diarrhea. Sometimes it just isn't fair.
Jack has been waking up alot at night lately. He wakes up yelling at the top of his lungs-"My Mommy" or My Daddy" depending on who is his favorite on that given day. It invariably happens 30 minutes after I have finally fallen asleep after being up most of the night with Anna.
We have had to tighten the reign with Jack as far as discipline goes. He now gets one warning not to do something and is told if you do that again you get 2 minutes in time out. As mean as I feel it has soooooo helped. He loves to test and it can drive you crazy. I highly recommend the stricter course. We were hesitant to do it but he is so much nicer since we have laid down the law. I also make him turn to me and look at me when I am telling him related stuff.
No huge solutions for you-just lots of sympathy and understanding!!!
Barbara-mom to Jack 3/27/03, a Red Sox fan
and Anna 5/12/05, my little Yankee fan!

[zuzu]

Wow - that's a lot for one mama to handle all at once! We started having some sleep issues ourselves a couple of months ago, but it's usually only once a night (and not every night) so I can't begin to offer advice on your multiple wakings, only sympathy. (We also still co-sleep, so anything having to do with a child sleeping or waking in another room seems so foreign to me – sorry!)

As others said, it sounds like she may have some sort of a virus on top of the teething, unless those are the symptoms she generally develops while teething. (Sarah would seemingly teethe forever and had fevers of over 105 and we sort of hoped it was something else we could treat, but it never was.) It's so hard to get stricter when they're not feeling themselves, so I'd just concentrate of making sure she gets more rest (not sure how though) and then work on some of the behavioral issues when she is feeling better. Not sure what you've tried during diaper changes, but some stand bys are singing a special song she really likes only during changes, or letting her hold something special - any way to get her a pair of cheap frames with non-prescription lenses so she can have her own glasses?

Sarah went through a phase where she would laugh at DH when he tried to tell her “no� and we’re not sure why or what caused her to stop. She did it some with me, but not as often, and DH and I spent equal time (or maybe he a little more during that time) with Sarah. Hopefully Riordan willl outgrow it soon too.

Well, there’s my novel. Wish I had more advice, but whatever I’m lacking there I’ll make up for in support and hugs. Hang in there – it will get better! :)


Melissa, mom to Sarah (5/03)

[trumansmom]

Well, I was *planning* to bitch about DD's screwed up sleep today, but now I think I'll pass. :)

As far as diaper changes go - I know you CD, but if you get *reallly* frustrated and try sposies, I've discovered that Pampers First Steps work well for those diaper battles. They are basically more absobent Pull Ups. Whenever DD is wild, I don't even try regular diapers.

And I hear ya on the teething. DS never noticed new teeth, but DD is in pain for WEEKS on end for each one. Argh.

Good luck. I'll save my petty bitch for another day. ;)

Jeanne
Mom to Truman 11/01 and Eleanor 4/04
Independent Consultant, Do-Re-Me & You!

[Wife_and_mommy]

Like Barbara said....It will pass. It will pass. It will pass.

I'm having one of those days with dd too. She hasn't wanted to go to sleep at her normal bedtime and is SO grumpy. It *has* to be another molar comin in. I've always given her a half/full dose of Tylenol if she's crying incessantly. I'd rather give her meds if I think she's in pain than not. It worked last night and for naptime(she's sleeping now) so tonight I'll give her Motrin before bed to hold her for the night. Thankfully, I've been feeling pretty good this morning to deal with the non-stop crying/fussiness/attitude.

Hang in there! And remember--it will pass, it will pass, it will pass. :)


Elizabeth

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http://lilypie.com/days/060228/3/21/1/-5/.png

[Phoebe]

Kids can be really irritating. I don't know what else to say... it sounds like your leaving the sweet baby stage (not sure how old your daughter is) and entering toddlerhood and independence. It's just hard. You need to let her know she can't hit you and grab your glasses. If that means saying Stop and No more than you'd like, so be it. You might check out a book called "Parents in Charge".

You've posted about the sleep issues many times and it doesn't sound like you're getting anywhere. I know you were trying CIO, which I believe works for most kids. If you can stick it out, it will make a huge difference in your lives because I think the source of all these problems is sleep deprivation. Admittedly, the vomiting is a big gross mess, but what if you let her CIO, she barfs, you clean it up and then let her CIO again. I can't believe that would go on for more than two nights. And wouldn't that be worth it to have her sleep on her own for hours at a time?

If that all just sounds unacceptable to you, can you do the family bed? Will she sleep peacefully between you and dh? Lots of people do the family bed thing and it works great for them.

Good luck and I hope you all get some much needed sleep. :)

Mary
DD 4/01
DS 6/03

[miki]

It will pass even though it's pretty terrible. The Tekken reference made me laugh.

Ditto what the PPs said about trying disposable diapers. When the battle gets aggravating enough for you to put the cloth away for a couple days, try the pull up type diapers. Every one of my friends who had a big huge wrestling match during diaper changes said changing to those diapers helped a lot because to the kids it was like putting on pants. They didn't have to be flat on their backs and that seemed to be the big problem.

No advice about the sleep but the vomit/diarhhea/fever together sounds like virus or teeth. If your DD didn't used to cry and vomit like she is doing, I'd be inclined to take her to see a peds GI specialist. Especially if the vomit goes on for longer than what you'd expect with a virus. If she had a sensitive gag relex, would it all of a sudden start manifesting in all this vomit? Or would she also do it when she was learning to eat solids?

I hope something gets better for you soon.

[schums]

Sounds like you're having a rough go at it. It's probably teeth related -- both my kids had the crabbiness and diarreha with all their teeth. It too will pass!

Have you tried keeping her continually dosed on Motrin for a couple of days to see if that settles things down? I'm not a huge fan of doping my kids, and usually only do it at bedtime, but when they were teething, it was Motrin every 6 hours whenever they were awake. It seemed to at least take the edge off. You might want to try it for a day or two and see if it helps.

I don't know what to tell you about the behavoir issues, other than get used to saying "no", "I don't think so" and "STOP!!". We use the "naughty chair" (thanks SuperNanny) and both kids respond to it well. It tends to stop inappropriate behavoir, but you have to be able to listen to a couple of minutes of screaming when you put them there.

Other than that, I don't have much to offer, other than this too will pass!

Good luck!

Sarah
Alex 3/2002
Catherine 8/2003

[MartiesMom2B]

Mary, I think I have to credit you with my favorite saying of the day. "Kids can be irratating". Unfortunately I'm find this statement to be very true today.

-Sonia
Mommy to my Strawberry Shortcake lovin' Martie

[Phoebe]

I'm glad someone can appreciate my bluntness :) It amazes me what a little devil my son can be - it's nice to know I'm not alone.

Mary
DD 4/01
DS 6/03

[Timmersmom]

I don't post too often (I'm a perfectionist and it takes me too long to write and check them) but I thought I might offer up my "diaper hold". I seem to be the only one I know who holds kids this way for diaper changes. Maybe it'll help you. . .

Everyone I know holds feet in one hand, lift up, wipe off bottom. Well, when I did that with DS, he would twist around so I was holding him upside down in the air by his feet (while still dirty, of course) He was also a big fighter of the dreaded diaper change.

So what I do, since DD is following in her brother's footsteps, is this: lay child down, head at your right. Take right hand, reach across child to grab upper right thigh in your hand. Left hand is now free to wipe off dirty bottom. Your right arm is across their body, so you can kind of hold them down if child tries to wrestle out of your grasp. (Just reverse directions if you're a lefty)

I've been doing this "diaper hold" for over 3 years now, and it seems to be pretty effective at containing an unwilling participant at diaper change time.

HTH a little.

[alkagift]

Hey, I do something like this too! My forearm is behind his knees. Lately, though, if we talk about his winkie enough he starts giggling and I can get even a messy one done without much struggling. Ah, boys.

Jude, I have no useful advice. It does sound viral to me, but to
Melissa's point, my son never had extreme fevers with teething. He DID have completely bizarre crying behavior at night, though, which sounds like what you're doing. I thought I would add, though, that some of the complete chaos during the day may be an overtired little girl. If she's teething or otherwise miserable at night and can't sleep, then during the day she's likely to go into "burnt out and crispy" territory, which for my son is much more irrational and aggressive. I hope for your sake she hurries up and cuts that tooth!

In the meantime, though, that vomiting sure is awful. Has the ped eliminated any possible other physical problem? I completely feel for you. Feel free to b*tch over here any time.

Allison
Mommy to Matthew, who is TWO!

[Judegirl]

You guys are great! Thank you for reading that ridiculously long vent - and for reminding me it will pass!

I think Riordan must've read the boards last night, because she was back to her usual self today. LOL - she must've decided to take it easy on Mommy. No vomiting, no hitting, no more maniac behavior than usual. ;) (Yes, when she's overtired she's off the wall.) No fever today, and only a few dirty diapers...her teeth didn't seem to be bothering her too much - nothing here yet, but much less drool today, lol.

So we'll see what tomorrow brings. She took a 3-hour nap this afternoon (her longest nap EVER!) and dh got her into bed by 8, which is later than her bedtime but much earlier than it's been lately. (She wouldn't go to bed for me - I gave up and gave her to dh...we'd had too good a day for me to ruin it fighting over bedtime!)

With any luck, we can turn this ship right back around...I really, really appreciate all of your support. It's been a rough couple of weeks.

And yanno, it never occurred to me to just use disposables...we use them at night, and still I never thought about it being easier, *despite* the fact that we're trying to use only front-velcro/aplix cds!! LOL!!

Going to sleep soon...
Jude

[zuzu]

Glad to see Riordan seems to be feeling better and is giving her mama a bit of a break!

Hope you had a decent night's sleep.

Melissa, mom to Sarah (5/03)

[barbarhow]

Phew....I was hoping my "It will pass" would come true. I am so glad that it was sooner rather than later. I have had many of these days lately, too. I think it comes with the territory. Hope your ship continues on its 180' course!
Barbara-mom to Jack 3/27/03, a Red Sox fan
and Anna 5/12/05, my little Yankee fan!

[CiderLogan]

I'm so glad things were better for you - even if just for a day. It's amazing how helpful it can feel just to know that it can be better, even when the bad days keep coming and coming....

You are going through a lot - congrats for maintaining your sanity!

Jenny
Mom of Julia, 8/03

[trentsmom]

Thanks for giving an update. I've been thinking about you today! I hope today was as good as yesterday. :)