Depressed - baby won't nap & isn't gaining weight

[chlobo]

My DD is about 4 1/2 months old. We just had our 4 month checkup last week and she'd only gained 4 oz in one month. She now tops the scales at 11 lbs 4oz, which is the 10th percentile for her age. Her height & head are both 50th percentile. The doctor didn't seem concerned. However, I can't help but be a little depressed over this. Since I'm breastfeeding I can't help but think it might be my fault. I know that I was a chunky baby so its not from my side of the family. MIL can't remember whether my husband was chubby or skinny.

In addition, DD won't nap. She does pretty well at night, going to bed around 6:30 & getting up between 6 & 6:30. However, during the day she is a nightmare. She is impossible to get to sleep no matter what I try, including nursing, rocking, walking, swaddling, soothing, etc. I've read a number of sleep books (which usually only make me more depressed and stressed out and confused). Relatives keep saying "well she must not be tired". Well they aren't around to see her rubbing her eyes and getting so cranky that she cries all afternoon and everytime I lay her down on the changing table to change her diaper. Its all very draining and depressing for me.

I'm at my wits end and don't really know what to do to get her to nap more during the day. I know she needs sleep but she just fights it like crazy and in turn, its making me crazy. I can't help but feel like I screwed something up along the way and "taught" her to fight sleep rather than welcome it like I do!

Carren
mom to Isabella

[LoveMyBug]

My DS went through this same thing around that age. Babies tend to get frustrated and over anxious when they are trying to do something new. If they are starting a new thing, such as sitting up rolling over or crawling, they tend to want to do it until they get it right. They get over frustrated and they don't want to sleep because they KNOW they are trying to do something and just can't get it done.
Is she trying to do something? rolling over or anything?

Also, she may be sleeping TOO much at night, so try putting her to bed later.

There is also this weird timeframe that you should follow in taking naps.

The best time to get them to sleep is 1hour 30minutes after they wake up. If you wait TOO long, you get a fussy cranky baby who is OVER-tired and can't get to sleep. The sign of over-tiredness is crankiness, grouchiness, rubbing eyes, and such.

It is NOT your fault, it is a stage that ALL babies go through in their life.


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Just one bottle won't hurt, or will it? http://www.drjaygordon.com/bf/supplement.htm
Weaning or Nursing Strike?--What to do http://www.drjaygordon.com/bf/striketips.htm
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[cchavez]

Have you read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Marc WEissbluth? DS has never been the greatest napper. Now at almost 11 months he takes an AM nap that last anywhere from 30 minutes to 1.5 hours. His PM nap is anywhere from 30 minutes to 1 hour. He still gets cranky sometimes but I have also found it is related to his temperment not just the napping. I know babies that nap just as much (or little :)) as DS but they can be much happier.

DS does well at nite but I think you DD is doing awesome at nite....consider yourself blessed in that regards.....

[Java]

eek! I remember the sleep hell we went through when DS was that age! It went on for 3-4 weeks.

Definitely read Healthy Sleep Habits - that was extremely helpful. It gave me knowledge on what to do that was best for DS as opposed to giving me a single method like most books did.

For my boy, I found that starting the sleep process at 1.5 hours after he wakes worked best for him. Sleep process meaning: checking/changing his diaper, stripping him to a onesie, swaddling him, and then nursing him while singing. By the time he's asleep, it's an hour and 45 minutes to 2 hours since he last woke up.

He was so sleep deprived at first that it was a battle. But once he started taking A nap, it progressed to longer naps (30 minutes, then 45 and now 60-120 minutes) and things got easier. You have to just get over that first bump and get them to where they aren't so tired/wired so they can relax and actually nap.

Hang in there!

[chlobo]

We have read weissbluth and are trying to follow it. With DD the routine is to rock her a bit. She doesnt like cuddling very much and will rarely fall asleep even if we hold & rock her so there is no "getting her to sleep" and then putting her in the crib. Nothing we've tried enables her to go to sleep. sigh....

[Jen in Chicago]

First of all, you are so lucky with the night sleeping! Jude is almost 10 mos and gets up 1-2 times per night still. Mommy and Daddy are softies, but our Ped in Dr Weissbluth's practice gave us the green light to feed him when we wakes b/c he is hungry (downs an 8 oz bottle.)

The 1.5 hour (2 hours of wake time) worked great for us for naps. Maybe you soothe, do your thing, then leave your baby to fall asleep on her own.

A friend went through a similar thing. Her Ped said she was missing DS nap window, so she tried putting him down 30-45 earlier than before and that worked. Maybe an adjustment that way would work.

Your bed time sounds on target, and it is working. I would not try switching that. When we have played with bedtimes he is not been pretty!

[nitaghei]

Carren,

Lots of babies fight sleep - so it's nothing you did! Trust me - I'm over at DS's daycare at nap time most days, and there hasn't been one that doesn't fight naps. I think the world's so interesting to them that they don't want to miss out on anything. You've already got great advice about napping, so I just want to reassure you about the weight.

DS has always tracked 10% for weight, 75%+ for height and 90% for head size. As long as your DD isn't losing weight, and as long as she's meeting developmental milestones, don't worry about her weight. Also - BF babies can be leaner than formula-fed babies, but it doesn't mean that her nutrition is inadequate. Babies just come in all sizes, and yours is 10/50/50. That's it - so don't worry about her weight. I know it's hard, but there really is nothing to worry about. You probably don't want to hear about another book, but Ellyn Satter's "Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good Sense" is really good about the philosophy and attitude towards food and eating.

HTH

Nita
mom to Neel, January 2003
dog mom to a cocker and a PWD

[papal]

Carren, everyone has given you great advice. I just wanted to add:
Do not worry too much about the weight issue. My dd is 5 months old and weighs around 11 pounds (not even on the charts). The important thing is that the baby is hitting all the major milestones, holding head up, trying to roll over or rolling over etc etc.

About sleep, you are lucky that she is sleeping so much at night. I would not change that if that is working so well.
For daytime naps, here is what are some suggestions:
1. Try starting nap time earlier. For Leela it is about an hour and fifteen minutes after she wakes up... i know when she starts flailing her arms and starts whimpering. The timing is everything.. an overtired baby is impossible to work with. Maybe keep a nap diary for a couple of days so you can track length of nap and the time she naps.
2. Get the room dark and swaddle her tight.
3. If she nurses to sleep then do that.
4. If she wakes up after 15-20 mins, she may not be done with her nap... try getting her back to sleep.. sometimes ignoring them for a few minutes (unless she is crying) they will fall back asleep on their own.
5. If she is by herself in the crib and sleeps with you at night then she might not like the new environment. Maybe you can try placing your pillow next to her. I know they don't recommend pillows etc, so use your judgement. Since my baby holds her head up well and can roll even swaddled i am not concerned.(besides, she buries her face into my side at night anyway).

Do let us know if any of this is working... i know how frustrating it can be.. hang in there mama! you are doing a great job!

[chlobo]

Thanks for the advice. One thing I find confusing about Dr. Weissbluth's book is that some of the advice is contradictory.

For example, he said that the morning nap develops around 4 month and the baby usually takes it around 9am so if your baby gets up at 6:30 you might want to try to extend the awake time to get her to sleep at 9. Obviously, this contradicts his 2 hour rule. I think we might be a little behind in "developing" a BTC morning nap so I'm going to try to put her down well before 2 hours and see if that helps.

I've been trying to watch for cues but its tricky. She's always been very hard to read.

[signsing]

I just want to give you some reasurance as well. Try to relax and be calm. Remember, all babies cry. When I get to my wits end I stick my son in the crib. This may be horrible but we both need a break from each other. He has learned to put himself to sleep and has a tough time sleeping anywhere but his crib.
Also as long as your baby stays on the same line on the growth chart your fine.
Don't let relatives tell you how to parent, trust your instincts that's why you have them.
You might want to try a sling or carrier, or take a walk in the stroller to help her sleep. This could become a good routine to get into and might give you some relief during the day.
Also try to enlist some help and set some kind of a routine so you don't get overwhelmed.
Good luck

Betsey
Buddy's Mamma 6-10-2003

[miki]

Carren,

Right there with you. Two months ago when my kid started getting very aware of things, she fought naps like crazy. The only thing that worked for me was to let her sleep in her swing seat. Now we've shifted to sleeping in her infant carseat with it sitting in the crib.

She is also an early to bed and early to rise baby like Isabella. I know Weissbluth says the kiddos are supposed to develop a 9-10am nap. But when my kid gets up at 6am (or as early as 5am during some phases), there is really no way to even get close to 9am. Trying to extend the wakeful period to get to 9am just ends up with Lorelei being all wigged out. She is only now getting to the point where she can stay awake for 2 hours at 6 months. Since the time she was 4 months old, she's developed into a 3 nap a day baby. The length of the naps are not predictable. When each nap starts dependsupon when the last one ended.

But I definitely agree with one of the previous posts about trying to get your baby back to sleep if they wake up too soon. I noticed that on the "good" nap days, she will nap for about the same total amount of time during the day. On the bad nap days, if she wakes up too early from nap #3, if I just nurse and keep holding her, she will inevitably fall back asleep and sleep long enough to fill the day's quota.

And don't think your baby "ought" to just fall asleep for naps. Every baby is different!