Just so freakin TIRED and SLEEPY!! BF help please!

[papal]

I am exhausted. Last night dd woke up at 11.30p, 1.30a, 3,00a, 4.30a,6.30a and 8.0a to feed. I nurse her lying down but i am just mentally and physically exhausted from waking up and not getting 8 hours of sleep!!!!! I am so tired that i drift off while she is nursing and dont know how long she ate for. I have a feeling she eats just enough to fill her tummy to the point where her mind says 'ok, there is food in here.. go back to sleep'.... i don't know.. i cannot think straight.
And worse, yesterday my brother-in-law says his 2.5 month old is now sleeping thru the night (10p to 6a). Yipeee for them but I am not able to rejoice in their accomplishment because i am jealous and slightly mad because i feel sometimes they did not make good choices (purely speculation and jealousy here) and yet they are ahead of the game (yes, i know its not a competition but i am feeling BITTER this morning, forgive me, i am human!!). And for some idiotic reason i am not able to shake the fact that we did not room in with the baby in the hospital (sent her to the nursery) and perhaps that is the root cause of all these problems. I hope there is no truth to that because i feel guilty enough that i sent her to the nursery already. arrghhh!!

On nights like this i just cannot stand breastfeeding anymore, it just feels very imprisoning!!

Do you think, if i pumped and filled a whole bottle and gave that to her around 11p, it would hold her longer???
She is SO distracted during the day, or so full from eating at night, that she does not seem to feed for a long period of time during the day. Sometimes i feel if she nursed more during the day then at night she could go longer.
I don't know.. just random thoughts... anyone have any advice or opinions?

[sntm]

oh rashmi -- hope your hubby holds her some today and lets you get a good nap in. when she eats at night, try turning on the TV or something to keep you awake (I know! Hang on!) and see how much she is eating. then if she starts to drift off, you can encourage her to eat a little more.

she's a little thing so her belly may just not be big enough to hold a lot of food. or she may be teething and wanting to nurse to make her gums feel better. or you could try to soothe her some other way and see if she will go back to sleep and nurse only if other things don't work. or try spending a whole day mostly in bed or on the sofa doing quiet things and nursing her and see if you can get her to eat more during the day. offer nursing to her before she usually wants it.

you are doing an awesome job with her!!! she was the cutest thing last Friday! i know it is tough (Jack is reverse cycling now so i'm up with you!) but you have made very good decisions about her and she really shows that. i agree, it is so tough when other people tell you how their babies are sleeping, especially when they are using techniques you disagree with, but in the long run, Leela will be a better person for it and it will all be worth it! besides, i know several babies who were sleeping wonderfully at 2 1/2 months and crappy a few months later -- they will NOT be prepared for it.

give me a call if you need to vent.
and thanks thanks for the Rev Jan -- it works much better than the OTSBH, though jack still only likes it for short periods of time (like 5-10 minutes). i owe you one!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
shannon
not-even-pregnant-yet-overachiever
trying-to-conceive :)
PREGNANT! EDD 6/9/03
mama to Jack 6/6/03

[miki]

Rashmi,

My sympathies. My kid is about a month older than yours and starting around a month ago, she started waking more to nurse at night. I just assumed it was a phase because she was getting near the 6 month growth spurt, learning to sit up, etc. She had only been waking up maybe once a night before then.

There was a point when Lorelei was totally distracted that she wouldn't even finish one boob during the day. Someone else on these boards suggested giving some bottles of EBM suring the day. That seemed to help and then a week or two later, she was less impatient about nursing during the daytime. I also nurse in the same dark roomshe naps in right after she wakes up to minimize distraction and to to catch her when she's still groggy.

I'll be wishing for more sleepfor the both of us!

[COElizabeth]

Ugh, I'm sorry. I have had lots of those nights! And believe me, I know how it feels to want to cry when your friends and family have babies who sleep all night at 2 or 3 months - and your baby is a full year older and not sleeping through the night! I cannot imagine that this has the slightest bit to do with your DD being in the nursery as a newborn, though. Really, I can't think of any possible connection. If your baby never got the hang of nursing, then possibly that could be partially attributed to her not having enough early opportunities, but that's not your problem at all. Maybe she is going through a growth spurt? Also, I think you could be right that she is getting too distracted during the day. I know I could make nursing sessions as boring as possible, but DS would still get very distracted for a long period of time, and it did seem like he ate more at night. I couldn't figure out how to change it, but he did outgrow it. You could try having your DH comfort her and see if he can get her back to sleep if it's not been very long since the last feeding. I know that has worked for some people. Just remember that no matter what, it will get better eventually! Hang in there!

[nitaghei]

Rashmi,

Hang in there! The 4-5 month stage is really hard. Leela's discovered the world, and it's so interesting, more than feeding! So the reverse cycling is not unusual at all.

Don't know if this will make you feel better (but misery loves company, right?) - Neel started daycare at 4 months, and went on a bottle strike. He was seriously reverse cycling, and I was lucky if I got a total of 2 hours of sleep a night. And I had to drag myself into work the next day and be productive. And then the ear infections started, and teething. This last Tuesday was the first time I slept for 6 hours at a stretch since he was born.

Okay - practical advice. As this stage, make the environment as uninteresting as possible during the day feedings. Dark room, nothing to look at. This should hopefully help her focus on the task at hand. The only other practical thing I can think of is that Leela might be teething, or have pre-teething pain. You could try giving her some infant Tylenol tonight, and see if that helps.

And, please - the lack of rooming in has nothing to do with a baby's sleep pattern, so don't beat yourself up. My SIL didn't room in with her kids at the hospital, and they slept through the night at 3 months. I didn't room in for the first few hours (still on an IV, and drugged), but did after that, and Neel still doesn't sleep well. But he was a great sleeper until the 4 month mark! He was sleeping 6-7 hours when he was 3 months old, and then everything went to h*ll. I blame myself for that - because I'm convinced that if I didn't have to work, and I could have stayed home, he wouldn't have to go to daycare, and he wouldn't have been sick . . . . you get the idea. Guilt and second guessing is just part of the mommy job description, I think!

And, not to make you feel bad, but what you've described is actually a typical night for me - for the last 8 months. :(

Nita
mom to Neel, January 2003
dog mom to a cocker and a PWD

[mharling]

Rashmi -
You poor thing!!!! :( I agree that you should try to nurse her more during the day. Can the two of you nap nurse today so you can get some sleep too?

AND DO NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT SENDING HER TO THE NURSERY! Lane spent some time in our room and some time in the nursery. It's what worked for us and I suspect what worked for you. Until the mention of it in the Bitching Post, it didn't even occur to me that it could be a bad thing because it was right for us. Things like this make me think these boards are a blessing and a curse, KWIM? At any rate, don't worry about what's done and I think you can be sure that that has nothing to do with what is happening now.

Good luck mama and I'm sending you sleep and 'day nursing' vibes. :)

Mary
Lane 4/6/03

[Jen in Chicago]

We went through this too, and I was working full-time and DH was traveling, it could be worse!

Sleep whenever you can. DD will get over this. Try whatever you are comfortable with. I broke down and had DH give Jude a bottle of formula in the middle of the night if he was home. I wanted him to get what he wanted, but did not want to make it too enjoyable to him. I guess I thought no booby, maybe he would learn to not wake for a bottle of formula. Your mind can come up with some weird things when you are sleep deprived.

Jude was in the nursery at the hospital too, I don't regret it one bit! I got to my room at 3am after giving birth and needed help.

[JenCA]

Rashmi, just wanted to tell you that your BIL should enjoy his babe's sleeping patterns now--because I can tell you from first hand experience that sleep habits constantly change. My DD started sleeping through the night at ten weeks (while still being exclusively BFd) but at around 4.5 months, she started waking again during the night. Now, at 7 months, she still wakes up a minimum of 3-5 times per night. Sleep is pretty much nonexistent around my household. :) So, please don't feel bad about the fact that your DD is still waking several times per night--you're not doing anything wrong. Hang in there!

[slknight]

Oh, Rashmi. Sorry you had such a bad night. If it makes you feel any better, I had almost the exact same night. Alex was up nursing at 11:30, 1:15, 3:30, and then was up at 6:00 for good. And he's 11 months!!!

As for your BIL, my DS was sleeping really well when he was 2 or 3 months old. And as you can tell, he's not now. Yes, I used to gloat about how well he slept, and now I am definitely eating my words. So there is absolutely no guarantee that their child will keep sleeping so well.

Sending your daughter to the nursery in the hospital has NOTHING to do with this. We sent DS to the nursery too, and it was totally the right choice for us. If I ever have another child, I will not hesitate to send them to the nursery too. Everyone is different, and I know that I personally, was far too overwhelmed (and in too much pain from the emergency c/s) to take care of DS the first few days in the hospital.

Big hugs,
Susan

[pritchettzoo]

First, the nursery had nothing to do with it! Silly mama! :)

DD's a month older than your DD, and her sleeping went to heck in a handbasket about a month, month and a half ago. She's down to eating once in the middle of the night again (well, she goes down about 11:30, eats at 4-5 and 8 and then up at 11--I joke that we're on Pacific time around here!).

Can you sit up with her (even in bed) so that you make sure she gets a belly full of milk? DD will drift off on the first boob, but I still switch her over to the other and she wakes up and finishes it too.

Get some sleep this weekend. I got so frustrated with DH. I would tell him, "I need an hour of sleep. I don't care what you do, but I need to sleep." Did he listen? Half the time, nooooooooo. Sitting with the baby in the bed next to me does NOT help! Grr. So my advice would be to be more specific with your DH in case it's a Y chromosome deficiency...tell him to go to the opposite end of the house and not to come back with her unless there is blood.

Oh, and nap when she naps today. And tell DH to bring home supper. :)

gv hh (That's from Gracie to Leela...hopefully it means sleep more!)

Anna
Mama to Gracie (9/16/03)

[toomanystrollers]

Oh Rashmi,
BTDT :) And NO (like the others) - sending the Leela to the nursery had nothing to do with her sleeping and eating habits.

FWIW, Neve went through this same exact period and it's no fun with two older children on the loose. I had to get her out of our room - it's the only thing that worked for us. Plus it wasn't fair to Tess and Shea to have a total grouchy mother day after day. I moved her down the hall at 6 months and knock on wood, she's been sleeping soooooooo much better.

Hang in there mama!!! Just think, when our children are all teenagers - won't it be glorious fun - to wake them up out of bed!!!!! Payback baby!

[Chelsey333]

This is only a suggestion, who knows if it will help. With my ds, I never fed him in bed. I forced myself to feed him in the rocking chair, and I encouraged him to get a full feeding. I think the rocking chair helps bec you won't fall asleep as easily and you can encourage baby to get full feeding. If my ds started to fall asleep after a short amt of time I would try to wake him, by changing his diaper, changing positions, tickling his feet. The reason your baby is probably waking up often is bec she is probably falling asleep before getting a full feeding. I read a book when I was pregnant about full feedings and how important they are. Good luck. I hope something works for you. I am expecting my 2nd soon, and your story kind of scares me. I am not looking forward to sleepless nights. Does your baby use a pacifier? Bec that might help also.

[Chelsey333]

I haven't read the bitching post about sending your baby to the nursery. But I have been reading about a lot of moms on this board feeling guilty about doing it, maybe bec of the bitching post. But I truly feel it is safer to have you baby in the nursery bec the nursery doors are locked. After having a baby, you are physically exhausted and I don't like the thought of me being sound asleep with no locks on my door. Anyone could come in your room and take your baby.

[stillplayswithbarbies]

the hospital where I delivered has a security system. The maternity ward doors are locked, so no strangers can just walk onto those areas. Plus each baby has a tag attached to their belly button clamp that will set off an alarm if they are taken from the area.

Just like the shoplifting alarms at stores. :)

...Karen
Jacob Nathaniel Feb 91
Logan Elizabeth Mar 03

[jec2]

Rashmi,

Finn is going bonkers currently too. Not so much waking/nursing at night but he went and switched his day up on me. I cannot seem to keep up with him! But, remember that when they are about to do something BIG then they can regress in feeding and sleeping. So, maybe leela's about to sit up, roll-over, speak french, calculate quadratic equations, etc. Yesterday morning I swear Finn was about ready to be sold to the neighbors because he had a huge screaming fit upon getting up in the a.m. Then our day turned out amazing...he rolled from back to front, he fell asleep in the carseat for an hour (this is from the kid who has screamed in the car since we brought him home from the hospital), and then he put himself to bed last night. Basically, what I am trying to say is that it sucks, but there is going to be a silver-lining here, I just know it. I know it often doesn't help when you are too exhausted to care about much but if you can get through today, here's hoping that tomorrow is going to be better!

[lrucci]

Rashmi,

I'm so sorry to hear about your sleepless night. Please do not feel guilty about sending Leela to the nursery. This has nothing to do with why she is waking up so much. She is probably going through a growth spurt or teething. We went through this too, on and off for about 3 weeks, starting when Kyleigh was 5 months. The good news is.. she is back to sleeping through the night. So there is light at the end of the very long tunnel.

Have you tried to feed her out of the bed, or sitting up? Maybe if she wasn't lying down, she'd be more awake and eat more at a time. The other thing you could do, is pump and fill a bottle for your dh to give her when she wakes in the middle of the night. This way you could sleep through one of her feedings.

Hang in there. You're doing a great job! Sending you and Leela lots of sleeping vibes!!!!!


Lisa
Mom to Kyleigh Elizabeth 7/19/03

[jec2]

When Finn was up every hour or so! Ugh, what are these monkies doing? I am pooped today and am hoping that he'll sleep this weekend...I've got so much grading to do :(

[papal]

I just wanted to thank all of you for your kind words and support.

We managed one less feeding last night (11.30p. 1.30p, 3.30p and 6.30p) so that was an improvement. Like everyone suggested, I sat up and fed her. That kept me awake. I cannot be entirely sure if she is really hungry though. She sucks hard for 2-3 minutes and then dozes off. Normally she takes at least 5-7 minutes. I swear sometimes i think she just wants to be sure her mama is still there! There is nothing dh can do to soothe her.

I did feed her much more during the day even when she didn't seem to want any. We need to go DARK curtain shopping.. in the meanwhile i took some dark bed covers and nailed them into the sides of the window to block out the light!!!! I think this helped with the distraction some and is helping her take longer naps during the day.

Dh is such a sweetheart already that i feel bad making him do any more than he already does. He does all the night diaper changes and when he comes home from work does everything for Leela.. he is such a dork.. he was saying he wished he could nurse her so i could get the night off! I doubt if i ever would have been that considerate if roles were reversed.

I don't think Leela is teething.. i don't see any redness of the gums and she is not drooling. Maybe she is gearing up to do the next big thing (sit?crawl?).

Anyway, it is reassuring to hear that many of you went through this or are still going through this. During the 3.30a feeding I was wondering how many of you were up with me and I was giggling... dh thought i was slowly losing it (it was too hard to explain what i was thinking in the middle of the night). And the thing is Leela now says mamamamama which makes me think she is saying Mama (i know she is too little but one can hope!) and it melts my heart.... she wakes up and starts going mamamama. No matter how tired i am.. i cannot get mad at her!

Thanks mamas! This mom thing is teaching me so much about myself that i never knew! Here is hoping we all get 5 hours of continuous sleep soon!!!

[papal]

Ugh. Juliet, i hope Finn and you get some sleep this weekend. I will be thinking of you mama! Not sure what tricks these monkeys are thinking of.. but it better be something substantial! :)

[writermama]

Rashmi,

I hope you're feeling better today. I wanted to add my voice to the messages of support for you. I know how hard it can be when you're not sleeping. My 9 month old would only sleep in MY arms during one of her growth spurts around 4 months -- she wouldn't even sleep in anyone else's arms.

Your baby's current sleep pattern has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not she spent time in the nursery (unless she chatted with other newborns and joined some kind of baby consipracy there). My baby did not go to the nursery (my hospital didn't even have one -- just a NICU) and she has had similar phases in her sleep patterns. You might want to read _The No Cry Sleep Solution_ for more ideas that fit your parenting philosophy. But if it's a choice between reading and napping, just nap. Hopefully this phase will be short.

In the meantime, nap whenever you can and take the best care of yourself that you can. I know that I fell less "drained" after a sleep-interrupted night if I'm taking vitamins and eating as well as I can.

Good luck and hang in there.

Karen

[kransden]

You have my child! And you have my sympathies. What DH and I finally did was pump a bottle of ebm and he fed her the 1:30 am feeding so I got some sleep. It also really helped out later that she would accept a bottle.

Karin and Katie 10/24/02

[lag555]

I don't know if this is good advice but it was helpful for me. Sometimes when my baby woke up in the middle of the night, I would just hold her or let her cry for a few minutes until she was fully awake. Then she was more likely to nurse a full feeding instead of just a few minutes and quickly going back to sleep.

As for feeling guilty about the rooming in/nursery issue, if she doesn't remember that she just ate two hours ago, she most likely doesn't remember any effect the nursery had on her :) JMO.

[hoffdna]

I know some people hate the ideas from this book, but I thought it had some really good advice about how you and your baby can learn from each other so that your feeding/waking/sleeping are more in sync. Maybe you could read and see what you think? My 4 1/2 month boy is sleeping very well, and has been since his 8th week. Maybe this stuff will work for you?

On Becoming Baby Wise: The Classic Reference Guide Used by Over 1,000,000 Parents Worldwide
by Gary Ezzo, Robert Bucknam

[sntm]

all the useful information is found in every other sleep book. Ezzo suggests too much "advice" that is potentially dangerous and has no basis in medical/psychological/theological fact.

no offense meant to the poster, only that while your baby may have done okay under this advice, many babies did not and your baby probably would have done as well under other advice.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
shannon
not-even-pregnant-yet-overachiever
trying-to-conceive :)
PREGNANT! EDD 6/9/03
mama to Jack 6/6/03

[s_gosney]

Hey, Rashmi. I'm a little late joining in here, but I wanted to say that we're going through the same thing. I don't know what the deal is, but sleep is just not happening right now. The past two nights after I've rocked Kylee to sleep, she woke up when I tried to set her down. So I put her back to sleep and tried to just sit down while holding her. Even that wouldn't work! I had to bounce around with her forever until she finally got into a deep enough sleep to stay asleep without the motion. She's also been waking up more at night, and I'm pretty sure she's not hungry at least some of the time, but I usually just latch her on without even thinking about it. I feel bad letting her cry b/c dh needs his sleep, and I know that it's either the boob or I get to get up and pace the halls. At this point, I opt for the boob. I really hope I don't regret it later, but right now I know that this is the way for us to get the most sleep. Anyway, I obviously have no advice, just thought I'd say that it seems all of the October babies are going nuts (or at least their mommas are :)).

[papal]

Sherri.. i am the same way.. i am so tired most times when she wakes up at night that i just turn to my left and let her latch on and fall back asleep. I know this may not be the best solution in the long run but the mere thought of getting out of bed and pacing and hoping she falls back asleep is exhausting. The last few nights I have been sitting up and nursing her hoping she eats more but I don't think she does. I really don't think she is hungry. I wish we knew how to get her back to sleep without nursing her. I don't like to let her cry because that escalates quickly into her getting hysterical and waking up!
Today I am going to try pumping some milk and giving that to her at night. I tried to trick her by giving her water+gripe water in a bottle but she is too smart for that and outright refused. <sigh>
Anyhoo.... one year from now, hopefully we will be laughing at this and advising other moms with 5 month olds!

[s_gosney]

>Anyhoo.... one year from now, hopefully we will be laughing at this and advising other moms with 5 month olds!

Sounds good to me! :)

[sirensrise]

i just want to stick out my tongue to anyone has a baby who sleeps through the night!
dd is 7 months old. she is going from at least 3 times to sometimes only twice.(there was a time she woke up 13 times.two nights ago she was up every hour, not for feeding. she turned herself around and cant turn back, so i have to do it for her) i tell myself that i am convinced this babe would sleep through the night when she goes to college
oh, the nursery thing. i dont know about anyone elses baby, but mine cant even remember me when she was a newborn, so i doubt she remembers the nursery and have that effect her. you did what was best at the time, and if you were tired, it probably IS the best you could have done. relax!