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megsmom
03-24-2004, 08:06 AM
It made me feel so good to read Rashmi's post this morning. At least I am not alone. Brian was up tonight at midnight, 2:30, and 4:45. I didn't get to sleep until 11 so my longest stretch of sleep was 1 1/2 hrs. I couldn't fall asleep after the last time I was so tired, wired, and upset that I'm up now posting before I get ready for work and the kids are up. I can't believe I'm starting my day like this. I won't get to have any rest until tonight at 10 pm since I have to work today.

I have no idea why my baby is getting up. I know he was sick a few weeks ago (cold with bad congestion) that I was getting up with him like this and nursing him back to sleep. Both of us were sick so I was doing anything I could to comfort him and get us both back to sleep. It seems we have never returned to any good pattern since then. He was typically doing 5-6 hr stretches before this and usually only getting me up once during the night and then not waking up till morning.

I'm not even sure he is getting up to eat, he is just up I think. He doesn't seem particularly hungry for the latter two feedings. He sleeps in his crib in his room and I get up to feed him. There is no room to have him in our bed and I doubt this would equal any more sleep from me since I'm a very light sleeper wehn it comes to kid noises.

I have done everything I can think of to get him to sleep well at night. I make sure he gets good naps so he's not overtired during the day. I try to get him to bed early. We have a good nap and bedtime routine. He typically puts himself to sleep a lot of the time after I soothe him and usually goes down quickly without a fuss. He typically does not nurse to sleep for naps anyway and put himself. He eats well during the day, about every 3 hrs. At night, there is no stimulation from me, the room is dark and it is quiet. I am barely conscious for the most part and half the time these days drift off while nursing him in the glider spending more time in there than need be due to me being asleep.

I still swaddle him. Could this be it? It seems to be his cue to go to sleep and comforts him. Plus he flails about and startles so easily that this was the only way we could get him to sleep at all in the beginning. He doesn't really use a pacifier. A couple of time I tried sneaking this in to see if he would go back to sleep, but he spit it out and kept fussing. The past several nights I have let him fuss a little bit to see if he would go back to sleep on his own. Usually the fussing seems to escalate into crying and then I go in at least to make sure he hasn't wet out his diaper and then end up feeding him usually because it's the quickest and sometimes only way to get him back to sleep.

It's good to know I have company, but does it ever get any better? I read about sleep in the Baby 411 book that Denise Fields wrote along with that doctor. I got so upset because the tone seemed to imply that if your baby has a sleep problem it was because you created it. I was just trying to be responsive to my baby when he was sick and the only solution the book seemed to offer was cry it out. I'm beginning to despair and I hate to be so tired that I wind up not enjoying this period of my kids' lives and snapping at my 2 year old. I don't want to resort to crying it out, but what's left? Is there any hope he can learn to sleep again??????!!!!!!!! My big fear is that I'm going to make some huge mistake at work (I'm in healthcare so not good to make any screwups) or have a car accident.

Help!!!!!!!!!!

Jen
mom to Meghan 7/13/01
and Brian 11/11/03

Rachels
03-24-2004, 08:51 AM
Oh, Jen! Sorry you're having such a rough time! Sometimes getting sick throws Abigail off for a while, too. I totally, absolutely disagree that the only way to deal with nighttime parenting is to leave a baby to CIO. Have you read No Cry Sleep Solution? Or could you try cosleeping for a while so you don't have to wake up so fully?

Otherwise, you may need to let your DH take over some at night, especially if you aren't functioning and Brian isn't hungry. Neither your DH nor your son will like it at first, but IMO it's better for a baby to be lovingly comforted by a parent than to lie there and cry alone in the dark. He'll be mad that it's not you, but he'll figure out how to go to sleep for your DH within a few days, and you won't have to worry that he's feeling anxious or abandoned. And once he figures out you won't show up every time, he may just decide to go back to sleep.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

megsmom
03-24-2004, 11:02 PM
Thanks for your kind post, Rachel. I was in a very desperate mood when I wrote that this morning and am tired, but at least rational tonight. Brian is asleep right now, so after a bath I will head to bed. DH has been a dear, taking over with Meg tonight and getting all of our stuff ready for tomorrow.

I really don't agree with CIO for Brian at this point either. He's only 4 months old for crying out loud. It seems cruel to me and I don't think it would help anyway. He really has no trouble going to sleep, it's just the night waking. My DH would willingly get up, the trouble is that he doesn't hear him. He has a hearing loss, so by the time he wakes up, it's pretty loud and I've been up such a long time and am totally awake I may as well deal with it anyway. Brian actually does quite well with his dad putting him to sleep for naps so maybe I will recruit him tonight at least to bring him to me if I'm too tired to get out of bed.

Despite feeling tired, I am so lucky. Brian is such a happy, contented baby that as he was lying on my lap giggling and cooing tonight, I had to think I'm at least doing something right. I remember all that you went through with Abby and her tummy troubles and we don't have any of that.

Oh, this too shall pass. Hopefully, sweet dreams.

Jen
mom to Meghan 7/13/01
and Brian 11/11/03

papal
03-24-2004, 11:20 PM
{{{Jen}}}
There are so many of us in the same boat looks like! You have it so much harder because you have to take care of your 2 year old too. I cannot think of anything in terms of advise to really offer you.. you seem to be doing EVERYTHING right in my book!
This too shall pass!

Would it be possible for you to put a mattress down in Brian's room and sleep there with him? That way you can just nurse him lying down?

I am thinking about you mama! Hang in there!!!

lmintzer
03-24-2004, 11:44 PM
Hi Jen and Rashmi! I'm right there with you both with a similarly-aged infant with similar issues.

Rashmi--I saw your post a few days ago, and I'm sorry I didn't respond--I've just been so stressed out with my return to work (and Joshua made my worst fears come true by going on a hunger strike while I was gone). I hope Leela is sleeping a little better. I know how awful it must feel to be up so many times each night. And your dh sounds wonderfully supportive saying that he wishes he could nurse her. Could you have him offer a bottle of ebm at one feeding and make up the pumping in the a.m.? This is what we do every other night, and it hasn't hurt my supply.

Jen--Joshua sounds just like your little one with the thrashing and the swaddling. I wonder the same things as you--are we making it worse by swaddling? Or co-sleeping half of the night which I am doing so I can function (i.e., take care of my almost 3 year-old and go to work half-time). Our day time routine isn't as regular as yours sounds, but we too are really working on getting him down for naps before he is overtired. Joshua can't put himself to sleep yet, so you are a step ahead of us. I also feel guilty when I read things like the 411 section on sleep or Weissbluth, because I know there are things we are probably doing to make this worse, but I also know I need to survive. And I'm not a fan of CIO, although we used it when we hit the depths of despair with a miserable, exhausted baby with post-colicky Jack at 9 months.

I keep hoping that one day Joshua will just start sleeping better at night, but I don't know when that will happen.

Co-sleeping is wonderfully sweet, but the thrashing and need to re-swaddle, insert paci, or insert boob does keep me from getting a decent night's sleep.

I don't know what to tell you except that you are not alone!

Lisa