EVERY nursing ends in tears (LONG)

[deenass]

I'm not sure what I'm looking for, maybe support, maybe advice, maybe comiseration, but I feel the need to "talk" to someone about this ...

My son is 13 mos old and still nursing. He has always like to nurse for a long time and I've gotten to the point where I just can't let him nurse for as ling as he likes. Now every nursing session ends in tears, EVERY one. It's turning a nice thing into a not so nice thing and has me wondering if the time has come to wean for both of our sakes.

He had been nursing 5 times a day which I've cut to 3 (cut out the 2 "snack" nurisngs). In addition, he had always nursed to sleep for a nap, but now he won't let me remove my breast and stay asleep so I've decided that the time has come to stop nursing to sleep for naps (he goes to sleep without nursing at night, I nurse, he reads stories with dad and dad puts him to be awake). Of course not nursing for naps is TORTUROUS for him, but I have just had enough, I don't want to lay in bed as a pacifier for 2 hours every day.

I used to love nursing him and I don't anymore, I hate that something I was doing to calm him adn soothe him now works him into a state of frustration. I feel guilty when he cries because I stop him but my breasts have just had enough .... so I guess I'm looking at weaning which breaks my heart. From what I've heard and read, unless you let them self wean there are tears involved (on both sides). I've thought about starting to say to him "okay, mommy will count to 10 and then we'll stop" so that he has a clue that it will be over vs just stopping ... like maybe he'll understand and be less unhappy?

Any thoughts are appreciated.

[mamicka]

I don't have any advice. My DS is 9.5 months & I can relate to a degree. Oftentimes naps are nursed through the whole time & I can't stand it. I hope someone can help - but I can definitely comiserate.

Allison

[COElizabeth]

Oh, I am sorry! James was always a quick nurser, and I could put him down for naps, so I had it easier, but even so, I do remember getting impatient sometimes and just wanting him off of me. I think it's a very normal feeling. This may sound like a crude comparison, and I hope it doesn't offend, but it comforted me some to think of mommy animals I have seen just get up and walk away from their babies when they are tired of nursing or need to do something for themselves. It seems to me that they take an active role in weaning when the time comes, so why shouldn't human moms? I don't think there is anything wrong with waiting for a child to wean if the mom is still enjoying nursing, but I also don't think there's anything wrong with mom leading the way if she feels it's time.

As for how to do it, it sounds like you have already done quite a bit in that you have cut down to three times a day and that your son can go down for the night without nursing immediately beforehand. I don't know what the next logical step is, but maybe you could try to move toward a similar routine for naps, where you nurse and then read before having him go to sleep? Your idea of counting to 10 is a good one, too. I hope you find something that works for you!

Elizabeth, Mom to James, 9-20-02
EDD #2, 10-30-04

[mattiew]

WOW 13 months, you have done a GREAT job!!!! From my own experience and from talking to other mommys I think you feel guilty no matter when you stop nursing. When I weaned DD from the breast and later the bottle, I only changed one feeding (to bottle or cup) every couple days. This gradual process seemed to work pretty well. I agree with the previous poster on trying a "naptime" routine and I have found that it helps to tell DD what we are doing and what comes next. They really do understand more than we give them credit for : )

HTH!
Carrie

[jd11365]

Nevermind...
Didn't realize this was inadvertently bumped and the thread is old.