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missym
07-19-2004, 11:38 PM
For those just tuning in...
Gwen has never been an enthusiastic eater. Getting her to nurse for more than a few minutes was always a challenge. She didn't care much for pureed foods. She will nibble at table foods, but not eat enough to keep a bird alive. A few months ago, she was diagnosed as Failure to Thrive because she wasn't gaining weight. She's gone from 25th percentile at birth to off the charts. We have spent her entire life being worried about this.

So... it's developed into something really ugly. We've basically been forcing her to eat. I know, it sounds horrible, but honestly we're just so panicked at the thought of her not eating anything that we didn't see any way around it. She'll eat some table food if I'm sitting there "threatening" her with a bowl of pureed food, but still not enough. So with every meal, we've made her eat pureed food spiked with heavy cream. She is gaining weight, but very slowly.

Unless the sitter is lying to me, she eats without a struggle there, although she still doesn't consistently eat enough table food. She'll eat yogurt or pureed food fine for her. This tells me it's a power struggle rather than a physical issue.

Today, we decided it has to change. None of us can take it anymore. We're going to try it Ellen Satter's way. For a week, we'll let Gwen self-regulate what she eats. We'll see how it goes.

We did our best to make dinner a relaxing, no-stress experience, with an offering of foods she will, on occasion, eat. The result? I just put to bed a screaming, unhappy, hungry toddler. She won't eat, she will only try to nurse but I just don't have much milk anymore. I nursed her to sleep twice, but the moment I put her in her crib, she's up and screaming again. I'm sure she's hungry. Finally, she fell asleep. DH and I both feel so guilty, we can hardly stand it.

Missy, mom to Gwen 03/03

JElaineB
07-20-2004, 12:12 AM
{{{Missy}}}! Big hugs to you, DH and Gwen! I think you are doing the right thing by trying to stop what appears to be a power struggle. It might just take her a few days to realize you aren't trying to force her to eat. We generally don't have any food issues with DS, but sometimes he sits down and acts like he is going to refuse everything, but if I start ignoring him (an excuse to turn around and get on the computer for a minute!) he will usually start picking things up and eating them. If she wakes up in the middle of the night tonight you might even try giving her some snacks then. She might be hungry enough to eat at that point! Good luck, mama, and hang in there, you're doing great!

Jennifer
mom to Jacob 9/27/02

jbowman
07-20-2004, 12:14 AM
Missy--

I am so sorry that you are going through this. It sounds as if you are such a good mother b/c you are so concerned. Try not to feel guilty (easier said than done), but know that you have Gwen's best interests at heart.

jbowman
07-20-2004, 12:14 AM
Double post, sorry!

drsweetie
07-20-2004, 10:04 AM
Missy, I can empathize with the part about forcing your DD to eat and feeling bad about it! We went through that too a couple of months ago. We're still not past the resisting and screaming, but it's slowly getting better (and hopefully I haven't just jinxed myself). One thing that really helped us was letting Laura feed herself as much as possible -- boy, is that messy, but if it's really a power struggle then Gwen might appreciate the opportunity to take charge.

I know how guilty you feel, but you're only trying to help Gwen be happy and healthy, and she's not old enough yet to understand verbal reasoning. Hang in there!

sntm
07-20-2004, 03:03 PM
(((Missy)))

FWIW, I think it will get better quickly. For the moment, until she is more used to having some control, I would ignore the Satter advice on eating only at mealtimes and snack times. Continue the no-stress offering, but anytime she wants. Maybe try the Sears trick of an ice-cube tray with random foods in each part (cheese cubes, goldfish crackers, berries, whatever) and left out while she plays.

Crossing my fingers for a hungry self-feeding growing girl!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
shannon
not-even-pregnant-yet-overachiever
trying-to-conceive :)
PREGNANT! EDD 6/9/03
mama to Jack 6/6/03

Chelsey333
07-20-2004, 09:27 PM
Sorry you are going thru such a tough time. Does she not want to eat certain foods (like healthy stuff) that you are encouraging her to eat or is she this way with all foods? My ds is very very picky. I can't get him to eat very healthy. He won't try most foods we give him. But luckily for us, we have found a handful of foods that he will eat - but he eats that same handful of foods over and over again. He even cried when I tried to get him to taste M&Ms or ice cream! But anyway, have you tried Milk Shakes? I was just wondering if that might help to put some weight on her, and they taste good. Are there any foods she likes?

missym
07-21-2004, 06:27 PM
Thanks so much for your words of encouragement and suggestions. I'm feeling better about our decision overall. We just saw the ped yesterday, and he thinks we're on the right track for now. We're going to do monthly weight checks. I also have a phone call scheduled with Ellen Satter next week, so it will be interesting to hear what she has to say.

To answer your questions, Gwen will nibble at many foods but there are very few things she'll actually eat. She appears to be living on hot dogs and cheerios right now, although even those in limited quantities. However, the sitter says she's eaten very well for her the past 2 days, so I guess there is hope. Of course, she also takes naps without a fuss for the sitter, and that has never happened at home, LOL!

We're experimenting with different foods to try to find some high-fat foods she'll eat. Milkshakes are hit or miss, but at least I don't mind eating what she doesn't! Any other suggestions are very welcome.

Thanks again!

Missy, mom to Gwen 03/03

sntm
07-22-2004, 02:22 PM
You'll have to share with us about the phone consult! How cool.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
shannon
not-even-pregnant-yet-overachiever
trying-to-conceive :)
PREGNANT! EDD 6/9/03
mama to Jack 6/6/03