Am I a bad Mom for being secretly thrilled that baby will only nurse and not take a bottle from Daddy?

[johnsmom]

I am a lurker who loves to read and enjoys everyone's comments. This forum has given me the support to continue to exclusively breastfeed my son (now 4.5 months). Thank you all!

The Problem: I find it tiresome to use my Isis to pump and feed him so he hasn't had a bottle for a few months now. It is just easier to nurse him. Well, I went out last night and came home to find Daddy and Baby in tears because Baby refused to take the bottle of breastmilk. I held him and he automatically took it from me. When I handed him to Daddy, he burst out crying and refused to eat. A few questions:

1. Is it so terrible that I was secretly thrilled DS would only take nourishment while in my arms? :o

2. I rationally know that this is not a good situation. Thus, what is the advice to get my son to take the bottle from my DH? As I said before, I am really lazy with pumping and like to avoid it. But, do you think I should pump out more bottles and have DH feed him one everyday?

3. Or can I ignore this problem, as it will work itself out as DS grows and begins solids (won't be until Sept. or Oct.)?

[eb1]

OOPS...I wrote a long message here, thinking your baby had refused the bottle entirely, but then re-read your post, and mine didn't make sense anymore so I deleted it.

[lizajane]

i totally understand! it made me feel sad and icky to see MIL feed ds a bottle of ebm one time. she even took a picture (FIL took it of her) and i didn't want anyone to see it because they wouldn't know that it was breastmilk in the bottle! i am so weird.

someone gave me this suggestion (which you may already be doing)- have dh hold ds in a totally different feeding position from nursing. like prop baby on his knees so that he is facing him. if he is in the nursing position in the crook of his arm, he may be angry that he is not getting nursed by sweet, yummy mommy.

and also, just practice when it isn't vital that daddy feed him. maybe a little before he is really hungry, so he won't get frustrated that he wants food NOW and isn't getting it from the right person.

schuyler hardly ever had a bottle, but he was some kind of miracle baby and took it from whomever, whenever. he would go months without one, and then took it without any trouble from a babysitter, for example. so i can't offer too many ideas other than those two!

[quikeye]

I know what you mean about being so proud to have babe totally dependant on you :) I felt the same way, and also think that it's a special time (the 1st 6 months) where babe and you can have that bond. DS is starting solids & I just started back to work-- he was always fussy @ the bottle but something recently just *clicked* for him and he'll take bottles of ebm from dad no problem. Before 6 months though, it would be more of playing with it.

Imo, you don't want to set up a negative experience for your dh in feeding babe though. In my experience, b/c ds was so fussy @ feedings from a bottle, dh was left feeling incapable at all aspects of caring for ds-- b/c feeding is so much of a part of a little one's 1st months, if the feed didn't go well, nothing afterwards generally did (from dh's anxiety, from babe's anxiety). Don't want dh resenting your feeding relationship, nor do you want him to not want to stay w. babe if you need/want to go out alone.

It did *work itself out* in our situation; I tried bottles from 8 weeks with varying degrees of success. But now that I just started back to work pt @ 6 months, ds takes the bottles eagerly. We tried giving a bottle

If it's the pump keeping you from pumping, have you considered picking up an electric? I think medela sells one thats "lighter use" than the PIS but still electric; I use an ameda but use it @ work, so I need a quicker electric pump to make the best use of my time.

Good luck :)

[sntm]

Not terrible at all! I've never liked watching Jack drink from a bottle, especially since I associate it with our rocky BFing start (where I was pumping until we worked out latch issues (long story)). Whenever he had leftover EBM from daycare I would just toss it and nurse him instead.

And the need for a bottle all depends on how much you plan on being away from him. If I wasn't working, I would gladly have tossed the pump, the bottles, and all that out the window and just taken him with me all the time!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
shannon
not-even-pregnant-yet-overachiever
trying-to-conceive :)
PREGNANT! EDD 6/9/03
mama to Jack 6/6/03

[mamicka]

I wouldn't worry about it at all unless you will NEED to be away & have DS take a bottle. Our DS would pretty much never take a bottle & still doesn't at 13 months. I'm a SAHM so it's not an issue. The few times I've been away for feedings, DS drinks from a regular cup with help... & with solids, it's not critical that he get the milk as often if I'm away for a few hours.

[tarahsolazy]

Your DH could also try a sippy cup with a soft spout, or a regular little cup, or a straw cup. My 4.5 mo old (3 days older than yours!) is trying to use a straw, and occasionally he gets some water. He likes sucking and chewing on it, anyway. A regular cup might work well to get enough in him to tide him over. I totally know what you mean about liking being the one who feeds him, I work FT out of the home, and DH stays with DS. He gets lots of bottles, but I have seen him bottlefeed maybe three times, and I didn't like it. We also have a pic of my MIL feeding him a bottle when I was at work during their visit, and I can't look at it, makes me queasy, just like Liza, and I'm not pregnant. Its just something about the nursing relationship, I think, it just doesn't feel right for him to get nourishment other than at the breast. I hope you find a solution, though, bottle refusal can be tough if you really need to go somewhere without him.

[johnsmom]

Thanks everyone for the support! I guess for now I am not going to be worried about his anti-bottle stance as I am a SAHM and only gone for a few hours at a time. I think I will try the straw or sippy cup to get him used to that with DH. We did try the bottle again last night with my DH and he really just refused to suck on it. And I'm glad I'm not the only one with feeding issues and my MIL. I'm actually glad that she can't feed him...it would make me nuts. Right now, she is telling him to stop putting his fingers in his mouth and has a napkin to wipe the drool away every second...aaahhhh...hello, he is a baby and this behavior is normal. Oh well ;)

[tarahsolazy]

We have a hand-gnawing drool machine at our house too. Isn't it cute when it just rolls out of their mouths like a little waterfall? Its so hot here we've just been keeping him shirtless, so no worries about drool soaked shirts.

[johnsmom]

oohhh, the shirtless idea is a good one. I might have to try that. His outfits are always a mess. I noticed in your pics that you have a Moby. I have a hug a bub that my DS loves. But, he tends to chew the edges and the cloth gets crusty with drool. Needless to say it has been washed alot but still looks great!