Need advice from EBF moms

[Mommy_Again]

DS is about to turn one, and I always thought I would start the weaning process at this time. But as the date approaches, I am feeling more and more like I don't want to. I don't even know for sure why I want to continue (I've read posts that list the medical benefits, so that part I understand) other than I just want to. I am prepared for pressure from others and I don't have a problem with that.

I guess where I am uncomfortable is I have always had a preconceived notion (which I am learning now is wrong after "meeting" the very normal people on these boards) that people who EBF are a bit 'hippy-ish'. I am very traditional and conservative and don't really believe in letting the child dictate stuff like where to sleep or how long to BF, etc. So I guess I am just having internal conflict on my reluctance to wean and how that will balance with my parenting style in general. I know there is not just one way to do things, so maybe I am just having trouble rejecting the "plan" I have had in mind since before DS was born. If anyone else struggled with this, I would love to hear your thoughts.

On a logistical note, for people who BF past a year, how many times a day do you do it? I BF 4x/day now...I am thinking I would keep the early morning and bedtime feedings and give cows milk during the day. Do you all just wait until your baby weans him/herself?

Thanks in advance to listening to and responding to my late night blabbing.

[ellies mom]

I'm kind of in the same boat you are. DD is less than a month away from my goal of breastfeeding one year. I did not intend to EBF, but it looks like it just gonna happen, and why not. It works for us.

I think if it is something that you want to do, then it fits in with your parenting style. After all it is YOUR parenting style, not Dr. Sears, or Ferber's or DS doctor's or your mother's. Your parenting style is what works for you and yours. If that includes EBF because you aren't ready to wean then so be it. When you are ready to wean, then you'll wean and that will fit your style too.

As for logistical advice, I have none. I'm still trying to find a decent menu worth of food that DD likes. :)

From one insomniac mom to another-

[deenass]

My son and I are in the process of weaning (he's only BF once in the past few weeks) and he is almost 19 months old. I knew I wanted to BF before he was born and really took it one day at a time. At a year he was BF 5 times a day (Morning, snack, lunch, snack, dinner) and shortly after he's 1 bday I cut out the two "snacks" and started giving him actual snack foods. The dinner one got dropped about a month or so later (he didn't BF to sleep at night at that point) and I cut out the morning one at about 15 mos.

The last one to go has been the one before his nap. We're still working on a new routine.

Your decision to extend BF is truly yours. There is still a tremendous benefit to your child (continued immunities, special mommy time, etc) and to you if you choose to continue. It's a special relationship that lasts for a very short time in the scheme of life.

People will always have lots to say about how your mother your child, but this is a decision which is truly yours. Good luck with it!

Edited to add (after re-reading your post) Before he was born I didn't know how long I wanted to BF, just that I wanted to do it. I've decided to wean because I no longer enjoy it. If you think you wnat to keep BF then go with your instinct. You'll know when the time is right to stop.

[miki]

Me, too. I feel the same way. For a very long time my goal was one year. That's come and gone. DD did not seem very into it and I have never been in love with BFing. At 11.5 months, I introduced cow's milk. At that time I was nursing 4x a day (morning, after naps, and bedtime). I dropped the 2 after-nap sessions and offered cow's milk in a straw cup. At first it was milk mixed with yogurt because DD loves her yogurt but was not thrilled with milk. I would drop one session and then wait until I didn't feel full and did the next. After that, DD seemed to like nursing a lot more. All of a sudden she started signing for milk after months of laughing at me when I signed milk to her. That combined with winter coming makes me re-think my weaning plan. I don't think it will be quite so easy to convince DD to let go of these remaining 2 nursings. Plus, now I'm thinking maybe I can keep her from getting sick during the cold weather.

[hez]

Just wanted to let you know I'm with you on the struggling... I just posted about my thoughts on the subject. I think I honestly thought I'd go 6 months and be done with nursing, but I wasn't ready to stop at that point. So I've adjusted my plans as we went. If you saw me, you'd know I'm pretty far from being a 'hippy' (no offense to anyone, I'm just too square, and uptight according to my wilder sister!). Like someone else posted, it's about the parenting style that works for you and your family, not what someone externally dictates to you, right?

We're at 13+ months and 4-ish times a day. Morning (meaning anytime between 1 and 7!), mid-morning, mid-afternoon, and before bed. This is also true for bottles on the days I'm at work. I was leaning toward your plan-- trading in the daytime feedings for cow's milk, and keeping the other two.

Good luck figuring out the best plan. I know the mamas around here have lots of experience on this, so hopefully something posted will ring true for you!

[Momof3Labs]

Before Colin was born, I wanted to bf him, maybe for 6 months. Not because of the bonding, etc., but because on an intellectual level, I knew that it was the right thing to do. When Colin was born, he had a hard time latching on. My resolve to bf was suddenly strengthened. When he was about 3 months old, we went to a LLL meeting. Most of the moms there were nursing toddlers. Ew, yuck, I thought. No way, no how, not for us. But as Colin got closer to a year, I saw that nothing magical happened to him at one year to make nursing suddenly yucky when a day earlier, it was not. At a year, Colin was nursing 3 times a day. I decided to continue. He dropped a session about every 2 months, and fully weaned himself at 19 months. Honestly, few people knew that we nursed past a year, but that didn't necessarily "make" my decision.

In retrospect, I loved nursing Colin past a year. I liked seeing a glimmer of my baby in him when he cuddled up to nurse with me. It was a closeness that I now miss, although I do occasionally still get cuddles from him. I also loved that I didn't have to make the decision to end nursing - it was a tear-free experience for both of us.

[sntm]

I was the same -- even with my medical training (not that that says much!), I had no idea about the potential values of breastfeeding past the age of one. I remember even planning out when to wean so I could get pregnant again and have time for another baby before I left the lab (snicker snicker.)

I think the most valuable lesson I learned from parenting was to be flexible, to be willing to let go of preconceived ideas and go with what seems right. I'm also pretty conservative (though it may not come across here!) but it was listening to lots of different opinions and going with those that seemed right in my heart rather than just in my head, that has been the best pathway for me.

I'm getting off track here! Regardless, I may practice extended breastfeeding, cosleeping, and gentle discipline, but I also wear makeup and high heels, drive a Volvo, work as a surgery resident, go to church, and vote Republican. I don't easily fit a label, but I think that makes me more interesting.

FYI, Jack nurses 1-3 times at night and probably 4-5 times during the day.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
shannon
not-even-pregnant-yet-overachiever
trying-to-conceive :)
PREGNANT! EDD 6/9/03
mama to Jack 6/6/03
http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_gold_12m.gif[/img][/url]
Breastfeeding 16 months and counting

[nitaghei]

My inital goal was 6 months, then a year. We're still nursing at 21 months. It's been once a day for the last four months or so. Even though I come from a culture where BF'g is the norm, I never expected to continue as long as I have. And like Shannon, if you saw me, I'm about as far from "hippy" as you can get (despite the CD'g, extended BF'g and baby wearing). I'm an economist turned lawyer who leans libertarian on economic issues, libertarian to moderately conservative on social issues, and would almost always vote Republican if I were a US citizen. And I drive a big old American car. :)

So, with that out of the way, the one constant about parenting is the need to stay flexible. Which means that plans change, and that's fine. If you want to continue BF'g, it's a win-win situation for both of you. This really isn't a matter of your child dictating anything; it's you revising your plans in light of new information about yourself as a parent. And that's just fine.

Logistically, in our case, DS was nursing a LOT at one year - 5-9 times a day. I continued to pump until he was 14 months old, when I substituted cow's milk for the one pumping session. He dropped the 3 night feedings at about the same time (when we sleep trained). He gradually dropped other nursing sessions on his own between 14 and 17 months, until he came down to the single bedtime session. And I'm still hoping he'll self-wean shortly.

So your plan to substitute cow's milk for the daytime sessions should work. Just do it gradually, and one session at a time. Because DS was getting EBM, I actually took about 5 weeks to switch him to cow's milk, mixing the two, and gradually increasing the proportion of cow's milk in the cup.

HTH

Nita
mom to Neel, January 2003
dog mom to a cocker and a PWD

[calebsmama03]

Darn hormones! Yet again I'm teary because of you!

I, too, thought we'd only nurse for 6 months, but after a tough start and seeing how ridiculously fast the first 6 weeks went, I decided that we'd for sure go to a year. I also thought that BFing a toddler was "gross" and not for me. But like Lori, as 1 year approached I saw that the number on the calendar didn't change his need for me nor the bond that BFing gave us so we've continued. I was planning to go till 2 and then see if he wasn't showing signs of wanting to wean I was going to start guiding him so that I could have a few months of "my body" before TTC #2. Now that we are (quite unexpectedly) expecting #2, I'm faced with trying to guide the weaning a little sooner than planned. I had preterm labor with C and will likely be told not to BF past a certain point in this pg, as well :( I have gotten comments from MIL and a few others about how long we're going to "do that", but I expected them and largely ignore it, though I try to be respectful and TRY to not nurse in front of those I know it bothers.

As for how we did it - I didn't magically change anything at 1 year. He was nursing around 5-6 times a day when I was home (I work 3 days) and we kept at that. I did stop pumping at 15 mos and changed to cows milk, though. Before I found out about #2 C was nursing AM, prenap, postnap, and night with a few "comfort sessions" on demand as needed. We've cut out the "on demand" sessions and are down to am, prenap and night, with AM getting less common. We're basically doing a "dont offer, don't deny" method for the AM sessions. If he asks for it (signs milk) he nurses, if not we go straight for breakfast.

I don't think "extended" BFing in any way compromises your parenting style. It is am amazing emotional experience and one that I will sorely miss with C when it is over. I so love the fact that my busy boy still cuddles in my lap a few times each day. I think you should go with your gut on this one - you won't regret it! I can't imagine parenting a toddler without BFing now ;)

Lynne
Mommy to Caleb 3/3/03
http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_emerald_18m.gif[/img][/url]
Oh my!! #2 5/05

[Mommy_Again]

I just wanted to say thank you so much for all your kind and encouraging words. It is so comforting to know I am not the only one who has struggled with this, and many people who EBF didn't plan to do it from day 1.

I think the biggest thing that hit home was when Lori (I think) said that there is no change in your baby from the day before he turns one to the day after. He is still my little baby and I now feel peace that this is the right decision for us. I just told my husband that whenever we get done having kids, he owes me a major boob reconstruction!!

Thanks again girls!

[Katia]

I'm late replying to your original post, but smiled when I saw your boob reconstruction comment. I'm also at the one-year mark of breastfeeding and planning to continue, so facing some of the same issues that you are. When DS and I stop bf-ing, whenever that happens to be, I plan to treat myself to a professional bra-fitting and some nice new bras. My "girls" will deserve a special treat for all of their hard work! :-)

(Edited to add the 12-month breastfeeding ribbon for anyone who wants to link to it...I realized I needed to update my signature as well!)