Any older babes (9 months +) "addicted" to nursing to sleep? (Kinda long)

[quikeye]

Hi all, I'm embarrassed to admit ds is "addicted" to nursing to sleep. Every nap & at bedtime is preceeded by nursing down to sleep-- it's a rare occassion to have him nap without nursing (in the car, in someone else's arms-- not mine, sometimes when I sit & watch him playing before bed he'll conk out, but it's rare). DH can get him to nod off by a bottle as well (ebm), but I'm almost always the one to get him to sleep by nursing (I'm at home for now, so I spend a lot of time w. ds and I'm able ot do it).

I'm not really concerned right now as we're okay with our situation and habits-- we co-sleep and it's nice to get ds to sleep 12+ hours at night (he'll occassionally nurse in the middle of the night, but most of the time I forget or don't even know since he's pretty adept at finding what he wants now :))... I'm looking at my bigger & bigger babe and am afraid he'll not be "able" to sleep without bf'ing (1, 2, 3 years old??)

Also, what's really brought this mini-panic on is we're planning our holiday trips to see both sets of in-laws, mine who say "you're still bf'ing!", call ds "needy/whiny" (in a cute way, but annoys me), and look down on us co-sleeping & nursing to sleep (cry it out crowd). DH's family is more in step w. our parenting styles, totally supporting bf'ing (his dad was bf'd til 10-15 years old! No joke!!), but not supportive of the sleep/bf'ing/co-sleeping. Just not looking forward to having to excuse myself ot get ds to sleep and coming back to "discussions" about it from my family and how my babe is *spoiled* :(

::sigh:: I'm not looking for cry it out advice, nor a change from our co-sleeping habit. I guess I'm just wondering if there are families out there who've had similar experiences, and maybe have a story of babe not needing nursing to sleep as they got older? As I said, I'm comfortable w/ our situation now, but it's hard to fathom having to nurse ds down for sleep *forever*, you know? Or, if you're still nursing down, how's it working out? (Weird? I keep thinking it'll be weird, but I also thought before ds was born that co-sleeping was weird, but I wouldn't have it any other way now).

I guess I could start offering bottles before bed and in bed, but I'm afraid of the "tooth rot" our ped warned us of... I dunno. I wonder if it's different than giving a babe a bottle in bed...

Sorry for the ramble, just got ds down to sleep (it only takes a few minutes, and he'll nap for 1+ hour-- there are perks to our routine)... and it's been on my mind thinking about our holiday trips. Thanks! :)

[psophia17]

We never co-slept, so I can't comment on that at all, but I did BF DS before he fell asleep for all naps and bedtime until maybe 3 weeks ago. Now I can't even get him to give it a shot unless he's actually hungry, so first thing in the morning, before lunch, and I usually offer before he goes to sleep for the night, but he won't nurse for more than a minute or two.

When he first fell asleep without my assistance, it was really hard for me to handle, it was like my baby didn't need me for that anymore. But I'm getting used to it. I wouldn't worry about your DS being addicted at all, I'd be thrilled if my DS was still that interested.

As to what to tell the family, well, my DH's family (who we are now living with) were totally against my BFing in the first place. They got over it when they realized that it was important to me and I would tell them to shut up if they had comments. Since you'll be travelling, though, you can just use the excuse that DS doesn't settle down well in a strange place, and if BF helps him, then that's what you'll do. And about co-sleeping, again, I never did it unless it was naptime, but you can use the same excuse - he's a baby and needs his mama in strange places/situations.

HTH :-)

-Petra

DS - Nathan, 12/29/03

[nwaddellr]

My DS nursed to sleep exclusively until he was a year old. At that point, I needed him to be able to go to bed on his own since I had some evening activities. So, what I did was to start a routine for bed, I nursed him to sleep for about two weeks, doing the routine. Then I would only nurse him for about five minutes and put him in his crib. The best thing was he only cried for about ten minutes, even on the first night. I'm not a fan of CIO, but I can handle 10 minutes. Naps, I'm still nursing him down for, mainly because of the convenience. And when we're out of the house, it wasn't until we got the routine going that he would even sleep in his own bed.

[lisaE]

My baby is 9 days older than yours! We also co-sleep. I guess he nurses to sleep about half the time. He is always really fussy before finally going to sleep. It seems like when he wakes up in the middle of the night, it is more necessary for him to nurse back to sleep. I guess what I'm trying to say is that the first time he goes down, he nurses to sleep about half the time. Every time he wakes up in the middle of the night though, he has to be nursed back down. It has gotten very tiresome!

Count yourself lucky that your baby sleeps for such long stretches!

[Rachels]

Grrrr. I just typed a very long response and it vanished. But here's the gyst:

If it isn't broken, there's no need to fix it. If it is working for you and your baby to nurse to sleep, more power to you and hurray for having found such a sweet solution. My daughter nursed to sleep for a lonnnnnnnng time. It really helped me to recognize that nursing was an important part of her routine, rather than a substitute for somebody else's idea of what a routine "should" be. I trusted (albeit with a few doubtful stretches) that she would move on in her time, and here's the great news: she did. One night she nursed for a bit and then suddenly asked to lie down on her bed. I put her down, she rolled over, and that was that. Now she nurses to sleep if she's teething or sick, but otherwise we read and nurse and then she tells me she's all done and curls up on her bed herself.

It's a lovely thing to honor your child and to believe that they will let you know of their readiness to make a change, and then to see it happen. There were people who thought I was nuts, but I don't regret a minute of that sweet time I spent cuddling my baby and nursing while she drifted off. Think how good it feels to fall asleep in the arms of someone who loves you. Why should it be any different for a baby? Now, if any of this hadn't worked for my family or my daughter, it would have been time to change things. But don't let social pressure be the deciding factor for how you navigate bedtime. You know your child and you know yourselves, and if you've got a good thing going, there's no reason to stop. Your inlaws are not there at bedtime every night, and it's not their job to navigate sleep with your baby. It's your job. So do it in a way that feels good to both of you, whether or not it's what they would choose if it were up to them.

AP is not always easy and not always well-received, but it IS good for babies. It's respectful and attentive and sweet. Your baby will not nurse to sleep for the rest of his life, I promise. And you won't look back and think those were wasted hours. Hugs, mama. You're not doing anything wrong.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02


"When you know better, you do better."
Maya Angelou

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_sapphire_24m.gif Two years and counting!

[Java]

DS is still nurses to sleep for both bedtime and naps. He doesn't need it but I like to offer. Lately he's been pulling off before totally falling asleep and using the ladies as a pillow. I'm not doing anything to encourage or discourage this at all - I guess he's at that age where he's starting to wean off the breast ( :-().

At a young age, my MIL took part in putting him to sleep whenever she watches him (after I BF him so he is awake and aware of the change of hands) and I think that helped in letting HIM know that he doesn't need me to fall asleep. (another :-()

We co-slept until age 5.5 months then he kicked us out! I still try to bring him to bed with us on occasion but it's a no go. He's much happier in his crib. He's a mover and he likes the feel of the crib against his head. In our king bed, he just keeps on moving, and moving, and moving...

I get comments from my mom about my "still" BF'ing him. She thinks that he's getting empty calories, plus she keeps telling me to make him more independent. Whatever! I just smile... trying to convince her otherwise just makes me crazy. Once in a while I have to tell her that he's happy, I'm happy and it works for us. There's not much you can do otherwise. You can't change their minds so just know that you're doing what's right for your family and try to not let what other people say bother you. They're not the ones putting him to sleep, right? I miss our co-sleeping days and I KNOW I will miss our BF'ing days so enjoy these times while you still can.

As for as trading a boob for a bottle - that's still a "prop" IMO. I'd rather BF him and get the bonding time. My sister used a paci and she had to wean her DD off that a few months ago. So whatever you decide to do, you're still using something so why not just stick with what makes you happy?

Good luck!

[ellies mom]

Don't worry about the ramble. It is what we mothers do. DD is almost a year. She still nurses to sleep. Although about half her wakings I can get her back to sleep without nursing. That's new, so we are getting better. We co-sleep the last few hours of the morning. Now you know where I come from on this.

My aunt was aghast at the idea of co-sleeping. She was very adamant that is was horrible and should be stopped. My reaction was and still is that I have a happy, confident, well adjusted baby, so I must be doing something right and I'm just going to carry on. If it is working for you, don't worry what your family thinks. I know it is hard to hear the comments, but I just ignore them because they aren't the ones putting the baby down or getting up with him at night.

There was a thread a bit ago about the same basic subject, and there were a ton of post saying that their child eventually out grew nursing to sleep. See there is hope for us. :) As a friend of my mom (an extended breastfeeder and co-sleeper) once said. "By the time DS is 18, it won't be my breasts he's interested in."

[squimp]

Don't be embarassed. Sounds like your baby is getting enough sleep (and you are too :) ), and that to me is the most important thing.

We were in your shoes at 9 months - co-sleeping and nursing to sleep. I was also worried, after reading some books, that DD might never be able to fall asleep on her own. But now, at just over a year, I can rock her to sleep or almost to sleep, then put her in her crib for the night. It has helped that we have a babysitter who doesn't have so many tricks up her sleeve, so to speak ;) - this is where DH can help. Sometimes there is a little crying, but never more than 5 minutes. It has been a gradual process over the last few months, not always easy, but certainly proved that there was nothing to worry about.

I'd nip any unwelcome comments in the bud by saying "it works for us" - end of discussion. You are not spoiling your baby by co-sleeping, if it works for your family!

[Imperia]

This is so tough, but I agree with PPs if it works for you and your DS then don't change it. Your in laws don't live at your house nor do they take care of DS's needs, so they do NOT know how it is for you. If you and DS are happy, then good, keep doing what you are doing. Children move on with their own sleep habits when they are ready, in time. I can pretty mumch guarantee that your DS will be ready to move on sooner rather than later, but right now you are building a wonderful, safe sleep arrangement that helps him feel safe.

My DD is almost 9 months old and we co-sleep and BF. People would make snide remarks about it then I looked them in the eye and told them how much sleep I got every night, and why I wasn't tired at all past about 2 weeks. That generally wiped the smirk right off their faces. If it didn't *shrug*...it is tough with in laws and parents, but in some cases it's best just not to offer information if you feel they will try to make you feel guilty or "wrong". If they ask where you are going when you put DS to sleep, you can just say you are settling him down or rocking him or whateverm you do not have to volunteer the information that you are BFing him to sleep.

Good luck!

Imperia

[Puddy73]

I haven't read all of the previous posts, and I'm sure that others have answered your question more eloquently, but in my limited experience as a parent I go by three rules:

1. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
2. Trust your gut.
3. It may take a village to raise a child, but I am the chief of my child's village and have the ultimate right and responsibility for her upbringing,

By my rules, you are doing a great job and you don't need to change a thing! FWIW, my DD is almost 14 months old and she still nurses to sleep many nights. Until she was 11 months old I regularly nursed her to sleep for naps, too. When I'm not around, she goes to sleep just fine on her own.

Jennifer
Mommy to Annabelle Mae 9/8/03

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

[missmelis01]

My DS isn't 9+ months (almost 7 mos), but we are heading down the very same path. I must nurse him to sleep for every nap and at bedtime, and if DH is putting him down, DH must use a bottle with EBM.

Interestingly, my mom, who watches DS while I am at work, has no problem putting him down for naps without a bottle....

Anyway, I think about the same things you do -- what will happen when he is 1, 2, 3 years old! I plan on weaning at 12 months, so I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. :-)

[sntm]

I agree with PP that if a baby is going to be "addicted" (or my preference, used to the routine of...) something to go to sleep, better nursing than a less beneficial prop like a bottle, a pacifier, a lovey, etc. Nursing gives him nutrition, bonding, and a natural sleep-inducer.

Jack nurses to sleep every night and for naps at home, but can nap at daycare without nursing or a bottle. And on some nights, he will pop off and roll away from me to go to sleep.

Don't feel pressure to hurry the process. He will grow up on his own and will find his own way to go to sleep. No rush -- enjoy the time you have now.

:)
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shannon
not-even-pregnant-yet-overachiever
trying-to-conceive :)
PREGNANT! EDD 6/9/03
mama to Jack 6/6/03
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Breastfeeding 16 months and counting