Coverup for BF and who not to nurse in front of in general

[jacksmomtobe]

I was wondering when people used cover ups while bf'ing and in general who people usually nursed in front of. I was in the store today and saw a pretty cover up and almost bought it. I never used one with ds and when I tried to cover him in one scenario later on he was swatting it away since he wasn't used to it. I'm a bit less modest this go round but still try to only bf around women or others I think will not be uncomfortable with me doing it. I was thinking of picking up the cover up since we are having company this weekend and then I wouldn't have to go upstairs and bf out of sight. However there will be kids here so I'm not sure it would be right to do it in front of them. I know it is a natural process but still there are some times when it may not be appropriate. I would love to hear people's feedback on who they nursed in front of with or without a coverup.

Thanks!

[mommyoftwo]

Honestly, I never use a coverup and I BF in front of everyone so I'm probably not the best person to ask. I try to do it discretely if I feel like someone might be uncomfortable but I no longer worry about it too much. I've found that if you don't make a big deal about it most people don't even realize what you are doing.

[Canna]

When I was first learning how to nurse DD (and she was a newborn and needed help latching on) I did on occasion use a receiving blanket to cover up with while nursing.

Once DD learned how to latch herself on quickly, I no longer used it.

It's appropriate and right to nurse your baby anywhere and at any time. Just yesterday I was sitting on a see-saw-bouncer at the park nursing my 19 month-old while a friend was sitting on the other end nursing her 25 month-old. As far as I can tell no one even noticed! In my own home I would never even considering hiding while breastfeeding. It is particularly appropriate to breastfeed around children because this way they get to used to seeing how babies are fed and understand that it is a normal thing, not a secret or anything to be ashamed of or worry about.

I have nursed pretty much anywhere and everywhere...shopping, my home, other people's homes, the park, at church, in museums, walking down the street. The only time when I do like to cover up a bit is when I'm flying on a plane. Particularly if I'm flying alone with DD (so the passenger squished next to me is a stranger) then I just feel more comfortable with a bit of privacy. I think because the person is soooo much closer than anyone would otherwise ever be. For that I usually use a ring-sling with a tail.

Good luck! If you feel that a cover-up will help you with your breastfeeding relationship, then by all means get one! I have heard of women who like them. I personally am of the school of thought that those cover ups (even blankets) draw a lot more attention to what you are doing than just sitting and nursing with your babe just tucked under the bottom of your shirt.

[o_mom]

Well, since I think there are very few (as in count on one hand) times when BF is inappropriate, I never use a cover up. Honestly, if you pull a shirt up from the bottom, there is nothing to see but the back of the baby's head. If you are uncomfortable, then by all means, leave or cover-up, but don't assume that you have to do so because someone might be offended. To me, fussing with a cover up just screams "I'VE GOT A BOOB UNDER HERE AND SOMEONE'S SUCKING ON IT" which draws more attention to it than just quietly latching on the baby. Do you have a sling? I think that provides more coverage and looks less like a hair dresser's cape than the coverups I've seen.

I have nursed in church, in waiting rooms, restaurants, and in the furniture display at Sam's Club. In front of my Father, my Grandfather, cousins,aunts, uncles, friends (male and female), nieces, nephews and the teenage boy next door. At parties, funerals, wedding receptions and generally anywhere and everywhere. If someone is uncomfortable with my nursing, THEY can leave. I will not be isolated in a back room for years because of their hang-ups.

I think it is even more important to nurse in front of kids so that they grow up knowing that BF is natural and normal and not something to be hidden away like a dirty porn movie.

[elliput]

For the first couple of months with DD, I just used a receiving blanket as a cover up, and that was only when I was out in public. Once we had the hang of latching we didn't need on. Never used one in my own home. That said, I have nursed DD in front of my parents, my IL's, close friends, at a major league baseball game, outdoor concerts, basically anywhere. The only time I ever recall getting a sideways glance was at BRU when I was in the little room set aside for nursing and changing. Another mom obviously thought I was strange for nursing my DD there, given that she rolled her eyes as she walked past on her way out the door after changing her child's diaper. Whatever.

[pb&j]

I use a receiving blanket to cover up in public, but it's more to cover up my exposed flab, since DS blocks the view of anything needing to be blocked. I think most people would rather be near a BFing baby than a hungry/cranky/screaming one any day. I'm discreet about it, but I definitely think it is appropriate to nurse whenever the baby needs it.


-Ry,
mom to Emma, stillborn 11/04/04
and Max, 01/05/06

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[californiagirl]

I used a blanket or a sling when she was little and I had latch problems. Otherwise, I didn't feel the need -- the baby and my clothes blocked the view. I nursed all over the place and never got flak (frequently, people commented on my sleeping baby!!) I certainly wouldn't have an issue nursing in front of kids (I might be extra-discreet around teenage boys who are in general touchy about this sort of thing and might be embarrassed -- grown men I expect to get over it, but kids need some slack).

[MommyAllison]

I use a blanket, though I am comfortable nursing around people without it. I have lots of friends with older babies who kind of set the precedent I guess, and they and their spouses are not comfortable with me nursing without a blanket. Some of them prefer if I go into a bedroom - including the ILs. They always want me to go into the bedroom. *sigh* Their attitude really frustrates me, because I end up missing out on a lot of whats going on because I have to leave, so I just don't go over there very much. But, it is what it is, so I just deal with it. It is helpful for me to have a blanket because DD still pulls off often (sometimes choking after letdown, sometimes just looking around) and it's nice to have something to staunch the flow, KWIM? I do not hesitate to BF in front of kids - I think it's totally fine and never use a blanket in front of them. HTH

Allison
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[Rachels]

I don't expect other people to eat with blankets over their heads, and I don't expect my kids to, either. I have nursed whenever they're hungry. I don't make a big deal of it and people seldom notice. Definitely in my own home I would nurse at any time, anywhere, no matter who is there. As for nursing in front of kids, I do that regularly since we're often around kids. What better way to help the next generation grow up without our breast hangups?

If you're not ashamed of breastfeeding, the people around you will be less likely to be, too. I put my baby's needs first.

-Rachel
Mama to Abigail Rose
5/18/02
http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_amethyst_36m.gif
Nursed for three years!

and Ethan James
10/19/05
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"When you know better, you do better."
Maya

[stillplayswithbarbies]

Well, I didn't raise my shirt over my head and show everything, but I didn't use any sort of cover. My shirt covered most of it, or the sling if I had her in a sling.

I have nursed:
- in front of relatives at my house and theirs
- in the mall including in front of teenage boys since I didn't realize I had chosen a bench in front of Abercrombie and Fitch
- in front of my coworkers when I was on a business trip and brought the baby
- in the security line at the airport, including while walking through the metal detector
- on a plane, leaning over her while she was in the carseat
- in countless restaurants, including the one where a woman exclaimed "OMG she is going to breastfeed right here!"
- at La Leche League meetings
- while negotiating a car purchase (she was 15 months old at the time and I didn't bring any snacks because I didn't think we would be that long)
- at parent's night at my son's school while meeting with his teacher
- at a movie
- on a train
- at the pediatrician, both in the lobby and while she got her shots
- at the ob/gyn at my 6 week checkup

I am sure there are more. I've nursed everywhere I have been.

[jacksmomtobe]

How funny Karen that you chose a bench in front of Abercrombie..that one in particular made me laugh. I've actually nursed at the park. For some reason it seems easier to think about nursing in front of people who don't know you rather than those that do. I guess I will pass on the cover up. I'm glad I didn't get swayed by the pretty fabric today and buy it. It probably would have been another baby thing I thought would be great but never used. I do have a sling so maybe I'll go that route. With other women now I am very open about nursing. I guess my issue with this weekend is we will be having preteen boys here and I did want to create any awkward moments. Their Mom is a labor & delivery nurse to maybe it wouldn't be a big deal though they do come up with some interesting questions from time to time.

Thanks for everyone's interesting input!

[Wife_and_mommy]

Just wanted to chime in with MO.

I, too, have nursed any/every where but there have been instances when I was uncomfortable.


Anyway, just wanted to let you know that there can be times that it's not peaches and cream. I think you'll be fine in the instance you described and wouldn't worry about it.

hth



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[o_mom]

It might be helpful to think about what you will say to their questions. For example if they ask how you are feeding the baby, you can say "When a woman has a baby, her body makes milk to feed him". That way you aren't flustered and feeling nervous about it. Just try and keep the answers somewhat factual and to their level.

[DrSally]

Hi, I bought 2 coverups, but never used them. I think it's too hard to keep it on without fear of it falling down. I found nursing shirts worked really well. You can't really see anything except when they're getting on and off. I esp. like that it covers my post-partum belly :) I wasn't a big public nurser but that changed when my dad became deathly ill out of state. We had several plane rides and staying at other people's houses. I got very used to it. As long as you don't make a big deal of it and are relaxed, I found that most people hardly batted an eye. Children esp. don't care (but then I only did it in front of toddlers. I suppose older children would have questions to answer). I found the more you do it, the more comfortable you get.

[DrSally]

Whatever??? Uh, isn't that room for feeding babies as well as changing them? Oh well, who knows what was going on in that person's mind.

[DrSally]

Unfortunately that most likely the disease talking. As you know, I'm sure, parts of the brain that affect drives, inhibitions, judgment may be affected. Another sad interchange in which you are prob feeling like your not interacting with the dad you knew :(

[DebbieJ]

I never bothered with a cover up. Babies have a right to eat just like everyone else. If someone else is uncomfortable, it is their problem, not yours.

~ deb
DS born at home 12/03
2 year check up: 25 lbs with clothes on and 35 inches!
BFARed for 20 months and 6 days
(Breastfeeding After Reduction is possible! www.bfar.org)

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[seeks1]

Okay, I am going to offer an opposite opinion...

Let me preface by saying I have no problem with other women nursing where they need to and when they want to.

But for me, I am uncomfortable in some situations. I have no problem feeding DS in front of any woman now. Totally lost all modesty that way! As for feeding in front of children, I usually ask if their mothers have a problem with it. I think it is healthy for kids to understand but the fact is the child will most likely ask their mom what I am doing, not me. So as a courtesy I usually ask if it is okay if I feed DS while the kids are around. No one has ever asked me not to!

As for feeding in front of men, I usually go with their comfort level. I have fed DS in front of my Dad but not FIL or step-dad. Both of them are uncomfortable with it. Also, at large gatherings where there are tons of people around, I go to another room.

Now, to be totally honest... when DS was younger I usually had to burp him a few times a feeding because he had lots of gas issues and it is a pain to constantly adjust my shirt and bra to not expose myself. Now DS gets distracted and pops off to look around and leaves by boob just hanging out there. So for me feeding in front of people really does involve exposing myself! For me it is just more comfortable to use a blanket or go to another room.

[Wife_and_mommy]

Thanks.

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[Jenn98]

I do not/did not cover up and don't plan to with the next one either, but I'm very modest about it. I have chosen to nurse in private for various reasons including I wanted some alone time away from the noise and comotion of visitors. DH was also freaked out that someone might see something, so he needed to get comfortable with that in the beginning. As DD got older I could nurse her anywhere without most people noticing. Most people think you are just holding a sleeping baby. I have also chosen to nurse in private at DH's extended family's homes. I know they are/were a bit uncomfortable and so I tried to respect that. They never said anything, but I've heard stories from other moms who nursed in the family. A blanket or cover up, to me, screams I"M NURSING!!!! and my goal was to be more quiet about it. I often used a receiving blanket to cover up my exposed skin on the side of my body, but never over DD's face/head. I just tucked my shirt in close to her mouth and no one saw anything. I often chose to nurse in private later on because DD would become distracted and pop off to look around at those talking in the room - too much exposure for me!

[ShanaMama]

I always nursed with a cover up. I am completely comfortable with nursing, but I dress very modestly for religious reasons, & don't want any part of my 'privates' exposed in public for any length of time. (By this I mean all areas that I usually cover, not just my breasts.) I'd usually use a receiving blanket, I never bought one of those cover ups, but they do look convenient.
I do think that you project your own atitude with something like this. If you are the least bit self-conscious or uncomfortable, you'll probably get some strange looks. If you exude confidence & positive energy, ppl will either react in kind, or more likely not even notice anything going on.
Regarding children, I agree with the PP that its good to educate them that BF is natural. I was once nursing at someone's house, where a 10 yo boy was present. He had definitely seen me nurse before (always covered) but apparently wasn't too clear on exactly what went on under there. He asked if he could play with the baby, & I replied: 'When she's finished eating.' His response: 'Oh, you mean she's still getting her bottle?'
Uh, no. His mother for some reason doesn't educate her sons about these types of things. They are taught nothing about a woman's body, how babies are born, etc. Maybe she's uncomfortable with her own femininity, I don't know. As much as I disagree with her choice of education (not!), I didn't feel it was my place to start educating her 10 yo son about exactly how a mother feeds a baby. Had it been my son or my brother, I would have. But then again, they'd know way before age 10!!
So I do think you need to take in account the child's background before assuming that you can act natural & they'll take the cue. In a public scenario, however, I wouldn't hesitate to nurse uncovered just because some kids might be miseducated.

[DrSally]

Yeah, I can just imagine how uncomfortable it would be nonetheless. I'm sorry to hear you didn't have many "clear" years together. It is a tough situation.

[KrisM]

"Most people think you are just holding a sleeping baby."

This made me laugh. DD's top leg pumps up and down the entire time she's nursing. Definitely not a sleeping baby!

[maestramommy]

I didn't read any replies yet, so forgive any repetition. I never wanted to use a coverup or a receiving blanket because 1) it would scream out that I'm nursing, and 2) I didn't think I was coordinated enough to deal with that AND holding a nursing baby. I invested in nursing tops. In the beginning I would reach in and unhook my bra and get everything situated out of the inner layer of my top. Then I would take DD onto my lap and lift the outer layer and she'd be right there. The nursing tops are great because they come with two layers so your tummy is always covered. Once I learned to nurse with a sling that was also a great coverup. I nurse in front of everybody and anybody, but out of deference for some people I will turn away slightly when latching dd on because these days I am usually just wearing a regular T shirt, so no extra layer. But the moms in my group tell me that I'm really good at it because they can almost never tell that I am actually nursing. Practice, practice, practice!

Okay, just had a thought. I might have considered a nursing shawl or something if I was generously endowed. But even when I'm really full I'm still wearing a B cup nursing bra.

[ilfaith]

Two years ago when I first started nursing my son I bought a couple of ponchos (they were in all the stores at the time), as I remembered my mom wearing them when she mnursed my brother (back in the mid 70s). But having a summer baby in Florida, it was just to hot to cover up with a poncho. I tried using a lightweight recieving blanket, but they always seemed to slip. So ultimately, I used nothing but the baby to cover anything.

I've nursed my two boys everywhere possible. Planes, trains and (parked) automobiles. The classical sculpture halls in the Metropolitan Museum of Art (all those exposed marble bosoms must have made him hungry), an NFL stadium during a nationally televised game (I did have a fear that the camera might pan the crowd flashing my nipple on the jumbotron a la Janet Jackson), the Hall of Presidents at Disney World, and countless stores and restaurants. Wherever the boys got hungry. If I happened to be in a place where I knew there was a comfortable, private place to nurse (such as a ladies lounge) I'd go there, but if it came down to sitting on a toilet or at my restaurant table, I'd stay put at the table.

[jacksmomtobe]

It's been interesting reading everyone's thoughts. I decided against the cover up. In many situations I'm ok nursing in public ie the park, etc. I decided for this past weekend when we had people over, to go upstairs at one point and to nurse out of the way the 2nd time. I totally forgot that 3 of the kids who came over (who are 10yrs, 9 & 8 & are from the same family) were a bit naive and ask a lot of questions about anything. Once I remembered that I decided I would nurse out of the way. They don't hesitate to ask anything and their Mom never nursed them so it wasn't really a subject I wanted to get into with them. The whole evening was a bit too crazy having people over during the bedtime hour. My 2.5 yr old was completely wound up and all the kids decided to come up to his bedroom as I was trying to get him to sleep. Not too much fun trying to calm ds down.