OT: Seperation anxiety in 6 month old? Help!

[citymama]

Hello from a fatigued mama,

DD, who is almost 6 months old, is having a really hard time adjusting to anyone else other than my husband and me taking care of her. We're fortunate to have been taking care of her between us till now, but need to leave her with a nanny 2 days a week so I can resume work PT. Our nanny is loving and has 20 years experience with infants, and we trust her. But - our happy, cooing DD is a complete wreck with the nanny - she is fine for 15 or 20 minutes and then starts screaming at the top of her lungs, crying and screeching. It is affecting her ability to sleep - her long 2 hour naps are just 20 minutes long on the days the nanny is around, and she sobs herself to sleep. It's heartbreaking. She has even woken up with night terrors the days the nanny is with her. This exact same thing happened when we tried to introduce her to a babysitter on a few occasions at 4 months, but then we attributed it to the babysitter not the baby!

We have tried all combinations - me home with the DD and nanny, DH home with DD and nanny, DD alone with nanny - all pretty disastrous so far.

DD is exclusively breastfed and quite an "attached" baby - shares our room (sleeps in her own crib) and is carried around in a sling or carrier by us.

Anyone else have a similar experience? Should we wait a little longer before leaving her with someone new? Endure this - for how long?

I hope no one minds my posting this question here - but I feel most connected to the moms in this forum and hope someone else can help out a very exhausted mom! TIA.

[DrSally]

Wow, I feel for you. I don't have much advice b/c I've been staying home with DS and have only left him with husband for a few hours. Other than when he was a very young baby, I left him with my mom for the afternoon for a week when she was visiting, and then with the doula one afternoon when I had to run out alone at 4 mo. I am hesitant to leave him with a sitter when there is a BF meal he'll miss or if someone has to put him to sleep, which basically means I don't get to leave much! Even if DH tries to put him to sleep wo/ a token nursing, he cries and cries. I will be very interested to hear the replies you get. It does sound really sad :( about her screaming and crying. Hang in there

[ShanaMama]

Hi. I don't post much on this forum, but just wanted to empathise. (sp?) I don't really have advice, but I know how hard it can be to leave you baby. I'm sure it depends on the child, but for me it got easier as time went on. I left DD with a babysitter at 5 months, and it was harder for me than for her. By 9 or 10 months, she'd jump into the babysitter's arms, turn around & wave bye bye to me.
I was 'crushed'!! (NOT! I was actually thrilled that she was so secure & comfortable there.)
Just a thought- I wonder if it would actually help if the babysitter was in a different environment. It sounds like your nanny comes to your house. Maybe if you had DD going to a diff location (mine goes to babysitters house), she'd kind of differentiate between Mom, Dad & the nanny, rather than feeling like the nanny is replacing M & D, IYKWIM. Don't know if that's a feasible option for you, though.
Well, good luck in making the transition. I hope it gets easier.

[catcombs]

I went back to work PT when my DD was 4 months old and right around 6 months is when she suddenly had separation anxiety. It wasn't as bad but maybe because she already knew our nanny for 2 months. It lasted about 2 weeks but I think if you stick it out they do get adjusted. Now she crys everytime I leave but is fine about 5-10 minutes later. One thing I did tell my nanny during those awful 2 weeks was to do anything to make her happy(ish)- for instance- rock her to sleep and let her sleep in her arms, carry her as much as possible- basically "spoil" her in anyway possible. Because I don't believe you can spoil a baby anyway. Good luck.

[citymama]

Thank you all so much for your support. It means a lot to me.

I am going to see about working from home that one additional day we are currently struggling with childcare.

I take my hat off to all the women out there who make this work - and to the rest of us who struggle with it too!

[mypa]

My baby is the same way and still is so I know how hard it can be. The only time he doesn't demonstrate separation anxiety is when we have playdates at the house and there are other kids, especially older kids (toddler, preschoolars) around. He could care less that there are other adults and doesn't even look for me when I leave the room. I wonder if your DD would do better in a daycare or if the nanny had another child she was looking after at the same time as your DD.

From one exhausted mom to another,