To wean or not to wean

[bethie_73]

DS is till very happy being BF at 14m. I still enjoy it also (except for the pulling my shirt up in public). My issue is that he seems to have decided that my nipples are his "transitional object" This makes me nervous because he won't sleep without nursing. To make matters worse we are moving to DC next week, so that will be a huge change for him.

Anyone have any luck... or any ideas on a new object he can love, and how to get him to do it? Most things I have read want me to stop nursing, but I"m not sure I want to. Although I would like to get rid of these 36G's

[o_mom]

I would suggest reading "The No Cry Sleep Solution" there are some great tips on getting them to sleep without nursing.

At this point, I think it would be less traumatic to wait until after the move. It will be hard on him without the added stress of losing a big source of comfort. Just be warned that you may see an increase in nursing during the move.

You can try introducing a lovey. I started around 10 months or so just putting one in the crib with them at night. At first they didn't care, but after awhile got attached (DS1 more than DS2). We use small stuffed animals/dolls and have 3 of each for backup. You can try nursing while holding the lovey at night for awhile to associate it with comfort. I was able to wean both boys off nursing at night and to sleep long before complete weaning, so it isn't an all or nothing situation.

HTH!

[missym]

If you're both still happy nursing, it seems a shame to wean now. Becca was the same way about nursing to sleep, until finally we altered our bedtime routine. I nurse her before or in the bath, then I say goodnight to her and DH takes her while I bathe and dress Gwen. DH cuddles her for a while and then puts her in her crib with her lovey and her FP Aquarium (which she is addicted to). She objected at first, but now she really likes cuddling with Daddy before bed. I have to make sure Becca doesn't see me after I've kissed her goodnight, though!

Becca does still wake at night to nurse, but it's a very brief session so it's not too bad.

Good luck!

Missy, mom to Gwen 03/03 and Rebecca 09/05

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[gina]

WOW, I could have written that post! We cosleep out of necessity so that I can get some sleep. My dd rolls over looking for the breast at night to put her back to sleep. She actually rarely eats much breakfast because she has been nursing all night.

I agree with the other pps that you should not try to change anything before moving. You may also try Dr Sears website (askdrsears.com) and check the all night nursing forum. There are ideas there too.

I dont know that I am alot of help, but at least you know youre not alone. I have been thinking about weaning but she seems so dependent on it right now that I just don't think she is ready.

good luck

Gina

http://i175.photobucket.com/albums/w132/ginaelms/Dec06020.jpg

DD 15 yr Jade
DD 13 mo Olivia

[Sillygirl]

I know it's not a popular opinion here, but I weaned Jonathan at around 14-16 months even though we were both quite happy with our bedtime nursing routine. I knew I didn't want to continue it past two (my personal preference) and I had heard from other moms that it's easier to wean before 1 1/2 years - if they get to around 2 they get very set in their ways. Weaning was very easy for us - no tears, no fussing - so it was a great solution for us.

[bethie_73]

I have that book, although it is packed ;) I need to read through it when we get to DC. I want to introduce a lovey, I was hoping he would choose it, but I think I will just start using one with him.

[bethie_73]

I need to get DH into the bedtime routine. DH is VERY willing, but DS has fought it and only wants the breast. I think I need to stay away and it will help.

[bethie_73]

Thanks for the additional website. DS co sleeps for that reason too, and DH says we need to get him out of the bed when we move. DS is too active at night now (rolling etc) and he wakes us both. So he does need to be on his own. I just can't stand the thought of some of these sleep trainers methods.

[bethie_73]

I agree it is a personal opinion, and everyone should do what is best for them, but I'm not sure I'm ready to wean, I still enjoy the closeness of it. But with all the acrobatics, and the fact that he needs to play with my nipple to fall asleep (thats why I said they are his transitional objects).... it is getting a little uncomfortable.

[daisymommy]

Hello from the DC area! (Northern Virginia actually :))

Just wanted to chime in that we are in the same boat here. I'm not thinking of weaning anytime soon, but my goal this year is to sleep thru the night! :D Hannah is still nursing twice during the night...UGH. And I know it's because she is nursed to sleep, so when she wakes up she thinks that's how she needs to fall back to sleep. Up until last month we were co-sleeping, but it was just feeling too crowded with my little octopus between us ;) So now she's in her crib, which she is fine with. I had hoped that by removing the scent of mommy and milk she would finally sleep thru the night, but no such luck. Now I have to get out of bed and trudged to her room 2x to nurse her back to sleep. I've tried not doing this, but she's stubborn like her mamma, and so far won't take no for an answer.
I'm going to start re-reading "The No Cry Sleep Solution"--loved that book with Joshua! and at bedtime nursing first--then bath, jammies, etc. to rearrange the routine. I also just pulled out a "lovie" for her to get attached to. I'm going to start sleeping with it under my shirt to give it my scent (something the book recommends).

Heres to all of us getting more sleep real soon!!!

[lisams]

Congrats on making it so far!

I think if I were you I'd wait till the move is over and you're settled into the new home if you want to make some changes. He'll need to find comfort in routines that are familar and you might find that it's just easier to nurse him to sleep during this big change for all of you.

When I was ready to night wean DD, I started by having her hold a special stuffed animal she picked out when she nursed to sleep. We did this for about a month before we started really working on her going to sleep without nursing. Then I would nurse her until she was almost asleep (her still holding her stuffed animal) and DH would take her and lay down with her in her bed until she fell asleep. The first few nights were long and she cried a bit, but she was with DH the whole time and she had her stuffed animal. I would say it was a bit hard, but nothing that I regret doing. She still to this day sleeps with her stuffed animal (an octopus she named "Pus").

The reason I night weaned DD was because I was ready and felt DD was also, she just needed that nudge. She continued nursing for another year after night weaning, so you don't have to wean completely if you don't want to.

Don't worry about what "they" say about weaning. It's a very personal decision, one that is different for every nurisng pair and family. There is nothing wrong with nursing a baby or young child to sleep if it works for the family.

Good luck on your move, how exciting!

[daisymommy]

Lisa, thanks for sharing your night weaning story and success with us. That sounds like a nice method of doing it. Very gentle and loving. We might try that with Hannah.

[Canna]

>I agree it is a personal opinion, and everyone should do what
>is best for them, but I'm not sure I'm ready to wean, I still
>enjoy the closeness of it. But with all the acrobatics, and
>the fact that he needs to play with my nipple to fall asleep
>(thats why I said they are his transitional objects).... it is
>getting a little uncomfortable.

My DD was very into touching and even pinching my other nipple while nursing. For a while it didn't bother me...I was just happy she was going to sleep. Then it started to really bother me at times so that I could hardly stand the sensation. This was probably around 17 months or so. I think my increased awareness of it partly coincided with my returning fertility. Hormone changes were making my nipples more sensitive perhaps. Anyway, I decided that I had to take a stand against the pinching and really insist that she not do it. It took a little less than a week to break the habit. I was surprised - I thought it would take longer. A couple of times she was upset about it and would actually cry, "PINCH! PINCH!" But I just kept insisting that she could nurse but no pinching. I would kind of guard the pinchable breast with my elbow to block her access to it. I was so relieved when she moved on and we are still now happily nursing to sleep (and at other times) at 27 months. I actually wished I had been firm about the No Pinching Policy earlier. I had tried other things like teaching her to pat my chest instead, or trying to find a lovey that she could feel, but none of that worked. I just ended up needing to insist that the annoying pinching stop!

[DrSally]

I don't know if this time would be the best b/c of the move. If you want to wean, I would wait until you're settled at least. If you don't want to wean (sounds like you both are still enjoying it), I would see if you can introduce a blankie or stuffed animal for him to hold while you nurse. I don't think it ever really "substitutes" completely, but it is something else for him to hold and cuddle.

ETA: Also, we night weaned at 10 months, but DS still nurses at bedtime and several times during the day. I don't know if it would be harder with the co-sleeping though. I definitely wouldn't do the move, wean, and quit cosleeping all at once.

[missym]

We have a strict no "twiddling" policy here, too. I've never been able to stand for the off-side to be played with. A couple of months ago, Becca decided she would pinch my breast if I didn't get it exposed fast enough for her. It took exactly twice of my saying "No pinch!" and putting her on the floor for her to figure it out. At this age, they're old enough to learn good nursing manners, in my experience. Now she nods and says very solemnly, "nopinch" when she starts nursing. ;)

Missy, mom to Gwen 03/03 and Rebecca 09/05

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[o_mom]

The best BF advice I ever got was "Never, ever let them know that there are two nipples available at one time" :-)