Do all women hate having C-sections?

[ha98ed14]

My question is prompted reading by the "VBAC anyone?" thread.

I had a C-section in May probably classified as "failure to progress," but really I asked them to do the C. I was induced (past my due date with a BIG baby 10+ lbs.) and on a pitosin drip for 12 hours. They broke my water and... NOTHING HAPPENED. She actually went from -2 back up to a -3 after they broke my water. I wanted the baby out and the whole thing over with, so I told the nurse to get me an OB. (I had a midwife up to that point who wanted me to "keep going" as neither baby nor I were in danger.)

For me, a C-section was a relief, a mercy, that the whole experience could end when I wanted it to. I have talked to a couple women from my Bradley class who felt disempowered by having a C-section. I can understand that; the ability to make their decision was taken away from them. But for me, having them do the C-section when I asked for it was very empowering.

Does anyone else have a similar experience?

[egoldber]

I felt like you did for several months after having my first section. (Mine was a FTP cesarean after a failed induction as a rseult of having premature ROM at 36 1/2 weeks). At the time I consented to the surgery, it was a relief.

It wasn't until I started thinking about getting pregnant again and realizing what a difficult time it was going to be finding an OB willing to "attempt VBAC" that I started doubting my first cesarean.

Then I struggled with secondary infertility while I tried to get pregnant and maintain a pregnancy, and then discovered the link between cesareans and subsequent infertility that I started to hate my cesarean.

And then when I lost Leah to a uterine rupture that is when I became passionate about preventing unnecessary primary cesareans. The likelihood of rupture for an unscarred uterus is 1 in 7,000 to 10,000 (depending on your source). The likelihood of rupture with a scarred uterus is 1 in 200 (for a non-induced, sponaneous labor).

Facing a planned cesarean with Amy and walking into the OR on my own and hopping onto that table was one of the hardest things I have ever done emotionally. Other than burying my second child.

Learning to hate my cesarean was a process. I love my child. I love all my children. I can hate the surgery and what it has done to us and still love them.

[ha98ed14]

Beth, I sent you a PM, if you have time to read/ reply. Thanks! Liz

[ellies mom]

My DD was a footling breech with the cord at her feet. We tried an external version and she wouldn't budge. So, I had time to come to terms with having a c-section emotionally and since they didn't really want me going into labor, I only had to recover from a c-section not both labor and a c-section. That is all a huge help toward having a positive c-section. I also had DD at a hospital where she was allowed to stay with me through recovery and room-in with me the entire time, so I still got to do all of the postpartum things except changing diapers. And I had an extremely easy recovery. Maybe that is because I was comparing it to my appendicitis which was much harder even without a newborn to take care of. So, I didn't hate my c-section and four years later I still don't.

I'm not really sure how to explain this next bit. As beautiful as birth is, I really don't have anything wrapped up in it other than the means to an end. If I want to have this baby I have to give birth to it one way or another. I mean you only have two options: c-section or vaginal. I don't feel that not having a vaginal birth makes me any less a mother or a woman. I don't feel that choosing a c-section means I love my child less. I don't feel that having an epidural makes me any less a loving mother or woman.

But, while I may feel great about my c-section, it really bothers me that many hospitals and doctors do not do more to prevent initial c-sections as Beth mentioned. And it horrifies me that more hospitals do not allow and support VBACs. In my area, VBACs are really common and in my practice they seem almost expected.

[Radosti]

I went through 22 hours of labor with all the fun of pitocin being upped every hour and my epidural being turned off because I wasn't pushing effectively. When the doctor came in and told me it was time for a c-section, I flipped out. DS was not in any danger. I had asked for a fetal/pelvic index just the week before and was brushed off. The doctor (a different one), told me that I would be fine, just not to buy any newborn clothing. I didn't really grasp what he was saying until I was having major trouble delivering. I was 2 weeks early.

So, the doctor backed off and gave me another 20 minutes to try. A nurse from the nursery stopped by to ask my nurse something and took in the situation. She left and came back with a bassinette flat sheet with knots tied on both ends. She gave me one knot and my husband the other. He had to pull on the knot and push on my foot during the next contraction, my nurse pushed on the other foot. They had restarted the epidural too. The doctor ended up giving me an episiotomy and used the vacuum to get DS out. He finally came out and I don't think I was mentally in the room anymore at that point. The pain, even with an epidural was brain-numbing.

When DS came out, everyone was shocked by his size... 9 lbs 12 oz at 38 weeks. No wonder he wasn't coming out.

I refused a c-section partially because I had (in my head) already gone through all the pain of laboring minus the delivery, DS was in no danger, and the fact that I'd HAVE to have a C-section for the next one. VBAC is hard to get doctors to agree to in this area. I didn't hate the idea of the c-section per se, it was just all the stuff it implied.

[hillview]

I loved my c-section. I was so done and ready. My sections weren't a breeze but I recovered in record time (both times). Loved bring in the hospital when my milk came in. Had very little / no pain afterwards. If I have #3 I'd opt for a section.

/hillary

[mamicka]

I had no problem with my section, other than it shouldn't have happened - I was uninformed & my drs were more interested in what was convenient for them. But the whole c/s was a good experience & I didn't have any emotional problems with it at all. I'm certainly not any less a mother because DS1 didn't come out vaginally.

That being said, I don't want to have another c/s unless it's medically necessary. Having one c/s under my belt doesn't necessitate only having c/s. In my case, I didn't feel that having subsequent c/s was best for me or my children. Thank God I found drs who let me make that choice.

[Jen841]

Either way you get the prize, a baby.

#1 Vaginal
#2 C - Breech AFTER laboring for 6 hours - HARD labor

I will admit, I felt cheated b/c I labored for hours then had my c. It was a tough labor and wish the C had happened earlier.

If there is a #3 I love the idea that it will all be planned and I will know exactly what to expect and when (waiting for labor is a killer for me!) Not having family close makes this much easier too.

[DDowning]

[QUOTE=Jen841]Either way you get the prize, a baby.

Yep! That's the way I look at it.

Compared to my first, my 2nd was an absolute dream! But really, the 1st came about 5 days after my due date due to water breaking (my doctor was willing to let me go as long as two weeks past due). During the painful contractions that came afterwards, found out he was lodged so far up that there was no chance of him coming out on his own so that I agreed to the c-section. Good thing too, as the cord was wrapped around his neck two times.

My second doctor agreed to allow me to try for a VBAC but my DD was transverse and there was no dialation. It wasn't meant to be. I was a little disappointed at first then I quickly got over myself. My childs health was more important than an ideology that was being fed to me as to what the perfect birth experience should be.

[Davids-Coco]

I loved mine after the fact... I hate the fears of surgery. I also hate the stigma of the c and the terminology used.

[ellies mom]

I loved mine after the fact... I hate the fears of surgery. I also hate the stigma of the c and the terminology used.
I think you have a great point here. I really resent the stigma attached as well. I really don't want to attempt a VBAC and I really get annoyed with people that just assume it must be because I don't know the "facts" or don't understand the risks involved. Yes, actually I do. But each person also has mitigating circumstances that may result in them making a different decision. My educated decision does not have to be the same as someone else's educated decision. I'm all for VBACs. I think that women who want them should be able to have them but I just ask that they respect my decision to chose differently for myself. I shouldn't have to secretly wish that this child is breech to so that I have a "valid" reason to not attempt a VBAC. I shouldn't have to feel like I have to mention that my first c-section really was for a valid, well accepted reason when I say that I had one.

[bisous]

I don't hate my C-section birth at all. I gave a gargantuan effort to have my first vaginally (according to the knowledge that I had at the time) and it didn't work out. My only regret immediately following the birth was how terrible I felt having labored for 20+ hours and THEN having major abdominal surgery.

DS 2 was born via C-section in July. In addition to a previous C that increased my risks, he was also frank breech. I'm just happy to have my two babies who are both healthy and happy.

While I see no particular problem with either of my c-sections, I am interested in reducing the number of women who have their first child by c-section perhaps unnecessarily. It does make for a more complicated second birth and the recovery from a C is just not terribly easy. I still envy women who, after the birth of their children can roll over onto their stomachs are take a nap hours following birth.

[alleyoop]

I hated having the first! It was after laboring and pushing for 2+ hours. I was physically and emotionally a wreck afterwards. I felt like I had been run over by a truck, every muscle in my body was sore AND I felt like I was a faliure. Took me a long time to come to grips with the way it went and that the process really didn't matter so much as the end result.

With #2 I asked for and giddily received a repeat C! My OB would do a VBAC if I wanted, but only gave my body a 20% sucess rate. Those didn't seem like good enough odds to me. Plus, I couldn't really walk for 2+ weeks after the first and that wasn't going to work with 2 under 2. It went so smooth and was so much easier and a really nice birth experience!

As my sister is doing hoochie PT right now, trying to avoid surgery to solve urinary incontinence from her 2 vaginal births...and you don't want to hear what they make you do... I am pretty happy with my C-sections right now.

[psophia17]

I hated my first after the fact. I'd always wanted to have an unmedicated birth, from when I was a kid, and was bummed when DS1 was breech and I wasn't a candidate for version. But I was okay with it. What I hated was the experience.

-foley catheter inserted in pre-op, while I could feel it
-the spinal took hours and hours to wear off, and they wouldn't release me from recovery until I could move my feet
-I didn't see DS until after I got to my room and after visiting hours were over, so more than 12 hours after he was born
-if you were bf, the baby was brought to you when he was hungry, if it wasn't visiting hours
-recovery was terrible, I couldn't do anything without DH's help
-terrible hospital experience led to tons of bf difficulties

For DS2, I attempted a VBAC. I failed to progress beyond 3cm after spotaneous ROM and more than 24 hours of labor, the last few hours of which included coupling ctx. After talking to my doctor, I had an epi (to avoid a spinal), and got to rest for a while, giving me the opportunity to think about the next thing. My decision for a c/s was made before it was truly emergent - an impending rupture was revealed on the table. Recovery was a dream compared to after my first c/s.

I'm still not okay with the first c/s, it was bad start to finish, even if I got a prize. If I'd known there were things I could try to flip DS on my own, without a version (or even with, I now think my OB didn't want me to try), I would've, but I didn't know. I felt empowered during the entire experience with my second birth. If I have more children will happily schedule c/s for them all so long as I'm already at 40wks.

[gatorsmom]

I don't care how they come out, just that they do come out. I have had 3 c/sections and hated the recovery but loved that fact that that will always be how my babies came into the world.

My mother and father adopted me after trying for 10 years to have children- and were grateful beyond words that they finally had a baby (I was 2 weeks old when they picked me up at the hospital). Considering this, I don't place any special importance on how a family receives their child. I think the importance is simply that they DO receive it.

[Marisa6826]

I had planned c/s with both kiddos due to a heart problem of mine. I've never been in labour - hell, I've never WANTED to be in labour. I liked not having any surprises and knowing that *my* doctor (not one of his associates or residents) was going to be there, on call, and in the hospital.

Yes, the recovery from the first c/s was pretty rough. The recovery from the second *c/s* was easy, but I had all kind of complications after the birth -not having to do with the birth itself- that made things just awful (spent some time in the ICU with what they though was a pulmonary embolism, but turned out to be bad pneumonia and asthma).

It honestly bothers me more that (not unlike the ever-present breastfeeding/formula 'discussion') there seems to be some sort of competition on who is more of a mother. Whether you had a natural childbirth, a medicated childbirth, a VBAC, an emergency c/s, a planned c/s...kwim?

-m

[KrisM]

Probably not all women hate them. Hate is a bit strong for me. Disappointed is better.

I don't like that I've had 2 and will have a third. I planned an unmedicated birth and am very disappointed that I will never have that. I almost had it with DS as the spinal only partly worked and I felt a good deal of the cutting of the inside layers and the stitching. Not quite what I wanted for unmedicated though.

I do hate it when people tell me things like "well it doesn't matter how it got here, as long as the baby is healthy". Why not go back to the old days when they knocked out all women, strapped them down, and when they woke up later in the day, gave them a baby? If the experience really doesn't matter, then that should be fine, right? Yes, I am thankful for 2 healthy babies. Of course I am. But, I really regret that I'll never have a vaginal birth.

Here are some articles on c-births that I am using in planning this third one:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/family/story/0,,1656246,00.html
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/in_pictures/7154594.stm
http://www.theage.com.au/news/national/deliver-your-own--by-caesarean/2007/04/14/1175971419538.html

I figure if I have to have another, I want it to be the best it can be :)

ETA: I wanted to add that I am very thankful that there are very safe cesarean births these days. I think many lives, both mothers and babies, have been saved and improved because of them. I do wish that doctors weren't so quick to recommend them though. I strongly believe that many of them could be safely avoided.

[erosenst]

Yeah, I'm in the "I have a healthy baby. Who cares how it came out" category.

I was 43 when Abby was born, and consider myself fortunate beyond belief to have been able to conceive (via IVF, as we didn't get married and start trying until I was 42) and carry a healthy baby to term. I had an anterior, low-lying placenta, so it was a question throughout my pg whether I would have a vaginal birth or c-section. At the end, the placenta was high enough up that my ob was comfortable going vaginally, and she wasn't thrilled with a c-section given the anterior placenta. Since I was AMA (read: old) she didn't want me going past my due date. I was admitted for an induction. Somehow, in the 24 hours between my last OB appt and the induction, Abby became transverse. I went home to wait for the c-section three days later.

Again, somehow, she moved, and was head down and more-or-less engaged. My OB gave me the choice of trying vaginally (knowing that my placenta may still be too low to deliver safely, in addition to the normal issues), or going for the c-section. We all agreed to go for the "planned" c-section, given the risks. I've never regretted that decision for a minute. It may have helped that I had the world's easiest recovery...but I don't think it would have changed my feelings had that not been the case.

Emily

[salsah]

i am grateful. it is possible that the c-section saved me and my baby. of course i don't know that for sure. but given the fact that many mothers and babies have died during childbirth (pre-modern medicine), i can't exclude the possibility. in my situation, after 24 hours of labor and 3 hours of pushing, the baby hadn't budged, i developed a fever, and my baby's heart rate dropped. when the doctor said that they need to perform an emergency c-section i was willing to keep pushing but i agreed to the section simply because i wanted to get my baby out safely.

i don't regret it. i don't feel like less of a woman. i tried to deliver naturally but that is not what God wanted for me. it is not my fault. sure i feel like i missed out the full experience of a vaginal birth, but it isn't that important and isn't worth risking the life of my baby. which is why for #2 i elected a repeat c-section.

i hated the recovery and i hate that i am now at a greater risk of uterine rupture (and consequently loss of the baby). but i am not a risk taker -- especially when it comes to the life of my baby. that is why i did not choose a vbac. (that is also why i would never elect a first time c-section.)

[pastrygirl]

I'd had a m/c before Toby came along, so I just wanted him born alive and healthy, which ever way he came out. I was scared of a c-section, but when the time came, I felt it was the right choice -- after other options had been exhausted. I was a little disappointed that I ended up with one, but I don't look back on it with disdain or bad memories or anything. I hope I can do a VBAC next time (hopefully there is a next time), but it will only be mild disappointment if I end up with another c-section. I recovered very quickly and it barely felt like I'd had surgery. Sometimes I do wonder if it really was necessary, but it doesn't bother me and I don't want to dwell on it. I just want to remember my time from the point where I first saw my son, and our time getting to know each other. :love2:

[mamicka]

I think you have a great point here. I really resent the stigma attached as well. I really don't want to attempt a VBAC and I really get annoyed with people that just assume it must be because I don't know the "facts" or don't understand the risks involved. Yes, actually I do. But each person also has mitigating circumstances that may result in them making a different decision. My educated decision does not have to be the same as someone else's educated decision. I'm all for VBACs. I think that women who want them should be able to have them but I just ask that they respect my decision to chose differently for myself. I shouldn't have to secretly wish that this child is breech to so that I have a "valid" reason to not attempt a VBAC. I shouldn't have to feel like I have to mention that my first c-section really was for a valid, well accepted reason when I say that I had one.

I totally agree & I see this complaint a lot here - but I think that it's another one of those things that goes both ways. I can't tell you how many people think that my decision to VBAC is dangerous & irresponsible & if something goes wrong, I've asked for it - & they've told me so. I have no judgment whatsoever regarding your decision to c/s, no matter what the reason.

[Moneypenny]

I can't say I was ecstatic to have major surgery, but I certainly don't hate my c-section. I labored for 20+ hours and pushed for 4 hours to no avail. DD was very very stuck (the side of her head and her shoulder were presenting rather than just the top of her head). If it weren't for the c-section, I'm not sure how we would have gotten her out. Recovery was relatively easy. Neither DD nor I have had any lasting effects that I can tell.

[jk3]

My second DS was born via an emergency c-section. I hated that I was worried sick during the delivery and I absolutely hated recovering from the c-section but my main objective was to have a healthy baby and to come out of the experience healthy too. I would love to have a third and know that I will have a planned c-section.

[Piglet]

I didn't have a c/s, but wanted to say that I find it so very sad that so many moms feel the need to defend their c/s. I am sad that they are made to feel like they are lesser moms. I am sad that they need to justify their decisions. Moms shouldn't have to do that for anything, and definitely not for something that was lifesaving. No one is writing that they regret having an emergency appendectomy or root canal. No one gets defensive when they talk about any other type of surgery. You never hear, "hey, I wanted to continue running with a bad knee, but the doctor insisted that I would need knee surgery if I wanted to ever walk again. I am made to feel like a failure as a runner."

Sorry moms. I really hope you never have to feel like you need to defend yourselves or your parenting decisions. It sucks to be judged by anyone, let alone your peers!

[bubbaray]

I really REALLY resent the negative assumptions about c-sections, on this board and elsewhere. There is definitely a "tone" that pervades this board in particular that implies that moms who had c/s aren't "worthy", did something wrong, made wrong choices, didn't try hard enough.

I had an open, draining incision for 10 months after my 1st c/s. I had to have a second surgery to close the incision. Thankfully, I was able to go to a top plastic surgeon and he did a wonderful job. Virtually invisible, contrary to the inverted "T" incision (from my pubic area to my belly button!) that the general surgeon wanted to do. Because none of my specialists (peri, OB, plastic surgeon) were 100% sure that there wasn't scar tissue left on my uterus from the first infection, they weren't keen on a VBAC, but were willing to let me try. All of them were pretty sure that I would ultimately end up with another c/s. ALL of them (including the anesthetist) were in agreement that I had a much MUCH lower chance of another post-op infection if I had a scheduled c/s as opposed to an emergency c/s after a trial of labor. Scheduling my second c/s was a no brainer for me, given the medical advice I received. I will say that all my physician friends were also in agreement that a VBAC was unlikely to be successful given my history and that my risk of infection was significantly lower with a scheduled c/s.

I don't mourn having my first c/s. Yeah, my recovery was no picnic with the incision part, but the rest of my recovery was uneventful. Frankly, the doctors could have pulled either girl out of my nose and as long as the babies and myself were healthy, that's all I care about.

What does bug me is the attitude and judgment from other moms. Really, I can't tell you how much it drives me in-SANE. I don't care if you've vaginally birthed a 30lb baby while swinging from a trapeze. That doesn't make you a better, more educated, more child-centered mother....

JMHO.

ETA -- I must have posted at the same time as Marina.... Not aiming at her!!! :) ETcorrect spelling. And, 1st c/s was after 24hrs labor, 2 hours pushing and a failed trial of forceps. DD#1's head was transverse. ALL of my drs and the 2 nurse midwives who were with me during that labor assured me that nothing I could have done (no position, no hypno anything) would have changed the outcome. If I hadn't had that c/s, DD#1 would have surely died and I might have too. I definitely have no regrets about having that c/s.

[SnuggleBuggles]

As my sister is doing hoochie PT right now, trying to avoid surgery to solve urinary incontinence from her 2 vaginal births...and you don't want to hear what they make you do... I am pretty happy with my C-sections right now.

Unfortunately a c-section doesn't mean someone is out of the woods on this issue. It's the pregnancy that plays a bigger role in the state of the pelvic floor muscles than the mode of birth. At least that's what the research says. However, my CNM suggested PT just yesterday for that issue though I have never leaked. Guess the muscles could be even stronger?? They do seem weaker after the birth of ds1 but my lack of kegeling probably had more to do with that than anything.

Beth

[SnuggleBuggles]

I didn't have a c/s, but wanted to say that I find it so very sad that so many moms feel the need to defend their c/s. I am sad that they are made to feel like they are lesser moms. I am sad that they need to justify their decisions. Moms shouldn't have to do that for anything, and definitely not for something that was lifesaving. No one is writing that they regret having an emergency appendectomy or root canal. No one gets defensive when they talk about any other type of surgery. You never hear, "hey, I wanted to continue running with a bad knee, but the doctor insisted that I would need knee surgery if I wanted to ever walk again. I am made to feel like a failure as a runner."

Sorry moms. I really hope you never have to feel like you need to defend yourselves or your parenting decisions. It sucks to be judged by anyone, let alone your peers!

Very well said.

Beth

[MamaMolly]

This is such an interesting thread! I had a vaginal delivery, but almost all the moms in my playgroup had a c-section. We are curious and candid and ask each other about our experiences, and pretty much agree it isn't a picnic either way you go.

Call me an ignoramus but I guess I never gave the issue much thought about it being something you judged a mom about. I just thought that the reason that c-sections were 'bad' or to be avoided is because it is major surgery. And you avoid major surgery if you can, KWIM?

Now this has really got me thinking and I must confess I did judge one mom I know who had a scheduled c-tuck at the end of 8 months to avoid the last month of stretch marks (and it wasn't here in the U.S.). I thought that one was over the top. But I thought she was wacky in general and the issue I had was the whole 8 months thing, not the c-section or the c-tuck. If she'd induced and had a vaginal delivery at the end of 8 months I'd have had the same problem. He!!s bells, I'll even admit to fantasizing about a c-tuck with my next baby!

Anyway thanks for the post, and I'll be extra careful not to seem judgmental in the future. One thing I love about this board is that it really gives me interesting insights!

[sarahsthreads]

I really REALLY resent the negative assumptions about c-sections, on this board and elsewhere. There is definitely a "tone" that pervades this board in particular that implies that moms who had c/s aren't "worthy", did something wrong, made wrong choices, didn't try hard enough.

Really? I've never noticed that tone, here or IRL.

I just wanted to clarify, since I think my earlier thread may have opened a can of worms, that I don't hate my c-section because it made me feel like I'm somehow less of a mother or that I did something wrong. I've never looked at my scar and thought "I failed at giving birth" nor do I personally feel that anyone - here or anywhere - has ever judged me for having one.

What I hated about it initially was the hours and days immediately following: how long DD was kept from me, how loopy and out of control the pain meds made me feel (and I really, honestly needed to take them, I tried several times not to with really debilitating effects) and how long it took me to physically feel like a normal human being again.

What I hate about it now is that I am going to have to do a cr@pload of research and doctor shopping in order to be given the opportunity to try to avoid having major surgery a second time. I don't feel like I need to have a vaginal delivery to have a positive birth experience, but I do feel like I need to have a choice. If I had to have another c-section to come home with another healthy baby I would do it again in without hesitation. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't hate the whole major surgery aspect of it.

Sarah

[kijip]

I had a c-section with Toby. I don't regret it per se, but I don't think it was strictly necessary. I also think it *may* have contributed to my SIF (4 years, 3 years total of TTC, 4 mc and no baby) the possibility of which naturally pains me greatly.

That said there were other benefits, IMO for my situation specifically to the first c-section- it got me out a very trying emotional roller coaster as I started flashing back to sexual abuse as I tried to deliver...the internal exams especially. I swear it was more vividly real to me when I was giving birth, then my memories of the actual abuse itself. Unfortunately, at the time I was pregnant with Toby I was unaware that this sort of thing was relatively common for women laboring after the particular type of abuse I had lived through and did not do anything to plan for it while I was pregnant. I think that this emotional state, combined with a few interventions to make the c-section a necessity at the moment that I had to have it.

I certainly don't feel guilty or less of a mother for not delivering vaginally. And I do resent the pity and self righteousness that I have encountered IRL from a few natural birth advocates. Actually, let me rephrase that...I feel badly for them that they have to be such self indulgent un-supportive ideologues that they are driving people away from the valid and legitimate concerns they may raise. However, I have found very little of that on the boards IMO.

[Kungjo]

My first C-Section was an emergency c-section because I had a fever, my water broke, and DD #1 was in distress. Every time I had a contraction, DD's heart rate would decrease. The pediatrician ask for consent and DD was born via a c-section. At that time, I was so thankful for the c-section and didn't feel cheated out of the birthing experience because I did feel the labor pains and wasn't too thrilled about it (can you tell I was ready for the epiural? The back labor was killing me.). Also, I was happy because DD was delivered safe and sound.

For my second pregnancy, I wanted a VBAC but suffered from gestational diabetes. OB was willing to try a VBAC if I wanted but because of my gestational diabetes, she wanted an ultrasound during the induction to make sure I would be able to deliver DD vaginally. Ultrasound tech told me DD could be as large as 10 lbs give or take a 1 lb. OB told me that we could still try if I wanted. I asked her what the worst case scenario would be and she told me that at worse, if DD turned out to be huge, she could get stuck in the birth canal and she might break her collarbone while being muscled out. After feeling like a failure for not being able to deliver a child vaginally and crying about it, I consented to another c-section. DD turned out to be 7 lbs 9 oz so the tech was way off. I'm still glad that I did it.

By having 2 c-sections, I now have two beautiful girls and wouldn't change that for anything.

[elaineandmichaelsmommy]

Hmmm interesting. I'm in the don't care how they got here crowd. I've had 2 c's. DD was an emergency c and ds a planned one. I'm not sure which part of dd's birth was worse,the 37 hours of labor,the panic when her heart rate dropped or the week in the nicu because of an intrauterine infection that made her sick.
The worst part of dd's birth for dh was when my father who's a physician took him aside and informed him that if this had happened 30 years ago when I was born the baby and I would have both died.
Do mothers judge other mothers? Yes. Always have, always will. It's just something that happens. Do I approve? No!

Ds's birth was a relative breeze in comparison and the only time he was away from me was at night until I had my cath. out and could get to him if I needed to since dh was sleeping at home w/ dd. Nursing was a snap. If we have another I'd do another c in a heartbeat.

[Globetrotter]

After I had #1, I realized that my first c/s (after a long induction) might have been prevented but was mismanaged from the get go. It wasn't a good experience for me at all, other than the beautiful result of course!

The second time I chose a provider (ob and midwives) who I trusted would give me the best chance of a safe vbac, within their power. I knew they were pro-natural birth if possible so I trusted that, if they told me I needed a c/s, I did. That made all the difference and gave me a sense of control. Therefore I was okay with my second c/s. I considered what went wrong the first time during my c/s recovery (major problems with nursing, for one thing) and took huge efforts to make sure it didn't happen again. A birth plan, doula, wonderful Dr. Sears type pedi., new hospital (I switched health plans because I vowed I would never go back to that particular Kaiser hospital!) and supportive providers made a world of difference for me.

I think c/s should be avoided whenever possible, but not because I felt robbed of a normal delivery - i know that is important to some but it's not an issue for me. My concerns are with the potential risks and complications of major surgery, plus nursing and bonding issues that can happen if you are unprepared (as with my first). Plus, surgical recovery is no way to start out a mother-chld relationship :( I was doped out on painkillers the first few days - ouch!

Kris

[KBecks]

I don't hate c/s. I do hate the 4 day hospital stay afterward (I feel cooped up like I'm in a jail cell.)

I know it's not an ideal birth, but it got the job done for me twice and fit my personal medical situation / history.

[muskiesusan]

I do hate that I have had two c/s. I am disappointed that twice I have done everything "right" and both times ended up in the OR. While I have zero problems with how my OB handled the surgery or my stay at the hospital, each time my recovery was hard and had complications. That was just further salt in my wounds. I also hate how I have a part of my body that is numb most of the time, and then itches like crazy whenever a storm is coming in.

I don't talk about my birth experiences a lot and one of the reasons are the responses I seem to get. One group doesn't understand why I am disappointed in my labors as the baby is all that matters. Well, obviously I am over the moon that I have my boys and I would never do anything that would endanger them. However, have you never worked really hard at something and been disappointed? When Nick got his first soccer trophy, it was his prized possession and carried it everywhere, but if you talk to him about his season, he would tell you he was very disappointed that he didn't score a goal. I would never try to minimize his feelings by telling him that the result at the end was the same.

The other group want me to be angry at the medical profession and tell me what I could do differently or what I didn't do that resulted in my c/s. I believe my c/s were necessary, and I think I did everything in my power to prevent them. There is always going to be some study I didn't read, so stop going through your laundry list until you find the things I didn't do therefore making me feel guilty.

Sorry so long, this is just a topic that gets me fired up. I know most people intentions are good, but I wished they would just say "I am sorry you didn't get the experience you worked for" and leave it at that.

ETA: I just wanted to add I guess I differ from others in that the labor/delivery and the actually baby are two separate experiences with their own range of emotions. Does that make sense?

[KrisM]

I don't hate c/s. I do hate the 4 day hospital stay afterward (I feel cooped up like I'm in a jail cell.)

I know it's not an ideal birth, but it got the job done for me twice and fit my personal medical situation / history.

You don't have to stay 4 days. DS was born at 3:35am on Friday and I left Sunday at 11am. DD was born 6:15pm on Sunday and I left Tuesday afternoon. Just over 48 hours with DS and under 48 hours with DD. If you and the baby are doing fine, there is no reason to stay, IMO.

[KrisM]

I do hate that I have had two c/s. I am disappointed that twice I have done everything "right" and both times ended up in the OR. While I have zero problems with how my OB handled the surgery or my stay at the hospital, each time my recovery was hard and had complications. That was just further salt in my wounds. I also hate how I have a part of my body that is numb most of the time, and then itches like crazy whenever a storm is coming in.

I don't talk about my birth experiences a lot and one of the reasons are the responses I seem to get. One group doesn't understand why I am disappointed in my labors as the baby is all that matters. Well, obviously I am over the moon that I have my boys and I would never do anything that would endanger them. However, have you never worked really hard at something and been disappointed? When Nick got his first soccer trophy, it was his prized possession and carried it everywhere, but if you talk to him about his season, he would tell you he was very disappointed that he didn't score a goal. I would never try to minimize his feelings by telling him that the result at the end was the same.

The other group want me to be angry at the medical profession and tell me what I could do differently or what I didn't do that resulted in my c/s. I believe my c/s were necessary, and I think I did everything in my power to prevent them. There is always going to be some study I didn't read, so stop going through your laundry list until you find the things I didn't do therefore making me feel guilty.

Sorry so long, this is just a topic that gets me fired up. I know most people intentions are good, but I wished they would just say "I am sorry you didn't get the experience you worked for" and leave it at that.

ETA: I just wanted to add I guess I differ from others in that the labor/delivery and the actually baby are two separate experiences with their own range of emotions. Does that make sense?

You've explained my feelings much better than I ever have. This is me, exactly. No one understood why I was so disappointed and in tears when we made the decision for the second one. They all just said the bit about the healthy baby, which makes me feel worse because they're somehow thinking that I'm putting my wants and desires ahead of a healthy baby and I'm clearly not or I would not have agreed to those cesareans. I am just extremely disappointed in not having the experience that I worked so hard for.

Thank you for helping me.

[egoldber]

They all just said the bit about the healthy baby, which makes me feel worse because they're somehow thinking that I'm putting my wants and desires ahead of a healthy baby and I'm clearly not or I would not have agreed to those cesareans. I am just extremely disappointed in not having the experience that I worked so hard for.

I agree. I don't see why people can't see that I can love my children and hate how they had to be born. They are two entirely separate events for me. I get that for some people its not a big deal, but it is *to me*.

My planned c-section with Amy was a lovingly planned event where my OB and the hospital bent over backwards to make it as pleasant for me as possible and I still hated every second of it. I also had the worst recovery from this one. So you never know what your experience with surgery will be until after you have it. You can recover well one time and have a terrible recovery another time.

[mamicka]

Really? I've never noticed that tone, here or IRL.

What I hate about it now is that I am going to have to do a cr@pload of research and doctor shopping in order to be given the opportunity to try to avoid having major surgery a second time. I don't feel like I need to have a vaginal delivery to have a positive birth experience, but I do feel like I need to have a choice. If I had to have another c-section to come home with another healthy baby I would do it again in without hesitation.

Sarah - ITA. Well said.

[KBecks]

If I would get pregnant again, I'll discuss that with my OB and insist that I get out sooner. I go nuts sitting around feeling isolated and alone in a hospital room.

[KrisM]

If I would get pregnant again, I'll discuss that with my OB and insist that I get out sooner. I go nuts sitting around feeling isolated and alone in a hospital room.

On day 2 after DD was born, I called my aunt and about begged her to come visit me! DH was home with DS and my parents went back to work, after spending most of the 2 days before with DS and visiting me.

[egoldber]

With all 3 deliveries I was offered early discharge. With Sarah I stayed for 3 days and wish I had left sooner. With Leah and Amy I stayed the full 4 days, but I was essentially just using the hospital room/bed to sleep because I was spending 99% of the time in the NICU with them. But I was offered discharge on the third day by my OBs with them also.

[thomma]

My situation is a little different in that I was a planned c-section who ended up having one baby naturally. I didn't hate having a c-section but I didn't like that it was under general anesthesia. I felt every moment with the birth of my son yet I know nothing about my daughter's birth because I was out cold. That part bugs me.


Kim
ds&dd 5/03

[lizajane]

I really REALLY resent the negative assumptions about c-sections, on this board and elsewhere. There is definitely a "tone" that pervades this board in particular that implies that moms who had c/s aren't "worthy", did something wrong, made wrong choices, didn't try hard enough.

i definitely have no negative assumptions about c-sections and i am truly sorry that anyone has to feel judged about her method of delivering her children. i have absolutely no idea why one would be considered less of a woman for having a c-section, instead of the alternative from 100 years ago where someone's life is lost during failure to progress or fetal distress or a baby too large for his/her mother's pelvis or whatever. because that really is why we have c-sections. to save lives that once we were unable to save.

of course, to be completely honest, i have little understanding of the c-section scheduled around work or vacation or "vaginal births are yucky." i won't lie to ya. but i would never ask WHY someone had a c/s if she didn't appear to want to tell me. so frankly, if you did have a c/s because you think birth is yucky, i won't ever know, so i still won't ever judge you.

ETA: i had two easy (i mean, painful as all get out until i had an epidural, yes. but complicated, no) vaginal births- with my first i was horrified by the idea of a c/s. with my second, i just wanted to have a baby as wonderful as the first. lucky me, i did!!! so having a baby really helped open my eyes to the "just get him here" attitude.

[rachelh]

I can't say that I hated having a c-section but I hated the events that took place after. I had no plans in the event of a c-section (I should have though - I was kind of "trying" for natural knowing it could have been a c-section because of her size.)

I did not see the baby for a full 24 hrs after. DD was in the NICU due to my fever during delivery and I literally had no strength to see her - part of it was for emotional because I was so disappointed that I had a c-section. I couldnt nurse DD for 48 hours until she came out of the NICU. Immediately after the surgery, the nurses kind of "forgot" about me while I was waiting to get a room and there were no rooms on the post-pardum ward so I was put in a room with 4 other people who were on bedrest. Not to take away from what they were going thru but they have been in the hospital for weeks so they had kids, friends, and just way too many vistors/noise for someone who just had major surgery.

Just was not a postive experience...

[TraciG]

I just started week, 33, so I have to decide soon. Last pregnancy I had a C section so the decision is up to me, I had an easy recovery & loved staying in the hospital so long ! This time is different now that I have a 4 year old.

I need help deciding, what are the risk's having the VBAC

[tnrnchick74]

This has been an interesting thread to read. I'm due in June and may very well be facing a c-section due to past medical history.

I know I have posted about c-sections in the past, and I HOPE I haven't given the impression that they are "bad", etc. I too see them as a means to an end. I think that those women who schedule them before 39 weeks for no other reason than convenience need to come see the results in the NICU before they make that decision. My other SIL did that then blamed me and everyone else when my niece was in the NICU for 2 weeks. But she didn't listen to my advice...or anyone else's. I blame her OB for allowing that silliness to continue.

Anyways, I AM grateful that I'm going into delivery with a mindset that c-section may be the best and safest way for me to have this baby. If I can go vaginal, great. But I would hate to be mentally prepared for a vag then HAVE to get a c-section and not be mentally ready for it.

I have had several discussions with my OB (who isn't a fan of vbacs and is more pro-csection) about NO section before 39 weeks unless in distress; to check lung maturity prior, and whether to allow labor to start naturally (if possible) THEN section. Of course since I have been diagnosed with marginal placental previa that probably will not occur.

To me the MOST important thing is a healthy baby in the end. I hope to have a c-section experience that suits MY needs and is not rushed and traumatic. I told my OB just the other day that I would prefer a planned, scheduled c-section to a rushed, emergency one anyday...he agrees. The talks will continue as I progress with my pregnancy - there are a lot of variables to consider but in the end I will make the decision that is best for me and my baby along with my boyfriend and OB. And I will NOT be made to feel "less than worthy" because I didn't deliver vaginally.

[TonFirst]

For me, childbirth is absolutely a means to an end, rather than an independent experience.

That said, I have no place judging any other mother for the decisions she makes regarding her own labor and delivery. And, for that matter, neither does anyone else. I have several friends who have "mourned" their c-section (their words, not mine, which is why I have it in quotes), and a lot of the reason they have such sadness and guilt about their surgery - to the point where they admit that they lose sight of enjoying their baby - is because there is so much anti-c-section rhetoric out there, most of it coming from, I'm sure, well-intentioned people.

I think one of the best things to say to any mother, regardless of where her baby left her body is, "WOW. You did a great job, I am so proud of you! You are so strong, and your baby is beautiful. You did great." Because BOTH vaginal and surgical births require a lot of strength, both physically and mentally.

[tiapam]

of course, to be completely honest, i have little understanding of the c-section scheduled around work or vacation



Inductions are often scheduled for the same reasons. If we can't stop to have babies, what can we stop for?

[mommy111]

From the perspective of a mom who had a 'normal' delivery and hopes to have another 'normal' one: I was in labor for about 24 hours, and I don't recall it being too terrible. I was out the night of the delivery (delivery was early AM) with my friends, to have a quiet dinner to celebrate having the baby. So, at least initially, I recovered really fast. But the later stuff, the pain in your pelvis for days on end, the hemorrhoids, I was on Motrin for weeks and I hated that.
I also have friends who chose to have C-sections......one because she knew she only wanted 2 babies, and didn't want the pelvic 'effects' of delivery (she is a geriartric physician and sees a lot of women with incontinence etc). Another friend just wanted to have the baby on her schedule. She is a type A personality, needs everything planned and scheduled, and is smart enough to understand the risks and benefits of a C-section.
While I would never choose to have an elective C-section except for my safety or the safety of the baby, I do respect the choices that these moms have made, they're both very smart women and knew what worked for THEM. The relative value that they place on things is different from my relative value structure and, in the end, its their choice how they choose to get the babies out. In both cases, they've got wonderful healthy babies and are fabulous moms (probably better than I am)

[elephantmeg]

nope, it went fine.

[bubbaray]

From the perspective of a mom who had a 'normal' delivery and hopes to have another 'normal' one:


Um, its kinda insulting to imply that women who have had a c/s have had an "abnormal" delivery. Its that kind of implication that really does *grate* after a while....

[lizajane]

Um, its kinda insulting to imply that women who have had a c/s have had an "abnormal" delivery. Its that kind of implication that really does *grate* after a while....

i was under the impression that she put "normal" in quotes for that reason. and while c-sections are not abnormal, i do believe they are often considered (at least by insurance!) to be a "complication" in the same way that a c-section is surgery, whereas a vaginal delivery is not. (in spite of the number of stitches i had...) that may be what was behind the word.

[mommy111]

Um, its kinda insulting to imply that women who have had a c/s have had an "abnormal" delivery. Its that kind of implication that really does *grate* after a while....
Just as Lizajane said, no insult implied, I had about as easy a first delivery as its possible to have but not implying that anyone who has a difficult delivery or a c-section has an abnormal delivery.....that's why I put the 'normal' in quotes. Sorry if it sounded offensive.

[Fairy]

I loved my c-section. That said, I had a very difficult recovery and complications.

I am unable to have a vaginal birth, so no matter what, I then and in the future will always have to have a c-section. So, this was just not a question. However, they didn't realize just how vascular my uterus was (not normal) until they went in and saw, hmm, where the hell are we gonna cut this thing? I got a beautiful, healthy baby, and I healed very well.

However, I lost a significant amount of blood and got anemic enough that I had to have a transfusion. It kept me in the hospital five solid days, and they only let me go home cuz I begged and sobbed. But the anemia was very bad. I had no color for more than a week. The pain of recovering from abdominal surgery isn't great. The air bubble that forms settled in my shoulders, and I could barely breathe. I was nauseous from the narcotics, and it was a rough, rough night the day I delivered.

yadda yadda, anyway, the point is that given all the bad that goes with it, I'm still glad I had it. My bladder control was pretty bad before the delivery, and my OB says that had I gone vaginally, it would have been alot worse. I was able to walk, no soreness, didn't bleed too badly (but a long, long, long time).

My baby stayed in the nursery overnight at my request because I knew sleep would be at a minimum very soon. But he was with me all day from 6am till 11pm every day.

I had great doctors, and I was a lucky girl. Even given all the negatives, I was happy with mine.

[KrisM]

Just as Lizajane said, no insult implied, I had about as easy a first delivery as its possible to have but not implying that anyone who has a difficult delivery or a c-section has an abnormal delivery.....that's why I put the 'normal' in quotes. Sorry if it sounded offensive.


I'd suggest the word "vaginal", since that is what I think you are considering "normal". No need to label it anything other than what it is.

[Mirthful]

Just to offer a different perspective, I have a doctor friend that chose to have an elective C-section for her second kid after a vaginal birth for her first. She is one of the most thoughtful, well-researched people that I know and this was not a fit-my-schedule decision. We've talked about it at length and her decision was based on continence. She started developing leaking of urine when she exercised after the birth of her first. The way she sees it - she's looking at a surgery either way - c-section or incontinence surgery and the risks and life-impact of having a c-section now are much better than incontinence surgery later. She also told me that her OB was very supportive of her decision and actually told her that she does selectively encourage some people to consider elective C-sections for the same reason - and that the literature supports this. She goes to an OB practice that's part of an academic center in a large city.

I myself have had two c-sections and don't hate either one of them. I am also clearly in the don't-care-how-the-baby-came-out camp.