Subtle racism...don't you just hate it

[DrSally]

So, over the holiday's we were staying at a hotel for part of the time. We went down to the complimentary breakfast, which was very busy since it seemed to be mostly families on holiday. I was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt and with DH and DS. Every service worker in the breakfast area was Latino, dressed in a uniform and. An older woman came right up to me and started to ask me for something as if I worked there. I turned around and said "what?" in kinda a snarky way. She said "oh, sorry", b/c she had obviously mistaken me for the staff. It was more annoying than anything. Why can't I just be a random person (I'm Asian) walking around and not be mistaken for the staff b/c I have black hair. I guess it's just b/c a lot of these "little" incidents pile up over a lifetime and make a person annoyed.

I have to say the place I've been treated best was Paris. I was never mistaken as a "foreigner", asked where I was born, or mistaken for staff. Everyone there I ran into just knew I was American, believe it or not!

[GlindaGoodWitch]

Amazing and sad that people can be so mind numbingly stupid. At least you got a "sorry."

I have a pal who happens to be a light skinned Jamaican and the same kind of thing happens to her all the time. We were once in an ihop IN OUR (flight attendant) UNIFORMS and somebody asked her for syrup.

She has a better sense of humor about it than I would...

[pb&j]

Amazing and sad that people can be so mind numbingly stupid. At least you got a "sorry."

I have a pal who happens to be a light skinned Jamaican and the same kind of thing happens to her all the time. We were once in an ihop IN OUR (flight attendant) UNIFORMS and somebody asked her for syrup.

She has a better sense of humor about it than I would...

I used to be an airline captain, and one of my favorite first officers was African American. It was nice having someone to comiserate with when I got mistaken for a Flight Attendant and he got mistaken for a Skycap. It happened all.the.time. By people who really should have known better (ie other flight crew!!!).

Um, hello, it's the 21st century!!!

[elizabethkott]

The utter stupidity of people constantly astounds me.
Shouldn't natural selection have taken care of most of these morons by now?
:)

[ellies mom]

Well, not racism but similar in a sense, when I was working in the semiconductor industry as a maintenance tech (less than 10% female), people always assumed that I was in production, trying to hand me product and what not. Once when I started at a new company, one of the HR people assigned me to the support department by accident I guess because it never dawned on her that they'd have hired a female tech.

[lizajane]

i get a little carried away with my insistance on "no subtle racism..."

what i can't stand around here is that everyone from a latin american country is imediately called a mexican. not that i would necessarily be offended if someone called me a canadian or something, but it just bugs me because all spanish speaking people are NOT from mexico!! so i thought i was calling DH out on referring to their construction crew as the mexican guys at work when i said, "they aren't necessarily from mexico! why don't you ASK them where they are from!!!" and so he did. and they were all from mexico. and they all looked at him like he was an idiot. oops. guess i need to get off my high horse...

[tiapam]

I have to say the place I've been treated best was Paris. I was never mistaken as a "foreigner", asked where I was born, or mistaken for staff. Everyone there I ran into just knew I was American, believe it or not!

It was probably your shoes. I've been told we're very recognizable that way!

[egfmba]

Shouldn't natural selection have taken care of most of these morons by now?
:)


It probably should have, but we keep suing to keep the idiots alive!! :D :D :D

I agree. The subtlety of racism is huge and glaring. I'm American, of Mexican descent, but I have brown hair (not dark, kind of medium), hazel eyes and freckles. People constantly asked me how I 'came across' a Mexican surname as I was growing up. They also asked me how I ended up married to a Mexican (DH looks more Mexican than I). SUCK IT! I hated it. I still hear a lot of inappropriate jokes because no one thinks I've any ethnicity in my background. It's pervasive.

eva

[hellokitty]

Sally,

I feel your pain. I'm asian american as well and have been in that type of situation before. When I encounter ppl like that, ugh, I feel like going off on them for being racist a-holes (plus, you just know these would be the same ppl who would deny that they are racist too if you called them out on it). I am sick of being treated like a perpetual foreigner in my own country! :angry-smiley-005:

[tnrnchick74]

I'm plain old American...look more Greek than anything but my last name is Lee. Even people who are standing in front of me and can see that I'm not Asian ask me to translate for Asian speakers. I would if I could!!! I barely know English!!!!

[elizabethkott]

OMG, my maiden name was "Lee" - one of those Irish Lees, you know from Lees County in Ireland.

My favorite 1st year teaching quote from a student:
"Miss Lee.... Are you Asian?"
"No, Madeline. No, I'm not."

She was not exactly the sharpest stick in the drawer. :)

[tnrnchick74]

OMG, my maiden name was "Lee" - one of those Irish Lees, you know from Lees County in Ireland.



LOL! The reply I usually give them is "Lee, like Robert E. Lee from the Civil War"...that usually stops them in their tracks. And yes, Robert E Lee is a great, great, great, great....uncle somewhere back there

[kransden]

Uh.... did you meet my mom? Actually, my mom doesn't see well. So she picks the closest person to her to ask that vaguely looks kind. I used to die of embarrassment as a teenager then I got over it.

I have learned not to go to Target wearing a red polo and tan pants!

[buddyleebaby]

I have learned not to go to Target wearing a red polo and tan pants!

This made me LOL. I am constantly approached by people who think I work where ever is I happen to be at the moment. It started when I was fourteen or so and my mom assured me that it was because I looked "the right age" but it continues to this day, even though I usually have a kid on each hip.

I have no idea what it is, and I've given up on figuring it out. I have just resigned myself to learning the layout of the aquarium and the new line at TCP. :D

[mamicka]

This made me LOL. I am constantly approached by people who think I work where ever is I happen to be at the moment. It started when I was fourteen or so and my mom assured me that it was because I looked "the right age" but it continues to this day, even though I usually have a kid on each hip.

I have no idea what it is, and I've given up on figuring it out. I have just resigned myself to learning the layout of the aquarium and the new line at TCP. :D

You & me both, Alicia. People always assume that I work wherever I am - & I'm plain-old brown hair, blue eyes. Ever since the teenage years & still now.

[supercalifragilous]

People ask me for help all the time, but I usually get the "Sorry" response with "I thought you worked here b/c you knew what you were doing/going/searching for..." Perhaps its my OCD to straighten things out as I put stuff back on the shelf/rack. Plus I'm always going to the usual haunts so I *do* know where everything is! :P

But most stores nowadays have people wearing uniforms or at least visible badges so I really don't know why people can be stupid about mistaking customers for employees!

[DrSally]

I used to be an airline captain, and one of my favorite first officers was African American. It was nice having someone to comiserate with when I got mistaken for a Flight Attendant and he got mistaken for a Skycap. It happened all.the.time. By people who really should have known better (ie other flight crew!!!).

Um, hello, it's the 21st century!!!
OMG! Well at least you could laugh about it together!

[DrSally]

It was probably your shoes. I've been told we're very recognizable that way!

I never thought about that! I'm sure it was the whole way I was dressed. I was wearing Birkenstocks, which eventhough German, I'm sure are the college student abroad derigeur footwear. I really, really appreciated being seen as an American though.

[DrSally]

SUCK IT!

eva


ITA! How insulting. It's been very nice but sad to see lots of others have had similar experiences. I was raised in a very white suburb and most of the people I know would just not get it or think I was reading into things that are glaringly obvious to me.

[ellies mom]

I never thought about that! I'm sure it was the whole way I was dressed. I was wearing Birkenstocks, which eventhough German, I'm sure are the college student abroad derigeur footwear. I really, really appreciated being seen as an American though.

It can also be that "we" just scream American in some way. I think part of it that we Americans are so busy focusing on "something-American", when the rest of the world just sees Americans. My husband is Black and when he was stationed in Panama, he was surprised that he was viewed as American first, Black second even among the Black people living there.

[niccig]

My elderly neighbours will tell me how the area is going downhill because of all the foreigners who've moved here. I'm Australian, they all know I've only been in the USA for 5 years. But they don't mean me, they mean the large Armenian population in my city. It really ticks me off that my other neighbour, who has lived here most of his life, is less accepted than a newcomer like me. So now when I hear the foreigner comment I respond with "oh you mean me, I'm a foreigner" and then I watch them try to dig out of their hole.

[hellokitty]

My elderly neighbours will tell me how the area is going downhill because of all the foreigners who've moved here. I'm Australian, they all know I've only been in the USA for 5 years. But they don't mean me, they mean the large Armenian population in my city. It really ticks me off that my other neighbour, who has lived here most of his life, is less accepted than a newcomer like me. So now when I hear the foreigner comment I respond with "oh you mean me, I'm a foreigner" and then I watch them try to dig out of their hole.

I have a friend who is armenian american, and she can't stand it when her mom starts going off about, "all of those foreigners." She reminds her mom, "hello, you are a foreigner yourself!"

[mik8]

In the past University hospital I worked, 90% of the patients thought practically all Asians are from China (I have no idea why - perhaps the continents and its countries in the world were not introduced in their education?). They look at me and ask, "are you Chinese?" No sir/mam, my eyes are waaaaay too big to be of Chinese descent." (I am American of Asian descent but not Chinese. And yes, I do have big eyes).

[MamaMolly]

"I have learned not to go to Target wearing a red polo and tan pants!"

Soooooo true! For us it was our first trip to Meijer in Illinois. We'd just relocated from the deep south and were so new we didn't even know how to pronounce the name of the store!

Anyhoo, my DH is wearing a dark aqua/teal polo and kakhis and all these people kept coming up to him and asking him where things were. After we figured it out we had the best laugh!

[Sillygirl]

I'm white as can be but I took my Asian husband's name when I married. Yeah, I've seen the Seinfeld episode with "Donna Chang." Sigh.

Some of the most obnoxious comments came during my surgery rotation (I try to minimze contact with surgeons now, but back then, I had no choice.) I got pretty fed up when one old fart said "Chang? Ya got a little Asian in ya?" I just deadpanned "Sometimes I do, sir." and kept retracting. The scrub nurse snorted but I think it went right over OF's head.

[gatorsmom]

"one old fart said "Chang? Ya got a little Asian in ya?" I just deadpanned "Sometimes I do, sir." "

If you came up with that comment off the top of your head, you are my eternal hero. Especially if you thought of it while in the middle of surgery. That is one of those fantastic retorts you can only think of much later- never during the moment. Good for you.

[JoyNChrist]

My favorite 1st year teaching quote from a student:
"Miss Lee.... Are you Asian?"
"No, Madeline. No, I'm not."

She was not exactly the sharpest stick in the drawer. :)

OMG Liz, you'll appreciate this...

My undergrad degree is in Spanish Education. Where I live, most of the Spanish teachers are Hispanic. I'm not. So the very first day I did my student teaching, a guy in the back of his class raised his hand and said,

"Are you Mexican?" (Note, I don't look Hispanic at all.)

"No, I'm not."

There was a minute or two of silence, and then the kid asked in a really confused voice,

"Well then how do you know Spanish?"

I still don't know if that's funny or sad. Maybe a little of both.

[JoyNChrist]

"one old fart said "Chang? Ya got a little Asian in ya?" I just deadpanned "Sometimes I do, sir." "

If you came up with that comment off the top of your head, you are my eternal hero. Especially if you thought of it while in the middle of surgery. That is one of those fantastic retorts you can only think of much later- never during the moment. Good for you.

Yeah that. You are my new favorite person. :bowdown:

[Puddy73]

I'm white as can be but I took my Asian husband's name when I married. Yeah, I've seen the Seinfeld episode with "Donna Chang." Sigh.

Some of the most obnoxious comments came during my surgery rotation (I try to minimze contact with surgeons now, but back then, I had no choice.) I got pretty fed up when one old fart said "Chang? Ya got a little Asian in ya?" I just deadpanned "Sometimes I do, sir." and kept retracting. The scrub nurse snorted but I think it went right over OF's head.

ROFLMAO! What a great response! My cousin is white as can be, but her husband is Asian and her last name is Ng. She constantly has people speak slowly to her and ask if she speaks English.

[babysophia]

Well, I am Asian American and my husband is Caucasian and my *favorite* comment is....
"Your children are so beautiful because they look so exotic. It's because their eyes aren't so small like Asians." Hmmmm.....so are you saying I am not beautiful but my children are?

I feel your pain!

Susan

[GlindaGoodWitch]

"Your children are so beautiful because they look so exotic."

Couldn't just stop there huh? Seriously. How do people get to the point where they're SO thoughtless?

Ok the pilot & 1stOff being mistaken for a flt att & a skycap cracked me up (even though it's really not funny and terribly insulting) only because I was once mistaken for a NYC police officer even though I was like 23 at the time and wearing the cute little skirt uniform (that only LOOKS cute when you're 23) and dragging my rolling luggage down 8th avenue.

After reading the bulk of this thread, I have decided that we haven't evolved that far after all...

[DrSally]

I'm white as can be but I took my Asian husband's name when I married. Yeah, I've seen the Seinfeld episode with "Donna Chang." Sigh.

Some of the most obnoxious comments came during my surgery rotation (I try to minimze contact with surgeons now, but back then, I had no choice.) I got pretty fed up when one old fart said "Chang? Ya got a little Asian in ya?" I just deadpanned "Sometimes I do, sir." and kept retracting. The scrub nurse snorted but I think it went right over OF's head.

Hilarious!!!!

[trales]

When I was working, at lunch the day after I had brought my husband to a work event, this woman I eat with everyday looks at me and says "it must be hard to travel with X, he must get stopped at security all the time." At first I did not understand what she was getting at and said "huh?". She clarified, "you know, being with someone who is Middle Eastern, that must get annoying."

I stood with my mouth open for a long time. DH is from Long Island, his parents are from Brooklyn and Queens, I believe their distant relatives are from Estonia and Germany. DH does have olive skin and dark curly hair, and was sporting a beard for awhile, and he is Jewish but. . .

Once I told her this, she said "Jewish huh, that explains it, does your family accept him." Thankfully, someone else at work jumped in and stopped the conversation before I jumped the table and whacked her over the head.

I wish I was quick enough with the comebacks, there are so many things I wish I had said.

[casey0729]

When I was working, at lunch the day after I had brought my husband to a work event, this woman I eat with everyday looks at me and says "it must be hard to travel with X, he must get stopped at security all the time." At first I did not understand what she was getting at and said "huh?". She clarified, "you know, being with someone who is Middle Eastern, that must get annoying."

I stood with my mouth open for a long time. DH is from Long Island, his parents are from Brooklyn and Queens, I believe their distant relatives are from Estonia and Germany. DH does have olive skin and dark curly hair, and was sporting a beard for awhile, and he is Jewish but. . .

Once I told her this, she said "Jewish huh, that explains it, does your family accept him." Thankfully, someone else at work jumped in and stopped the conversation before I jumped the table and whacked her over the head.

I wish I was quick enough with the comebacks, there are so many things I wish I had said.

Holy! I can't imagine ever, ever, ever blathering on like that. Wow. Clueless.

[californiagirl]

Well, I agree about all the subtle racist stuff, but I have to point out that my whitebread husband gets mistaken for staff at stores all the time (or mall security -- it's hard for him to get service), plus it's a pain to fly with him because his very common name is on the no-fly list! Plus in Australia he ALWAYS gets stopped for "random" checks unless he's carrying baby stuff. I think it's something about the ex-Army look. In stores it's funny (although it would be a lot less funny if it weren't so unexpected). In the airport, not so much. Fortunately his birthdate is different from whoever's on the no-fly list.

[tylersmama]

I got pretty fed up when one old fart said "Chang? Ya got a little Asian in ya?" I just deadpanned "Sometimes I do, sir." and kept retracting. The scrub nurse snorted but I think it went right over OF's head.
:ROTFLMAO: GREAT comeback!

[Melanie]

Wow. I guess maybe b/c I'm from SoCal where being plain old boring Caucasian is no longer the norm, but I can't imagine any of these situations!

Though I have learned the Target lesson first-hand, myself. Especially in the summer when my "wardrobe" is mostly tan capri pants and I love red. ;)

[hellokitty]

Yes, it is kind of irritating that some ppl seem to be so totally oblivious as to what they are saying. I think the worse part is ppl usually assume that ppl like this are uneducated ppl, but we have fun into so many ppl who are considered highly educated who racist and they don't even know it.

My DH had a co-worker at lunch who asked him, "So, your wife is chinese (BTW, I'm not chinese, I'm taiwanese american), so she must cook kung pao chicken and general tso chicken, huh?" FTR, I have no clue how to cook those dishes, b/c I don't make american-chinese food. So, my DH looks her in the eye and says, "What would make you ask a question like that?" She starts flubbering around, I think she realized that she must have offended him, but she doesn't know why. Later on my DH blabs to everyone else in the OR about what she said (they all knew it was offensive and then made fun of her) and she got upset and said, "I was ONLY trying to ask a question." Basically she still did not, get what she did wrong. FTR, my DH is korean american, so it's not like she was one of those types who felt, safe saying something stupid to her, "own kind."

I also remember a very bizarre incident in college. There was this girl who wanted me and another girl (who was vietnamese) to speak to one another, "in your language." FTR, I was born and raised in the US, I understand some mandarin and taiwanese, but my speaking skills are pretty hideous, but I consider english my first language. The other girl knew vietnamese, we told this girl that we couldn't speak to one another, "in our langauge," b/c I was taiwanese american (and didn't speak, "my language") and she was vietnamese, so it wouldn't make any sense. This girl didn't get it. She said, "well, you can speak and understand one another right?" We were like, "NO!" We told her, you don't expect a german and french person to speak their native language and expect them to understand one another, do you? She said, "no." Well, we told her it's the same thing in asia, there are different countries with different languages and even different dialects among the same language. She totally did not get it. Basically, in her mind she thought that all asians are the same and for some freak reason, she could understand that ppl from different european countries cannot understand each other while speaking their native tongues, but ALL asians can speak their native tongue and they all understand one another??? After trying to explain it to her several times, we gave up, some ppl are truly hopeless. :banghead:

[TahliasMom]

I experienced a lot of subtle racism when I was married to my ex. Mind you we live in San Francisco Bay Area, one of the more progressive areas or we thought so. My ex is Middle Eastern but also looks a little Latino. I'm Caucasian. we got all sort of terrorist comments, name calling and ppl ignoring us at restaurants and stores. on the other hand we get ppl talking Spanish to ex. sigh.

And it sadly continues. My bf is Chinese American and people can't figure us out. They look at DD, they look at my BF and then they look at me. We get questions about DD all the time. Is she adopted, is she ours, etc. Who freaking cares? We simply state that "she's ours." We don't feel it's necessary or anybody's business that dd is from my previous marriage!

And the latest insult came about a week ago at a work function. One of my co-workers asked me if my BF and I plan to have kids. I replied "yes" and she replied "won't that confuse your dd?" and i was like "what are you talking about?" and the lady replied "well you're baby will be a hybrid. wont it look weird to have one child with round brown eyes/olive skin and one with squinty eyes and yellow skin?" What is wrong with people?

[buddyleebaby]

And the latest insult came about a week ago at a work function. One of my co-workers asked me if my BF and I plan to have kids. I replied "yes" and she replied "won't that confuse your dd?" and i was like "what are you talking about?" and the lady replied "well you're baby will be a hybrid. wont it look weird to have one child with round brown eyes/olive skin and one with squinty eyes and yellow skin?" What is wrong with people?[/quote]

That's horrible!

Once at lunch, two women were pointing at our table and so I sort of glanced in their direction and one of them said "Your kids look NOTHING alike. I mean, the one looks very, very Irish, and the other one looks, you know...whatever."

The funny thing is that the one that she said "looks very, very Irish" is a minature version of her (South American) father, and the one who looks "whatever" could be my twin!

[annasmom]

Oh, I have one . . .

A few years ago I worked with a woman who thought it was HILARIOUS that an Asian American woman with whom she had business contacts had a California accent. (We were on the East Coast, the other woman was in California). She thought the accent was put on, because well, you know she had an ASIAN last name. How could a person with an Asian last name have a California accent?

Um, yeah. Like there are no Asian Americans living in California. It was unbelievable.

[deborah_r]

OMG, my maiden name was "Lee" - one of those Irish Lees, you know from Lees County in Ireland.




Another Irish Lee here (maiden name). In college, I kept receiving invitations through the campus mail to join the Korean Club.

[crayonblue]

I get a whole conglomeration (sp?) of dumb comments. Some ugly racial comments, some adoption comments, some special needs comments, etc. The one thing that always cracks me up is when people ask if Carmen and Lauren are twins!!! Carmen has jet black hair and eyes and brown skin and is totally chunky. And, she is 17 months old. Lauren has blonde hair, blue eyes and is very, very fair and a total string-bean. And, she is 4 years old. So, no, they are not twins.

We get lots of comments about how maybe Carmen doesn't respond because we are speaking English and maybe she only understands Spanish. 1) She came home at 5 months old. She didn't speak Spanish! 2) She has a degenerative neurological disease. Her lack of responsiveness has nothing to do with language.

[Radosti]

Ok, when I didn't speak english, people used to just speak louder and louder at me like I was deaf. When I went to college, even though I had a perfect TOEFL score and a very decent SAT english score, I still had to go prove that I could speak english in person.

These days I get the very uncomfortable self-disparaging, self-directed racist remarks from friends and co-workers. I usually don't see it coming, so am completely startled and speechless.

We were doing a lot of yard work and or neighbors/friends asked if we wanted to do an impromptu BBQ. I said sure, but we'd have to run to the store first. Mike, my neighbor, volunteered to go with me. I looked at myself and I was a mess. So, I said "I should change as I have grass stains all over my pants and my shirt was a bit ripped where a branch snagged it." He said, "don't worry, no one will notice, they will be too busy staring at the brown guy with you." He's Hawaiian. I guess we've been friends for so long that I just don't think along those lines. I was so speechless I actually stammered in response.

And my coworker, a well-versed, experienced, charismatic trainer. He's always professional in appearance. We'll be sitting there, discussing a training presentation and he'll joke along the lines of "Give a Paki a break" or "What do I know, I'm just a Paki." He's Pakistani. I realize it's a joke, and I am far from being politically correct, but I feel that it's unnecessary and takes away from any point he's trying to make. I actually really bugs me every time he says it.