Please help--DH & I are at our wits' end

[mommyapb]

DD has slept thru the night since 2 1/2 weeks of age...now at 22 months she has terrible time sleeping. For the past week she has fought us to go down (she is in a toddler bed) & is waking in the middle on the night. This morning she was up from 2 until 4:30 when we finally brought her into bed w/ us out of sheer exhaustion--she passed out in 2 minutes snoring the whole time (so dh & I did not sleep).

I don't know what is causing these problems (it is not teething nor is she sick--check both of those out). She will fall alseep if you are in the room but as soon as you leave, out she comes...it is like a separation issue....maybe nightmares.

Anyone deal with this? Suggestions on what to do tonight?

TIA

Amelia
dd3/06

[hillview]

Kids go through phases is my pov. I think she is a little early for nightmares (at least my doc said they usually start around 3 years old). Couple of ideas:
- tell her what you want her to do ... kids do understand at this age -- "it is night time outside -- when it is day time you can get up -- mom and dad are tired and sleeping we will see you in the morning" that sort of thing
- when she wakes up in the middle of the night take her back to her bed without talking etc
- consider using the crib? DS was in his crib til 2.5 years old

Does she have a lovie or some other item that she can use as a mom/dad substitute? If not maybe have her pick out a stuffed animal or doll?

GOOD LUCK!
/hillary

[mommy111]

Give her a sleeping aid :) OK, just kidding, partly, my DD was exactly as you had described. Part of it is just toddler obstinacy. Here are things that helped us: first and foremost, make sure she doesn't have a cold/earache/stomach ache etc. Then we'd make sure she's had a good meal before bed, b/c it was harder for her to go to sleep if she was hungry or had a meal with a lot of protein. So we would, for example, I'd give DD bread and butter with some warm milk an hour before bedtime (and butter knocks her out)!!
Next, we would not insist that she go to bed, we would let her wind down by playing/reading/yawning and then let her suggest that she was sleepy. Sometimes that meant that she would sleep later than usual, but we would wake her up the same time in the AM. After a few days of that, she figured she needed to go to sleep on time and would gladly go to sleep in her own bed once she was sleepy enough.
I guess I could have let her cry it out, but I never have the heart to do that. It took us a few weeks to get her re-adjusted.

[bisous]

My only thoughts are to make absolutely sure that this isn't a medical issue.

Take this with a grain of salt as it is very unlikely that this is a big deal like it was for my son but DS was 2.75 when he was d'x with Type 1 Diabetes. In retrospect, the first symptom was his inability to sleep when he has always been an excellent sleeper (at night! naps are a different story). I thought it was a behavioral issue with him and was a little "tough" when I was just completely at my wit's end. Then I found out he was actually very sick. I so very much regret not "listening" to him try to explain to me how terrible he felt.

Jen

[Fairy]

Kids go through phases is my pov. I think she is a little early for nightmares (at least my doc said they usually start around 3 years old). Couple of ideas:
- tell her what you want her to do ... kids do understand at this age -- "it is night time outside -- when it is day time you can get up -- mom and dad are tired and sleeping we will see you in the morning" that sort of thing
- when she wakes up in the middle of the night take her back to her bed without talking etc
- consider using the crib? DS was in his crib til 2.5 years old

Does she have a lovie or some other item that she can use as a mom/dad substitute? If not maybe have her pick out a stuffed animal or doll?

GOOD LUCK!
/hillary

I agree wtih this. If you take her back, and she gets up again, you take her back again. And again. And again. And again. When sheer exhaustion sets in, then you can only do so much before giving up for the night is a valid option for you. But this is the method I would use if you're sure there are no medical, fear, etc. causes.

[C99]

Did she recently move from a crib to a toddler bed?

[mommyapb]

We converted her crib to a toddler bed 2 months ago.

Thank you very much for all the info everyone---dd went down no problem tonight. I'll keep my fingers crossed that she doesn't wake in the middle of the night.

I knew I could count on the BBB mommas for good advice.

In regard to the medical issue, I am 99.9% certain there is medically nothing wrong. She communicates no issues, pains, bumps, bruises etc. Appetite is normal...no fever. I really don't want to take her to the doctor for no reason (afraid she'll end up getting sick from the office).

I'll let you guys know how things go in the morning.

Amelia

[C99]

After the novelty of the toddler bed wore off, my DS1 stopped sleeping. We put the rail back on to convert it back to a crib and he started sleeping again!

[Fairy]

What about fear? Is it possible she's scared and not telling you? It's hard to draw this out, cuz if you ask, "are you scared," they're gonna probably latch on to that and say, "ohmigod, I'm scared," even if they're not sure of what. So, that's tricky to get to. Right around 2 years old, DS began clearly being concerned about monsters. He'd talk about how Cookie Monster is a good and Grover is a friendly monster. He didn't say, "I'm afraid of monsters," but his verbalization to us that certain monsters were good told us that he was also thinking about monsters that were not good. Right around this time, he insisted on having the lights on at night in bed -- he'd never needed it before. So, it could be fear that she isn't communicating or doesn't know how to communicate.

Things we did to address DS's similar sleeping issues were:
* Closet light on every night
* Told him there are no such things as monsters
* When he insists there are, assure him that there aren't, but the two cats are there to be sure no monsters come in the house, anyway, so no worries
* The quintessential monster spray

We have other sleep issues, like DS just refusing to sleep. He lays there, plays, sings, has very in-depth conversations with Periwinkle, doesn't show the least bit of anxiety or concern, but doesn't sleep. Comes out now and then. Tonight, it's more then than now :-). But, luckily, we breezed thru the up in the middle of the night stuff.

Good luck!

[inmypjs]

You've gotten some wonderful advice! I just wanted to second (or third) the people who said to consider going to back to the crib. We kept my son in the crib until 3, and I seriously thought about doing it longer. Maybe it wouldn't make a difference, but I'd suggest giving it a try. It's so awful not to sleep, and if it doesn't work you can always go back. Good luck!

[spokaneCPST]

I wanted to address the snoring issue (in addition to the other suggestions). Our DD started having sleeping issues around the same time that she started snoring. The snoring got worse and worse over a few months. Finally we were at the ped. for a check up and he was shocked at the size of her tonsils. We took her to the ENT and her tonsils and adenoids were removed a weeks later. She never had a throat infection, just had whoppers in her throat obstructing her breathing at night and causing her to not be able to sleep. Now she is back to sleeping 12-13 hours without a peep!
Renee

[mommyapb]

UPDATE:

DD slept like a champ last night--down w/o a fight & never awoke. I did not read her one of the books that she asks for because I thought that might be scaring her--maybe it was who knows.

Today for a nap though it took 2 hrs of saying nothing, just putting her right back into bed before she finally gave in & just fell asleep....here's to hoping we won't have to do this on a daily basis.

Thanks again for all the input!
Amelia

[Fairy]

Anytime, Amelia. We've all been there. Keep reaching out; thes upport is there for you!