is this not unusual?

[SAHMIL]

does every playgroup have politics? do you all have babies of mixed ages like I see on Meetup or do you have kids close in age or development? Has anyone said they "did not enjoy" playgroup b/c your kid crawls, while the rest of them are walking. What is the purpose of a playgroup? My understanding is that it's a group of people who enjoy each other's company? Do you find things like leaving a glass of water on the floor (in a room where sippy cups are everywhere on the floor) to be a mortal sin? Is it wrong of someone to feed their baby from a bottle in frontof other babies who are weaned form the bottle or shaking it in front of their faces? Please help me. I feel socially playgroup inept.

[miki]

IMO, playgroup for babies and young toddlers is really for the moms to enjoy some adult interaction. So you find some other moms whom you like and who have similar parenting philosophies to be in your playgroup. As your kids get older, you have a nice set of friends and so does your kid. My DD's first playgroup had kids with a very close range of ages, all were born within a few months of each other. All the moms liked this. Now 4 years later, one of those kids is my DD's best friend.

[SAHMIL]

IMO, playgroup for babies and young toddlers is really for the moms to enjoy some adult interaction. So you find some other moms whom you like and who have similar parenting philosophies to be in your playgroup. As your kids get older, you have a nice set of friends and so does your kid. My DD's first playgroup had kids with a very close range of ages, all were born within a few months of each other. All the moms liked this. Now 4 years later, one of those kids is my DD's best friend.

When you say a few months? What do you mean? My DC is only 4-1/2-5 months younger than the youngest baby in the group. I don't have an issue with that. But the other mom does b/c her DS is walking and mine isn't. (My son is 9 months old and the next oldest baby is 12 and the next is 13 months)

Sad, but I can't help but take this personally. I know a lot of these women through a group that my hospital sponsored. Unfortunately, my DC was the one who came in in the middle. The rest are younger by 3 months plus my DC is big for the age. (88th percentile for height) My kid holds his own. I'm not even sure I really want to go to the hospital group anymore b/c I don't want to see these people from the playgroup.

[eliasmom]

It sounds like you need a new playgroup if you're feeling this way. DD has been in a neighborhood playgroup since she was pretty teeny and, while there happened to be a lot of babies within a month of her age, the age range of the group in general was NB-18 mos, so when DD and the kids her age were walking, we actually had a bunch of newborns there too (and we all thought they were adorable and had baby lust). We taught the big kids to watch our for the little kids and tried to keep a close eye. Some of those younger babies are great friends with the bigger kids now. None of the moms in the group ever complained about a particular baby's age/skill level/size.

DD also goes to a local parent/tot class with a totally different group of kids & parents. She is on the younger end in that class, but she has really bonded with some of the older kids and most of the parents or caregivers keep a good eye on the big kids. You might want to look at one of those types of classes to see if you can meet a different set of parents. At 9 months, your baby won't care, so find a place where YOU feel comfortable... if not, it's not really worth your time!

[hellokitty]

Our mom's club recently set up playgroups. What we do is depending on the age(s) of the child(ren) that mom has who is hosting, we let ppl know in advanced, so if it doesn't sound like something they want to do, they don't have to attend. For example, the mom hosting playgroup this month has an 18 mo old and she is pg with baby #2. Her toys are of course appropriate for kids who are 18 mo old and under. Older children are of course welcome, but moms are forewarned that there will not be toys for older kids available, just due to the age of the hostesses child. When it's my turn to host, I'll be letting ppl know that we have a lot of construction toys for preschoolers, if anyone has a baby and they want to bring them along, that is fine, but be aware that you need to keep track of your baby not putting things in their mouth, etc. and maybe bring some age appropriate toys for them (I have some younger kids toys I can pull out too if needed). Everyone brings their own snacks and drinks for their own children, so the hostess does not have to worry about that.

I think it would be selfish for moms to expect that other moms would all cater to them. As far as I am concerned the hostess kind of dictates what how the playgroup will be since it will be at her house. Like we don't wear shoes in our household, anyone that comes to our place for playgroup will need to remove their shoes in the foyer. That's just the way it is. If ppl in your group are throwing hissy fits, b/c FF moms are giving their babies bottles, I think that is pretty rude and self centered of them to have expectations like that, and maybe they should start their own exclusive, "everyone does what I do" PG. I BF and I am a LLL leader, but I am not going to throw a fit or give dirty looks to another mom in our group who is FF her baby.

[nfowife]

I think it depends on how the group is organized. In our local MOMS club (over 65 members), it is organized really well and there is almost no drama that I've noticed in over 2 years, and I'm pretty involved. Our group has 2 activities a week that are open to everyone (such as the zoo, a potluck at someone's house, park, out to lunch, etc.). Then there are about 6 individual age-grouped playgroups within the group that rotate locations (usually the participants' homes) each week. You only go to the playgroup you belong to and there is a leader for each one. I've been in a playgroup for over 2 years as well now, and all of us have older DC's within about 6 months of each other and all except one (who's pg) has had a second. It's a big age range but we don't seem to have any problems. Mine is currently the youngest at almost a year and almost walking. The next oldest is 16 months and is just starting to walk as well. Since they mostly play independently anyhow it has never been an issue (in fact we socialize with this family a lot as our DH's work together and both my kids are 5 months younger than both her kids and our kids get along fabulously!).
I think if you don't "gel" with your current group then you need to look for another one you get along with. Not every group is perfect for every person. I've been in 2 other groups and am still on the periphery of one of them but I pretty much only do stuff with the Moms club group because that's who I get along with the best.

[ellies mom]

Our version of a play group was an indoor play park coop. It was really nice because the room was pretty big so the kids could spread out. We had a sectioned off area for the little ones right at the mom's feet. Since the place was the same every time, the rules were the same every time.

It was a great group of moms and over a year after we disbanded, the moms still get together once a month for dinner and the kids still get together for activities, for example tomorrow is a holiday so we have having a get together for all the kids.

So, maybe something like that would work better. I have to agree that getting pissy because someone is giving their child a bottle in front of another child would be too much for me.

[lisams]

Honestly, it sounds like a bunch of first time mommies ;) Do they really care if another baby is drinking from a bottle? What do they do when they go to the mall and their weaned child sees a bottle? I'd find a group that is a little more relaxed.

My playgroup is a mix of children of all ages (6 months to 6 years) since almost all of us have more than one child. None of the things you mentioned have been an issue. I wouldn't feel comfortable with a group that was that uh, nit-picky, but that's just me!

[Melanie]

I don't think playgroup politics are unusual, but it also sounds like you didn't find the right one yet. :)

[lizajane]

does every playgroup have politics?
no. i had a mommy group- when our kids were babies, so it was more about the moms, and we had no politics at all. we only disbanded because we ended up with too many people and it made the babies nervous and our houses weren't big enough to house everyone.

do you all have babies of mixed ages like I see on Meetup or do you have kids close in age or development?
our kids were all within a 3 month range, which is what i have heard suggested for baby groups. only because the moms have a lot in common, the kids are doing the same things and playing with the same toys, no one is eating something the others can't all have (unless allergies or mom's preference) etc etc.

Has anyone said they "did not enjoy" playgroup b/c your kid crawls, while the rest of them are walking.
crawling vs walking didn't bother me at all. if i had a newborn and other kids were walking, i would feel out of place. or if i had a new walker and other kids were running, i would worry my kid woud get run over and it would not be fun for me for all the worry.

What is the purpose of a playgroup? My understanding is that it's a group of people who enjoy each other's company?
i think yes, it is a group of people who enjoy each other's company but when kids get older, it applies to them as well. i would not ask my kids to be in a playgroup that was no developmentally appropriate for them (other kids are reading and playing video games while my kids beg them to play with them, or babies are learning to walk and my kids are bored to tears.)

Do you find things like leaving a glass of water on the floor (in a room where sippy cups are everywhere on the floor) to be a mortal sin?
not a mortal sin, but it seems obvious to me that if you leave a glass of water on the floor in a room full or babies/toddlers/little kids, it is going to get knocked over.

Is it wrong of someone to feed their baby from a bottle in frontof other babies who are weaned form the bottle or shaking it in front of their faces?
i might go into another room if it were going to cause stress to another baby or mom who was working super hard to take a bottle away. having a baby crawling all over another baby or mom to get to the bottle that doesnt' belong to them would be stressful to everyone involved, IMO.

Please help me. I feel socially playgroup inept.

i am sorry. i am sure that you can find the right group for you out there if the one you attend now isn't working out.

[gatorsmom]

I agree with a pp that this is a group of first time mommies!! Being a mommy for the first time is hard and stressful with a VERY BIG learning curve. First time mommies also give themselves a TON of guilt so you don't need other mothers giving you some too! I would stay away from any group that makes another mom feel like she isn't as good, isn't doing the right thing, or compares babies. You don't need that.

In a couple of years a 5 month difference in children won't matter at ALL. If I were you, I'd find a warm, welcoming group that enjoys and celebrates the different stages and ages of the other parents' children. A group like that can teach you so much about yourself, your children and different ways of parenting.

GL!

[maestramommy]

I belong to an informal moms group. Most of us met through a Mornings for Moms class at the hospital. Our dc1s are generally the same age, although obviously there is a range. There have been times where not everyone was crawling, or walking, or weaned, or whatever, and it's never been a problem. You just use common sense, and keep an eye on your child. We were also very supportive of watching someone else's kid so the mom could go to the bathroom, or get some coffee or food. Our playdates were usually at someone's house. Then when the kids started getting really active and the weater warmed up we started meeting at parks or indoor playgrounds. But we still like to have house playdates once in a while whenever anyone feels like hosting. Like I said, it's very informal. We also have a Moms Night Out once a month or so. Now that a lot of us have had our dc2, some of the older kids are in preschool or daycare, so we're sort having Round 2 of the range of ages.

It's all great fun, and we keep in touch through a Yahoo group for asking questions, announcing playdates or proposing fun things to do. Within the playgroup there are smaller groups of moms who just have a greater affinity for one another and I imagine they get together more often outside the larger group. I myself get together with some other Asian moms because we like to eat the same things. And really most of our houses are better suited for smaller playdates. It's all natural, and I've yet to hear that anyone was hurt at not being included in on everything. No one has that kind of time anyway.

I think if you're experiencing that kind of politics it's time to find another playgroup. :hug:

[niccig]

Our playgroup has DC1 ages from 3.5yo to DC2 at 4 months. At times not all the kids were at the same level. We all watch out for the younger ones, and we all agree to another mum stopping behaviour if we didn't see it eg. If I'm out of the room and DS takes a toy from another child, someone else can tell him he needs to wait his turn and to give the toy back. DS had his pacifier longer than the other kids and when he weaned, I never expected the younger kids to not use theirs. I also understand that things happen. The eldest boy started pushing the other kids, and he was reprimanded by his mum. 4 months later, my DS pushes back, and he was reprimanded by me. They're toddlers/pre-schoolers, they're not always going to behave appropriately. You have to deal.

[C99]

IMO, playgroup for babies and young toddlers is really for the moms to enjoy some adult interaction. So you find some other moms whom you like and who have similar parenting philosophies to be in your playgroup. As your kids get older, you have a nice set of friends and so does your kid. My DD's first playgroup had kids with a very close range of ages, all were born within a few months of each other. All the moms liked this. Now 4 years later, one of those kids is my DD's best friend.

ITA with this. In my playgroup, which has been around for 4.5 years, the oldest kid was born at the beginning of January and the youngest was born at the end of April - that was the first "generation." There are now tons of siblings - there is a clear "second generation" that spans about 6 months, and then the birth order is kind of helter skelter.

IME, every playgroup has parenting politics - it's whether everyone is on the same page that really matters. I really did not mesh with my first playgroup, so I found another one. A few people have not meshed with our playgroup, and they left. As I said above, most of the first generation of kids were close in age/development, but now it's of little import since we all have more than 1 child. An open, unattended glass of water on the floor would only bother me if there was a crawling baby that could easily knock it over. In our playgroup, feeding from a bottle would only be odd because everyone, with only one exception, breastfed their babies, often well into toddlerhood.