Just ret'd from 2 y.o. girl's memorial...seeking ideas to help family

[Mamma2004]

This morning I attended the memorial for my friends' two-year-old daughter who was killed so tragically on Wednesday evening. Our town is still in shock but we are eager to help the family over the coming weeks and months.

I will be coordinating a meal delivery service for this family of four and I would be grateful for any ideas, including recipes. I rarely cook in advance unless it's lasagne or stew so I am reaching out to the BBB community for suggestions. Our goal is to alleviate their need to think much about shopping or cooking for several months so that they can concentrate on healing their family.

Thank you so very much in advance!

Stephanie

[nfowife]

Our moms club uses http://carecalendar.org/ to set up meal deliveries for new moms and stuff. It's very easy to use. You just set it up and then send out the id # and password and people can sign up for the day they want. There is no registration, you just put in your email and then it sends you a reminder as well.

[egoldber]

Just a few thoughts. Have someone who knows the family's likes and dislikes give some input into the menu. And make sure to stagger food so they are not overwhelmed at first and then have nothing later. ONe or two meals a week is probably sufficient if the meals are big and have leftovers.

I know it sounds ungrateful, but we were SO overwhelmed in the initial days after Leah's death with food. We had so much food and so many leftovers and nowhere to put it. And my husband is so picky there were often meals that only I would eat (since I am not picky). It frankly became another burden. So maybe add some gift cards for food and restaurants. Sometimes you just want/need to get out of the house and get some air. But if you have two freezers full of leftovers its hard to do that sometimes.

Also, I was really irritated that people expected me to keep track of who gave me what Tupperware/Corningware/Pyrex and wanted their pans back. I almost told a couple people to just take their food back, because honestly that was just too much of a burden. So please make sure people use disposable pans or things they don't want back and make that CLEAR to the couple.

It would also be nice for people to watch other kids so the parents can get out alone for a meal by themselves. Or invite the kids over for playdates or sleepovers (depending on the age) so the parents have some time to breathe or do things they can't do with the kids: plan funeral arrangements, pick up ashes/clothing from the funeral home, see a therapist together, etc. Those are small things that can make a huge difference.

[DrSally]

Those were some great thoughts/suggestions, Beth. ITA about the disposable tray thing. They don't need to be thinking about who/where to return things. Aluminum disp trays are pretty cheap. After DS was born, I appreciated when a friend brought a tray of a dozen blueberry muffins a few times. I wasn't sitting down for big meals, so it was really nice to have something homemade to nibble on. After my dad died, one really nice meal my mom received was a homemade chicken pot pie. It was sooo yummy. I agree with the babysitting suggestion too. The parents will prob need some time alone or maybe one-one-one with each indiv child.

[egoldber]

After DS was born, I appreciated when a friend brought a tray of a dozen blueberry muffins a few times.

Thats a great idea too. A couple people sent us gift baskets of non-perishable stuff and it was a godsend to have things that we could have around to just snack on when you didn't always feel like a big meal.

And we also really liked having stuff like desserts around because people were always coming over to visit (at least in the early days) and it gave me something to offer them.

Another thought is a gift certificate to a place like alazing.com That way they can order meals that appeal to them. Although a gift certificate to a restaurant probably goes further.

[khm]

Since they probably will be overloaded with meals right now I agree that right now things like grocery staples and fruit, sodas/beverages, breakfast bars, muffins, etc. would be good. They'll have lots of visitors and it would be nice to have regular staples on hand. I don't think I'd personally be able to eat much, so smaller snack items would be a relief.

My heart does ache for them, I'm so sorry for their loss.

[justlearning]

I want to second the part that Beth said about having people bring things in disposable containers. I also wanted to add that it'd be really nice when organizing meals if you'd keep track of what people will be bringing them to ensure that they're getting variety. I did this when I organized meals for a friend by having people email me what they were bringing. In about one fourth of the cases, the women said that they didn't know what they'd be bringing and still didn't let me know beforehand. It still worked, though, because what I did was every week email everyone scheduled to bring meals with a list of who was scheduled for what day and what that person was bringing. That way the few who hadn't decided yet would be able to see that the person would already be getting lasagna, chicken enchiladas, etc. and could then plan accordingly.

In the two months following our son's cancer diagnosis, we had meals brought to us nearly every night, which were organized by a friend of mine and were a huge blessing. We started getting a good laugh, though, because somehow people seemed to bring us the same thing every night back to back. (My friend didn't ask them what they were bringing in advance.) It was absolutely crazy but there were about two weeks when we got nothing but chicken and rice. Then there were another two weeks when we kept getting meatloaf every night. Then we had one week where we got enchiladas every night. This week some ladies brought us a few meals again and we got BBQ sandwiches back to back! So, we kept getting a good laugh at how unbelievable it was that everyone brought us the same thing, but unfortunately the food became less appetizing to us when we already had eaten that same meal multiple times.

[oneplustwo]

I'm a volunteer for a local "angel food network" to deliver meals to people in crisis. As others have said, the main things to keep in mind to make this work well are:

* Get the details about what the family likes/doesn't like, including spices or flavors to avoid, and if possible, how they normally cook, so as to do similar dishes.

* ONLY disposable containers!!

* It's helpful if the giver attaches a note with info about the meal, its ingredients and any instructions. For example, is that lasagna pre-baked and just needs to be reheated, or does it need to be cooked in a 350 degree oven, covered in foil, for 60 minutes?

* One option is to put a cooler big enough for meals in the family's garage or on an open porch or near the front door, etc., for placing meals in. The meals are delivered within a window of time determined in advance (for example, between four and five thirty on the delivery day) and placed in the cooler. That way, the family does not have to see and talk to someone if they don't feel like it or are resting, but they know when to look for the food.

* Space out the meals. A couple nights per week is probably plenty.

* One neat site for coordinating meals is called lotsahelpinghands.com. People can also enter info on what meal they plan to make, so that the family doesn't get meatloaf six times in a row.

Forgot to add: you could also have pizza delivered to the family as well, especially if the kids like it.

Anne