Need help with private vs. public Kindergarten decision

[CiderLogan]

DD goes to a private preschool that we adore (progressive teaching philosophy, plenty of outdoor time, wonderful campus, great friends, excellent teachers, etc.). It goes through 8th grade, but we always planned for our children to go to public school (we're not loaded, our political philosophy is pro-public schools, I'd rather save money for college for them or for all of us to travel & do other activities, our area's schools are perfectly fine, etc.).

DD turns 5 at the end of August (so she's as young as she could possibly be for Kindergarten), and we're torn about whether to keep her at her current school for one more year vs. having her start Kindergarten at our public school. On the one hand, if we're planning to send her to public school eventually, it makes sense to start now so she can make friends and learn her way around when everyone else in her class is also new to the school. But sometimes I feel like if we can give her one more year of more personalized attention in an environment in which she's thriving, we should do it. Plus, she has to be at the bus stop for public school at 7, while I could drop her at her private school at 8:30, which is a huge issue for me because I also have a one-year-old and a husband who travels.... the thought of waking the 1-year-old at 6:45 to take our Kindergartener to the bus stop (which is too far from our house for her to walk alone) seems crazy.

Sorry for the long post, but I'd really appreciate any input. I am completely torn. How hard is it for a kid to change schools from year to year? Am I crazy for even thinking of spending $11K for something I can get for free?!?

TIA!!

[egoldber]

These decisions are so hard! I was all about the private K for you until you said $11K. OW! We sent Sarah to a private K, but it was "only" $3K, so it didn't hurt as much LOL!

Anyway, I will say that she had a VERY VERY hard adjustment to firts grade in a new school, new environment, etc. In retrospect, if I was planning to go ahead and send her to the public school I should have sent her for K. But I was waffling on whether or not to send to K or hold her back (she is also an August birthday) so I didn't necessarily have that foresight her K year.

Depending on the school dynamic it can be extremely hard to break into school social groups. Sarah has really REALLY struggled with making friends at her new school and I think waiting even longer would be much harder as social groups get more and more established.

But of course I just read Mean Girls and Odd Girl Out and it frankly scared the crap out of me, so thats coloring my mood a bit these days....

[JillSP]

No, you are not crazy.

If your daughter gets more personalized attention at the private school, it is not a situation where you can get the exact same thing for free at a public school.

I am pro-public education but my husband and I will be sending our children to private school (mostly because of the religious componenct, but also because the education is generally better).

If you are set on public school, at some point you are going to have to make the jump. Public and private education both have their "costs." The cost of private education is clear -- the cost of tuition. The cost of public education (at least in your case as it sounds like in your post) is the disruption of a schedule that is working for you and less personalized attention for your daughter.

Whether that is worth $11k a year is an individual decision that only you and your husband can make. But, don't let any past declarations you might have made about your intent to send your child to public school bind you. It is OK to say, "We always thought that we would send our child to public school, but we had to make a decision about what is best for her and what is best for her is to stay in her current school."

If private school just isn't in the budget, that is OK, too. I don't know if $11k a year for one grade-school child would be in our budget. In which case you say, "as much as we loved the private school, the education at the public school is just as good and we just couldn't justify the price tag."

[ast96]

That is really hard. I have struggled with the decision myself. We kept our son in private K this year (June birthday, had my third baby when school was starting, etc.) and I do believe it was the right decision, but it comes with a price: we are more entrenched in the private school now, we're more used to the small atmosphere and the increased flexibility, etc. And so we are probably coughing up another $12K for private first grade. And I don't know if I am setting him up for trouble transitioning later, because we can't afford to keep him in private school, much less his two younger brothers.

Sorry I can't help more, but your dilemma is real, and there are pros and cons to both scenarios!

[SnuggleBuggles]

I have the same struggle daily almost!

Our situation is a bit different. I found that our public kindergarten is unnacceptable for how I want my ds taught (there is zero recess and they do not value play in learning...as someone w/ a background in developmental psych and education it just something I'm not ok with). But, I wanted him to be at a school from the start so he could make friends. Ultimately I opted to send him to a kindergarten that is the last grade at a preschool. So, he had to start fresh then and will have to start fresh somewhere else next year. It bites and I worry daily that he won't make friends next year.

That said, I was really grateful that we ponied up the money for this kindergarten this year. It has been the exact right place for him to be. He had a bit of a rough start and they worked with him and us so well. I really did want him to have this year to get the play, the small class, the individual attention and all the things that his private school can offer. He has been thriving and loves school.

I know I may have a tough bridge to cross next year as far as friends go. But, I am going to do what I can over the summer to help him meet kids in his class but getting him involved in local activities. So long as he knows at least one kid I thin he will be ok.

Oh, and we now are looking to do a less expensive private school anyway for next year. I just know ds and his learning style/ personality. The way our public school is set up just isn't a good fit for him. I don't want him getting lost in the shuffle. His teachers have recommended a good private school that they said their students do well at b/c it is set up very similarly. I can't decide if we should spend the money now since we should be saving more for college though. Then again, a good foundation that fosters a love of learning could be more beneficial in the long run (which you can get at a public schoo, just not mine :().

I wish you luck on this. I'd probably go with the private school though. It sounds like a good fit. Oh, and something that our old preschool director suggested was finding out how many other kids enter school in first grade. She said that it is not all that uncommon to come in at 1st grade. She may not be the only new student.

Beth

[SnuggleBuggles]

we are more entrenched in the private school now, we're more used to the small atmosphere and the increased flexibility, etc.

That is my problem now. After 2 fantastic private preschools and K it is hard to give that up. More and more I feel like the public school isn't the right fit for me (at least not ours').

Beth

[Jen841]

We are going through a similar thing. We have too many choices I feel... private (via our Kindercare) - pretty much ruled out
public 1/2 day and private 1/2 day
Catholic full day with afterschool program (our parish)

I am trying to think where we want to be for 1-12, public or catholic. I want to make the commitment now for the next 12 years, or at least until hs. The tuition is less than $3K, so it will be cheaper than daycare annually, but down the road we will pay for something that is good where we live (we leave near the "desired" elementary school.)

I did public, DH did Catholic. I am not opposed to Catholic.

So torn!

[emmiem]

If you can afford one more year of a private school that you love, I would do it. Lots of child change schools in the primary years. You don't make life long friends in Kindergarten. We moved our middle child from a private Montessori after kindergarten to public school. It did take her two weeks to adjust to a bigger faster moving place but the friend/social group issue was non existent. It was more about she didn't know where to go when they announced walkers go home, her lunch number, and the procedures more than anything.
Michele

[lizajane]

are you sure you are going to public eventually? what i hear from you is that you want to stay private. the personalized attention is the same whether in K or grade 9. are you sure you are willing to let her go to public in first grade if you aren't interested in sending her now? just trying to make you think. because it really sounds like you like the idea of public education, but maybe not for you kid. and that is FINE! you get to decide what is best for your kid.

if private is best for your family, then plan on it and find a way. for us, it would mean me working outside the home full time with both kids in afterschool care every day. that isn't best for my family, so we won't consider private. but it sounds to me like it is a consideration for you, whether you are already working full time or could add a part time job or go up to full time if you are not working outside the home now. for me, it isn't about should i pay the money, it is that i CAN'T pay the money. but if i could, i would be visiting private schools right now!

in my area, we have really great magnet schools. do you have anything like magnets or charters? worth a look!

[belovedgandp]

I totally understand the struggle. We made the decision to go with our public schools and have absolutely loved them - even starting with 3 year old pre-school. I am active in my church and sometimes have a battle with people in certain groups where I am somehow not dedicated enough to send my child to the Catholic school. It pulled me all directions when making the decision.

I understand the bus stop issue. Could you drop off/drive to the public K? My baby is rarely out of his PJs when we drop off in the morning which is easy when we just go from garage to curb of school and back to garage.

First grade is a big adjustment for us but it's mostly the full day thing. K is still 1/2 day (although full is a paid for option). I absolutely love 1/2 day K. There's still time for us to do fun things.

What is the cut-off age for your state? Ours is September 1st. School usually starts the 3rd week of August. I don't know the actually percentages, but from personal experience 2/3 of the August b-days (especially second half of the month and/or boys) wait a year.

[fivi2]

No real advice on the tough choice, just a bus stop suggestion from a friend who had an infant at home last year. She traded off with a neighbor - the neighbor came by in the mornings and took both kids to the bus stop, then my friend met both kids in the afternoon. That way she didn't have to wake her infant up. Good luck with your decision!

[jenmcadams]

Just a few things to think about...we didn't have the decision of public vs. private per se, but we were trying to do decide about whether to send our late August birthday DD to K at all and whether to do Full or 1/2 day. We ended up sending her to full day (she had gone to a full day preschool environment 3 days/week from age 2 1/2 on). She's the second youngest child in her class, but she's done great.

If you're 100% positive you're going public in 1st, I would probably send her this coming year to public K. I love our elementary school and even though it's really academic, they get 3 recesses per day and everything about it is still fun for my DD. I'm impressed with how nice the kids are and haven't seen lots of mean girl type stuff, but I am glad she was able to make friends with other girls this year. Our school is a neighborhood school with only 2 classes per grade, so it's small and she's made friends with all of the kids in her class and also lots of the little girls in the 1/2 day class who do Daisies with her.

Another thing you might consider is whether it makes sense to have her do K at the private school and repeat K at the public school later. I felt like my DD would do fine academically and she has (even being one of the youngest, she's in the top 1/2 academically and not struggling at all), so we didn't consider this, but it's actually pretty common around here. A lot of people send their summer birthday boys to private 1/2 day K or private pre-K and then they do another year of K at the public school. It means that about 1/3 of the kids in my DDs class were 6 when the school year started. At first this bothered me, but my DD has always done well with older kids and I rarely notice any social issues.

So, none of this will necessarily help you make the public vs. private choice, but thought some of it might help you formulate your thoughts about K in general.

Oh, two more things...I wouldn't make the decision based on the morning bus -- I drive my DD and my DS is always in his jammies and there are tons of opportunities to work out car pools. If you do decide to do private for K and switch to public, see if you can find out where the public school kids do their activities (e.g. we belong to a Y and my DD has always played sports there, but the kids at her elementary school tend to do sports through some of the private leagues in the area, so we're transitioning her classes and sports (ballet, etc.) to the places where the elementary school kids go -- this would help your DD make friends with her eventual classmates

[MontrealMum]

Just another point to bring up in the public vs. private debate, and I apologize since it doesn't seem to be part of the scenario you're considering, but it might help with your decision. Assuming that your local public school is a good one, and many districts still are, the money question can be looked at from another vantage point.

Many studies have concluded that if you are going to break up your child's education between public and private, it is in the later years that the private education will do the most good. Children from both public and private elementary schools do equally well in highschool and college; while children from private highschools do much better in college than those from public schools - on average. And private highschools generally have much more to offer in terms of extracurriculars, sports, art, music and the like, than their public counterparts. Of course private elementary schools do as well, but it counts more at the secondary level.

So, again, if your local public school rates well, I would consider moving your child now, and saving some of those dollars for a private highschool education.

Of course if you are in a specialized program such as Montessori (a wonderful program - I had 9 years of it as a child!) or if the public schools in your area aren't so hot, you still have a tough decision. But I thought I'd bring up the greater importance of secondary education vs. elementary. Perhaps if there is a decision to be made, this is the one to consider.

[MelissaTC]

That is a tough decision. I made it last year when I enrolled my DS in private, Catholic school. I don't regret the decision one bit and with the administrative turnmoil my school district seems to constantly be in coupled with constant redistricting (including my neighborhood!), I cherish the stability and individualized attention he receives. His public school starts at 7:45am so he would need to be at the bus stop by 7:00 am. Not acceptable to me for elementary school.

I think DH and I lean towards private school anyway as we both attended great private, Catholic schools for elementary through high school. I know that I want the same type of education for my son and so he is in it. The cost is lower than your tuition (we will pay $5k at the Catholic rate) but it is well worth it to me.

Good luck in making your decision!

[kcampbell]

I understand the dilemma! Our DD is an Aug BD but will be 4 this year. I am already wondering and worrying about what we will do. We are in a great elementary school too and DH and I always planned public but I constantly second guess it. I will be interested to hear what you do. Good luck!

[kijip]

My jaw is on the floor at these 7AM elementary school start times. School here starts at 9:10 through 5th grade. That alone would push me in the direction of private school permanently.

I tend to think that private school money is best spent later on in school or on extras like tutoring, trips, activities if the public school is decent.

We struggled a lot with the choice between public school and private or Catholic school. Ultimately we decided that if we get one of the public schools that is acceptable to us (sadly three local schools are simply out of the question) we will send him to public school. We will volunteer, donate money and get involved as much as helpful to make the quality what we need it to be. We are in a unique district where there are 6 elementary schools in our cluster, 4 all city draws and a couple out of cluster choices to choose from. There are three in cluster schools that we feel good about and have our fingers crossed that is where we get to send him. If not, we will have to regroup. We are on a couple of private school lists, hedging our bets a little.

[JoyNChrist]

our political philosophy is pro-public schools

I realize that this isn't the only or even the biggest factor in your decision, but I wanted to comment on it.

By the time my son enters school, I will likely be teaching at a public school (I'm finishing my Master's in Education now). I'm all about public schools. I believe in them, I lobby for them, I think they're in dire need of every bit of help and support that we can give them.

But my child, God willing, will go to a private school.

No matter how much I believe in public schools in theory, until those public schools reach the standards of quality that I have for my son's education, he won't go to one. It's just too important to me. Where I live, the options we have for public education are quite frankly pitiful. They're rural, underfunded, understaffed, and the standards they set for their students are so far from acceptable or even average that I'm not sure what to call them. I as an educator will do my very best to change that. My son as a student will not.

This is slightly off topic, because you've said that the public schools in your area are fine. And I also have the benefit of living in a relatively low-cost area when it comes to private ed (around $2-3K per year). But if we couldn't afford it, I'd homeschool before I'd send Avery to the public schools around here. It's really that bad.

Anyway, I said all that to say that I wouldn't let your political or theoretical agenda influence your decision one way or the other. :)

[kijip]

Anyway, I said all that to say that I wouldn't let your political or theoretical agenda influence your decision one way or the other. :)

I tend to agree with that. Still there are some factors. I have real issues with racial and class diversity that are not likely addressed at certain private schools. We looked at one private elite school, excellent on the whole academically but no appreciable diversity and no acknowledgment of any class issues whatsoever. Regardless of what I say about race, Toby will do what I do and my actions need to send the right message IMO. Part of what I teach him as a parent, as important as reading and math, is that all people are of value and have tremendous potential. Cultural competency and non-discrimination are a huge part of his educational needs as far as I am concerned. Second, not utilizing public schools is a real liability for people in my city who have any political ambitions of their own. While I am not willing to sacrifice my kid's education because public school is seen as the politically correct option here, it does come up a lot and with some excellent public options to choose from, it is not like my kid will be hurt by trying public schools as a first option.

Still, I live where at least some public schools are acceptable quality. In rural LA, I would be doing exactly what you are doing, most likely. I am happy to live where there is a strong enough tax base and high enough tax rates to fund schools fairly well and live in an environment where the schools have a lot of other community resources at their disposal to increase educational quality. Even with all that money, we still have a disparity issue and certainly things in need of fixing. But kids have a reasonable chance of passing and learning the basics here and that is lacking in many places with no school libraries, few resources etc.

[JoyNChrist]

I have real issues with racial and class diversity that are not likely addressed at certain private schools.

In your situation, I would feel the exact same way. In fact, if there was a highly diverse population of students at one of our local public schools, I would be very tempted to send DS there even if the education was lacking. I think he'd make up in life experience what he missed out on in formal education (which we could certainly supplement at home).

Sadly, things down here tend to be pretty racially divided regardless of whether you're at a public or private schools. We still tend to have "black or white" churches, school districts, grocery stores, etc. That's probably the one thing I really hate most about where I live. That and the fact that there's not really a lot of diversity anyway (almost no first or second generation Americans, very few non-Christian religions, etc).

Not that things are openly hostile, of course, and race relations are generally very pleasant (I don't want to perpetrate any negative stereotypes about the south). It's just that old habits seem to die hard, and there's still a lot of the "stick with your own" attitude. So I don't think Avery would experience enough diversity (something that really is important to me, just not widely accessible) at a public school to make up for (or even come close to) the lack in educational quality.

Sometimes I wonder if we're choosing the right thing in living the small-town life. It definitely has its benefits, but the cons are rather glaring at times. DH and I actually argue about this a lot (come to think of it, it's really the only thing we argue about). Sigh...

[CiderLogan]

Y'all are (as always) so helpful!! I appreciate all the comments *so* much. I'll update when we come to a decision -- I go back and forth daily.

Right now, we're at the point where there is no way we could afford to send both kids to this private school for good, but we could swing sending our older DD there for one more year before our younger DD starts. So my main struggle is great environment/more convenient/staying at a place she knows vs. going ahead to the school she'll eventually be in so we can start getting involved and she won't have a big transition later on.

ETA: Although she's young for her grade, another consideration is that she's always been ahead of her peers in language development and is already reading a lot. So that adds another layer of complexity (I don't think she'd do well with the private K and then public K option, although some of her friends' families are doing that). I do believe she's ready for K now.

Thanks again for all the help!!!

[Melanie]

I think I'd be inclined to consider the private kindergarten for next year and then the public kindergarten the year after. That way she gets the attention you think she needs, she's not the youngest, but yet she will get to "start" with her peers at the school where you plan for her to remain.

[KBecks]

I say, if you've got something that she's thriving in and it's working, don't mess with it.

I think she will probably handle the change better when she's older anyway.

I understand the money concerns. That said, I think education is one of the very best investments you make for your child. As long as you are not suffering hardship because of the tuition, I'd lean toward keeping her where she's doing well and transitioning the next year.

[JulieL]

DS is in a great public school this year for kindergarten. But even so, I think in a few years if we can afford it, I would like to send him to a private school with a smaller class size and one that has more art and music weekly. After this year, I realize that with my sons way of learning and with his strengths, that the run of the mill public school isn't going to have the funds needed to impliment this kind of learning environment. I think public schools can be great, but no one type of educational philosophy is one size fit alls. But in saying that 11K is a lot of money. Regardless, I think the goal is to put your kid in a place where the will learn best, so go with your gut here.