Kind of silly and petty baby shower bitch...

[tylersmama]

I got an invitation to a baby shower today for a girl that I used to work with. This is a girl that I only see occasionally, as in a couple of times a year. It's baby #3. I was not invited to showers for baby #1 or #2. I did not invite her to my baby shower, because I didn't feel like she was "that" close of a friend. She's not registered, but there was a "wish list" of things that she wants for baby #3.

I guess part of me is a teeny bit irritated that the shower is for baby #3. I don't think I would be irritated about that if I had been invited to showers for #1 or #2. I don't necessarily think that having second or even third showers is bad or "tacky". I've personally given showers for two friends for baby #2, but we did a group gift (double stroller) for one and a diaper shower for the other.

I think the bigger irritation is just that this came out of nowhere. I haven't even seen this girl since, oh, JULY. Haven't talked to her, haven't emailed with her, nothing. I didn't even know she was pregnant again! And, she's kind of an annoying person, to boot. :duck: Nice, but annoying, if you know what I mean. I could be totally off base, but it just feels like a gift grab to me.

So, I probably won't go. I would most likely have to take DS anyway, which would be totally inappropriate as he's a very active toddler. I don't think I would know anyone there. I probably will send a nice card and maybe a small gift card to BRU or something. Ugh.

[ha98ed14]

I totally hear you! I got an invite to a shower for a baby #4!!! And what made it all the more tacky was that the woman's 7 yo daughter was supposed to be throwing it for her. Yes, that is right. To me, that is the same thing as throwing yourself a babyshower! And what was even MORE tacky, according to me, was that this was for her second boy. (This gal was fortunate enough to have her girls 2.5 yrs apart. Then they waited awhile. When they had the 3rd, it was a boy. He is now 2. So I think since she had a boy less than 3 years ago, all your boy clothes are still in style-- USE THEM! Why do you need me to buy you more!?

Needless to say I did not go to the shower and I did not send a gift. I don't think you should feel obligated too either! Personally the only second baby showers I attend are for an opposite gender child (than the family's first) or what my friend calls a baby "sprinkle" where you get diapers and other disposable items. But anything beyond that I don't participate in. Some of our friends and family friends have 4 children. That is great. It is their choice to have them, but I feel no obligation to help them pay for them after the first 2.

[JoyNChrist]

Ugh, that is annoying. I can understand baby "sprinkles" or diaper showers or whatever for the 2nd, 3rd, or subsequent child. Or even a full-blown shower for a baby of the opposite sex. Or for twins or something. But at some point it gets kind of tacky.

But the real issue is that you aren't even really friends. I can maybe see inviting acquaintances to a 1st baby shower, but to your 3rd? That would be close friends and family only, I would think.

I vote don't go! I might send a card (emphasis on the MIGHT), but I wouldn't include a gift card. Guess I'm just not very nice...

[hellokitty]

That is annoying, esp since you rarely ever see her anymore, so it's like she groveling for gifts. The only thought that came to my mind (and it's not necessarily a valid excuse, but could explain why she is having a shower for #3) was maybe baby #3 was a surprise and she had already sold or given away her baby items? I know that happened to a few women I knew, so it was like they had to start over again...

I sold off most of our big baby items and THEN we finally agreed that we would eventually ttc #3. So, chances are that if I want a swing, bouncy, exersaucer, etc., we'll have to buy it again when baby #3 arrives, however I won't be expecting a baby shower b/c of it, thankfully I kept all the clothes... assuming I end up with another boy again.

[elliput]

If I were in your shoes, I would send my regrets and not give it another thought.

[buddyleebaby]

I don't think you are under any obligation to go or send a gift.

I recently got an invitation to a baby shower from my friend's ex. I went to her first shower because my friend was the father of the baby- I barely knew her then and can count on one hand the number of times I have spoken to her since they split five years ago.
I keep trying to tell myself I shouldn't be annoyed-it has been seven years since her last baby. It's understandable that she needs new things. But a) we are really not friends and b) I remember what she told me she did with the last batch of gifts- use them until she didn't need them anymore, clean them off and return them to BRU for cash. That just struck me as so unfair to someone who went to buy something for their baby thinking it was new and ended up with something that has been used for months. BRU's return policy has become stricter since then so I DOUBT she could do that again but it just was such a selfish thing to do it left a bad taste in my mouth.

Sorry for the ramble- just wanted to let you know I feel your pain.

[lizajane]

If I were in your shoes, I would send my regrets and not give it another thought.

ditto. your only obligation is to RSVP. do NOT send a gift to someone who you hardly know and don't ever think about.

[elektra]

Don't go! You will be happier for it.
I was in somewhat of a similar situation a few weeks ago. It was a shower for baby #2. The mom actually didn't even want the shower, it was another friend who insisted on having it and hosting.
I ended up going and leaving before the gifts were even open. I felt the evil eye from some of the people there for leaving so early, but I really do not enjoy the company of some of the passive aggressive women that belong to that little circle.
I really wish I would have just sent a card and a gift certificate, and called it a day.

[tylersmama]

Thanks, ladies! Good to know it wasn't quite as petty as I thought. I will definitely RSVP my regrets (because I HATE it when people don't) and move on with my life! :)

[ribbit1019]

I completely understand. My Aunt invited me to my stepcousin's girlfriend's shower in Oct. It was baby #4 for said stepcousin. All his children are under 5. I sent a small gift for #3 since I understood that ex-wife got rid of everything and new girlfriend's baby would need stuff, but #3 is 1 1/2 and you don't have ANYTHING? Their registry looked like a first baby registry. Ridiculous. I RSVP'd no, it is good that you are doing the same. It is likely that she won't even notice if all she is going for is gifts.
Some people have no sense about themselves. I am so sorry that you are being subjected to this nonsense. :hug5:

[mamicka]

ditto. your only obligation is to RSVP. do NOT send a gift to someone who you hardly know and don't ever think about.

ditto x2. no card or gift necessary.

[elizabethkott]

Ugh.
Nope. No way. Don't go. No gift. MAYBE a card.
If you weren't "good enough" to be invited for babies 1 and 2, what allows you into the inner sanctum now? Ummmmm, your checkbook.
Poop on her. Poor taste, bad form, Erma Bombeck is wagging her finger in her general direction right now.

[MamaMolly]

A mommy in my playgroup had a little shower for #2, opposite sex. She and I are not really close and she has more money than God so I know she will buy what ever she needs/wants so I made her a necklace out of her DCs birthstones (semiprecious, Googled it, and bought the rocks at Michael's).

Funny thing is, she was so touched! She said that everyone forgets the Mommy, and she really loved it.

So for less than $10, we were both happy!
HTH!