My new rules for conquering TV

[bisous]

So that confessions thread made me really think. The thing that I am MOST ashamed of in my parenting is the amount of television that we watch daily. So this is going to change and here's how.

DH works in the entertainment industry--specifically the children's entertainment industry so it will always have a place in our lives and I need to accept that. Also, DS is Type 1 D and I have very few resources to help me throughout the week as we don't have any babysitters (other than grandparents who work during the week) and DH works 12 to 14 hour days. The reality is that sometimes TV is the only "babysitter" that I have. I am willing to be imperfect in controlling his watching because I don't have very many resources to help me. That said, I know I can be better.

I pledge to:

1. We will watch Sesame Street in the morning. It is 40 minutes long and it helps me get a daily shower and my morning chores. If DS opts not to watch he can play quietly in his room. If I stop giving him lots of choices he will learn either to watch Sesame or not to watch at all which is of course fine!

2. Any full-feature films or other entertainment will be reserved for gathering times with cousins (who like to watch movies) or with Daddy (who LOVES to watch movies). I am trying to make the TV pastime a social event rather than a solitary event.

3. I know that I can generally cut out the afternoon TV watching time. I usually put it on when I am preparing dinner but DS actually likes to help me cook or talk to me--it just takes a little longer but I can deal with this.

4. Exceptions to the above plan include, when DS blood sugar level is above 200 and he wants to eat but needs to wait for his insulin correction to bring him down to the appropriate level. I will set myself up with 30 minute DVD programs that he is welcome to watch. Sick days are of course exceptional with generally unregulated TV time. Also, I reserve the right to put on a 30 minute show if I am on an important phone call that cannot be made later either regarding personal business or a friend with a very big problem.

I may get better as time marches on and be able to limit morning viewing also but for now this is an improvement over our current plan that stretches me a little and helps me feel like I'm in control of this device!

Anyone else want to share their plan for conquering TV?

Jen

[Jenny_A]

Bravo to you!! You're plan sounds great. I'm anxious to hear more replies. I struggle with too much TV too!! DD does not play well without me right there with her. I use to spend hours playing with her but then the housework gets neglected. So, if she watches tv I can get some things done. I'm not sure how to turn it off - do I just put up with the whining and "boredom"? Will that go away after awhile? DD only watches PBS and she has learned a lot from the shows. I don't know... Again - can't wait to hear what others have to say.

Thanks for such a great thread!

Jenny

[ha98ed14]

One way we tackled the too much TV prob was by getting rid of cable. We get very little reception without it, so that eliminates the desire to watch because it is a lot of fuzzy snow on the screen. This wasn't a prob for DD as mch as for me. I would have it on all day and get barely anything done even though I only have one DC. So, we got a Netflix subscription and cable internet (so now I waste my time on here, but at least I am reading and not passively watching. And for some reason I don't feel as captive to the internet as I did to TV. I too use TV as a babysitter for DD when i need a shower. I got 30 min baby einstein videos, which is the perfect amount of time for me to get myself together. And I don't feel like she is watching endless hours of it. I don't think it makes her smarter, but it does give me a break. So that's how we tackled it.

[Melanie]

I hope it works for you. We went cold turkey and that was sooo much easier. It was just done. No negotiating, it was just out of our lives. Of course I didn't present it that way to Ds or else it might have been problematic. I just had to get creative really quickly with "Oh, we can't. We're too busy. We are going to do XYZ now." After a while he stopped asking. I'm so glad I did it before Dd came along so it's just not something she ever expects.

Occasionally (maybe once or twice a year) they will see home videos which is a real treat for them.

[purpleeyes]

We don't nap anymore, so I have recently decided that I have to use the TV or I will go crazy!
So, here are our 'rules'
-We only watch tv in the afternoon or evening, he has to *earn* it during the day
-We only do it during 'quiet time', like the OP said, he likes to help with dinner, etc. so I try to use that time as quality time, even if it takes a little longer.
-we only watch pbs, noggin, a dvd (from the library) or video on demand (we just found richard scarry's busytown on this, it is his favorite!!) No commercials. We also don't do cartoons characters
-we don't do it all the time, some days he watches tv and some days he listens to books on tape ( a new idea which he also loves)

Now, does this mean I never turn on the TV at other times? No, of course not. If I just really have to focus on something other then firetrucks, I'll put on something from the food network or a decorating show.

DS is three, so I do feel ok with it age-wise. I think I may have to get stricter when DD gets bigger and more aware, we'll have to limit tv to during her naps or something like that.

[egoldber]

I think I may have to get stricter when DD gets bigger and more aware, we'll have to limit tv to during her naps or something like that.

I have personally found the opposite to be true. Sarah's peak TV watching was right after she stopped napping at around 3 until she started 4 year old preschool (which was 5 days a week). We had a lot of time to fill and that meant a lot of TV (in our house). But once she started going to school every day, then the afternoons were generally filled with other activities (ballet, OT, gymnastics). And now that she's in all day school, there is very little time for her to watch TV because she doesn't get home from school until 4 and then she has homework.

[hillview]

We keep the TV in a crummy location (not fun room to be in). We don't have regular shows anyone watches. We watch the Red Sox and Pats (go Pats!) and occasional other shows (like once a week or less). DS sees more on pbs.org then on TV. He is 2.5 so he doesn't really know better. When preschool starts next year it may be a different issue with other kids talking about shows etc. He does get to watch a DVD on airplanes.

It is hard but it was a decision our family made from day one. I am miss it but DH hates the TV so there you have it ...
HTH
/hillary

[belovedgandp]

Ours has gone up and down, but I cut back as soon as we were watching more than an hour a day regularly, so I'm kind of freaky about TV to begin with.

Now that DS is approaching 4 we limit total screen time. He has a Leapster, games on the computer and TV. We DVR all our programs, so there aren't any commercials. We also get one movie a week from the library - generally Thomas, Little Einsteins, Bob the Builder, Clifford.

When were started watching a little too much was when it was turned on in the morning. For me to sleep in, take a shower, or whatever. It was hard to turn it off. Plus DS stopped his quiet time in his room before he was 3 (napping was around 2) which is when I was pregnant. TV became something we did kind of together in the afternoon - him watching a video or recorded program in my bed while I took a nap!

[lizajane]

i love tv. i watched tons of tv as a child and i am very active, do not have ADD, love to be outside, love to read and am not overweight. (well, a little from stress... but not by most standards. ;) )

my kids regulate their tv and that is what i find important in my house. they may sit and watch for 15 minutes, and then they get up and play and ignore it. they usually leave the room or turn it off. they do not EVER sit still in front of it without moving from their seats unless they are absolutely exhausted from a busy day (that would be when i was making dinner, for example, so they would only be there for about 1/2 hour.) even if it is only for more than an hour, they are focusing on something else and may stop to look up at it or dance along or answer a noggin question.

i have a very active almost 5 year old boy who is constantly climbing the walls (literally) and there are times when i WISH he could sit still and watch tv for an hour so i could breathe for a while!! so i won't ever take it away because at least i can get 15 minutes of peace every now and then.

i also only choose programs that incorporate academic learning, social learning or a message that helps then relate to the world. PBS, Noggin, Animal Planet are out favorites. We do not watch commercial television and when it happens every blue moon by accident or on animal planet, i am nauseated by the response i get from my kids!!!!

so i am the lone dissenter. i love tv. i think teaching my kids how to ignore it is just as important as turning it off for them, if not more so. so make fun of me. :) that's ok. i used to think tv was terrible for kids. but now that i have them and they don't ever choose TV over active play, i just don't stress myself about it anymore.

[Melanie]

Do you not think it might be because of the often stimulation from TV that your children cannot sit still?

Obviously you don't have to answer, just some food for thought.

[maestramommy]

Your plan sounds great! We're a little loosy goosy this week cause Arwyn is sick and it's raining, so we can't go anywhere. But these are generally my rules.

1) in the am, Dora can watch one full length Dora video (they're almost an hour), or 2 Blues Clues, Signing Times, Baby Eistein, Baby Babble videos.

2) Same in the pm after her nap.

The key for me, is that I have to remember to warn her when it's the last video or the only video, BEFOREHAND. As long as she understands before the video starts rolling that afterwards TV time is over, she is good. She'll even tell me she's "all done" and turn off the TV herself. It's only when she gets no warning that she has a meltdown. Occasionally she'll still throw a fit, but it's rare.

The exceptions to the am rule are usually on days the cleaning lady comes and we don't have anywhere to go. I usually try to get Dora into her room where her books are, but if we're stuck in the livingroom, that's when she starts asking for more TV. I am going to try to go to the park or just play with her toys more though.

This morning she watch a Dora video, then 2 Blues videos. I think even she felt like it was overkill, cause she didn't ask to watch this afternoon, and instead just wanted to play and read.

[lizajane]

Do you not think it might be because of the often stimulation from TV that your children cannot sit still?

Obviously you don't have to answer, just some food for thought.

absolutely 100% without any hesitation, no.

my CHILD cannot sit still. DS1. he is incredibly active in all parts of his day, from infancy to now. he probably has ADD. i plan to "medicate" him with excercise and the best elementary choice for his personality (we have great magnets here and charters, as well, all free of cost.) he IGNORES the TV for the most part. he rarely turns it on, except for early in the am before we are all up. he often turns it off. he has another activity to focus on 98% of the time he has claimed that he wanted to watch it.

my other child is incredibly easy going, plays independently for hours, is cautious about the "risks" he takes and plays as actively as his brother does when they play together. but plays quite quietly when alone.

tv has nothing to do with my son's active nature any more than it does with my second son's calm nature. tv is the only way i can GET him to sit for any period of time, it is not the reason he cannot sit for any period of time.

the child i know who watches more television than any other is the quietest, calmest, most cautious and reserved child i have ever met. (and, BTW, the smartest.)

IMHO, TV can lead to obesity, but NOT to attention disorders. if you don't have a high energy kid, it is easy to see how you might not understand. before my best friend had her second DS, she thought i was nuts and "made" my kid how he was. then she had a climber who is all over the place and into anything and she offered an apology for ever judging what she didn't know for herself first hand. the exact same thing happened to my mom after my sister was born at the same time as a close friends' DS. after the second kids came along, the friend had to apologize because her second was just as "wild" as my sister. and i, meanwhile, was extremely calm, quiet and self entertained.

(ETA: DH is, IMO, ADD- but was never diagnosed. and he hates TV. he can hardly stand to be in the house for more than an hour at a time. he is impossible on long car rides. rainy weekends are a disaster around here. he runs marathons and does triathlons. he is successful at work and i sure do love him! so i think DS1 will grow up to be JUST like him. hooray! ;) )

(fyi- i am not mad. just answering the question.)

[tiapam]

We are by no means role models, but we started off well. DD got virtually no TV until one year and then it was only Signing Time for a very long time. I regret the day I introduced Dora thinking she would pick up some Spanish, but we have added more shows since then. One thing I do to curb it is TiVo a lot. Our list is full of stuff we have kept for her. And before I put one on, I turn the channel to the children's music channel. So if I am not there to turn it off, it automatically just goes to the music channel when the TiVo'd show is finished.

[american_mama]

I agree with the bravo to the OP. Since DD1 started kindergarten and DD2 preschool, there is more TV in our house. DH is now mainly responsible for getting DD1 ready in the morning, which he never was before, and he likes watches tv in the morning. Doing the girls' hair takes time and it works well to do it while they watch TV. Once the TV is on in the morning, DD2 wants to watch it even after DD1 goes to school, and that can stretch into 2 or even 3 hours if it's a day she's not going to preschool.

Then when DD1 comes home, she wants to veg out in front of the TV. She is hungry, but would rather watch TV than eat. She regularly plays for an hour on the playground immediately after school, but this doesn't seem to diminsh at all her desire to watch TV when she walks in the front door. I have another friend with a kindergartener who also says there is more TV in her house now than before.

I am thinking of limiting DD1 to two PBS shows when she gets home, so an hour of TV, and she has to have a snack in hte kitchen before or after. I am not sure what choice to give DD2, especially since if she also gets two shows, they'll watch each other's shows and get a combined two hours each of TV ("But I didn't choose it: she did!"). I remember that trick well when my parents tried to limit my own TV watching.

I have asked a child psychologist at a local university to talk to our MOMS Club in March about children and TV watching. I hope she gives us all some food for thought, since I think the research is pretty universally negative about children and TV watching. I don't plan to ban it completely, but I do think a reminder of it is helpful in getting me closer to the goal of less TV.

Now, computer time? That's an issue too, for the DDs and us parents.

[TahliasMom]

DD has little interest in TV. I only let her watch shows that I have taped on the dvdr, dragon tales, curious george or clifford. this is usually week eve when i'm prepping dinner. dd has tons of dvd's but she can't never finish one. dd gets up and wanders, talks to me, plays with toys. the dvd's are reserved for weekends only. those i watch with her. but most i believe in everything in moderation.

[wellyes]

I'm loving this thread, this is so helpful. I do watch quite a bit of TV, OK strike that: I *love* my Tivo. But from everything I've read, TV is something I'll have to turn the heck off pretty soon (due in two months!). "Bright from the Start" and "Buy Buy Baby" both talk a bit about how babies brains develop. 2+ year olds can process TV info, can understand it. Younger than that, it sounds pretty destructive.

I like the idea of moving our TV from our living room - I'm not prepared to give it up, I don't think TV is evil, just not right for babies.

[Happy 2B mommy]

Your plan sounds great! I was so good during DD's first year. Almost no tv (maybe a baby einstien dvd when I was desparate for a shower) Now that she is 1 both DH and I are really lax. Sesame street, other PBS (even if it's geared to older kids), I even let her watch Oprah with me when it's a show I really don't want to miss (vcr is broken and we still haven't replaced it). Sometimes she'll go a few days w/o tv and then I have it on all day, mostly because *I'm* dying for a little outside, grown-up content, even if it's junk.

The other day I felt like the worst mom in the world. DD will literally sit in my lap and look at books for HOURS, but she seldom plays or 'reads' on her own. Right now she is obsessed with the same few books. After the the 8th reading of a Blue Clues book I couldn't take it anymore. I finially told she that mommy needed to clean the kitchen, plopped her in front of the tv and put in a Baby Einstien on repeat play.

Kerri
DD 11/06

[ThreeofUs]

We've always been a very limited TV household - just never had time or inclination to watch. So as a couple and then as a family, we've never had cable, and our reception is poor without.

So we have DVDs, like Clifford, George, and Wild America. DS gets to watch about 30 minutes (sometimes a little more, sometimes a little less) after dinner on most days.

DH and I make sure that one of us is in the room with DS, and talking to him about what's going on. (As I find TV annoying in the best of circumstances, it's usually DH with a book.)

DS knows he has to turn the assembly off after warning of "this is the last show" or "we have to turn off in 5 minutes" without getting upset, or we turn off the TV for 3 days. Otherwise, he seems to get addicted.

That said, we've learned a lot together from the George/kids segments and the Wild America animal DVDs. So, for our family at least, TV does make a positive contribution in limited quantities.