I didn't get the job...and I'm so sad. And MAD!

[JoyNChrist]

This is gonna be SO long...apologies in advance.

Some of you may remember that before Christmas I was asking for prayers/positive thoughts regarding a job opportunity that I had recently discovered. It would have been perfect for me, I was really excited about it (like, really, REALLY excited), and I thought I had a very good chance of getting it. I've been doing interviews and things like that since before the new year. And I just found out today that I didn't get the position.

I'm heartbroken.

But more than that, I'm mad. Because I think I know why I didn't get the job, and I consider it discriminatory, to say the least.

Here are the details...

I was applying to be the director of a new Spanish immersion preschool that is opening in my area. I am, IMO, highly qualified for this job. I have a Bachelor's degree in Spanish Education, with minors in Spanish Literature and Early Childhood Ed. I am almost finished with my M.Ed. I have worked as a translator since I graduated high school, and I have been tutoring Spanish for 6 years. I also have plenty of experience working with young children (lots of baby-sitting, tutoring, Sunday School, daycare work in college, and of course my own kid). I also have experience in management and human resources, so that area of the job is covered as well.

It has always been my goal to specialize in teaching Spanish at an early age, which is when most experts agree that it is easiest to pick up a second (or third) language. I did most of my student teaching with lower-level classes and did an internship with a French immersion preschool during my senior year of college.

What's more is that I am familiar with all of the teachers who have been hired for the preschool. Since it's an immersion program, they have hired all native speakers, and I am familiar with most of them through working with various paid and volunteer translation programs in the city. I've worked alongside many of these women at church services and community events. They know me, respect me, and would IMO be happy to work with me.

Oh, and I rocked my interviews. Seriously. Not to brag, but you would have hired me had you been in those interviews.

But I didn't get the job.

The lady who did get the job doesn't speak Spanish. She's never been a director at a daycare or preschool. Her experience is limited to retail management. She does have an Associate's degree in Early Childhood Ed, which she received 15 years ago, but other than that she has no experience in childcare or education. (By the way, I know all that because I go to church with her.) We showed up for one of our interviews at the same time, and while we were waiting she said that she should "just go home now, because there's no way they'll hire me once they meet you!" And not to be mean, but that's kind of what I thought too. I mean, she's a nice lady and she's intelligent, but our qualifications don't even compare.

But she's 43. And I'm 22. And I really think that's why I didn't get the job.

I get it, okay. I'm young. I look a little younger than I am, and I have the voice of a six-year-old. But I'm smart. And I'm a hard worker. I'm easy to get along with, but I can be authoritative when I have to. I expect a lot of the people who work with/for me, but I expect even more of myself. I'm well-educated. I'm dedicated. I'm very mature for my age. And I was really, really excited about this position, and I would have given it my all.

Don't get me wrong - nobody came right out and said that they didn't hire me because I was too young. But I honestly can't think of any other reason why this other lady would have been hired over me. And when I went in for my first interview, the directors did seem very surprised to see me and triple checked my educational and employment references.

I am heartbroken. When I got the call, I was so upset that I brought DS to my MIL for a few hours so I could calm down. I've been crying off and on all day. I'm crying as I type this.

This would have been perfect for me. Perfect. The hours are flexible, the benefits are great, but what's even more important is that I'd be doing something I would love. Something I was trained to do, and something that I'm very, very passionate about. It's not like jobs like this come around everyday. This is the first Spanish-immersion preschool to open in my area (Louisiana is still heavily into French). Yeah, I can always teach high school Spanish, but this is what I really want to do.

But what really makes me upset, what makes me feel kind of foolish, is that I was pretty confident I had the position. I mean, I wasn't cocky in my interviews or anything, but inside I was thinking that I totally bagged it. I mean, I'm freaking PERFECT for this job! I know so many people in the local Spanish-speaking community. I could have attracted so many students (especially the younger children of my tutoring clients) through my contacts. I really think I would have been an asset to building this program.

I even wonder if the age thing is all in my head, like I'm trying to come up with some excuse for failing to get the position. But I just can't think of any other reason they wouldn't have hired me. I mean, c'mon. They couldn't find anyone in the area who's better-qualified. The person they hired certainly isn't. It's gotta be my age. What else could it be?

So now I feel stupid, and sad, and pissed off. And I'm kind of wondering what the hell I've been going to school for.

This sucks. It really freakin sucks.

(If you've made it through all of this, wow. Sorry to ramble, but it's late and I can't sleep. And did I mention that I'm mad?)

[elliput]

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[happy2bamom]

Hugs. I know how disappointing this can be. Rejection, for whatever reason, never feels good. I'm wondering if it would be helpful to you to have a conversation with the hiring person to better understand their rationale for not hiring you? Of course, I would wait until you are feeling less emtionally reactive to the situation. But if they could give you some constructive feedback, as to why they didn't think that you were a good fit for the position, it may help in future opportunities. I know that it doesn't help you get this position, the one that you really wanted, but it could 1) help you understand their decision and 2) show them that you are mature and professional and possibly open some future doors with them or some of their contacts.

Good luck! And who knows, maybe not getting this position is a blessing. There may be something better suited for you down the road. (Based on your "name" I assume that you are a Christian) God already knows what lies ahead of you, he can see the "big" picture. Our perspective is limited to what is in front of us and our own desires. He will take care of you! Have faith!

[caleymama]

:hug: Big hugs Stacy!

[tnrnchick74]

lots of big hugs!

[hellokitty]

I'm sorry that happened. To me, it sounds like you were very much qualified for the job. It stinks when you feel that you were screwed over, esp b/c of your age. I've had similar experiences as well where I felt I got passed over, b/c they wanted someone who was, "finished" having babies, kwim? {{{{HUGS}}}} I'm hoping another awesome job will open up and you will get it! Sometimes closed doors lead to open doors that we would never have thought about.

[khm]

I would totally recommend following up with them, after the sting has lessened.

I had a similar situation when I was right out of college. I didn't get the job, but I'd felt a good connection with the HR lady, so I called. I simply expressed that I was a bit disappointed and asked if she had any insight for me. I focused really hard and making sure I did NOT come off as whiny that I understood these decisions are made for a variety of reasons, etc. But, that I was looking for some feedback and to reemphasize my interest in their organization for the future because I really admired XYZ and felt I was a good fit because of ABC.

She was very nice, very helpful. And, a month later a different job came up with them, which I got! I do think the call really helped in the end.

[ThreeofUs]

I'm so sorry you didn't get this job! You do sound perfect.

ITA, however, with pp's. From my experience both as an administrator and a management consultant, here's what I would do.

Draw a professional calm around your feelings about this, read "How to Say It" or some such book to prime yourself with the right words, and then call the hiring person.

Tell them how wonderful you think the organization is, how enthusiastic you were for the job, how disappointed you are that you didn't get it. Try to have a real conversation around these (I know this is hard), and then ask for any feedback they have on how you could have been a better candidate for them. End the call with expressions of goodwill - and mention how much you hope they'll consider you for that or another position. If you want, follow up with a ty card and stay in touch for new opportunities.

The key is seeking to understand before being understood, to paraphrase Covey. Coming across as sincerely interested and professional is usually pretty impressive, and may erase any non-positive impressions they might have of you.

Good luck!

[Gena]

I'm very sorry you didn't get the job. You wanted it very much and it really hurts when something like that happens.

I agree with the PP that maybe there is something better waiting for you. Do something extra nice for yourself and keep the faith.


The key is seeking to understand before being understood, to paraphrase Covey.

Covey said that? It's actually from the Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi.

[pb&j]

I'm so sorry. ITA with others who suggest you speak with the HR person once you've had a chance to collect yourself. Hugs.

[Aunt to sweet baby boy]

{{{{HUGS}}}}. I am so sorry that you did not get the job.

[firstbaby]

Stacy:

I'm really sorry you didn't get the job. I think given your experience and how much you wanted it, you would have been terrific.

I can appreciate what the pp's have said, but I would probably take a different route. Honestly, if it is that they didn't hire you because of your age, (which is NOT right), they are not going to tell you. If they do tell you that, you will never have to work again because of the big settlement money you would get from the lawsuit :)

If you want to connect with the decision maker and thank them for their time, encourage them to keep you in mind so that they may come back to you in the future, do that. But I probably wouldn't expect a lot of honest "real" feedback since we live in such a PC society.

I think this probably stings even worse because you know you have better relatable experience than the person who got it. It would be one thing if you could think that they must have chosen a native speaker who started a program identical to this in another state and recently relocated to the area :)

It sounds like this whole experience did cement for you that you want to do something out of the home at this point. Is it unrealistic to start some kind of program on your own? Is there anyone else you would / could take this on with? You mention your tutoring contacts siblings - what about a spanish immersion mother's morning out or something? Would a local pre-school program be open to having you do spanish lessons or spanish story time once a week? What about a library program?

I know you were just venting and not looking for advice :) but I'm of the personality that I would just accept that it happened for a reason but look to move onto something better. Hugs mama!

[elektra]

That sucks! I would be so upset too, wanting to sue!
However, I also agree that it probably makes more sense to just ask the hiring person for more details as to why you didn't get the job. It could really help you in case there are some legitimate reasons. But if it is what it seems and they did not hire you because of your age, then they will be hard pressed to come up with reasons, and who knows, maybe they will reconsider. You will at the very least leave a positive impression with this person who may keep you in mind for some future thing.
I have been in a similar situation twice before, once when I did not make the Olympic team I was trying out for and once when I got laid off from a job. Both times I was pretty heartbroken (esp. for the Olympics!) but both times new doors opened up for me. And in the case of being laid off, I got a much better job that allows me more time with DD.
So hopefully that will also be the case for you. Maybe there is another, BETTER plan for you, even though you can't envision it quite yet.
Hugs.

[Kungjo]

Awwwww Stacy! Sorry to hear that you didn't get the job. Sounds like you would be perfect for it. Can you at least talk to them once you've had a chance to collect yourself? Maybe it will help you understand what happened to a certain extent. Hugs!

[Moneypenny]

I'm really sorry you didn't get the job. I know the feeling and it sucks. I agree that you can certainly call and ask them what the reason were, how you can better present yourself for the next opportunity, etc. I'm a hiring manager and I get those calls all the time - they don't bother me one bit.

They very well could have been looking for someone with X number of years of professional management experience or program planning activities. I know we often hire people who don't have direct experience in the area they will supervise - we are often looking for people who have significant supervisory experience or transferrable skills and demonstrate that they can quickly pick up knowledge about the program area they will be in charge of.

Please don't think I'm saying the other woman was more qualified than you because that's not what I'm saying at all! I'm just saying that sometimes the qualifications the candidate thinks are important for the job are not the same qualifications the hiring managers think are important.

Again, I'm really sorry. It sounds like you would have been a terrific asset and they let a good one slip away!

[LarsMal]

Oh, Stacy, I'm so sorry you didn't get the job. It really sounds like you were much more qualified than the woman who got it. That really sucks if it was b/c of your age.

I agree with the pp who said even if it was b/c of age, they're not going to tell you.

I hope you feel better soon, and let us know if you end up talking to anyone about it.

ETA: I can understand this situation somewhat, too. My last year of teaching (I was pg w/DS and teaching in a private school) there was a big administrative switch and a lot of people got the boot. Well, I should say a lot of young women who were still on probationary contracts got the boot! I was told by the outgoing principal that the pastor had told her to "stop hiring young women. All they're going to do is get married and have babies and then leave." So, the incoming principal got rid of all of them (us). I wasn't planning on coming back full-time b/c of DS anyway, but it still hurt. I sought legal advice, and they told me I definitely had a case, but it would be hard b/c the church was protected from the law. And that's why I'm no longer a practicing Catholic!!

Oops...I'm always hijacking your threads. Sorry!!!

[khm]

Oh, I don't they they'll tell you the exact reasons if you call either! :) Heck, when given references some companies won't let you say anything useful for fear of being sued. There probably is no smoking gun reason.

BUT, it is one way to make contact and express your interest in anything else that may come up.

I personally used the "looking for feedback" route because it fit the situation and I felt the HR lady would be receptive to that, and she was, and it led to a job a mere month later. The HR lady didn't come out and tell me any concrete reasons, but we had a nice conversation that would have been helpful for future interviews at any company.

I'd use whatever "in" you feel is most appropriate to make contact, to restate what you bring to the table and that you are interested in other positions.

Best of luck, Stacy, I know it isn't fun to be where you are now.

[casey0729]

I agree that you should contact them and use the "getting feedback" line. I'm sorry you didn't get the job. I hope something even better comes along for you.

Of course, you could always open your own place and take all their clients away from them :icon_twisted:

[StantonHyde]

That totally sucks--I am so sorry. It hurts so much when it is something that you really wanted. I have worked in HR and done a lot of hiring and there can be some odd things that go into hiring. I totally agree--take a week or 2 and pull yourself together (meanwhile bawl and eat LOTS of ice cream :-)) and then call the hiring person. BUT I have another perspective....There are times when you make a bad hire and you have to get rid of someone and then you are scrambling calling your 2nd choice people. So....I would make a great call and who knows what might happen???? I have hired at least 2 other people who applied for other jobs but impressed me so much that I called them for other interviews.

Good luck and enjoy the ice cream!!!!!

[MamaMolly]

Hugs Stacy!

ITA agree with the PPs. I think you should call, and I don't think they will come out and say 'it was because of XYZ' but sometimes what people DON'T say can be as telling as what they do say.

I recently got passed over for a job I'd be great for and I think it was because of DD. They overheard her when they called me for a phone interview (not scheduled, I have more sense than that!). Sigh.

Anyway, something better is down the road for us. We just have to get there.
Hugs again,

[tiapam]

Stacy, are you sure it wasn't because you are too skinny for the job? Just kidding. I can totally relate to age discrimination, I felt it often when I was younger and looked even younger than I was. Since I had DD, nobody comments on that anymore... :) and :(

[miki]

Look at the bright side--I think you've posted before that you've always pictured yourself a SAHM with more than one kid. Maybe this is fate giving you a nudge in that direction.

[elephantmeg]

UGH, I'm so sorry. This totally happened to me a couple years ago. It was either internal politics or my age that factored into it (or that I was 7 months pregnant!). The position was for the pediatric educator for the unit. The person who got the job was the educator for our sister unit (a med-surgical unit) who had never had any pediatric experience. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. I would still LOVE to have that job! Maybe someday.....

[DebbieJ]

Here's a quote from Helen Keller:
"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us."

Be on the lookout.

[ThreeofUs]

Covey said that? It's actually from the Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi.

Oh, excellent! Thanks for telling me this - I'm going to go and look it up.

[kijip]

Oh, I am so sorry. :hug: All I can say is that the 1 time not getting positions that I totally rocked the interview for and had all needed experience for, I got three offers at once for better jobs including the one I have now which is flexible, MUCH better paying and a ton more rewarding on the professional development side of things since I am *the* manager and have no one working above me since I report to the volunteer board directly (I was turned down for Associate and Coordinator jobs and then got offers for management level positions). Age is a factor sometimes. While age discrimination is vile, age is most commonly tied to work experience making it an almost impossible to prove thing. I know when I hired my assistant (who has an AA and not a BA), I went for work experience over education, which while correlated to age did not mean I was discriminating on the basis of age by passing over someone with a degree but little work experience. It sounds like they may have prioritized business and management experience, which is often weighted equal to in-field experience for director level jobs. Odd that she is not a Spanish speaker. And it totally sucks- you would have rocked that job! A door will open, a door will open.

[overcome]

Hugs. I know how disappointing this can be.

Good luck! And who knows, maybe not getting this position is a blessing. There may be something better suited for you down the road. (Based on your "name" I assume that you are a Christian) God already knows what lies ahead of you, he can see the "big" picture. Our perspective is limited to what is in front of us and our own desires. He will take care of you! Have faith!

What she said! Hope you start feeling better soon.

[Ceepa]

They may have been concerned about installing someone as director who is young with a young child who wants a large family (if you mentioned that). I'm not saying it's acceptable or reasonable to rule out your apllication because of that, but maybe they viewed the other candidate as having more potential stability in the long run.

Again, it's not fair, you sound much more qualified, but it may have played into their decision.

[rachelh]

So sorry Stacy! The job hunt and interviewing process can be so taxing and disappointing.

I am going thru somewhat of a simliar situation. I am looking for a job in a field i have 6 years of experience in and have worked my way up pretty quickly which is evident on my resume.

Lately, more than 90% of time I send my resume out I get no response - no email, no phone call...most of the jobs I am slightly over-qualified for but I make it quite clear that I am willing to sacarfice some pay just so I can land a job. (Well, I don't sound that desperate on my cover letters:) )

I know its because my industry is swamped now with people who were recently laid off and there are just not enough jobs now for everyone looking but it still gets me down - I have a great resume, great references -if they would only give me a chance and interview me!

I actually had an interview on Thursday that went very well and they had one other person to interview so will be in touch on Monday. I should have no problem landing this job since I am over-qualified (which benefits the employer and they know that.) Its weird - I really want them to make me an official offer but I don't even know if I should take the job because the pay stucture is a bit risky for me.

Good luck with your situation! Eventhough sometimes things so perfect for you, there is a reason the opportunity wasn't available - maybe there is a "more perfect" position for you elsewhere, your supervisor would have been impossible to deal with...I am sure you will find something "bigger and better."

[kozachka]

Huge hugs, Stacy! I hope something better comes along.

[Happy 2B mommy]

Ohh, that STINKS!!! After DD was born, my job was 'eliminated' so I completely empathize with how you are feeling. Sadly discrimination does happen to women and to new moms. As others have said, I would contact the HR folks and play nice, in case something else comes along.

One thought: perhaps you might be overqualified? I have two very good friends in education and they both have been forced to 'play down' their education and/or experience when looking for new positions. Master degrees or too many classes toward a masters can actually be a liability because in some districts that forces you into a higher pay scale. Same goes for bi-lingual. And years spent teaching. And sadly, because of the teachers' union here, a teacher cannot accept a lower salary. Sounds crazy, but I've seen it happen. (at least in my state)

Anyway, big hugs and I hope something else comes along that you get equally excited about.

Kerri

DD 11/06 "Princess Porkchop"