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Nooknookmom
01-25-2008, 04:05 PM
Hi guys, ETA-DD's 8.5 months now.

Long time no post. DD won't even go down to play long enough for me to type a paragraph.

I'll try to be brief. DD was born w/ horrible reflux. Cried nonstop for 3 mo. Had upper GI found the problem. It took 3 more mo's of med changes to get her to the state she's at now. 90-95% symptom free.

Up to this time we had to hold her upright all day-or the acid came up & she screamed.

She got used to this I think. Now I cannot put her in an Excersaucer, Swing, Playpen, Jumper thing, etc, etc. w/out her screaming bloody murder.

I put her down the other night next to DH on the bed, she started to cry & I didn't pick her up right away. She held her breath, turned blue, went limp & passed out. DH & I freaked out. She came back out of it right away, but we were terrified. Never had a baby do that.

I can't stroll her very long either-wants out. I do not run to her every time she whimpers either, b/c I want her to get used to separating a little from me.

Naptime? What naptime, I nurse her to sleep & if I try to leave the room she senses it & cries. I can't let her cry it out b/c of the passing out issue-she WILL NOT stop crying. At all.

DH can't take her very long either - soon as she see's me she whines/cries.

It's making it impossible for me to spend any time w/ DH, pay bills, make phone calls, run my business. etc.

She's crawling/walking furniture too so I can't just sit her in my lap anymore either. She wants down.

DD1 was very different. Would entertain herself for a while.

Everything is piling up around the house & I would appreciate any tips you guys might have.

She's such a sweetie, I love that she's attached to me, but I'm sure for her to grow, she needs to learn that it's OK to be away from me a little bit!

Thanks-Trina

TaChapm
01-25-2008, 04:38 PM
Tyler was like this for the first year of his life. Seriously...he cried and could not sooth himself for the first year. To make matters worse I got pregnant with Jaci when Tyler was 5 months old. We all wanted to jump off a cliff.

I hate to say it but we never did figure him out. Once he turned 1 it was like someone flipped a switch and he was an entirely diffirent kid. Now he is such a joy to be around. I literally can't get enough of him now!

We just did a lot of mommy and daddy time outs where we would put him in his crib and regroup for about 5 minutes. I kept us from losing it many times when I was at the end of my rope. No real words of advice because nothing ever worked but I do have a lot of sympathy. It is tough!

Hang in there mama...it will get better eventually.

BTW...Jaci has a tendancy to pass out when she cries. It is scary!

JTsMom
01-25-2008, 04:43 PM
:hug: DS was/is high needs, so I totally feel your pain! It will get easier, I swear! I HIGHLY recommend some kind of baby carrier- a sling, a pouch, a mai-tei, whatever you think might work. At least that way you can have your hands free.

Have you read the Happiest Baby on the Block? I wonder if some of those ideas might work for you.

DS likes to be held when he sleeps. I found that if I nursed him to sleep in the spot where I wanted him to stay, let him sleep for a while with me laying there- oh, about 15 mins, then leave, he'd usually sleep for at least an hour. Transfering him to another spot would almost always wake him. If you have to, you can put a crib matteress on the floor, and nurse laying next to it.

Keep working on the DH part- that got better at right about 1 year for us. I started by going to the grocery store quickly at first. Then when that would go well, I'd go for an hour or so. Once you get a tiny bit of time to yourself, it might all seem more manageable.


It sounds to me like she just has some habits that you may want to change- I wouldn't say bad habits, just habits. You can always change a habit, it just takes awhile. :)

One other thing (you may already do this) that helped me was to get DS involved in whatever I was doing. The more busy he was, the less clingy. He'd throw clothes in the dryer and pull them out (yes, even at 8 months old!), I'd put him in his highchair with a plastic dish and some water to "wash dishes" while I did, etc. The more he learned to entertain himself, the more it helped.

Last one- I know these are kind of all over the place, I'm distracted, but I wanted to at least try to help a little....

The more I fight the clingyness, and I tend to do that when I can't get 5 mins to myself, the worse it got. Sometimes if I pushed aside my frustration, focused 110% on him for 20 mins, then tried to do whatever it was I wanted to do, it would work. If I try/tried to ignore him, :30: :icon_twisted: :angry-smiley-005: LOL


Hang in there mama!

ThreeofUs
01-25-2008, 05:44 PM
Are you sure you aren't describing my DS??

One thing to remember about reflux: although meds stop it from hurting, they can't and don't stop it from happening. Kids only learn how to deal with it. So, every time DS laid down except on his tummy, he woke up from reflux - suffocating. This meant he would scream every time he felt himself getting tired. A friend's DD, having the same problem, would hold her breath until she passed out.

All this we know in hindsight, having put things together. What worked for us was a Maya wrap, wearing him all the time (asleep and awake). We also paid "babysitters" to come over so he could sleep upright on them while we slept, ate, or did laundry. But then, at around 3 months, he rejected everyone but DH and I. We were on 4-hour shifts until he was about nine months old.

It was a great thing that DH was a full professor and able to set his own schedule; I could never have done it alone. I got a lot of solace from Sear's writings on high-need babies, and Karp gave me some great strategies.

But then he started walking at 7-8 months, which it sounds like your little one is about to do as well. And, boy, did that give us a run for our money in this old house! But, you know, things started to settle down for him a little about this time.

I know it's hard (trust me, I know!), but it does get better. And it might be just around the corner, too! :)

tny915
01-25-2008, 05:48 PM
Keep working on the DH part- that got better at right about 1 year for us. I started by going to the grocery store quickly at first. Then when that would go well, I'd go for an hour or so. Once you get a tiny bit of time to yourself, it might all seem more manageable.

Yes, DH distinctly remembers that 1 year was when things started to turn and DD actually seemed to LIKE spending time with him, without me. That doesn't help you much now, but be assured that it will happen.

I second the rec to get some sort of baby carrier or sling. DD was always in a sling when we were out and about, never the stroller. I would sling her at home as well when I had to do chores or when she was particularly clingy. She'd fall asleep in there and then I could continue doing my own thing.

I feel for you. DD was high needs, although it sounds like a milder case than your DD. She wanted only me, we rarely if ever used the stroller, I would eat holding her, and DH would get very annoyed that she'd cry whenever he held her. We almost didn't have another child b/c DD was just so hard to handle as a baby and DH was just scared of having another baby like DD. We held her for all naps and she co-slept for 3-4 months until I just couldn't take it anymore. We did a modified CIO where I stood by her crib and patted her and picked her up for a bit, then put her back down in the crib. We did this for maybe a week? Maybe two? It's really a blur at this point. But she did eventually stop fussing at nap and bedtime and by some miracle would lie down, roll onto her side, and fall asleep all by herself. Granted, for a long time naps were only 30 minutes, but it would still be 30 minutes that I did not have to hold her and got to take care of my own things. This falling sleep peacefully thing didn't last forever, what with separation anxiety, teething and all those other milestones that affect sleep, but I was so reassured by the fact that it was possible, and we got through all the other times too.

We also did car naps, since that was the one place she fell asleep alone. I would drive her around a while, park somewhere and take a break and read while she slept. If she stirred, I'd start the car and drive more, and park again. May seem like a waste of time to some people, but it was a MUCH needed break for me. And really, whatever works, right? When DD got older, there was a time when we would drive back home and leave her in the garage napping while we took care of other things. We always kept the door between garage and house open and all car windows open, and where we live it never gets too hot or cold.

We would sometimes provide DD with the cycle of entertainment that allowed us to do other things. So exersaucer, jumper and gadgets don't work for you, we also would pop in a dvd so I could shower. Since it sounds like your DD wants to explore, can you make safe little areas close to you in each room where she can wander? I had playpens in the rooms I was in the most so I could put her down, and sometimes I'd just stick her in a laundry basket right next to me.

I know how hard it is to feel your child is too attached. DD is still very much a mommy's girl, but at 4 now you'd never imagine she ever was the clingy baby that she was. She was still clingy at 2 and 3, but every year gradually, she's gotten more and more comfortable with being away from me. Know that it really will get better! Good luck!

Jenny_A
01-26-2008, 12:28 AM
Hugs!! I don't have any advice, but just wanted to make sure this got bumped back up one more time. Try to take an an hour or two off and go get a massage or just take a break. You will get through this! Hang in there.

Jenny

Nooknookmom
01-26-2008, 12:29 AM
Wow, I really did think mine was the only child like this. It really helps to know I'm not alone.

I appreciate everybody's words of wisdom. As I get breaks *cough, cough*, I'm going to try to implement different suggestions.

DH has her now, I'm supposed to be listing something on Ebay for a friend. It won't last long, he'll give her back soon b/c she'll wig.

DH is funny, he was VERY involved w/ DD1 (12). He was forever holding her, sitting with her, playing, etc.

With this baby, he didn't really hold her much the first 5-6 months. Maybe he didn't know what to "do" with her screaming all the time. Also since I stay home with this one, he chalks it up to him "having to get up early" & not helping me at night - at all, period. Bitter, me? Noooo.

All my family is down South. I live in So. California. I there are no relatives of mine here. I really feel like a single parent. Anyway, he is trying to chip in, a little, now.

Reflux stinks, I definately know that even though we are controlling the acid, she still refluxes alot & she does NOT like that feeling. It sits in her throat & she is miserable. I see it in her little face. :( It too has gotten better, but now that she's crawling I have seen her spitting up go from almost nonexistent to 2-3 times a day. Must be all the movement.

I have noticed small changes in her as she's gotten older. She's better with some things and worse with others.

Again, guys, thank you VERY MUCH. I feel better getting things off my chest & I have a bunch of thing to try out with her now!

Trina :)

maestramommy
01-26-2008, 12:34 AM
Trina, do you live near the South Bay of L.A at all?

:hug: no advice, just:hug:

Nooknookmom
01-26-2008, 02:35 AM
Melinda

I'm in San Gabriel valley-no too far from So Bay

Trina

hellbennt
01-26-2008, 04:19 PM
mom of a GERDling here, too
(moderator at www.infantreflux.org/forum)

some other thoughts:
put her down w/ a smelly T-shirt of yours
or if you're holding her, put a smeely t shirt b/t her & you so that you can put her down w/ the T-shirt

weight, as in a beanie baby, on her back when you put her on her tummy-
maybe lie down w/ her w/ your hand on her back, over the beanie baby-then if she falls asleep, slowly lift your hand & the weight of the beanie baby will feel like your hand
and the smelly t-shirt to help too, lol

HTH

Nooknookmom
01-27-2008, 12:32 AM
Hi Laura!

That's a great idea! Never thought of it. I haven't even been over to the reflux bds in so long b/c I have no time.

I'm gonna try it this week :)

Trina