Really could use encouragement from people whose kids were hard to potty train.

[aidansmommy]

I'm really at the end of my rope and I could use some encouragement. Ds was 4 in Novemeber and still is doing #2 in his pants. He has been peeing in the potty since the summer (age 3.5), trained very easily (in one day) and has never had an accident. He is even completely night trained.

Pooping is another story. To give a little background, he's had constipation issues since he was about 2. It's been a really tough cycle and it's really frustrating for the whole family. We've brought him to 3 pediatricians who basically tell us it's very common, watch his diet, encourage him to use the potty at the same time every day, and he'll outgrow it. We also sparingly use Miralax. So here and there we've had some successes with pooping on the potty, then we'll have a bout of constipation and we're back at square one.

So I feel like I've tried everything to get him to poop on the potty and I don't know what else to do. I've tried all sorts of positive rewards...verbal praise, singing and dancing, sticker charts, a prize box, small candy dish next to the potty, etc. We let him choose something that would be fun for him to do together (he wanted to roast marshmellows in our fire place). Nothing worked for long.
I've tried negative consequences as well when the postitive failed. Time outs, taking away a favorite toy, etc. Didn't work.
Then I read...try nothing. Tell him it's his choice, but if he chooses to go in his pants he needs to be responsible for helping to clean up the mess. He was okay with this and didn't mind helping. Grrr....
So now I'm at a loss. What do I do? I just don't get it. He's so smart, not defiant, and generally truly wants to please us. He hates it when I'm disappointed in him. So why would he head for the closet or toy room when he needs to poop? I'm starting to feel like such a bad mother that I can't help him to do this. Can anyone share some advice or suggestions? I could really use some help on this one.

[TaChapm]

I have found that completely Naked time worked the best with the boys. Neither one of them minded pooping in their pants or underwear so the only thing I could do to make them truly uncomfortable was naked time. Tyler had been potty trained for pee since he turned 2 but wouldn't poop. Finally 2 weeks ago I forced him to be naked all day (I know...it is mean in the Winter). The very next day he went on the potty. He would scream at me to put his pants on but I wouldn't give in and he went in the potty. Thankfully it only took about 1 week of total naked time to get the pooping thing down. We didn't have an accident either. Now he won't wear underwear though. I think he liked the free feeling so we are searching for little boy boxers. :)

Good Luck...Poop always seems to be an issue.

[ThreeofUs]

These potty training issues...they're really harder for our family than any other issue. Hang in there!

We're still working on this, as DS would rather do anything else than poop in the potty. Even though he feels MUCH better when he does. *sigh*

I agree with the PP - that's one strategy that worked for us, at least temporarily. We've tried just about everything, including making it his responsibility and making all clean-up his job. The thing our DS really hates is having to take a shower after every accident, so we've been having fewer accidents now that he realizes that poop in pants means shower time where HE has to do the cleaning.

Don't know if this helps at all, but I sure send some good energy your way!

[catcombs]

I can't really say BTDT but the thing that I can relate to in your post is the constipation. My DD has been battling constipation since probably 7 months old and she turned 2 in Oct. She was pooping on the potty and then had a bad episode of constipation and wouldn't go on the potty anymore because "it hurt". I guess she associated the potty with hurting her. So at her Peditrician's suggestion I way upped her doseage (was only giving her a teaspoon) of Miralax. She now goes almost every day and it slowing beginning to go on the potty but only if she is the bathtub when the need strikes her. I keep her potty right next to the bathtub and pull her out and sit her on the potty when I can tell she is about to go. And the other night she actually said "that was easy" - meaning it didn't hurt. So for me I am really just trying to control the constipation through diet and mostly Miralax and hoping the pooping will eventually work itself out. I think constipation is very damaging to the potty-training. So it don't know if this actually helpful but I really know how hard it can be to deal with constipation. I feel like her pooping has been an issue for so long and I can feel so defeated sometimes!

[lizajane]

dylan potty trained at 2 (28 months). he had a few accidents here and there, but nothing major. then we hit the constipation and the pooping on the playground phase of our lives... it seemed that he only went in his pants if we were out on the playground after preschool and a million other moms were out there watching. it was so frustrating because they would ask how potty training was going and i would tell them he had been trained for MONTHS!! and then he would do it again in the same week...

so here was my solution. juice. every single day. we were a no juice household until schuyler's constipation was so severe (from an egg allergy, i later discovered) that we had to have an abdominal x-ray to rule out a blockage. so we went from no juice to diluted juice every so often.

then dylan came along and started the whole gastrointestinal journey from h*ll. when he was 9 months old, he had loose stool for TWO MONTHS. our ped finally told me to feed him a big ol' hamburger bun!

so imagine my surprise when he was suddenly constipated to the point the he would cry on the potty. and then the juice came back into the household full time. we now do a full serving of undiluted juice every day. if i miss two days in a row, we are back to poop in pants. we do NOT miss any days now!!!

so there is my suggestion. juice. every day.

*disclaimer, we have TONS of fiber in our diet- which is why my ped thinks he had loose dipes for so long. he is just a tempermental tummy kinda kid.

[jenmcadams]

I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. My DD would pee on the potty consistently several months before she turned three, but she absolutely, completely refused to poop on the potty until she was 4 1/2. Our situation was a little different in that she didn't have accidents, she would just cry until we gave her a pull-up and then she'd poop, we'd change her and she'd go back to undies. We talked to our pediatrician about it and she told us the best and healthiest approach would be to wait it out. We had also had chronic constipation issues and I think she generally had bad associations with bowel movements. I can't say that we never tried to be a little stern to get her to try to go poop on the potty and there were lots of incentives in place that never seemed to work, but we finally gave up when we realized we would never win the power struggle. What we did start to do a few weeks before she finally did the deed was start a progression towards pooping on the potty. At first, we told her she had to poop in the bathroom; in step 2 she had to poop while touching some part of the toilet, in step 3 she had to poop while sitting on the toilet lid, the next steps would have been sitting on the potty seat itself with a pull-up on and then trying to sit on the seat without a pullup. She was totally bought into the progression and was proud she was making progress. I'm not sure if it helped or not.

It finally happened at daycare/preschool one day (a wonderful, developmentally appropriate center with no potty training requirement). She got up from her cot at naptime to go to the bathroom and I think it just happened. She promptly announced (loudly) to the whole class "I pooped on the potty and I'm getting my scooter" and it was done, she never asked for a pull-up again. I think every teacher in the place stopped me on the way into the room that day to give me the good news :)

I have no idea if this is helpful to you, but if you're pretty sure he knows when the poops are coming, maybe you could tell him he could have a pull-up just for the pooping and work on moving him toward the potty. It's a tough thing and hard for others to understand (other folks gave me some strange looks when I would give Abbie a pull-up at a playdate to take care of business and it was no fun to change a 4 year old's diaper), but if your child has constipation issues, it makes the whole thing even tougher to deal with.

[icunurse]

I think your son and mine must be twins of some kind. He PT'd in one day at 3.5y.o., very few accidents since then, almost night-trained, lots of constipation issues (Miralax and mineral oil, one daily). He pooped for 2 weeks and then just stopped, I think because it hurt him once and now he associates the potty with pain. He will only poop in his comfort zone (bedroom), so we're lucky that way. But now he's 4. Part of me just wants to wait it out, figuring he will eventually just go on the potty, but part of me just wants him to do it because I know he can. I am going to mention it to the ped, but we will probably just wait it out. Sorry, I guess no advice, but at least you know you're not alone :)

[firstbaby]

DS did not want to poop on the potty right away. We ended up offering a really BIG reward if he did - he got to go golfing with Daddy. So, every time he would go in his pants we would say without emotion "Too bad it wasn't in the potty, you could have gone golfing today with Daddy". A couple of days later, he did go on the potty and DH and I made the biggest deal about it and DH took him that day golfing and they got an ice cream on the way home. We also had him call grandparents and make the "big announcement" and the grandparents told him how proud they were of him. Ever since then, poop on the potty.

[gatorruth]

:yeahthat: Totally naked from the waist down works!! They can't hide, and they certainly feel it. And... poop cleans up rather easily!! It will take a few days at most.

Good luck!

I have found that completely Naked time worked the best with the boys. Neither one of them minded pooping in their pants or underwear so the only thing I could do to make them truly uncomfortable was naked time. Tyler had been potty trained for pee since he turned 2 but wouldn't poop. Finally 2 weeks ago I forced him to be naked all day (I know...it is mean in the Winter). The very next day he went on the potty. He would scream at me to put his pants on but I wouldn't give in and he went in the potty. Thankfully it only took about 1 week of total naked time to get the pooping thing down. We didn't have an accident either. Now he won't wear underwear though. I think he liked the free feeling so we are searching for little boy boxers. :)

Good Luck...Poop always seems to be an issue.

[aidansmommy]

I keep rereading these posts because it is so, so comforting to know we're not the only ones dealing with this. It seems like everyone I know had pretty typical potty training experiences which always makes me wonder more--what's wrong with me, what's wrong with my kid? And I think it's especially frustrating because it doesn't really seem like an "accident", because he must know it's time to poop and he heads off to his toy room or bedroom to do it. Why can't he just go to the bathroom instead??? He does when he needs to pee...I just can't figure it out. I wonder if there may be something about him wanting to go in his "comfort zone", I hadn't thought of that before but it makes sense. Pooping has always been stressful for him. And I like the idea of having him just go in the bathroom, then touching the toilet, etc. That's something completely different than we'd ever tried before. And we've tried so many big rewards that I know he'd absolutely love to get, but still no success. The naked training is what we did to get him to pee on the potty and it worked like a charm, problem is he can hold in poop for days and days and then we're constipated again. Ughh....And then there are days when I'm so frustrated with him that I'm snippy and impatient with him and then I feel guilty--and he really is such a great little boy.

[rlu]

Now he won't wear underwear though. I think he liked the free feeling so we are searching for little boy boxers. :)


Naked time works for us, no accidents, but usually he just doesn't go until I put the diaper back on for nap.

You can get Hanes boxers at Target.

[niccig]

It sounds like the constipation is more the issue than using the potty. If he holds it for days, it's got to hurt and that will make him want to hold it even more. Friends had a similar problem with their daughter not wanting to go at preschool. The ped. finally said that her bowel was probably stretched from holding it so long and that meant it would be longer between needing to poo. He said it was a vicious cycle you have to break. They used miralax for months to get her back into the normal habit of pooing, and then weaned her off it.

I would stop on the potty issues, and see if you can take more Miralax so he can't hold it in, then over time taper off the dose. He has to learn that it doesn't hurt and get back into regular pooing. Use a diaper or a pull-up for this. Then maybe you can move on to the potty when he's no longer scared.

I too had constipation issues as a kid - it was awful. I'm trying to avoid that with DS and if he misses 2 days, he gets a big bowl of oatmeal with flax seed and extra juice.

ETA and I bet that's why none of your friends have had issues - they kids weren't constipated so no fear of pooing. It's not use at all.

[Fairy]

We're getting very worried, too. DS is 3 years 4 months, and he is nowhere -- I mean nowhere -- near close. And that goes for peeing, too. We have been tring for months. We've done every single thing you've done, and I've even showed him the presents he could have -- and that he wants -- if only he'd go on the potty.

He used to pee on the potty as a once daily or every other day "novelty." But then he started refusing, period. He cries and cries and even when I know for a fact he has to go, he holds it. He's been waking up dry more or less consistently for more than six months. But now when he does pee on the potty once every 2 weeks if we're lucky, he cries and wrinkles his nose and insists it smells yucky and wants to stop RIGHTNOW. Poop has never happened in the potty.

DS is a very tall very solid kid. Size 6 diapers still fit, but neither they nor the pullups will actually hold the contents of his bladder.

I'm at the end of my rope, too. so, I'm paying very close attn to this thread. You're not alone, I'm there with ya.

I think I'll try naked time, but I'm just waiting for him to then pee on the couch ...

[rlu]

We're getting very worried, too. DS is 3 years 4 months, and he is nowhere -- I mean nowhere -- near close. And that goes for peeing, too. We have been tring for months. We've done every single thing you've done, and I've even showed him the presents he could have -- and that he wants -- if only he'd go on the potty.

He used to pee on the potty as a once daily or every other day "novelty." But then he started refusing, period. He cries and cries and even when I know for a fact he has to go, he holds it. He's been waking up dry more or less consistently for more than six months. But now when he does pee on the potty once every 2 weeks if we're lucky, he cries and wrinkles his nose and insists it smells yucky and wants to stop RIGHTNOW. Poop has never happened in the potty.

DS is a very tall very solid kid. Size 6 diapers still fit, but neither they nor the pullups will actually hold the contents of his bladder.

I'm at the end of my rope, too. so, I'm paying very close attn to this thread. You're not alone, I'm there with ya.

I think I'll try naked time, but I'm just waiting for him to then pee on the couch ...

We're with you here too - DS has 2 months until his 4th b-day and he rarely uses the potty. FWIW, when we have done naked time (stopped due to recent cold) DS has not had an accident and does pee in the potty sometimes. He did have an accident when we tried switching to underwear (his request) and he wasn't upset about that at all. Naked time is the only thing that works for us so far.

[octmom]

My DS fits in this crowd too. He stayed dry the vast majority of the time beginning when he was almost three. Poop was a whole different matter. He also struggled with constipation, had bad associations with having BMs, and the whole familiar story, We tried it all-- sticker charts, tons of praise, various rewards, etc. We used milk of magnesia and, later, Miralax. We had some great success last summer and DS started at a preschool with a strict PT rule in late August. In the first week and a half, he had three poop accidents at school. He was there all day and tried to hold it in until he got home, but was not able to do it. It became pretty clear to us that it was a problem for the school, so we had a really stressful scramble to find another place for him before they kicked him out. (DH and I both WOTH full-time.) We moved him to a great preschool that doesn't have a PT rule, and the relief we all felt was amazing. He has had some accidents at school, but not in a while. I am afraid to say that he is finally PTed because I thought he was there a few months ago and he had a backslide.

Well-meaning friends who have not been through your situation before will tell you that a day or two of naked time is all you need. I respectfully disagree. When a child has a hang-up about pooping on the potty (or pooping in general), often associated with a history of constipation, I think all you can do is keep trying, but give it time. It is incredibly frustrating when you *know* that you DC can do it, but they just won't. I know this firsthand. But I think that getting into a power struggle about it rarely works.

Even when your DC is finally consistently pooping in the potty, there may be slip-ups or backslides. It really sucks, but I have to believe that eventually, these little ones will get it and be done with it. Until then, lots of :hug:

ETA: To end on a positive note, I'll tell you that it does not mean your second child will be the same way! My DD is not yet two and she has been using the potty just about every day at daycare for about a month now. We have not really worked on it at home, but she sometimes does it at home too when we follow her lead. I am in no hurry to start a process that might take *forever*, but I have to believe that my family is due for some easy PT karma. :D I hope you second child is easier too!

[icunurse]

Yep, if people haven't been through it, they don't get it....and it seems you always hear the stories how how their kid was trained by 2. Whatever. My son, like yours, will hold it for a couple days if we are away from home, which isn't good for a kid who already has constipation issues. So, I try not to make him feel too bad, I know it will happen. But it doesn't stop me from being frustarted a bit ;)

[ha98ed14]

Double post. Sorry

[ha98ed14]

I have no BTDT experience, but I just wanted to say that you ladies are all SAINTS for changing DCs' diapers for 3+ years of their lives! If mine hits 2.5 and it hasn't happened yet, she might just find that all the diapers at our house are used up and all her clothes have gone to Goodwill! Naked time seems to be the way to go!

[TaChapm]

We're with you here too - DS has 2 months until his 4th b-day and he rarely uses the potty. FWIW, when we have done naked time (stopped due to recent cold) DS has not had an accident and does pee in the potty sometimes. He did have an accident when we tried switching to underwear (his request) and he wasn't upset about that at all. Naked time is the only thing that works for us so far.


Yup...Underwear gave Tyler a sense of security and he would ALWAYS pee/poop in them when he had them on. Same thing with pants at first. If he had pants on he would have an accident. Naked potty training was the ONLY thing that kept my carpet and couch clean...seriously...we had no accidents when naked!

Tyler would come to me screaming and crying and throwing diapers at me when he needed to poop. It was a battle and Tyler is EXTREMELY strong willed but I didn't give in. Usually this happened around nap time but I would keep him up an extra 30-45 min and make him sit on the potty. Eventually if he hadn't gone I would let him take a nap with a diaper but he only went in the diaper once or twice once we really started doing naked time. Naked PT did interfere with everything in our lives (including naps and going out) for about a week but it works.

[Corie]

Glad to see I'm not alone!!

I am getting so frustrated since my first child was a breeze
to potty-train. She didn't PT until she was 3.5 years old but
she was going potty and poop in the toilet in just a couple of days.

Now, my son, on the other hand, is nowhere near being potty-trained.
He is 3 yrs. 3 months old. He also has major constipation issues.
In fact, he has an Upper GI and Small Bowel follow-through scheduled
in a couple of weeks. He now gets Miralax mixed in some apple
juice every day. (We used to be a juice-free house until last
week. The Ped. Gastro said to mix his Miralax in apple juice since
the juice also helps to loosen the stool.)

We also give him "Poopy Dollars". And I bought him a Spiderman
wallet at Target and he keeps his Poopy Dollars in there. He is
saving up to buy a UPS truck.

He has to be PT by this fall because he starts preschool and he
has to be potty-trained for school. I'm hoping we can do it!

[Fairy]

Poopy Dollars. I like this. Something we haven't tried. Sticker chart, prize box, all out quid pro quo you use the toilet you get a present, positive, negative ... nothing has worked. I'll try poopy dollars. And I'll also try naked time. And possibly just putting on his underwear (yeah, the motivation of look at this cool underwear was not, in itself, motivating) and seeing how that works.

BTW, DS does not have any constipation issues. He just doesn't want the toilet. Between the convenience of having Mommy take care of it and the smell when you go, he's not going there ...

[kristenk]

I have no BTDT experience, but I just wanted to say that you ladies are all SAINTS for changing DCs' diapers for 3+ years of their lives! If mine hits 2.5 and it hasn't happened yet, she might just find that all the diapers at our house are used up and all her clothes have gone to Goodwill! Naked time seems to be the way to go!

You know, I probably felt close to the same way when DD was much younger. My neighbor told me that her DS didn't start using the potty until his 4th birthday and I was shocked!

Now, though, I don't share that feeling. DD will be 4 next month. She pees on the potty fine and does an excellent job of going and washing her hands all by herself. She won't poop on the potty, though. She starting having issues with constipation and stool holding a little over a year ago. It's been miserable - for us, but especially for her. Taking away all of her diapers and clothes would freak her out even more and I can't even imagine doing that to her. In our case, that would cause even more issues. We'll continue to try to work through this and basically go with the flow. I would LOVE to get rid of diapers altogether, but that's not going to work for us.

Naked time does seem to work well for some people, and I really hope that your child doesn't have any problem with the potty!:) If she does, though, I promise that you won't feel like a saint just for dealing with poopy diapers and being a parent to your child.