Help with Tears in Frustration

[belovedgandp]

Ok, here it goes.

Any ideas on books to reads or methods of coping with frustrations? I've been dealing with a couple of very mundane, but frustrating experiences lately. Wasted several hours this week on hold and explaining and re-explaining issues with customer service reps. Some of these are as simple as not getting a shipping box to return the cable box for service we canceled to more complex financial transactions regarding are kids college savings accounts.

I know it's not the poor person on the other side of the phone's fault. And even when he/she is nice and attempting to help me I find myself getting worked up. Part of it is stopping myself from being mean to the person I'm talking to as I'm trying to explain the situation and they're just not getting it.

Next thing I know I'm having these ugly sobbing tears trying to hold it together for a stupid conversation about getting a shipping box and restarting the counter for the window to return the item.

I'm frustrated with myself. I feel like I'm a reasonably intelligent 33 year old, wife, and mother, I should be able to handle these simple phone calls without sounding like a slobbering idiot by the end of them. In my former professional life I dealt with clients and co-workers keeping some resemblance of composure.

Ah, just another frustrating day. Thanks for listening.

[KBecks]

I was just talking to a playgroup mama who says she nearly always goes to a supervisor quickly if the person she's talking to isn't understanding or helpful. I thought that was interesting, I have never done it, but it works for her.

I hope you are feeling better soon.

[hillview]

HUGS -- maybe you need a nap too!

I find it helpful to verbalize how I am feeling
"gosh I know this isn't your fault but xx company is making me very angry right now"
"this is very upsetting for me"
"I am at my wits end about this"
"I was on hold for 5 minutes and that made me stressed"

Then the rep knows what I am feeling, it is done appropriately (eg I don't yell at her) and I feel better immediately afterwards.
HTH
/hillary

[Happy 2B mommy]

I soooooo understand what you are going through! I'm a crier when I'm mad or frustrated, too. I've tried everything (relaxation, role-playing, deep breathing) and nothing seems to help. Death, grief, or sad movies elicit a few tears that I can easily stop and regain my composure. But if I'm p.o.ed and really mad -- uncontrolled sobs. I look like an idiot or as a former boss told me "mentally unstable". I just don't get why some of us are wired that way.

Hugs to you. I hope things are resolved.

Kerri

DD 11/06

[kellij]

I usually try to get off the phone as quickly as possible and then call back later. Had this experience with Amazon last week. I talked to the first person 15 minutes. He never understood what I was asking, regardless of the number of times and the way I phrased the question, and he was completely unhelpful. I finally got off the phone and decided to try again later that day. I called again at night got a different guy and he totally got it, immediately helped and I got the answer I was looking for. It was great.

I'm always complaining about the frustrations of dealing with people like this. At one point my husband said it has to be so irritating for me. Before I was a sahm, I was an attorney, and most of the people I spoke with were reasonably intelligent and professional. The poor people at the customer service centers have to have such a mundane job and they probably get so many crabby people calling in that are angry, it's just a whole different scene. Point is, it was nice to have my feelings validated and for him to let me know it's not just me.

So while I don't have any books for you, you should know, it's not you. It is frustrating.

[hez]

I get the anger tears, too. I used to get made fun of for being a crybaby as a kid.

Having enough sleep helps. Going into a conversation with a customer service rep and expecting conflict & thinking about what I might do if it pops up helps to. Planning a 'safe' time to call when I can prepare myself before a call that might get contentious also helps.

Being put on hold and getting more & more worked up while you wait definitely does NOT help.

I gotta tell you-- I very nicely managed a conflict that would have normally thrown me over the edge the other day. I got what I wanted without having to back down because I was overcome, too. I think a successful resolution to a conflict or two will gives you confidence. Something that definitely takes practice.

[ThreeofUs]

You know, I think sometimes it's harder in a "non-professional" setting to keep composure. I find myself feeling more frustrated about home, family, and associated vendor issues than I felt over professional matters.

Three things have helped me:
1. I've found that taking several deep, yoga-type breaths helps clear my mind and gives me an emotional re-set.
2. I cut off conversations that are getting me frustrated - if only to give myself space for remembering what's key for me in the conversation.
3. After (2), I jot down the one or two goals I want to achieve, with quick notes on reasoning. I don't usually have to refer to these, but it clears my head and keeps me on track in the call-back conversation.

I like the pp's idea of a "safe time" to call, makes sense so you can be prepared to deal with (and defuse) any conflict.

I guess, above all, I'd give you a hug and tell you not to beat up on yourself about this. Sounds like you're having a frustrating time - but hopefully it will get better soon!

[niccig]

Same here. I HATE calling about these kinds of things. I always have to do it because DH is too busy with work, so I put it off. What helps is if I think about the conversation before hand and I write down a description of the problem and how I want it resolved. I can babble, and I have an accent so not everyone understands me. Having a few points to refer to helps to keep the call on track.

[spunkybaby]

I feel similarly. I hate getting passed around from rep to rep (especially when calling the phone companies) because there's always the danger of getting disconnected--sometimes by accident and sometimes on purpose. And I end up waiting on hold *again*. And of course it's hard to find time to call with little ones. Such a waste of precious time! And then I start getting angry and frustrated!

And repeating the information over and over gets tiring, especially when the problem was something that wasn't handled correctly the first time around. For example, I went to my hospital's urgent care facility in December, had to call the insurance company because the ER doctor was billed as out-of-network, then had to call the insurance company again because now I'm being charged two separate copays (a $50 ER copay and a $25 urgent care copay) for the same visit. Insurance rep told me to call the hospital to ask them to resubmit the bill to the insurance company because apparently the hospital coded the bill as an ER visit, not urgent care. Argh. It's so annoying, especially since I can't see the bill and codes that the hospital/insurance reps see.

Anyways, one thing that has worked for me recently after getting the runaround from Sprint PCS numerous times is to write a letter directly to the top of the food chain (the CEO). Although the CEO will not take care of it him/herself, the CEO will pass the issue to an underling who then has a huge incentive to get it taken care of. I was really pleased because one week after mailing my letter cross-country to Sprint, I received my refund check that I had been battling over for six months.

I'm going to try this with my urgent care bill. I'll call my hospital rep next week, and if it doesn't get resolved, I'm writing a letter to the hospital CEO.

GL with your calls. Be sure to write down each rep's name (and ID #) and what they told you on what date. That way you can mention all of this in a follow-up complaint number if needed.