Good friend on VERY strict bedrest. Any advice on how to help?

[bisous]

My dear friend is 23 weeks along and 2 cm dilated. Her OB is very concerned for her and I really, really feel for her. She is receiving a lot of help already. She has a whole network of us that help entertain and watch her children (ages 2 and 4) and her MIL is there to care for her. She has people bringing meals and cleaning her home. I'm just worried about her "mental" state as she has to recline all day long for the next couple of months wondering if her baby is going to be alright.

Any advice on how to help?

TIA,

Jen

[sarahsthreads]

I wasn't on such strict restrictions, but the worst part was not watching the house fall apart or eating DH's attempts at cooking (bonus: he got really good at it eventually and cooks more often than I do now!) The worst part was the loneliness! All my friends worked full time at that point, except one, and she had her hands full with a newborn so it's not like she could spend the day on the phone with me.

A visitor (although that sometimes stressed me out because DH can NOT clean the house to save his life) or a phone call would literally be the high point of my day. It got to the point where I would actually look forward to my weekly NSTs because DH would cheat and let me sit in Starbucks afterwards for a half hour to drink a (decaf) latte.

Barring that, Netflix literally saved my sanity, so if she doesn't have a subscription, get her a 1 or 2 month gift subscription!

P&PT to your friend!

Sarah

[belovedgandp]

Don't forget about playdates with her. Visits to watch the kids and provide meals will take a lot of stress off, but also go and chit-chat with just her. We took our playgroup's monthly MNO evening to our friend's living room - ordered pizza, watched a movie and hung out like we normally do each month, just in her house instead of out.

[slaggyc]

I agree with the previous posters. The first three months I was on bedrest (now just "modified" bedrest- ugh), and what helped me the most was just having friends come over and hang out and talk. I did get really lonely and down and that just gave me more time to worry. Having friends stop by would snap me out of my sad moods and cheer me up!

[jk3]

Check out Sidelines.org.

[tmarie]

I was on bedrest during my first pregnancy. The highlights of my week were when one of my girlfriends stopped by or when they called. It sounds like she has the cleaning and cooking covered. The other major highlight was when couples came over for dinner (usually pizza if my dh was in charge, or they would bring it) and we would play cards or trivial pursuit. The socializing with adults was a huge stress relief.

Your friend is lucky to have a friend like you who cares!! :)

[lizajane]

my mom was on strict bedrest with my brother (23 years ago...) and she said that my sister and my dad prepared the meals that church folks brought and i entertained her. i think it was a really big deal that i came and sat on her bed right when i got home from school and spent the afternoon there, until dinner. (i was almost 10.) she is very social and doesn't care for TV. so having human company and contact was really important.

[npace19147]

I was on strict bedrest from 24 weeks until 34 weeks when DD2 arrived. It was incredibly hard. My biggest problems were needing to be distracted during all the hours alone during the day, and lack of attention span. I had thoughts of reading lots of long books, or learning a new skill or something, and I just couldn't focus for that long a period of time.

Crossword puzzles helped me, and short/fluffy books. And wireless internet...online games. Sidelines was helpful for me to some extent.

Good luck to her, she is lucky to have such a good friend!

[bisous]

Thanks guys! I went over and visited my friend yesterday and it was great. She still seems to be in pretty good spirits so that is a good sign. I like the idea of just being able to entertain her and help her look forward to something every day.

Her biggest issue right now is she is worried that this baby will be born now and that it will probably die. She is having a boy and that seems to lessen the chances of survival considerably. Does anyone have any suggestions to help ease her mind?

Thanks again!

Jen

[bubbaray]

A former coworker of mine has 2 sons, both born prematurely. One was 28w, the other not quite 26w. Both are in school now, with no ill-effects from the prematurity.

[bisous]

Melissa,

Thank you so much for the good news. I'm very anxious to share it with my friend. :)

Jen

[Mamma2004]

It sounds like you're not looking to entertain your friend (although distraction is always welcome - my friends resorted to Mad Libs when I was in the panic of bedrest). If she is genuinely worried that her baby will not make it, I still think the best "medicine" is to spend time with her, whether in person or even on the phone, to make her laugh but also to let her TALK. She needs to vent her frustrations, share her fears and have a forum through which to express herself. Bedrest is very lonely and frightening under the best of circumstances. She is lucky to have such great support.

Stephanie

[tamie]

She's at home? Good for her! The upside is that she is not in the hospital with all the monitoring and terrible tv channels.

One of my best friends was on bedrest in the hospital for 16 weeks waiting for her twins to be born. Everybody came out healthy. Like the PP'ers we arranged for girls night out in her hospital room. She picked the menu and we all brought the food and little gifts to make her comfortable. She loves Grey's Anatomy and Desparate Housewives so we would be sure someone was there to visit with her to watch her show with her.

The hospital was on my way to the office, so once a week, I would stop by in the early morning for breakfast.

She always had a good stash of chick lit books, magazines and crossword puzzles. We let her borrow our iPod and once a week I would take it home for the night to put some different music on it for her.

I was traveling quite a bit for work, so i would pick up magazines for her that most other people wouldn't bring, like the in flight magazine for Southwest, or Air Tran, etc.

HTH! Send her P&PT!!

[jhrabosk]

A former coworker of mine has 2 sons, both born prematurely. One was 28w, the other not quite 26w. Both are in school now, with no ill-effects from the prematurity.

Ditto this...a friend of mine has TWO friends with babies born at 27 weeks who are both doing just fine. It's incredibly scary and stressful, but modern medecine is an amazing thing!

[tmarie]

I was on bedrest starting at 24 weeks for preterm labor...with terbutaline and bedrest I did fine and didn't deliver until 39 wks! It is very scary, but the bedrest can make a huge difference in a successful outcome. I have a friend who was on bedrest from about the same time period for funnelling of the cervix. She adhered to the bedrest and didn't deliver until 38 weeks as well. Best wishes to your friend. HTH.

[npace19147]

2 cm is obviously not ideal but there is a lot they can do to keep that baby inside! There's a lot of information at sidelines.org if she hasn't checked it out already.

ETA: I was on bedrest from 24 weeks as well and didn't deliver until 34 weeks.

[rupptopia]

I just got off bedrest & am now at 36 weeks. It wasn't strict bedrest as I could get up to eat & shower though. Most helpful was wireless internet and phone calls from friends.

I was all set up with computer, books, tv & etc in our living room which is open to the kitchen. So I still felt pretty connected & could do puzzles & etc with my 3 yr old DS. I think it would have been much harder mentally to be holed away in my bedroom.

I hope your friend is doing well!