Terrible 3's? Skipped Terrible 2's - Help pls

[ilovetivo]

So what is it with 3 year olds? Zoey just turned 3. Super smart. Average to strong in all development areas (but social w/ kids her age - see below). She started getting such an attitude lately. She's usually so sweet, but past few weeks she's been much more defiant and stuff. Making angry faces (but not really angry) and saying things she's never said before (can't remember right now).

Nothing new happening, no issues, been fantastic at school (was really scared of kids but doing great the past 2 months!!) Want's nothing to do w/ the potty, but fully capable. However 2 days ago pulled her pants & diaper off and ran around naked. Agreed to wear underwear. Getting enough sleep (day and night). I ask where she learned certain behavior - school, tv, babysitter (i'm always home at same time) etc. She said no. DH and i dont' yell. When she does something a mean or angry way (etc) we have her redo it nicely. No rewards when does things when whining etc. We reinforce positive behavior.

Regression before mental/emotional/physical growth? Or is it just the 3's. Now they know what they want and do anything to get it?

More later, gotta run, but had to post before i lose my mind!

Thanks!!!

[JBaxter]

at 2 they do things and it annoys you 3 they do it BECAUSE it annoys you. No one mentions 3's because they are afraid to tell .... 3 is much worse then 2.

[AngelaS]

3 is two with a full year of practice. ;)

I have one of them too. Her terrible 3s are just another reason why she will be my last child....

[hellokitty]

The terrible 2's are nothing compared to the terrible 3's. I still have not figured out why ppl call it the terrible 2's, b/c the 2's were waaaaay easier than the 3's. So, unfortunately, what I am trying to say is that your experience is normal. :hug:

[o_mom]

Yes - three is bad. DS1 started a week after his third birthday and is just coming back to sanity at 4.5. Of course DS2 is heading into the threes and seems to be starting early....

[KrisM]

Many people told me that 3 was worse than 2 and I tend to agree!

[erosenst]

at 2 they do things and it annoys you 3 they do it BECAUSE it annoys you. No one mentions 3's because they are afraid to tell .... 3 is much worse then 2.

Yep. And what everyone else said. I think they don't tell you about three, because you'd never make it through two knowing that was ahead.

The good news is that some kids seem to be done with it (the worst of it; not all of it) after three. With great fear of jinxing it, seems to be the case here. We're only two weeks into four, but so far it's much better.

Hang in there -

Emily
Abby - 4.

[ShanaMama]

My DD sounds similar to yours in development & intelligence. We haven't gotten to 3 yet, but I'm kinda afraid it will be as bad as you say!
One thing to think about: I once heard (maybe on the BBBs) that kids can get kinda wonky when they have a growth spurt. In her short life, I've found this to be true for DD around her birthday & six month mark. Things get a little crazy & then tend to settle down after a couple of weeks and a bunch of growth.
Don't know if that's the case with your DD but I thought I could hold out a kernel of hope!

[ellies mom]

at 2 they do things and it annoys you 3 they do it BECAUSE it annoys you. No one mentions 3's because they are afraid to tell .... 3 is much worse then 2.

Actually, I was warned about the 3's so I was expecting it. But nobody warned me about the 4's, not even the people who warned me about the 3's. Ouch.

[sunriseiz]

Actually, I was warned about the 3's so I was expecting it. But nobody warned me about the 4's, not even the people who warned me about the 3's. Ouch.


SOOOO true! Why didn't anyone tell me about the "fantastic" fours?!?! :(

[spanannie]

3 is the hardest age that I've dealt with thus far . . . with both of my children. I think 2 is a piece of cake compared to 3.

[bubbaray]

three is two with a year of practice.... such fun. NOT

[TahliasMom]

2 was fine, no issues. two weeks before dd turned 3, all hell broke loose. i was like what happend to my child??? please tell me 4 gets better...

[alleyoop]

Ah, threes! Twos were a breeze in comparison!

Two things that work/ed for us were:
-deleting the words 'Maybe, Might, Let's see, Soon, Sometime', or any other words that are not very cut and dry. Ambiguity is not tolerated well by my 3yr olds.
-Use the '3-part-No' thing. All of a sudden they are challenging everything, so you have to feed them logic and feed it fast. Basically, when you see something bad coming down the path just say, "No, you cant do that because of this and that, and if you do this will happen to you."
i.e. "No, Claire, we don't throw toys in the house. Someone might get hurt and if you do it again you will get a time-out."
or "Nate! Stop hitting your sister. Hitting hurts and if you do it again I will put your legos in time-out."
or "No, Nate, we aren't buying candy right now. We only came to the store for healthy food today and if you don't stop whining you will have to sit in the cart."
You get really good at pulling these out of your butt in a nano-second, and for us, it really really helped.

Good Luck and hang in there! No one tells you that the 3s last till they are 4 and a half!

[niccig]

'm going to jinx myself here, we're 2 months into the 3's and it's been OK. I think because DS's 2's were tougher. I heard it can be like that, and other people say that it's odd years so 3 and 5 are worse than 2 and 4.

Something that worked for DS in the 2's and still works, is the option of where he calms down. He has a tantrum and I tell him he can either calm down right here so we can keep playing or he can go into his room and calm down. If he didn't calm down, I would take him to his room - it wasn't a time-out, it was time for him to regroup. Now when he gets upset, he runs into his room crying and he'll either call or come out when he's calm. I've been surprised at how well it works with him.

So today, DS wanted to ride his bike on the porch steps, not on the ground. I explain that is dangerous and the rules for riding his bike, he says he wants to do it on the steps, I repeat. He started to get upset, without a word from me, he ran into his room, then came out 5 mins later and said "I'm calm now mummy, I want to play with something else".

Try it, it might work for you too.

[saschalicks]

3 has been absolutely awful for us. Now that DS2 is 2 I'm dreading him in a year. We have 4 months to 4 and I see no end in sight. I have no words of wisdom only commiseration.

Oh and one person warned me about 3 and 4, gosh I wish I believed her.

[ilovetivo]

Thanks everyone!!

Niccig - do you have him or do you close the bedroom door?

Anyone - so what's with the 4's? Worse than 3?

[hellokitty]

Thanks everyone!!

Niccig - do you have him or do you close the bedroom door?

Anyone - so what's with the 4's? Worse than 3?

Most ppl I know say that the 4's are an improvement from the 3's. However, I think that with girls sometimes it doesn't get easier, b/c they can be really sassy. I've noticed that starting in the 3's, girls are often more sassy than boys with the back talk, etc.. So, you might end up dealing more with that for age 4, b/c their verbal skills are so advanced by age 4.

[janeybwild]

I don't think 2 is worse than 3 ,or 3 worse than 4. I think they are all challenging for different reasons. I really don’t like it when moms of older kids tell me to look out, it gets worse! What makes it different (and therefore seem harder?) IMO is that the things that worked at 2 don't work at 3. You need a new skill set. I like to think about it in terms of getting a promotion. I’ve got some work ahead of me to hone my skills for the new job, but the benefits of this new job far outweigh the steep learning curve :ROTFLMAO: I think age 3 is all about emotion. Feeling it, controlling it, harnessing it and expressing it. I love the Gentle Christian Mothers site for learning tools to cope with what they call those "Big Feelings". Those feelings don't go away at 4 but they seem more focused IYKWIM. So, to answer your question, I think this is normal development, and signifies that a leap in cognitive and emotional ability is coming or here already.

[niccig]

Thanks everyone!!

Niccig - do you have him or do you close the bedroom door?


I didn't close the door when I took DS to have calm time, but when he takes himself into his room, he does close it. He can open the door. I normally check on him and tell him to let me know once he's calmed down. Then I'll leave him be - there's plenty of toys in his room. Sometimes I go and ask if he's calm now, and sometimes he says he isn't and wants more time. Normally, he comes out of the room when he's ready.

He also does this when we visit family. He gets upset and then will run crying to the room we're sleeping in for a few minutes break. Family are surprised, especially when he comes out a few minutes later and says he's calm now and either starts playing or does what we asked of him eg. go to the potty.

I would like him to be able to calm down in front of me, but if he needs some time in his room, then that's fine too as he's found his own soothing strategy. Temper tantrums are rarely more than a few minutes in duration, because he takes himself to his room. But I think his personality comes into play as well, he's more like easygoing DH than me. Thank goodness he doesn't seem to take after me for temper - I was a tantrum throwing queen well into older years.