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MommyAllison
02-07-2008, 10:33 PM
Baby #2 will be here in a couple of months now, and yesterday some friends were telling me how horribly DD will react to her new sibling. She will be almost 2.5 years old when her baby brother is born, and friends were saying that is a really hard age, that she'll be very jealous, violent towards the baby, etc etc. They were not speaking so much specifically about DD's personality, but saying that every child that age they've known has reacted that way.

I know I am biased, of course, but I really wasn't expecting DD to be violent towards her brother. She completely adores babies, could hold them all day long (she has been around quite a few, and the only reason she gives them back to their moms is if they cry. once they stop, she wants to hold them again), and in general is not a violent child. So far, she's never bitten or attempted to, she defends herself against her friends (mostly boys who are older than her) but never picks fights. She knows that she is going to have a baby brother, talks about him everyday, asks to hold him even now, is very very excited to be the big sister and get to hold him and help with him/play with him. I know there will be an adjustment period, that she will feel left out and yeah, probably jealous. I just wasn't expecting that she would try to physically harm her brother. Am I being naive? How did your kids react when their siblings arrived? Anything I should be doing to help her know what to expect? Thanks!

npace19147
02-07-2008, 10:38 PM
My DD was a little over 2 1/2 when DD2 arrived and has never tried to deliberately hurt the baby. Sometimes a little overzealous with hugs and stuff, but not mean. I guess it just depends on the kid, but it sounds like yours should be fine.

Just make sure you praise good behavior towards the baby, and give her some focused one on one time. Congrats.

bubbaray
02-07-2008, 10:39 PM
I dunno. DD#1 was about 33m when DD#2 was born (#1 was 3 in April 2007, #2 was born in late January 2007). She was really wonderful with her little sis. Just recently, as DD#2 has become more mobile, more "into" DD#1's toys, things have gotten interesting. But, really, DD#1 is good with her baby sister.

JBaxter
02-07-2008, 10:43 PM
ds1 was 35 months when ds2 was born. DS1 was the most delightful toddler I have ever seen in my life ( even being my son he was seriously a wonderful mellow well behaved child) The day after we brought ds2 home from the hospital he turned into a very different child. Standing dumping out crackers spitting milk etc. It took him about 2 weeks to adjust. After that he was back to his wonderful self

MommyAllison
02-07-2008, 10:54 PM
Thanks guys, I am feeling better already. :) The friends I was talking with had their first two 15 months apart (not a planned age gap) and they didn't trust their older child around the younger for at least 1 year. He did things like biting his sister's face (enough to leave marks), etc. Their kids became best friends once the younger one turned one year, but sheesh that would be a long year! I am expecting what you said, Jeana, that DD might freak out for a short time, then adjust and be fine.

KrisM
02-07-2008, 11:14 PM
DS was just over 2 when DD was born. He was a little "rough" with things like helping her swing, making the bouncy seat bounce, etc. But, that's just because he didn't know any better. He never was violent or anything close.

CiderLogan
02-08-2008, 12:53 AM
DD1 has never, ever been violent intentionally toward DD2. They are 2 yrs., 9 mos. apart. Now that DD2 is older (20 mos.), DD1 is a little rougher with her (they are only 10 lbs. apart, so they are better matched now), but she never did anything like that to DD2 when she was little. In fact, DD1 was thrilled when DD2 was born and did the sweetest things for her like opened DD2's Christmas presents first, always looks out for her, etc. DD1 was really into babies like your DD too. Do not expect things will be awful - the adjustment was not nearly as bad as I feared.

hardysmom
02-08-2008, 09:36 AM
DS was 2 yrs, 4 mo when his twin sisters were born. No acting out at all. I wouldn't leave my son alone with the baby because he wanted to help by throwing pillows into the crib, trying to give the babies snacks, etc... Nothing violent.

He is very, very protective of the girls. Pretty quickly, he learned to be gentle. I think the trick is to carve out some alone-time with the big kid when the baby arrives. I was nursing the twins so it was tough, but I would take ds for an ice cream or a little walk when dh came home in the evening.

I tried to think of things he COULD do to help the babies... he was in charge of stacking and bringing me diapers, I let him put lotion on their feet (he loved that), he would sing to them, etc... We made a really big deal about how great he was with hid "chores." He was very proud.

Also, I tried to be patient and to not to over-react when #1 was a little too helpful/rough... that was hard when I was tired and emotional. I tried to calmly explain why babies didn't use pillows or whatever and redirect into something he could do, rather than constantly pulling him away in panic. Even at that age, he seemed to get it.

Stephanie

buddyleebaby
02-08-2008, 10:27 AM
Thanks guys, I am feeling better already. :) The friends I was talking with had their first two 15 months apart (not a planned age gap) and they didn't trust their older child around the younger for at least 1 year. He did things like biting his sister's face (enough to leave marks), etc. Their kids became best friends once the younger one turned one year, but sheesh that would be a long year! I am expecting what you said, Jeana, that DD might freak out for a short time, then adjust and be fine.


My girls are 15 1/2 months apart, and dd1 was a dream. She was cooperative and a little mommy from the moment she first saw her sister, even though she was just a baby herself.
I think it has a lot to do with personality. I am expecting it to be a little harder with dd2, but only time will tell.
Good Luck!

Jen841
02-08-2008, 10:38 AM
2 yrs 3 mos apart. J loves his brother to pieces, and never got jealous. Things he had a hard time with where hugging and kissing hard, and not being quiet.

2 yrs later, my younger is my bully and my older just takes it. J has never been hateful to his brother. He never asked the famous "when can we take him back to the hospital" question.

We kept J in his daycare routine, and the baby did not disrupt him too much. That was very important for me. Routine is everything at that age.

emily_gracesmama
02-08-2008, 10:45 AM
My daughter was 26 mths when Katie was born and she has been great with her. I agree that the only things we had problems with was her being a bit rough with hugging and kissing and she really thinks it's funny to stick her face right in Katie's and Katie ends up eating her nose, but Katie laughs so Emily keeps on doing it :) No jealousy I've seen, a little bit of trouble with sharing toys now, but not bad. Don't worry, it's not every child that reacts badly! I was pretty careful to spend time reading or playing with Emily every time I was nursing Katie in the beginning so she didn't feel left out and soon Emily would just ask Daddy for help when she saw I was busy with the baby.

HIU8
02-08-2008, 11:15 AM
DS was 2.5 when DD was born. Twice he asked to have her put back inside me. Other than that he has never tried to hurt her. He wants to hug and kiss her all of the time and thanks me for giving him a baby to play with. Sometimes he can get wild with his play, but not mean. Now that he is over 3 and she is 8 months he is very protective of her. Her needs always come first (unless DS is over tired).

hellokitty
02-08-2008, 11:25 AM
It depends on the temperment of your child. Also, she may act out. Not by hurting the baby, but maybe regressing, not sleeping well, or not eating well instead. Every child is different. My two are only 18 mo apart, my oldest totally ignored the baby until he started to crawl and that is when they started to play. He did well overall, but I look back now and realize that he did act out in his own way. He was always a great sleeper, but after baby #2 arrived, he wasn't napping as well, his eating situation was really bad too. At the time, I did not attribute that to the baby, but upon reflection I think that the baby did disrupt his life a bit. It just wasn't exhibited by him showing outright jealousy or dislike for the baby. As someone else said, my youngest is also the one who bullies around my oldest son, so in general my oldest has the more easy going personality. Had the situation been switched around, and my youngest son was the oldest one, I feel that we probably would have had major jealousy issues, since he is a real mama's boy and doesn't even like it when he sees me holding someone else's babies.

mominct2004
02-08-2008, 11:32 AM
DS was 26 months when DD was born. I was worried how he would reacto to having a sibling, but he has been a great brother. I tried to make special mommy time with him. Now that DD is older, they play together and he looks out for her. They fight about toys, but nothing out of control. I do think that his potty training was delayed by DD's arrival--he was just starting to PT when she was born, and he refused to try to PT for awhile after she was born.

hillview
02-08-2008, 01:23 PM
My DSs are 2.5 years apart. DS #1 is sweet or not interested in DS #2. He will occasionally not want to give DS #2 something (a toy, bib etc) and we don't make him. He has NEVER hit or been violent towards DS #2. We do watch them together and make sure DS #1 isn't jumping on the bed when DS #2 is on it etc.

I think you will be fine!!
/hillary

brittone2
02-08-2008, 02:26 PM
DS was between 2.5 and 3 when DD arrived. He handled it really well...far better than I could have anticipated. I really initially planned on 4 year spacing between kids, but the decision was taken out of my hands (happily!!).

In any case, he had some increased tantruming and stuff after a few weeks and it was challenging at times. We also went through a transition phase when DD became mobile (pretty early on...she was crawling pretty well by 6ish months). Once she could get into his stuff, there were some challenges (he was not yet ready or willing to play in his room by himself, and I was unwilling to constantly police toys). That eventually worked itself out and now he's *much* better (he's almost 4 now) at being able to play in his room or at the kitchen table by himself if he's working w/ blocks or some special set up that he doesn't want the baby near.

DD is much different than DS was and if he gets in her space, she tends to try to hit or bite, which is all new to me! DS rarely did that stuff. I suppose it is nature's way of having her defend herself a bit though ;) DS is now really great about redirecting DD, and offers her a hand to "high five" if he sees her coming at him w/ a hand ready to hit. As they get older you can teach some of the skills to the sibling which helps IMO.