HELP Ds in trouble for bragging at school

[Sugar Magnolia]

I just got an e-mail from one of ds's teachers that he has been teasing one of the girls in class because he is ahead of her in math.
His teacher said he was bragging to some of the other kids at their table. She said it was not the first time that he has talked about how well he does in math. Ds had to sit inside for one of the recesses today.

We have talked about bragging to ds. But I really do not think that he gets it.

He is 7 and emotionally immature. I assured his teacher that we would talk to ds at home and that we do not condone this behavior.

But I really don't know how to talk to ds about this. I know that he does not mean to hurt this girls feeling.
To be honest, I think he probably has a little crush on the girl.

Any advice? I don't want his teacher to think that we are bad parents!

[icunurse]

From what you have written, I don't think teh teacher will think you are "bad parents". Even the best parents can have kids who do wrong things, so don't beat yourself up.

I think 7 is old enough to have consequences for his actions. Sit down and talk to him about what he does, how that makes the little girl feel, and how would he feel if someone did that to him over being better at reading or art or whatever. Then, tell him that if he continues to get reports from his teacher about this, XXX will happen (toy taken away, no TV time, whatever would make an impact on your son).

[Sugar Magnolia]

I have such a complex with other people thinking we are "bad" parents.
I really need to realize that most kids at one point or anther make mistakes.

Thank you for your post.

[mommy111]

I would just emphasize to your DS how bad the other little girl feels when he teases her. I would emphasize to him that its great that he scores well and that you're proud of that, but that its not so great to have other people feel bad if they don't do so well. I would concentrate on the specific incidents and not generally on bragging. And I would make sure that he gets commended on the good math grade, because you don't want to encourage him to not do so well.

[hillview]

Agree totally with pp. Not bad parenting just kids being kids. Consequences are a great thing (we use them a lot for DS 2.5). Maybe let the teacher and DS know together (as a reminder) what happens if there is bragging so the teacher can be part of the solution.
/hillary

[bubbaray]

We have a "feelings"/emotions poster. It identifies a bunch of different feelings and when DD#1 does something that makes someone else feel bad (or good, we use it for that too), we go to the poster, ask her how she thinks the other (child usually) feels, etc.. We've found that having the visual clue there really helps. We got the idea from her daycare and got the poster at a daycare/ECE supply store.

HTH

[ha98ed14]

We have a "feelings"/emotions poster. It identifies a bunch of different feelings and when DD#1 does something that makes someone else feel bad (or good, we use it for that too), we go to the poster, ask her how she thinks the other (child usually) feels, etc.. We've found that having the visual clue there really helps. We got the idea from her daycare and got the poster at a daycare/ECE supply store.

HTH

That is a really great idea! Think I'll borrow that one when the time comes...

[egoldber]

I guess I would want a lot more information before I did anything. Was it:

"Wow, I am GREAT at math!"

or was it

"I am soooo good at math and you STINK!"

or was it

little girl: "I hate math"
your DS: "I love math and I'm great at it. How come you're not?"

Get my drift? I would respond very differently depending on the scenario.

I am also wondering what the teacher said to your DS or has already done in terms of a consequence.

[ThreeofUs]

You might want to define "bragging" with him during the conversation, after (as Beth, egoldber said) you figure out what the situation was.

He needs to understand what, exactly, he had done that was a problem (and why, as the pp's have said). If you also give him good behavioral ways to talk about how much he loves math, this will help him substitute behaviors.

Good luck - and congratulations on having a child so good at math! :)