Book Birthday Parties?

[Marisa6826]

Sophie received an invitation to a party for one of her classmates the other day. In it, a little note was written that "in lieu of gifts, ______ would appreciate books donated to the _____ Public Library (or your local library) in her name".

I felt kind of bad attending the party and not bringing *something* - even if it was a stretchy bracelet or a ponytail holder - to the party next week. So when I called to say we'd attend, I left a message asking the Mom to please call me back, as I had a question.

She called today and it seems that she wasn't exactly clear in what she would like parents to do. She is expecting people to BRING books to the party, where ________ will collect them and then 'go through and choose the ones she wants' and 'decide' which ones she wants to donate to the library. There are then some sort of stickers she has that will go in the front of the book saying that she donated the books to the library.

I told the Mom that I wasn't familiar with this sort of thing, and she said that the little girl did the same thing last year.

Is this some sort of trend that I'm just unaware of? Does it seem kind odd to anybody else besides me that the they're not going to donate ALL the books. If nothing else, the Mom could've not mentioned that part. It just seems kind of, um, a little picky. (I know it's the kid's birthday and she can do whatever she wants, but if she's giving the impression that all the books are being donated, well, shouldn't they be?)

-m

[KrisM]

I think it sounds weird. Are they keeping the "good" ones or donating the "good" ones? I'd probably donate directly to the library and give her a note telling her which book it was.

[ha98ed14]

I gotta say that is just totally tacky! And yes, if the mom was not absolutely clear about how the donating would be done, then it is deceptive also.

This would be the same as collecting all you the b-day child's gifts after the party, going through and letting DC keep what they liked and donating the others to the Goodwill, and calling it a tax deduction! I am not saying that donating the inapropriate gifts to Goodwill is tacky, but at least you don't tell the gift giver that you plan to do it!

I would do exactly what pp said and give to the library directly and include a note in the card telling her which book you gave. Otherwise, it does not teach the b-day child anything other than "I get first dibbs!"

[vludmilla]

ITA with the PP. Just donate to the library for her or get her a gc to a book store so she can pick out her own to keep or donate. How tacky.

[MamaMolly]

I think that the party girl's mama worded things poorly. I don't have a problem with her asking for books for her DCs birthday, I don't have a problem with her donating the ones DC doesn't want. I do think that the way she is going about it makes her seem...well, sneaky.
That said, I'd have taken her for her word on the invite and probably have donated a book to the library in the DC's name, and not brought anything to the party. I feel sorry for her DC, because she will be expecting books (as gifts) and will very likely not get many. Poor kid!

[tiapam]

Just FYI, donating a specific book to a library is really not very helpful to the library. Librarians select books to buy based on a lot of different criteria, so money is actually a better donation. You can specify a bit what you would like the money to go towards (kid lit, airplane books, etc.), but money is really better than books. They could get a whole bunch of duplicates or poorly bound books, which fall apart quickly. They will end up at the used book sale.

[Marisa6826]

I think that the party girl's mama worded things poorly. I don't have a problem with her asking for books for her DCs birthday, I don't have a problem with her donating the ones DC doesn't want. I do think that the way she is going about it makes her seem...well, sneaky.
That said, I'd have taken her for her word on the invite and probably have donated a book to the library in the DC's name, and not brought anything to the party. I feel sorry for her DC, because she will be expecting books (as gifts) and will very likely not get many. Poor kid!

Molly, that's what I thought, too. Which is why I wanted to ask the Mom if I could bring her something small, so I (well, technically, Sophie) wouldn't show up next weekend empty handed.

I was actually so surprised by the phone conversation that I *repeated* this all back to the Mother so that I knew I had the details correct. And, yup, that's what she said. Bring the book, they'll 'go through them and take care of the rest'.

As I said, a gift is a gift and they obviously can do whatever they choose with it once it's out of our hands, but I feel bad for this little girl. I mean, Sophie turned 5 in December and she TOTALLY knows the deal with birthday presents. The Mother was going on about how we could even 'borrow' the book from the little girl since it will have her name in it. I told her that we don't live in the same town, or even the same county, and she was going on about inter-library loans, etc. It was just a really strange conversation. Anyway...

I don't think I can go and bring the book to the library at this point since the Mother specifically told me to bring it to the party, kwim? However, it will be really interesting to see how many kids show up with nothing for this little girl next Saturday...

-m

[Marisa6826]

Just FYI, donating a specific book to a library is really not very helpful to the library. Librarians select books to buy based on a lot of different criteria, so money is actually a better donation. You can specify a bit what you would like the money to go towards (kid lit, airplane books, etc.), but money is really better than books. They could get a whole bunch of duplicates or poorly bound books, which fall apart quickly. They will end up at the used book sale.

Good to know, Pam. That's something I was not familiar with (I wonder if this lady is).

Thanks!

-m

[ThreeofUs]

This sounds like a Mom who's not quite clear on the concept. I've been to BDay parties that have raised money for childrens' books at the library (as well as other fundraising) and was happy to participate.

Not quite the same thing, here, is it?! Here we have a poor idea, conceived probably without working with the library, and a minimally unclear - and perhaps dishonest - invitation. At the very least, it feels disrespectful to me ... and that's pretty sad, especially because it will affect the little birthday girl.

My library would immediately put these books in the "used book" sale bin, ensuring that your purchase would be used to raise about 1/10 th of the book's value. ETA: I wonder what their library actually does, if there are stickers for the books?

Why don't you donate some money to the library in the little girl's name, maybe (if you care about your relationship with this mother) explaining to the mom why beforehand, and bring something small to the party for the girl? Or you could get a gc at a local bookstore for the girl and ensure she gets a book she wants (and therefore won't donate)?

Either way, honestly, it seems like someone should clue the poor little girl's mom into the mistake she's making....

[kijip]

That is totally messed up. I get the idea of a party for charity and I get the idea of requesting books and of quietly donating the books/gifts you don't want. I don't get the idea of saying it is for charity and then keeping some for yourself. It is misleading and dishonest.

Because libraries rarely like books over money, most charity parties I see around here are for diapers or similar to a direct service organization.

[supercalifragilous]

That's the first thing I thought when I read this thread - knowing our children's librarian, they would NOT like to receive books - they'd rather have $$ to go to the Friends of the Library program. Like all the PPs said, these would end up at the used book sale which supports the Friends of the Library fund and sell at a fraction of the price. Lose-lose situation for all (except the buyer @ the used book sale!). I'd be surprised if her library carries toddler's books in paperback. It doesn't sound like she's talked to the library about this or followed up with what she supposedly did last year.

Has she thought about donating the books to a school or a special ed program? Or to a waiting room in a special needs therapy unit or any pediatrician's office (though they probably get books donated from Scholastic and other vendors - ours does). Even a non-childrens hospital would love to receive children's books - especially in a labor & delivery unit where siblings often wait. If she wants to be charitable with her books, there are other alternatives that would put them to good use. She'd just have to give it some thought.

Quite a bit of overshare on her part that revealed how tacky she is. Basically she requested everyone to bring books as gifts and revealed that she'll be regifting the ones she doesn't like. But then she's trying to take credit for being a charitable donor at the same time. Can't have your cake and eat it too, honey. What's it gonna be?

Plus I think it would've been more charitable for her to allow the guests to bring their books to the party so they could fill out their own name plates (could be a fun coloring craft) so they get credit for their donation instead of the birthday girl. Is she THAT into getting credit? Geez.

[nov04]

Quite a bit of overshare on her part that revealed how tacky she is. Basically she requested everyone to bring books as gifts and revealed that she'll be regifting the ones she doesn't like. But then she's trying to take credit for being a charitable donor at the same time. Can't have your cake and eat it too, honey. What's it gonna be?

Pretty much what I was thinking, although I couldn't put it together so well.

[MontrealMum]

Quite frankly, this just sounds really odd.

Just to second some of the pp regarding libraries and their policies... Coincidentally, I took Public Libraries last semester, and they really don't like donations of actual books...new or not.

Space is a huge issue in libraries these days, and books are chosen within a library's budget to complement their existing collection. Each library his its own mandate, collections development policy etc. and isn't going to appreciate receiving a book they may already have or don't want. I think it's a general policy to put book donations directly in the "for sale" bin at most public libraries where they go for a fraction of the original cost.

I don't know what you should do in this situation because I'm with you, I totally feel for the little girl. But what *ought* to have been done is to request cash donations directly to the library in the little girl's name, or something similar, if the mom is so into helping out cash-strapped libraries. I'm thinking she's not too involved in the library, though, if she thinks they're going to be grateful to her for dumping her book "rejects" on them.

Maybe you could get a gift card to the local book store for the little girl and she might be allowed to pick out books she actually wants? I'm not sure I'd be bold enough to circumvent the mother and donate money directly to the library, but that might be an option too.