What do you do all day long?

[rebeccaravit]

I feel bored half of the time. I honestly feel like I'm constantly juggling btwn the two kids and all of the housework in addition to running errands, going to classes and trying to find a few minutes to gain my sanity.

When we're home, which is for a large part of the day, mostly in the afternoon, I am bored.

What do you do with your kids? Do you have planned activities, or just hang around playing?

[AngelaS]

Wow, I can't imagine being bored! LOL We do chores together, schoolwork, read books, play games, sit on the floor and play with Playmobil or Little People, play catch, build tents, do Playdoh, paint, cook..... and the list goes on. I seldom find dull moments. :)

[pb&j]

I WOTH 4 days/wk, but on the days when I'm home with DS, we have some loose structure:
-Mornings are for adventures - going out of the house, whether its errands or something more fun, like swimming in the pool at the gym, or to Petsmart to look at all the animals. If we got a late start and didn't go out, we'll go to the playground, take a walk, do chores together (even at age 2 DS can "help" with lots of things). We might stop for a snack in the late morning, but usually it's in the snack trap on the go.
-Lunchtime, around 11-12. If we've been out, we might eat lunch out.
-DS gets one last burst of energy while I clean up from lunch (or eat mine). He'll play with his trucks by himself.
-Naptime follows lunch, usually 12:30ish. He's a great napper, and will sleep 3ish hours. While he naps, I might do chores (hahaha), catch up on People magazine, or get a few things done for dinner.
-After nap, a snack, and some time for him to wake up.
-Late afternoon, if the weather's okay, I put him in the stroller and go for a long walk.
-5-ish - Start dinner. DS might "help," but usually loses interest, so I'll let him watch 30 min of TV (we have DVR and record a very few select shows).
-6-ish - Dinner. Yum! If we go out, we'll go around 5:30, and aim to be home by 7.
-After dinner is pretty unstructured. DS usually ends up pushing his trucks around the house. Somewhere in there he gets a cup of milk and a cookie.
-7:30 - Bath, brush teeth, jammies on, stories.
-8pm - DS in bed for the night.

Since DS naps so much in the afternoon, I try to think of fun or interesting things for us to do in the morning, and the rest of the day just falls into place around his nap and bedtime.

[gatorsmom]

I feel bored half of the time. I honestly feel like I'm constantly juggling btwn the two kids and all of the housework in addition to running errands, going to classes and trying to find a few minutes to gain my sanity.

When we're home, which is for a large part of the day, mostly in the afternoon, I am bored.



It sounds like you are very busy, you say you are trying to find a few minutes to gain your sanity. So are you bored or just tired of the mundane activities? Tired of not having adult conversations, tired of the monotonous tasks like picking up toys, emptying the dishwasher? Because that stuff can all make you feel bored even though it has to get done and fills up your to-do list. Maybe if you pinpoint the problem, you can find the best way to fix it.

I'd tell you what I do during the day, but right now, I'm not sure what that all is. We certainly don't have anything close to a routine down yet.

[annasmom]

Do you have any friends with dc of similar ages to your own? We very often have playdates in the late afternoon (after naps). I have a bunch of friends in town who have dc the same ages of my own. So the moms chit chat and the dc burn off some energy. A lot of times we do dinner together also because our dh's come home after the kids are in bed.

I think having some of my own friends has saved my sanity. Personally, I can only play pirates and clean my house so much, iykwim???

[bubbaray]

I was totally and completely bored while at home on both my year-long maternity leaves. Bored bored bored. I was busy and tired, but competely freakin' bored. My brain was numb.

My only suggestion is returning to WOH. Having that light at the end of the tunnel is the only thing that saved my sanity.

[emily_gracesmama]

oh, i feel your pain. my husband just said that the reason playing with the little ones can be boring is cause we already know the things we are trying to teach them, which I think is a good point. WOH 2 days a week definitely helps me out. I am trying to keep the other days somewhat scheduled with at least one activity a day, be it a music class, playgroup, oh and I joined the gym so that has been huge, drop them off for an hour and gain some sanity. It has definitely helped my mental state and given me more energy which helps combat the boredom factor which is defintely worse when I am more tired.

[ha98ed14]

This is a really interesting thread for me. The contrast people who "can't imagine feeling bored" and others who confirm that they too were bored when home with small kids, and that working out of the house was a "light at the end of the tunnel" is truly striking. I have noticed this contrast between myself (a bored SAHM) and the other SAHMs in my social circle (including my SIL) who thrive and love on being home with their kids and can't imagine being bored. Personally I think it boils down to whether or not you ENJOY little kids and domesticity. Of course we all love our kids, but that is different than liking the stage they are at, and lets face it, when we already know how to do everything they are trying to learn, it CAN be boring.

And I think everyone takes pride in "a job well done," either inside the home or out. But for some of us, or at least for me, a job well done in a place where there are other thinking people who recognize my work for its intellectual innovation AND getting paid for it is 5 times more fulfilling than planning & cooking a nice meal. I don't know why. I have struggled with this question since I started being stuck at home after DD was born. WHY do I find being home like being in prison? Its not just money/ getting paid. I guess it is knowing that I can do something more than just make babies and keep house, although I recognize that those are very important, and at least as far as the parenting aspect is concerned probably MORE important than any WOH job I might have. But the conflict within me still remains.

I go back to what I have observed, which is that moms who stay at home and are happy doing so give themselves completely to the experience and revel in the opportunities to do/ create things with their kids and their house. Those of us who cannot create our own domestic activities crave outside stimulation. I definitely fall into the "cannot create domestic activities for myself" category. And truthfully, it is hard for me to be friends IRL with the moms who are happy in their domesticity. I call them "the shiny, happy mommies," and in my mind, they all go to MOPS meetings and take great pride in their children's Halloween costumes. I know this is a caricature (and a bad one at that) of women who do great jobs of being wives and mothers. I feel guilty about my prejudice, but I just can't get past it. The whole situation-- my lack of love for domestic life, and my resentment of moms who do love it--makes me really depressed and makes it really hard to be friend with anyone. Who wants to be around me? I wouldn't. So I just stay away from other moms because I really don't have anything nice to say, which only contributes to my sense of isolation and depression. But I know I am not the only one who feels this way. So I am just trying to make it through until DD is old enough to go to school and I can have some semblance of my life --with a job and friends who want to talk about something other than their kids--back.

[niccig]

Its not just money/ getting paid. I guess it is knowing that I can do something more than just make babies and keep house, although I recognize that those are very important, and at least as far as the parenting aspect is concerned probably MORE important than any WOH job I might have. But the conflict within me still remains.


I can relate with you on this. I love my DS, I love that I can spend the time with him, but I have the same conflict you have. My mother threw herself into SAHM, she cooks, sews, gardens, we had the best dress-up costumes. I do some of those things - my DS was the only child with home-made valentines at preschool, but I don't find the fulfillment that she found. I have mum friends in my playgroup, who never want to return to work, and I'm happy for them. But it's not what I want for me.

To the OP - I'm very unstructured with DS at home. He has preschool and we have swimming and music class and lots of play-dates. So, when we're at home, we tend to just hang out. Sometimes, I do feel guilty when I see other mums turning most things into teachable moments, but DS enjoys his play so I let him lead most of the time.

[Globetrotter]

I'm in the "can't imagine being bored" category, but I think that's because I thrive with SAH and doing the things that come with it, which to me means spending time with the kids, reading to them, taking them out to activities and fun events, playgroups, volunteering, etc... I have enough social interactions with friends, playgroup parents and girl scout moms so I don't miss the social aspect of work. And thank goodness for the internet!! I do like to organize - yes, I'm crazy! But otherwise I don't enjoy domestic work at all but I do it. i find there is so much that needs to be done that I can't imagine not having something to do. Even before I had kids I took an occasional month or two off between jobs and enjoyed it. There are always so many projects that need to be worked on, trips to be taken, books to be read, etc... Whereas, I have friends who would get bored in that situation. I find life is a lot easier for me because I never get bored.

I also love love love to do my occasional work projects (I WAH in my field) and I honestly think that I would have missed the intellectual stimulation otherwise. Maybe that is the trick for me? If I didn't have that, I would probably be itching to do something in my field. I also had the chance to be involved in my friend's business on a very creative level, so that was also fun for me. Volunteering for the school and girl scouts has also been very rewarding for me and requires a fair bit of creativity.

As the kids are getting older I have to be on my toes constantly and answer their millions of questions about the universe and what not :) My son just will not stop asking questions :) It's exciting to see them learning and learning (or relearning) with them! For instance, my four year old is obsessed with outer space and he knows a whole lot more about it than I do! It's funny, but sometimes I ask HIM questions LOL

I think the baby years are hard for some people and while it was very rewarding and fun in a different way, I am enjoying them more as they get older! When they were small, I had them full time so I didn't have much time for myself. In fact, my first real break was when my second ds went to preschool, after six years of having a kid with me full time! (Well, I had six months when my first dd started a few hours of preschool three days a week, but I was pregnant during that time so I don't think it counts LOL)

[StantonHyde]

I understand the struggle. After DS was born, I tried to go back to my full time management job 5 days a week. I did that one week and then scaled back to 4 days a week but he wasn't sleeping, I had a new, icky boss, and I wanted to be home with DS, etc etc. So after 2 mos I quit to look for something else. I kept DS in day care 3 days a week because I did not want to give up my spot. (I started a new job 3 mos later) I tried doing all the homemaking things and while it felt good to get things done, it was not fulfilling. So now I am working PT and I love it.

I watch successful SAHMs and I would say that they get the same *self actualization* from being with their kids/home making as I do at work. I have decided that's the trick--find out what really makes you tick and then figure out how to do that while balancing your family needs.

Now that I have 2 DC, I work 3 days a week, put them in daycare for 4 so I have a day to get things done. DH is an ER MD so he works nights/weekends etc. I can usually count on him for 2-3 hours a day in the evenings while I cook dinner, but not in the mornings while I get ready to go to work and not on weekend days. So I need my one day to myself--I also found that while I am an extrovert, I recharge by being by myself.

Next year, I am looking at scaling back to 2 days a week so I have time to volunteer at DS's school. DD and I will have Mondays together so that will be fun.

I think the bottom line is to find out what works for you and don't apologize for it!! If staying at home and playing pirates, space explorers, and princesses, sewing and scrapbooking makes you feel great---then go for it! If you need to WOHM to maintain your sanity, then do it. As a friend said to me, "We all have different elastic limits--some things come easy to you and other things come easy to me. It doesn't mean one of us is better or worse, we're just different."

[ha98ed14]

DH is an ER MD so he works nights/weekends etc.

I just have to say that I am so glad you referred to it as the "ER" (emergency room). All the hospitals here have gone to calling it the "ED" (emergency department.) But when I hear that, all I think of is Bob Dole doing his erectile dysfunction medication commercials.

[StantonHyde]

All the hospitals here have gone to calling it the "ED" (emergency department.) But when I hear that, all I think of is Bob Dole doing his erectile dysfunction medication commercials.

LOL!! I am converting to calling it an ED but now maybe I won't!!

[npace19147]

Reading this thread has made me feel so much better about my situation! I am also a SAHM who does not love it - I definitely do not create our own domestic activities, and do much better when we have an organized event or playdate scheduled.

I think it is also much harder during the winter, at least here in the NE. I find things much easier when we can just go to the park, know we'll see at least a few buddies (and a few moms I can talk to) and run off some energy without it requiring a full focus of my attention.

I wish I were one of the moms who reveled in SAH, but I'm just not. Now if I just knew what I wanted to do when I grow up...oh wait, that's a different thread going on now... ;)

[KrisM]

Interesting to see the split of opinions.

I am a non-bored SAHM. My house is not neat and tidy. I don't garden or plan nice meals :).

We do belong to a MOMS Club and have since DS was 5 months. We've met many other moms and kids and have playgroups and other things every week. We go to the library for storytime and to play with the trains. We go to open gym at gymnastics. We try to get out and do things maybe 3 days a week. DS is also in preschool 2 mornings a week.

For trying to clean, DS and I do some while DD naps. He likes to squirt the stuff while I wipe things clean. It works. He's also good at baseboards :).

We do stay home in the afternoon 1-2 days a week and just play. I do get tired of buidling endless layouts for the trains. But, they often play together and I just supervise a bit.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I would have replied earlier if I had any good ideas for handling the boredom. I too am pretty darned bored as a SAHM. It is the lack of adult interaction (so I run a lot of errands and I have a few friends to hang out with), the mundane nature of housework, and just the feeling like there is so much to do/ that I could be doing but am unmotivated to actually do. Days just slip by sometimes w/o really feeling much of a sense of accomplishment. I am definetly a SAHM extraordinare though I do think that my boys are happy so that is a good thing. :)

I do my best to kill time out of the house. I look forward to when ds is interested in cooking with me, doing a craft or playing a game but a lot of times he is just into solo play (or, just not interested in what I am offering :)). The thing is, that going out to the playground, science center...are pretty dull for me too after a while. I think I must just have a short attention span. :)

Beth