I just had to say something

[StantonHyde]

I took the DC to the children's museum today--there is a Sesame street special exhibit on the body. The place was PACKED--it is never that busy on Sunday. As we were walking through the exhibit, I saw a mom I know from LIttle Gym, nursing her toddler on a bench. The little guy is under 2 and has some sort of eating disorder/allergies etc so this mom was advised to keep bfing to get the child some nutrition. There was a lot of traffic passing that bench but you couldn't see anything--and I looked.

Later, I hear 2 moms talking about an awkward time of some older kid asking to nurse. And then I hear them making fun of that mom I know who is nursing on the bench--that they asked if her she wanted to move or something and she just smiled and said, "Oh, its ok, I'm used to it". To which they were saying, Yeah, but we're not used to it. And then some other trash.

They were 2 feet away from me so I stuck my head up from where I was helping DD color, took a step toward them and said, "She has to breast feed that baby. I know her, and that baby has an eating disorder and he was way behind. He's grown a lot since she kept breast feeding him." I was angry but I tried to keep myself level. I bf both DC for one year each. I was absolutely not interested in doing it past that point and I do wonder about people who bf more for themselves than the kids--but to each their own. And, yes, I would freak out if some toddler just walked up to his mom in public and lifted up her shirt for all to see just to get a sip--but this wasn't even close.

I went back to coloring with DD and then I hear them say, "She just shouldn't be doing that, there are too many kids here." I suppose I should have said, "The only people who care are up tight adults like yourselves. Your kids couldn't care less, they are having too much fun playing." But I didn't. I give up. I understand being gossipy and catty--I can do it too. But come on. This woman is not flashing people and she is providing for her child's nutrition.

Sigh.

[lizajane]

i think you were right to stand up for her. those catty women need to know that it is not only OK to BF 1) in public and 2) a child over a year they need to know that it is GOOD to BF in public and spread the message and GOOD to nurse for as long as "is mutually desired by mother and child."

at preschool, two of the nannies (who are my great friends!) asked me if i BF on the playground-they were sure i would not have done it because it was "so inappropriate" and they would never want their kids seeing/asking about breastfeeding.

oooooooooooooh, i let 'em have it. first, i told them darn skippy i BF on the playground!!! i BF everywhere my kid needed to eat! and then i told them that, um, hello, they don't HAVE any kids. and when they DO have their OWN babies, then we can talk again about what is and what is not appropriate. i also used the words, "you are not going to win this one" because BFing is really great and every mom has a right to feed her hungry baby, who always has a right to eat.

i always kinda wished that someone would remark on my feeding one of my DS's. i wanted to say something back!!! (FWIW, schuyler went to 14 months, 2 weeks after i found out i was pregnant with Dylan. and dylan went to almost 17 months. and i definitely nursed on the playground at 15 months!)

[Rayray24]

When I had dd I nursed her when we were out, but I always went to the bathroom, or in the back seat of the car. Well NOT this time I am due in 9 weeks and you can beat (with the help of a blanket or cover) I will nurse right out in plain view this time! It's so much trouble to try to find some place to "hide" so you can feed your child. It's not like it's your hubby going in for some play time, it's your child. You don't see people hiding there bottles and taking there child some place to bottle feed, why should b'fing mom's? It drives me crazy when people say stuff about mom's who are nursing, I thinks it's great more and more people are doing it out in public!
:yay:

[niccig]

Good for you for saying something. I'm sure the BF mum appreciated it. You could always follow up with "no one else seems to be bothered by it except for you, and you can not look if it makes you so uncomfortable." No one ever said anything to me about DS when I was on my own. When we were out with the playgroup there would be 7 of us breastfeeding in Starbucks. I know we got looks on those occasions, but no one was game to say anything - you have to be crazy to take on 7 sleep deprived mums.

If you're worried for the BF mum, several states have laws that protect BF in public. You can let her know to check it out, so if someone does say something again, she can tell them it's her legal right - that's if it is in your state.

[overcome]

Kudos to you for speaking up...many ppl (including myself) may not have found the courage to do so.

You did good mama!!

[Melanie]

Good for you! I would have had a hard time not saying more after they kept going. It's so hard not to mud-sling back, and I think you did a great job.

Plus for Heaven's sakes he is not even two! Sheesh.

[gatorsmom]

I think you did a good thing. That mom probably felt better having you stand up for her. Plus, the more people who speak up and try bfing in public, the more people will back-off.

I always bf in public. And I always stare right back at onlookers who I see checking me out. Kind of like a "I dare you to say something look." No one's said anything yet.

[elizabethkott]

Good for you for saying something.
I'm actually shocked that even after your sticking up for the bfing mom and explaining some of the situation (not that it should have even warrented explaination in the first place but whatever) that those idiots kept discussing it.
I'd love to hit them with a wet noodle.
:)

[StantonHyde]

Thanks for the support. My state does have a law legalizing breast feeding in public but we have lots of uptight people. Somebody actually called the cops because a neighbor had a large/abstract painting of a nude woman over the fire place and a bunch of pre-teen boys would stand on the other side of the street ogling through the living room window. So it was the homeowner's fault--not that the kids were being innappropriate???? yeesh.

I didn't say anything to the mom because I did not want her to feel bad. She is a pretty assertive person and is always so sweet and positive--I just didn't want to rain on her day I guess. But I was floored that the 2 moms kept going--maybe I should have been more angry with them but that doesn't help either. There is no cure for stupidity...

[stillplayswithbarbies]

Point them to the AAP (American Association of Pediatrics) website where they now recommend nursing for two years and then as long as both mom and baby want to continue.

That baby is under 2, of course she is still nursing! It's what pediatricians who keep up with the latest info should be telling moms to do! For all babies, not just babies with feeding issues.

[bisous]

Ooh. I just read this. OP you rock for saying something. I'm sure that what you said made somebody think twice about extended nursing and also about their rudeness!!! I think that you made the right choice in not being rude back as that will help them to justify themselves.

I'm confident our rude world can get a little kinder through our combined efforts. :)

[dr mom]

You were both courageous and kind to defend your friend. And I admire your friend's dedication to doing what is best for her child, even in the face of public criticism. She is a great mama, putting her child's needs first, and she deserves praise and support, not criticism.

All the major medical associations agree that breastfeeding should continue until at least 12 months, and then for as long as is beneficial to both mother and child. Last I checked, there were no published guidelines that BF should continue only until random strangers are made uncomfortable by it.

I nursed DS until he was 3 1/2 - not because I was getting some exhibitionistic thrill out of doing it - but because BF was an important source of nurturing and comfort for him. DS loved BF and I felt neutral about it, so we continued until he was ready to give it up. By that age we usually didn't NIP, only at bedtime or when he was sick - but if he'd needed to nurse more often because of a chronic medical illness, I wouldn't hesitate to feed him anytime, anywhere.

The real issue here is not "do breastfeeding moms have a right to NIP" but "do breastfed infants and children have a right to EAT in public."

I don't believe that kids at a museum would be traumatized by the sight of a mother feeding her child, whether she is breastfeeding or giving him snacks. I am personally somewhat offended by people who give their infants or very young toddlers Doritos and Pepsi, but I wouldn't confront or criticize another mother for making those choices

Your friend sounds like a great mama, and you sound like a great friend. :)

[KentuckyRK]

Okay... before I say this, I just want to make it clear that this is totally NOT meant to offend anyone. It is a genuine question from me, and something that I'm interested in hearing your opinions on.

I personally think that it's not appropriate in some circumstances to breastfeed an older child in public. This is my personal opinion and comes from my years of experience with children. I am an infant teacher right now and I am fully aware that they are sustained by their breastmilk or formula. It provides them with all of the nutrients they need to live and when they are hungry they need to eat right now. I also know that this is not the case for toddlers and older children who eat foods and are able to drink water/juice as well. I am also a nanny to a 24 month old and have been since he was born. When we go out in public I make sure that we don't go during his meal times (unless we're going to eat) and I always bring a cup of water with us. He only gets milk when he's sitting at the table during meals and snacks... otherwise he gets water. He knows when we are out in public that there are times when he cannot have his "wawa" right now. We don't take snacks to church and when we're in the mall or park or somewhere and it's snack time we find the appropriate place to sit down and allow him to eat.

So my question is, why can a breastfeeding mother not do the same for her older baby/toddler? There's no reason whatsoever that a 16 month old can't wait a few minutes to nurse. I mean I have no problem with a mother feeding a child in public and would never in a million years comment on it anyway, especially because you don't know the situation surrounding it, but it is a genuine question I've always had.

Just a note -- I feel the same way about children I see strolling through a department store with cups of juice and crumbling cookies.

[hellokitty]

Okay... before I say this, I just want to make it clear that this is totally NOT meant to offend anyone. It is a genuine question from me, and something that I'm interested in hearing your opinions on.

I personally think that it's not appropriate in some circumstances to breastfeed an older child in public. This is my personal opinion and comes from my years of experience with children. I am an infant teacher right now and I am fully aware that they are sustained by their breastmilk or formula. It provides them with all of the nutrients they need to live and when they are hungry they need to eat right now. I also know that this is not the case for toddlers and older children who eat foods and are able to drink water/juice as well. I am also a nanny to a 24 month old and have been since he was born. When we go out in public I make sure that we don't go during his meal times (unless we're going to eat) and I always bring a cup of water with us. He only gets milk when he's sitting at the table during meals and snacks... otherwise he gets water. He knows when we are out in public that there are times when he cannot have his "wawa" right now. We don't take snacks to church and when we're in the mall or park or somewhere and it's snack time we find the appropriate place to sit down and allow him to eat.

So my question is, why can a breastfeeding mother not do the same for her older baby/toddler? There's no reason whatsoever that a 16 month old can't wait a few minutes to nurse. I mean I have no problem with a mother feeding a child in public and would never in a million years comment on it anyway, especially because you don't know the situation surrounding it, but it is a genuine question I've always had.

Just a note -- I feel the same way about children I see strolling through a department store with cups of juice and crumbling cookies.

I think you are the exception. I do not have any problems giving my kids snacks while we are out and about. We don't have to find a able and chair in order for them to eat a snack. As for assuming that it is ok for a mom who is BF to make her 16 mo old wait, I think you are being rather harsh. Would you feel the same if a mother of a 16 mo old handed her kid a bottle or cup of milk? Probably not. I think you have a hang up about BFing, you make it sound like something that should be, "hidden" away. BTW, what is an infant teacher?

Rebecca, I think you were actually rather nice about the encounter. I probably would have been a little bit more hot headed. I also probably would not have disclosed that your friend's baby has a medical problem, b/c I feel that really it's irrelevant and none of their beeswax. I know you were trying to explain it to them, but ppl like that don't need any further explanation, they just need to know that they are being extremely rude and inappropriate, kwim? Anyway, I'm glad you said something, and I wish I were there, b/c I probably would have gone off on them big time, lol.

[StantonHyde]

Hmmm my usual mode is that you "catch more flies with honey than vinegar" and I have no problem educating people. If they were directly harrassing any nursing mother, I would have stepped in whether I knew her or not.

As for waiting to eat,...I have heard that some people are actually able to accomplish that feat. I have not even tried :-) My kids have sippies/water bottles and I usually have a water bottle too. It is extremely dry here so I am always pushing fluids. If they want to have a snack, we usually eat while we are transitioning--e.g from the museum to the car etc and yes, they often eat lunch in the car. Not the best eating habits, but my kids are thin and I just want to get food in them.

Also, when I go to the zoo or a museum, we are there for 2-4 hours so they always need something to eat in that time period--my kids snack. In the case of the museum, they don't have tables etc to sit at and eat, and I wouldn't want to leave just for my kids to eat a granola bar. I sit them down on the bench and they eat. Just like that mom sat down on the bench and let her baby eat.

[maestramommy]

I just wanted to address the concept of waiting to eat. Well, I have to admit that in the last several months I have degenerated my standards about eating, so that I will bring along a sippy cup and a snack trap when we are running an errand, ie grocery shopping, or when I have to bring the kids to my medical appts. I also bring books, but I know that food and water will work when nothing else does. I try to limit this because I don't want to ruin lunch or dinner, but a lot of times I do what I have to in order to accomplish what I'm out of the house to do. I don't bring milk out of the house either, since it's only for meals, and even at playdates I will make Dora sit in a chair to eat. It's only when she's in a shopping cart or stroller on MY agenda that she eats on the go.

If you are a nanny to a child (FT? PT?) I'm thinking the situation is a little different unless you also have to accomplish non-child tasks out of the house while the child is in your care. Therefore I'm thinking it's easier to enforce the rules you follow regarding eating and drinking in public.

Finally, sure it might be a little disconcerting to see a toddler, esp. and older toddler nursing in public, but wasn't this baby 16 months old? Still almost a baby really.

[KentuckyRK]

I think you are the exception. I do not have any problems giving my kids snacks while we are out and about. We don't have to find a able and chair in order for them to eat a snack. As for assuming that it is ok for a mom who is BF to make her 16 mo old wait, I think you are being rather harsh. Would you feel the same if a mother of a 16 mo old handed her kid a bottle or cup of milk? Probably not. I think you have a hang up about BFing, you make it sound like something that should be, "hidden" away. BTW, what is an infant teacher?


I may be the exception. I think my problem with it stems from working in retail for 4 years and getting really tired of cleaning cherrios and cookie crumbs along with any number of spilled substances up off the floor. I don't think it's being harsh though... I'm not at all suggesting you should make your child wait 30 minutes or even 15 but I do think that it would be easy enough to make them wait the 5 minutes it would take to either find a quiet comfortable spot or a nursing room (we have those in most malls/stores here). When E. was a baby I always tried to find a quiet spot to feed him his bottle out sheer peace... not just privacy. I absolutely don't have any hang up with breastfeeding and I don't think it should be hidden away... I'm in a room everyday where mother's come in and openly breastfeed. I would not however allow my 18 month old to breastfeed on demand... just my opinion though.

And an infant teacher -- I have a degree in Child Development and I am the "teacher" in the infant room (ages 6 weeks - 12 months) at a rehabilitation hospital here in Kentucky.

[hellokitty]

I may be the exception. I think my problem with it stems from working in retail for 4 years and getting really tired of cleaning cherrios and cookie crumbs along with any number of spilled substances up off the floor. I don't think it's being harsh though... I'm not at all suggesting you should make your child wait 30 minutes or even 15 but I do think that it would be easy enough to make them wait the 5 minutes it would take to either find a quiet comfortable spot or a nursing room (we have those in most malls/stores here). When E. was a baby I always tried to find a quiet spot to feed him his bottle out sheer peace... not just privacy. I absolutely don't have any hang up with breastfeeding and I don't think it should be hidden away... I'm in a room everyday where mother's come in and openly breastfeed. I would not however allow my 18 month old to breastfeed on demand... just my opinion though.

And an infant teacher -- I have a degree in Child Development and I am the "teacher" in the infant room (ages 6 weeks - 12 months) at a rehabilitation hospital here in Kentucky.


Why should a mother only nurse in a nursing room? Do you know that in my state, a nursing room, IF there even is one, consists of a chair in the bathroom? That is NOT a comfortable place to nurse. There are however very comfy lounge chairs in the middle of the mall in plain site. I wouldn't feel uncomfortable nursing there. Everyone's comfort is different. However, a mother feeding her child isn't really anybody else's business, they are MOTHERING their child. A lot of mothers here feel that nursing on demand is the natural way of parenting. So, like you said, a matter of opinion, but you can't really hold someone else's parenting choices against them. If you don't like seeing a woman BF her 18 mo old baby in public, then don't look.

[hellokitty]

Finally, sure it might be a little disconcerting to see a toddler, esp. and older toddler nursing in public, but wasn't this baby 16 months old? Still almost a baby really.

This is so true! For some reason, a lot of americans are ok with a baby under 1 yr BFing. However, as soon as they find out the baby is over 1 yr old, "Omg, you are STILL BFing???" They act like it's child abuse or something and get really hung up on it. There isn't a big difference btwn a 12 mo old and 16 mo old, they may be more mobile, but they are still a baby and still have many of the same needs.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I think that the more moms NIP the more socially acceptable it will become and this discussion won't even need to happen.

I always fed ds1 whenever he was hungry and we were out and about but I did plan our outtings around things sometimes. But, with #2 we are just on the go a lot and that means that I can't plan my life totally around his meals. Basically I am not going to alter my day or stop doing our normal things on the chance that someone won't want to watch me nurse my baby. Nothing wrong with feeding your child when they are hungry, imo. :)

Beth

[Jacksmommy2b]

I just had to jump into the ring :)

J is almost 2 and still BF "on demand".
While I am very aware BF at this point in his development is more about comfort than nutrition, I believe that it is just as vital to him.

He nurses maybe 3x a day. Usually when going down for a nap, when falling asleep and any other time he feels the need. (usually if he gets hurt (badly enough to really cry) or if I leave him for a decent period of time he likes to reconnect by nursing) For me the 'extended' nursing is just another facet of our AP lifestyle. I hope to let J wean himself at his own pace. He has already started to 'snuggle up' to the boobie instead of nursing and I feel that he'll continue to pull away as he's ready. (although I do have a personal limit of when I think I'll stop feeling comfortable with him BF'ing and will certainly encourage him to wean as we reach that point)

All that said, I personally don't always feel comfortable NIP. If I don't feel comfortable in a situation I'll try to divert his attention and if that doen't work I'll find a less conspicuous (sp?) place to nurse. (a random chair facing a corner is usually do-able.) But, I've been that way even when he was itty-bitty. Just because I can be a little prudish I firmly believe every woman and child has the right to BF whenever, wherever. (But if you are BF'ing a 5 year old I reserve the right to gawk openly)

I know it's kinda off topic but I am really bothered by the american attitudes of something being wrong or dirty with BF'ing and that there is automatically 'something wrong' with extended BF'ing pairs. For a lot of us there is more to BF'ing than just nutrition. I have friends from India and Egypt - areas where a womans modesty is prized and they are amazed by BF'ing attitudes in the US. As one said you could BF your baby in the middle of the park and no one would even think twice about saying anything.

J is super social, friendly and outgoing. He is comfortable almost anywhere and I think being raised AP does have someting to do with it. (duh...or else I wouldn't do it :)

Back to the topic - Yay to the OP for defending her friend and even more so b/c it sounds like you aren't an extended BF'er yourself!

As I told my MIL (who is the least crunchy, most judgemental person on the planet) It's not your boobie, he's not your baby, it is absolutely none of your business.

hmmmm...maybe I'll put that on a shirt. lol.

[elizabethkott]

It's not your boobie, he's not your baby, it is absolutely none of your business.



Made. My. Day.
If you marketed this, I would certainly buy a shirt! It would have to be printed on the back, however. Otherwise, how could someone read it while you're bfing?
:)

[tylersmama]

It's not your boobie, he's not your baby, it is absolutely none of your business.

:yeahthat:

That's awesome, perfectly said. Love it! :bighand: