It's hard to meet new people

[DrSally]

We just moved back to our home state after a 15 year absence. I knew it would totally be like starting over again socially, but I've been doing everything I did back in CT to meet people and it's frustrating. I had a nice group of mom friends for me and DS had kid friends he enjoyed seeing. I know it takes time, but...I signed up for a local meetup.com mom's group. I introduced myself on the site, signed up for a number of meetups, trying to get involved.

The first one was a big event, so I didn't expect to see others there. The 2nd, was at McDonald's playland today. I would've rather been shopping for things for the house, but decided to go to try to meet some people. I have never taken DS to a McDonalds b/c of food allergies and he thought we were going to see a cow at Old McDonald's farm. Anyway, we waited for an hour and I asked several people if they were from meetup, and couldn't find anyone and got sick of asking. In my old meetup group, the organizer would have a balloon so newbies knew where the group was. It got crazy in there and DS was too little to go in the big tubes so he didn't play anyway. We sat there eating crappy McDonalds food I normally wouldn't have him eat and met no one. I told him we were going to see some kids, so each new child that came in, he went up to. Hate to sound like a pity party, but I am naturally more introverted and it takes a lot for me to put myself out there, and I wish I could make some connections instead of feeling like I'm wasting my time. Thanks for listening. I know it will just take more time. It feels rather random right now.

[hellokitty]

You know, I've never had any luck with meet up. I'm sorry you had such a rotten experience. Have you checked to see if there is a moms club chapter in your area? www.momsclub.org Our moms club in our area is pretty new, and I love it. Everyone has been very friendly and welcoming and we make an effort to make sure new ppl feel comfortable.

[JTsMom]

I'm right there with you, Sally. :hug:

I've been trying like crazy to meet some moms I'd have something in common with. I did meet one person I really enjoy hanging out with through MDC, and a couple others that I see occasionally. They have boards for each area of the country, and on ours, some of us post playgroup threads. A lot of mine have bombed, so I've kind of given up, but there is one that is not too far away that always gets a good crowd, so I'm going to try that next.

The mom I met that way and I also went to an API meeting once, which was ok. It's just kind of disorganized, so we haven't gone to a second one.

Keep trying- there are some great people out there, I'm sure!

[DrSally]

You know, I've never had any luck with meet up. I'm sorry you had such a rotten experience. Have you checked to see if there is a moms club chapter in your area? www.momsclub.org Our moms club in our area is pretty new, and I love it. Everyone has been very friendly and welcoming and we make an effort to make sure new ppl feel comfortable.

Thank you, I know each group is random with what you get. I guess I was just lucky to get into a really good group at our old place. I just sent out an email form to see if there's a MOM's group by me. I need to keep looking so I can increase my chances of actually finding a good group. I guess I was just really disappointed about sitting in that filthy (to me) McDonalds and eating crappy food while waiting for a group that never materialized.

[DrSally]

I'm right there with you, Sally. :hug:

I've been trying like crazy to meet some moms I'd have something in common with. I did meet one person I really enjoy hanging out with through MDC, and a couple others that I see occasionally. They have boards for each area of the country, and on ours, some of us post playgroup threads. A lot of mine have bombed, so I've kind of given up, but there is one that is not too far away that always gets a good crowd, so I'm going to try that next.

The mom I met that way and I also went to an API meeting once, which was ok. It's just kind of disorganized, so we haven't gone to a second one.

Keep trying- there are some great people out there, I'm sure!

Is that the "find your tribe" in MDC? I haven't been on in a long time. Sounds like it's hit or miss, though, whether you actually meet up with people?

[trales]

Is there a YMCA in your area. I just 'picked up' new friends at swim lessons and have met others at the library and a local music class. It took a lot of time and putting myself out there in ways I am not always comfortable with. Good luck, I hope you find a group soon, life can be very lonely in a new place.

[ShanaMama]

You are pretty determined to be 'putting yourself out there' as you say, especially if it doesn't come naturally to you. I am very sociable but feel awkward in new situations and I still haven't made friends in my town. I'm living here 4 years. :( I wish I had the courage you do to actually make a concerted effort to meet people. Right now I'm counting on my neighbors, since we just moved to a really nice block with several young families with kids. I definitely relate to some mothers so I hope I can become friends with them.
Really, truly, give yourself a lot of time. I hope you start seeing some success soon. GL!

[Mommy Of A Little Angel]

I totally understand where you are coming from. I am in an area with no family and no friends. We have lived here for two years and I still have no close friends, kwim? Given when we moved here I was 7 months pregnant and in no mood to socialize. ;)

I joined a meetup group too and it's been hit or miss so far. It's hard to pick out the people you are supposed to meet. I hate asking people if they are who I am supposed to be meeting. I am just proud of myself for going to events. Really, I suck at meeting new people. Hopefully this is something I can get involved in and really make new friends (and friends for DD!)

I have no real advice, but just know you are not alone! *HUGS*

[DrSally]

Thanks for the support! It is nice to get a pat on the back for at least trying. We are doing library and meetup stuff. I rsvp'd for a playdate tomorrow, thinking I'd be sure to meet people in their own homes, but now it's been cancelled. This meetup seems jinxed!

[mom2binsd]

A few other places to try...I met some great friend through Mothers and More, they have chapters in many cities...when we moved to our current home two years ago we joined the Newcomers club....I've made some great friends, we do ladies events, family activities, play group etc and after a year I was on the board and really feeling like I belong here. If you son is in preschool/school it's always easier to get to know others who usually live close by which is always nice too. Also there's nothing like sitting in the waiting room during dance/swimming/gymnastics to meet others!

[ellies mom]

Is there an indoor play park in your area? Typically, it is a huge room full of great toys (the kind you don't have room for in your house) and the kids play while the moms chat. They are pretty common at community centers usually on a drop in basis and there are also co-op ran play parks in a lot of areas. We joined a co-op when we first moved to the area and it was the best thing ever. We ended up having to shut down a little over a year ago but all of the moms still get together for dinner once a month and we still get the kids together on a fairly regular basis. Some times you can find them on grocery store bulletin boards, through the library, hospitals, those types of places.

[hellokitty]

Oh, if you are christian, you might want to look into MOPS. I kind of tried it out since everyone kept telling me I'd love it, but it was just too religious for me and I felt uncomfortable (I'm not christian). However, I am like the only person among ALL the women locally that I know who doesn't like it. Everyone else seems to love it. If you are of the christian faith, it may be worth looking into. BTW, that is why I was so happy to discover that they started a MOMS Club in our area, b/c I wanted something non-religious.

www.mops.org

[bisous]

I hope you find good friends! Hugs!

Jen

[JTsMom]

Is that the "find your tribe" in MDC? I haven't been on in a long time. Sounds like it's hit or miss, though, whether you actually meet up with people?


Yes, that's it. Yeah, it just depends on how many people are in your area. On my side of the city, there aren't as many AP/crunchy types. On the west side, they are a little more concentrated from what I can tell.

For me it worked out ok though, b/c it's easier for me to think about meeting 1 person at a time, as opposed to breaking into a big group, kwim? Then you meet that 1 person's friends, and it kind of branches off. Plus, living where I do, there are a number of parents with... shall we say, opposite ideas about parenting compared to mine. LOL It's not that I need my friends to be 100% like me or anything, but I can't hang out with someone who is hitting their kid at playgroup either.

[gatorsmom]

It IS hard, I totally agree with you. I've been trying (this makes me sound like a leper) to meet mommy friends that I really "click" with for a couple of years now. I've tried out several groups (I posted here about the friend whose son took a knife on the school bus DS rides), and we just didn't make a good fit. It's really frustrating- I find that when I click with the mom, her kids don't fit with mine. But if our kids get along well, me and the mom are very unalike.

anyway, I wanted to suggest you try a church mom's group (or synagogue or whatever your religious background). And then volunteer with the other moms to help organize things, if you have the time. I have been making some friends with some moms in our Mom's Club since I've been working with them to organize events.

Give it time. Just keep trying to find the one that works. It's out there (as I try to convince myself)!

[supercalifragilous]

Oh that stinks! I'm sorry you went through that!

How old is your DS? I've met friends @ the local library's storytime & hanging out afterwards. Also we had DD in gymnastics or dance at the local community center and picked up mom friends there too.

I was in a MOPS group but oddly enough didn't really make any connections there. The superChristian moms tended to have their own cliques, which I found very hypocritical.

Some of my closest mommy friends are ones I've met @ Gymboree & at DD's school, just hanging out during/after classes, meeting up @ the McD playland, or going to coffee after school drop-off.

I know the girl who does our local meetup.com group and she's really great. The group started of small and got so big she *had* to start the meetup.com group to coordinate & keep everyone connected. The only reason I don't go is b/c DD's much older than the other kids and is in school during meetup time. Is there a different meetup.com moms group you can join in your area? I would think the coordinator of the one that flaked would be extremely apologetic - at least she should be!

[JillSP]

Did you end up moving back to the Twin Cities? If so, don't be hard on yourself. We have that "Minnesota nice" thing going for us, but at the same time, most people, including moms, have the same circle of friends they have had since grade school/high school/college/grad school or whatever their last educational experience in Minnesota was, and probably are not as interested in meeting new people as you are.

So, what to do. Well, this time of year is hard because everyone is cooped up. But, this summer get thee to the nearest playground and look for moms who are there alone. Moms in pairs are probably BFF from kindergarten and won't have any interest in getting to know you (not that they are necessarily snobs, it is just that they have their own things to talk about, and you don't really want to hear what so-and-so from third grade is doing now, anyway).

Moms who are alone, especially moms who are alone with a lot of children, at the park would probably love to have an adult conversation with you about anything. And, as you have just moved, you have instant conversation starter--ask questions about anything and everything in the neighborhood.

Finally, if you see the mom pushing four kids under the age of 4 in an antique peg perego double stroller, that would be me. I might not look like the most interesting mom on the playground, but I guarantee that I will not blow you off if you strike up a conversation with me (unless I really have to go to the bathroom; in which case I might ask you to watch my kids while I go behind a tree :) ).

[momto2boys]

Sally-

I so could have written your post and I especially feel your pain if you are in the Twin Cities! We moved to this area 10 months ago and I've yet to make any friends. I never had a problem making friends while living in the Chicago suburbs or western Pennsylvania even though I am an introverted person too.

I thought I would make a friend or two once my oldest started kindergarten but I haven't nor have I gotten the warm fuzzies from my neighbors. Everyone is nice but they are also very "stand off-ish". They'll talk for hours in order to pass the time during the warmer months but don't bother to pick up the phone once it gets cold. I joke with my PA girlfriends that the only reason I have a phone is to keep telemarketers employed. However, it doesn't ring anymore since I went off on Pioneer Press when they kept calling after I requested to be placed on their do not call list.

I don't have a desire to get involved with a MOPS or MOMS group. I would love to take some classes through the school district but everything is in the morning and I have no one to watch my oldest since he is in afternoon kindergarten. They do offer classes in the evening but they are right at bedtime for my youngest and I refuse to torture him for my benefit.

I apologize for hi-jacking your "bitch". I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. I'm going to head back into lurkdom now so I can dry my tears :crying:.

Kathy

DS 1 - '01
DS 2 - '03
DS 3 - '06

[DrSally]

Did you end up moving back to the Twin Cities? If so, don't be hard on yourself. We have that "Minnesota nice" thing going for us, but at the same time, most people, including moms, have the same circle of friends they have had since grade school/high school/college/grad school or whatever their last educational experience in Minnesota was, and probably are not as interested in meeting new people as you are.


Yes, I did! I kwym. I knew moving back here after more than a decade away would be like starting over in the friendship dept., and i do agree that many people have been here forever. I guess I get easily discouraged. Even in CT, it did take at least a year to get involved and make some good friends. I was "friendly" with moms I saw at the libraries or playcenters, but only made actual friends with mom's from my meetup group. That's prob why I had such high hopes for this one, but I know every group is different. So far, I've RSVP'd to 4 events, 2 I didn't see anyone, and 2 got cancelled!

I just went to my first LLL meeting yesterday and it was great! There were a lot of people and they were all very friendly. They have a playgroup on Fridays at the local community center, so I hope to get to know some of them better through that. It's less hit or miss when you join an "interest" group rather than a generic group. Thanks for the encouragement!

[DrSally]

Sally-

I so could have written your post and I especially feel your pain if you are in the Twin Cities!


Kathy, I am hoping things will get better in the spring when everyone comes out. I can't wait to get to all the parks around here.