"Needs to lose some belly fat" WTF???

[almostsane]

I subscribe to a photography website where you can post your photos for critique and comment. I just say a really cute picture of a young lady, twenty-ish, that was sort of a modern/retro look. Her belly was showing and she looked adorable. One of the men on the site posted a comment that the picture was good, but the girl needed to lose some belly fat. I was appalled. :32: I turn on the tv and all I see are skinny/minny actresses and models. I open a magazine and all I see are skinny/minny models. What is wrong with the world? I have 1 DS and one on the way, but if I was having a girl, I would be terrified. I battled bulemia as a teen, my mom battled anorexia in her twenties and we both still have self-image issues. Only now, we realize what is going on and we both work really hard at just accepting ourselve as is.

I was a size 5 before this pregnancy and thought I needed to lose weight. It took being 6 months pregnant and seeing a picture of myself in a bikini (pre-preggers) to realize that I actually looked hot. DH just replied, "See, I told you that you look good!" God, I love that man.

To all of you mom and dads of little girls, tell them every day how beautiful they are. Show them pictures of healthy looking people. Teach them to aspire to be beautiful on the inside, not just on the outside. I guess this has sort of gotten off track, but it just breaks my heart to hear comments like that. Children will have enough issues to face without sanctimonious a$$holes commenting on weight and what you should look like. I am going to do my best to teach my DSs differently. It may not work, but that is my goal.

[elizabethkott]

Holy cow. I'd be posting back to that a$$hole on that site in a second. Chances are he's not exactly a prize, himself. And further chances are that his usual visual images of a 20-something with her belly exposed has a LOT MORE exposed too, probably in a lascivious position, with airbrushed boobs, butt and thighs.
Congratulations on your continued success with your own battle. Every day is an accomplishment. It is very scary to see what young ladies today (I teach high school, so that's my main reference point) wear, think is acceptable, and the lengths to which they will pursue their view of "beauty". Some days, it makes me really glad to have a boy.

[ShanaMama]

I think about this very often. I've come to an acceptance of my body (between pregnancies) that is unusual among my friends and peers. I am not skinny and I am ok with that. I know I have inner strength and internal as well as external beauty, non of which is dependant on or related to weight. I am lucky to have a DH who feels this way too.
I think my self-acceptance is partly due to the therapy I've been doing for the past two years, which has been hard work at accepting who I am as well as creating who I want to be. Sounds very psychobabbly, I know, but I am in such a good place right now emotionally and I think that's what contributed to my better body image.
The hard part is being constantly surrounded by women who cannot comprehend being happy with their bodies. It's really not something they can relate to. And I am someone who limits my exposure to media/ advertising.
Sorry for such a long response, but you hit on a topic that's really important to me. I hope and pray that I can implant in DD a healthy self image and that includes body image.

[kijip]

As a woman that has a little belly even when underweight (or ideal weight or overweight- it is immutable!) and doing endless ab work , I feel your annoyance. Thankfully, I have a husband that thinks that is hot. Women have hips, thighs and bellies. We just do. Some don't but most magazine pictures we see are distorted images. The guy that posted it likely rarely sees a woman up close a personal...magazine pics are likely as close as he gets, LOL.

[DrSally]

What a jerk. I bet he's got a beerbelly IRL

[ritacheetah]

I hear ya! I was visiting my sister for X-mas and my had to listen to my 17 year old neice complain about her saggy boobs. (she is thin and pretty) Give me a break! I'm like "try some push ups." She's sit and look at fashion magazines and make fun of the models. I wanted to tell her she needs to stop looking at those! I stopped getting them years ago when I realized all the models looked like they were 15 years old.

I have two girls and I plan on strongly discouraging those magazines!

[dr mom]

I am 35 years old, and my body is imperfect...I have stretch marks, my breasts have lost their perkiness, and I have a small belly pouch that will not go away no many how many abdominal crunches I do. I have laugh lines and grey hairs. Could I stand to lose some belly fat? Sure, absolutely.

But you know what? I have the body of a WOMAN, not a 17-year-old girl, or an airbrushed, emaciated model. I have nourished two beautiful children with my body, and if the price of motherhood is that judgemental strangers no longer find me "hot" in a bikini - I don't regret it for a moment. I am not embarrassed or ashamed of my body. Why would I be? This amazing body, with all it's little imperfections, has created LIFE.

We have utterly unrealistic expectations of what a woman should look like - our so-called celebrity "role models" start dieting the moment their children are birthed, fighting against nature to look like underweight adolescents. The media airbrushes beautiful, healthy models to make them look leaner and thinner. Our cultural ideal of womanly beauty is unattainable for the overwhelming majority of the population. And yes men can be harsh critics - but don't deceive yourself - women are quick to judge one another as well. How many women do you know who don't look in the mirror and sigh "oh I hate my stomach/my thighs/my hips/etc." We are our own worst enemy.

So if you see me at the pool this summer in a swimsuit, laughing and playing with my two beautiful children and blissfully unaware of who might be looking at my belly pouch or my drooping breasts...come on over, grab a Margarita, and join us! Don't worry about what you look like from behind, or hide behind a towel. The world won't stop judging us until we stop criticizing ourselves, and we owe it to our daughters to teach them what a WOMAN's body REALLY looks like. It looks BEAUTIFUL, no matter what shape or size. :)

[dcmom2b3]

It's stuff like this that makes me want to burn every fashion magazine in sight. And, porn, ugh don't even get me started.

I've watched people struggle with eating disorders, and dealt with my own image issues, and I have resolved that I will protect DD from this crap and give her the tools to deal with it when she's on her own.

But it starts so early. When folks comment on DD's chunky thighs and overall heft, I usually growl "She's got a strong, solid body" or "She's built to last, and kick serious butt. Like her mom." Seriously, that a 15 mo's physique would be the subject of such commentary . . . so sad that it's so pervasive.

[almostsane]

I knew that there were other women out there that would be appalled at this statement. A pp stated that we would not quit being judged until we quit judging ourselves. This is so true. My DH has commented numerous times that he does not even notice certain "imperfections" until I point them out.

Whatever happened to Marilyn Monroe being sexy? When did we decide that to be beautiful, you must be thin? I don't understand this. I, too, am so guilty of judging myself and other women. I try to work on it and feel like I have made great strides since having DS 1. I get on to my mom all of the time about obsessing over her weight. It is heartbreaking to know that the next generation will probably be no better than we are.

[maestramommy]

I am 35 years old, and my body is imperfect...I have stretch marks, my breasts have lost their perkiness, and I have a small belly pouch that will not go away no many how many abdominal crunches I do. I have laugh lines and grey hairs. Could I stand to lose some belly fat? Sure, absolutely.

But you know what? I have the body of a WOMAN, not a 17-year-old girl, or an airbrushed, emaciated model. I have nourished two beautiful children with my body, and if the price of motherhood is that judgemental strangers no longer find me "hot" in a bikini - I don't regret it for a moment. I am not embarrassed or ashamed of my body. Why would I be? This amazing body, with all it's little imperfections, has created LIFE.

We have utterly unrealistic expectations of what a woman should look like - our so-called celebrity "role models" start dieting the moment their children are birthed, fighting against nature to look like underweight adolescents. The media airbrushes beautiful, healthy models to make them look leaner and thinner. Our cultural ideal of womanly beauty is unattainable for the overwhelming majority of the population. And yes men can be harsh critics - but don't deceive yourself - women are quick to judge one another as well. How many women do you know who don't look in the mirror and sigh "oh I hate my stomach/my thighs/my hips/etc." We are our own worst enemy.

So if you see me at the pool this summer in a swimsuit, laughing and playing with my two beautiful children and blissfully unaware of who might be looking at my belly pouch or my drooping breasts...come on over, grab a Margarita, and join us! Don't worry about what you look like from behind, or hide behind a towel. The world won't stop judging us until we stop criticizing ourselves, and we owe it to our daughters to teach them what a WOMAN's body REALLY looks like. It looks BEAUTIFUL, no matter what shape or size. :)
This exactly. I used to worry about my butt, small boobs and big everything else all the time. Since Dora was born I still haven't gotten back to training weight, but I used to take her to the pool all summer before I got preggo again. It was the first time I was not self-conscious AT ALL about my body. At one point I did think, gee should I cover myself with a towel? Then I thought, what the hell for?

I remember when Tom Cruise was being interviewed around the time of his wedding, and he got these comments on how great Katie looked, and asked what did she do to lose all that preggo weight, he just shrugged and said, "nothing really. She just bfed." Not bloody likely! Several months later she was part of a celebrity article on what women did to lose their preggo weight super fast. Just bfed indeed. There's no way I would put my body through what she and the other women did to lose my weight quickly. Or slowly, for that matter.

Now, when I want to lose weight or get into shape, it's for ME. Hoo-ah!

[tarabenet]

What a jerk. I bet he's got a beerbelly IRL

You're too nice. My thinking was beer belly and tiny little, ummm, self-esteem. Probably drives a really suped up car or truck too. Oh the things they will say and do to try to make up for their inadequacies (real or imagined).

[elizabethkott]

I
When folks comment on DD's chunky thighs and overall heft, I usually growl "She's got a strong, solid body" or "She's built to last, and kick serious butt. Like her mom." Seriously, that a 15 mo's physique would be the subject of such commentary . . . so sad that it's so pervasive.

How about, "Well, I know that the 'starving baby' look is really chic in Paris right now, but somehow, it just didn't seem right to me..."

or "Yeah, I've been working with her personal trainer to slim her down, but after an hour of cardio and the new Baby Einstein Richard Simmons tape, it's time for her nap, so really, what can you do?"

or "I've found that while the Billy Blane baby cardioboxing dvd really does help trim down her thighs, it resulted in really aggressive behavior, so we stopped watching that."

That anyone would comment on the weight of a toddler is beyond me.
Idiots. What, giving girls complexes in elementary school isn't good enough for you, you have to start in pre-k?
Yeish.

[eliasmom]

Seriously, what is WRONG with people?!?!

Whenever my parents or MIL make a comment about my daughter's weight or call her chubby, chunky, you name it, I tell them: 1) great, I'll send you the bills for her psychiatrist and any costs related to a future eating disorder and 2) it wouldn't be appropriate for me to comment on YOUR weight or appearance, so please don't comment about my child in that way. That normally ends it.

The child is not yet two, she is muscular and still has some baby fat, but at her 18 month appt she was 90th% ht and 50th% wt - GASP. That is the highest % she has ever hit on her weight- average! I love the fact that my kid is strong and a good eater. I also know that she understands 99% of what everyone says about her. My feeling is this: unless and until her doctor thinks there is a problem (and I totally trust her opinion), everyone else needs to shut their freakin' pie holes about my child's weight/appearance. Would it ever be appropriate for me to tell MIL she looks chunky and she must be a good eater? Bwa ha ha.

[elizabethkott]

Would it ever be appropriate for me to tell MIL she looks chunky and she must be a good eater? Bwa ha ha.

I would pay a good amount of money to see it happen, though! I can just picture it....

Your MIL:"DGD sure does look chunky. She must be a good eater!"

You: "I could say the same about you."

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

[dcmom2b3]

How about, "Well, I know that the 'starving baby' look is really chic in Paris right now, but somehow, it just didn't seem right to me..."

or "Yeah, I've been working with her personal trainer to slim her down, but after an hour of cardio and the new Baby Einstein Richard Simmons tape, it's time for her nap, so really, what can you do?"

or "I've found that while the Billy Blane baby cardioboxing dvd really does help trim down her thighs, it resulted in really aggressive behavior, so we stopped watching that."

That anyone would comment on the weight of a toddler is beyond me.
Idiots. What, giving girls complexes in elementary school isn't good enough for you, you have to start in pre-k?
Yeish.


You know, I've been dying to tell these idiots that we're part of a secret govt. experiment to breed a race of Amazons to challenge the aliens they've been warehousing in New Mexico all these years. Then tell them, "But now that I've told you, I have to kill you. Aren't you sorry you asked?"

I think that's too twisted for public consumption, 'tho. Likely to get me arrested, too. And if it's not her weight, then stupid folks will always find a pile of something else to step in, like her race -- e.g., "She doesn't look black. Is she really your daughter?" Uh, got the tears to prove it, shall I SHOW you? Again, likely to get me arrested.

Sigh. Must find satisfactory scenario that doesn't end with mommy in handcuffs. Handcuffs bad. Grilled cheese good. Yum. Grilled cheese + margaritas with Cindy by the pool, shakin' m'belly fat and enjoying beautiful children of all shapes, colors and sizes = Yum Yum!