Mean comments to a pregnant lady

[tmonroe]

I realize I am hormonal but honestly, why do people feel the need to say such negative things to a woman having her first child? It started out with the baby shower.

* One person asks me if I'm taking child care classes and when I said yes she gives me a speech on why they don't work. I had to snarkily tell her I was not interested in her or anyone else's negative comments because her experience is not my experience. Thankfully she shut up after that.
* DH's cousins girlfriend comes up to me and says, "wow you are carrying so nicely it can't be a girl.":mad: Meanwhile the invitations said it was a girl and everything is in pink. Then she goes on to say, "I just hope it's a girl when it's born because you know girls don't carry this well so it has to be a boy. I hope you're not surprised after it's born." I was so annoyed. WHo wants to hear that. I rolled my eyes and her and told her "being that she has a vagina and not a penis I think it's safe to say it's a girl." :rolleye0014:
* The kicker- my uncle calls me this morning to ask if we received his gift. He asks about my pregnancy and when I tell him it was great he reminds me that I have no control over the pregnancy and the baby may be born tomorrow. HELLO? My baby is not due until the end of April and I have been paranoia since the first trimester about premature births. He goes on and on to tell me how he knows I am ready and having the baby tomorrow would not be bad anyway. When I told him I am NOT ready until the baby is full term and that I would prefer he keep comments like that to himself as it makes me nervous and I have enough to worry about, he got irate and told me he didn't see the point of having a conversation if he couldn't share his opinion. I told him to have a wonderful and safe day as I had t hings I needed to do and hung up. This was the second time he upset me during my pregnancy and the last. He'll have to speak to my voice mail until this child is born.

Why are people so mean?????????????????????????

[rebeccaravit]

Why are people so mean?????????????????????????

They're not mean, just stupid!

Big hugs to you for a safe and uneventful end to your preganancy. Don't let the comments get you down. Just keep focused on that beautiful little girl in your belly and you will be happy.

Also, just to let you know... the comments NEVER stop. Someone will give you advice every step of the way after the baby is born. Just remember that you are her mother and that you are doing nothing but the best for her.

[tmonroe]

They're not mean, just stupid!

Big hugs to you for a safe and uneventful end to your preganancy. Don't let the comments get you down. Just keep focused on that beautiful little girl in your belly and you will be happy.

Also, just to let you know... the comments NEVER stop. Someone will give you advice every step of the way after the baby is born. Just remember that you are her mother and that you are doing nothing but the best for her.

thanks for your nice message. it made me feel better already! i just don't get why people are so stupid and i know i never will. i have been fortunate to have had a great pregnancy minus a few incidences here and there. i feel blessed because those things were not pleasant but could have been much worse. i try and stay positive which is why i don't get why people are so dumb. thanks for your nice comments.

[trales]

I totally sympathize with you. I wish I had you wit and could give such snarky, brilliant answers to stupid people.


he got irate and told me he didn't see the point of having a conversation if he couldn't share his opinion

My family does this all the time, it drives me crazy, they can have thier unsolicited and unwanted opinion, but if you respond and god forbid give your opinion they get all uppity.

I hope you enjoyed you birth classes, and have a wonderful full term birth of your baby girl. I know I enjoyed all those things.

[tmonroe]

I totally sympathize with you. I wish I had you wit and could give such snarky, brilliant answers to stupid people.



My family does this all the time, it drives me crazy, they can have thier unsolicited and unwanted opinion, but if you respond and god forbid give your opinion they get all uppity.

I hope you enjoyed you birth classes, and have a wonderful full term birth of your baby girl. I know I enjoyed all those things.

Thank you so much. I really enjoy the childbirth classes. I've learned a lot about what might occur in the delivery room and have met some nice couples plus it makes DH and I feel even more bonded which is nice.

People want to try and scare you but as soon as you say something back they want to get all upset and act like we've done something wrong. I really need to pick and choose who I deal with and speak to for the duration of my pregnancy. Thank god for caller id:yay:

[scoop22]

some people really have no clue what to even say to a pregnant woman. the comments i have heard this time around towards me have been awful. some things i can't believe even cross peoples minds. i have cried more times this pregnancy due to ignorant comments.

i know it is hard (and i have a really hard time with this!) but you learn to listen to certain people and ignore others. it's not an easy task but you know who you can talk to!! they are the important ones..

i hope you enjoy a full term pregnancy as well. i am 36 weeks and people keep asking me if i am ready.. no!! ask me again in a few weeks.

best wishes!!!!!!!!!!!! keep us posted on everything

[ritacheetah]

There were a bunch of us pregnant at the job I was at when I was pregnant with my first. We had a monthly newsletter and I wrote something called "10 things not to say to a pregnant woman." I'll have to see if I can find it but it included things like "you look like you swallowed a basketball" and "I can't wait to see you get fat." Or how about "are you allowed to drink coffee/eat shrimp/get a flu shot/etc." Amazing how insensitive people are and the hormones just make it that much worse.

[tnrnchick74]

I JUST had another one of "those "experiences" today. One of my well-meaning co-workers asked me how far along I was now...THEN commented that I'm VERY small for my 27.5 week pregnancy and has my OB measured the baby lately because it looks like I'm not eating enough or he's IUGR for some reason.

I DID tell her that at my last ultrasound BB was measuring EXACTLY in the middle of all the growth curves; that I have gained an appropriate amount of weight so far, and that I'm measuring EXACTLY normal.

THEN this person asked me why I was "poisoning" my fetus by drinking so much caffeine. I do NOT drink that much caffeine...I drink no more than the agreed amount my OB & I have discussed. But I get migraines WITHOUT caffeine, and since I can't take my normal migraine meds the caffeine is the lesser of 2 evils.

One of my true friends attempted to come "rescue" me by talking about my plans for the upcoming c-section and the origional co-worker went OFF about "Scheduled c-sections" and how horrible they are. I looked at her (thoroughly discusted) and said "Until I hire you to be MY OB-GYN, I would appreciate it if you keep your OPINIONS out of my pregnancy. There are very good MEDICAL reasons for me to have a scheduled, slightly early c-section and YOU have no right trying to make me feel guilty for ANYTHING". Then I went into the bathroom and cried. My friend was waiting for me after I got done with a piece of chocolate...she's 13 weeks pregnant :)

[kdeunc]

It doesn't get any better with later pregnancies either. I swear some people are just dense. Today in Target we ran into a former coworker of DH. My 5 year old mentioned that we are having a new baby and her response...Was it planned? Keep in mind I have met this woman maybe twice in my life. What I said "yes, believe it or not", what I wanted to say..."No, DH got me drunk one night and well, here we are!" :) Sorry to hijack your bitch!!

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and your little girl!

[hellokitty]

I don't know what it is about being pregnant that motivates ppl to disclose all of the pregnancy horror stories that they have stored up. I'm sorry you ran into such morons to make crappy comments like that. Unfortunately, even after you have the baby you'll get plenty of unwanted advice and criticism. Come up with a witty comeback now and it will make it easier for you to deal with ppl like that.

[sarahsthreads]

There were a bunch of us pregnant at the job I was at when I was pregnant with my first. We had a monthly newsletter and I wrote something called "10 things not to say to a pregnant woman." I'll have to see if I can find it but it included things like "you look like you swallowed a basketball" and "I can't wait to see you get fat." Or how about "are you allowed to drink coffee/eat shrimp/get a flu shot/etc." Amazing how insensitive people are and the hormones just make it that much worse.

Yeah, I've gotten several of those comments this time around. And my favorite: the other day, a friend who's known me for a while said, "Oh, you're due in June, right?" and I said "no, late July", and she said "Wow! You're showing much bigger much earlier this time."

Umm, thanks?

To the OP, it really never gets better. My family and friends all had unsolicited advice and opinions from the time they found out I was pregnant with DD until, well, now. You'd better figure out some snappy comebacks for: sleeping arrangements (co-sleeping, CIO, doesn't matter, everyone has comments), feeding options (bf-ing, bottle-feeding, solids, dirt... ;) ), pretty much every aspect of parenting you will ever make a decision on. Just make up your mind internally that since you have made the decision it's done, smile, nod, and pass the bean dip whenever people try to stick their noses where they don't belong. :)

Sarah

[Melarina]

Oh my, this sounds familiar. When I was pregnant with DD I had a really big tummy really early, apparently. I heard comments about it all the time. For example: "you're due in July, right?...no, October...What? That can't be right, are you sure?" I should have told them, yes, I know almost to the day when this baby was conceived, would you like to know more details?!? I even had the receptionist at my OB's office tell me to ask my doctor to make sure I wasn't carrying twins - when I told her I had numerous ultrasounds and we were sure it was a single baby, she still didn't seem to believe me - ha! Anyway, yes, I agree, people say stupid things. Fortunately, there are also people who "get it" and would gladly jump to the verbal defense of a pregnant woman when given the chance! (I tried, "I'm so happy that we're having this baby, isn't it great she's making her presence known already!") Hope all goes well for you, and that the comments get less hurtful and more supportive.

[ritacheetah]

I even had the receptionist at my OB's office tell me to ask my doctor to make sure I wasn't carrying twins - when I told her I had numerous ultrasounds and we were sure it was a single baby, she still didn't seem to believe me - ha!.


Oh, yeah, that was another one - "are you sure you don't have twins?" One of my coworkers was having twins so I'm sure she had a good comeback on that one.

I always liked "you getting big/huge." Like, duh, thanks for reminding me, since I haven't looked in the mirror in 6 months.

My personal favorite comback was when someone (especially a stranger) would say "you're starting to waddle." I would just say "no, I always walk like this."

Whatever...

[MamaMolly]

Then I went into the bathroom and cried. My friend was waiting for me after I got done with a piece of chocolate...she's 13 weeks pregnant :)

THAT friend is GOLD!!! She rocks! And you handled the other co-worker very well. Good for both of you! :cheerleader1:

[gatorsmom]

To the OP, it really never gets better. My family and friends all had unsolicited advice and opinions from the time they found out I was pregnant with DD until, well, now. You'd better figure out some snappy comebacks for: sleeping arrangements (co-sleeping, CIO, doesn't matter, everyone has comments), feeding options (bf-ing, bottle-feeding, solids, dirt... ;) ), pretty much every aspect of parenting you will ever make a decision on. Just make up your mind internally that since you have made the decision it's done, smile, nod, and pass the bean dip whenever people try to stick their noses where they don't belong. :)

Sarah

Sarah, you are sooo right about this. People will always question every parenting decision. I've never been good at snappy comebacks, and am even more preoccupied now with 4 children so I've found that I just simply reply "thanks, I'll take that into consideration." Which makes the other person think you agree with them allowing you to say, "mm-hmm" as they rattle on an on about their ideas. Most of the time I just tune them out after I respond. Unless it's a mom with more children than me. Then I listen closely ;).

[lizajane]

my greatest piece of pregnancy advice is STOP ANSWERING THE PHONE!!!

if i was asked ONE MORE TIME if i had "had the baby yet" when i was preganant with dylan (who was 8 days late) i was going to jump out the window! friends of my inlaws were calling!!! um, hello! i hardly even KNOW you!! are you REALLY the person i would want calling the day i had a baby???????

hang in there!!

next time you get a super stupid question, just say yes or no, whichever is the stranger answer. like this- are you SURE your aren't having twins? no, i am not sure. did you have the baby yet? yes, he is right here with me. can't you hear him crying? and it always quiets people when you bring faith into it- "are you worried about premature birth?" "no, God has a plan."

[tmonroe]

some people really have no clue what to even say to a pregnant woman. the comments i have heard this time around towards me have been awful. some things i can't believe even cross peoples minds. i have cried more times this pregnancy due to ignorant comments.

i know it is hard (and i have a really hard time with this!) but you learn to listen to certain people and ignore others. it's not an easy task but you know who you can talk to!! they are the important ones..

i hope you enjoy a full term pregnancy as well. i am 36 weeks and people keep asking me if i am ready.. no!! ask me again in a few weeks.
best wishes!!!!!!!!!!!! keep us posted on everything

thank you and the same for you! i will be 33 weeks tomorrow. i guess some people are stupid enough to assume that everyone is sitting around waiting for the baby to pop when some of us are patient and not ready for our babies to come until they are full term. i have to learn to have a thicker skin but with all of the hormones it's hard. lol

[tmonroe]

I JUST had another one of "those "experiences" today. One of my well-meaning co-workers asked me how far along I was now...THEN commented that I'm VERY small for my 27.5 week pregnancy and has my OB measured the baby lately because it looks like I'm not eating enough or he's IUGR for some reason.

I DID tell her that at my last ultrasound BB was measuring EXACTLY in the middle of all the growth curves; that I have gained an appropriate amount of weight so far, and that I'm measuring EXACTLY normal.

THEN this person asked me why I was "poisoning" my fetus by drinking so much caffeine. I do NOT drink that much caffeine...I drink no more than the agreed amount my OB & I have discussed. But I get migraines WITHOUT caffeine, and since I can't take my normal migraine meds the caffeine is the lesser of 2 evils.

One of my true friends attempted to come "rescue" me by talking about my plans for the upcoming c-section and the origional co-worker went OFF about "Scheduled c-sections" and how horrible they are. I looked at her (thoroughly discusted) and said "Until I hire you to be MY OB-GYN, I would appreciate it if you keep your OPINIONS out of my pregnancy. There are very good MEDICAL reasons for me to have a scheduled, slightly early c-section and YOU have no right trying to make me feel guilty for ANYTHING". Then I went into the bathroom and cried. My friend was waiting for me after I got done with a piece of chocolate...she's 13 weeks pregnant :)

Why are people like that? You handled her very well. My mother always said a little bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing. How dare she try to apply what she knows or thinks she knows to your experience? I can't stand when people try and play doctor and nutritional counselor. One of my coworkers had the nerve to ask me why was I eating tuna and hadn't I read up on the facts about tuna and pregnancy. Never mind it was the first can of tuna I had in about 2 years and the first one I've had since being pregnant. I told her thanks for the advice but my gyn is well versed on what I should and should not be eating! People really have no class when it comes to pregnant women and the comments they make. I feel bad your coworker made you cry.

[elizabethkott]

I finally came up with a response to unsolicited parental advice.
"Did you push him out of your vagina? Then shut up."
I'll work on a c-section friendly one.
:)

[misshollygolightly]

It's amazing how ordinarily decent people completely stick their foot in their mouths when it comes to talking to pregnant women! I really think that most of the time people just simply don't know what to say. They *want* to talk to us, and it's hard for them to make small talk about other subjects when our bellies are sticking out in the way, and they just get flustered and start babbling. When you stop and think about it, you have to feel kinda sorry for them: I mean, what *can* you safely say to a pregnant lady? You can't ask if she's pregnant or comment on her size; you *want* to help, but you have to try not to sound bossy or domineering, or worse, share too many of your own horrifying experiences. Anyway, this definitely doesn't excuse people from saying dumb stuff, but it does make me a little more patient when they do. I've been trying to pre-empt these kinds of conversations by directing the conversation towards "safe" subjects, or by asking my friends and relatives questions about their own lives so they don't feel they have to come up with something to say about my massive belly! Good luck dealing with it all!

[rebeccaravit]

I finally came up with a response to unsolicited parental advice.
"Did you push him out of your vagina? Then shut up."


LOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!

This is a keeper!

[StantonHyde]

My 2 favorite responses:

This works in general:
"Are you trying to be rude or are you just stupid?"

In response to whatever you are doing that supposedly harms your fetus:
"Well, after I gave up the cocaine, I had to have something"

[maestramommy]

I'm so sorry you're getting stupid comments. You'll have a great remainder of pregnancy, your birthing will go well, and you'll be holding a beautiful baby girl in your arms pretty soon:love-retry:

I'm sure if the same people feel the need to say stupid things after your baby is born, you'll be just as gifted with the snappy comebacks:11:

[tmonroe]

My 2 favorite responses:

This works in general:
"Are you trying to be rude or are you just stupid?"

In response to whatever you are doing that supposedly harms your fetus:
"Well, after I gave up the cocaine, I had to have something"

:ROTFLMAO: :ROTFLMAO: I LOVE THEM ALL!

[tmonroe]

I'm so sorry you're getting stupid comments. You'll have a great remainder of pregnancy, your birthing will go well, and you'll be holding a beautiful baby girl in your arms pretty soon:love-retry:

I'm sure if the same people feel the need to say stupid things after your baby is born, you'll be just as gifted with the snappy comebacks:11:


Thank you. Very sweet things to say!

[tmonroe]

I finally came up with a response to unsolicited parental advice.
"Did you push him out of your vagina? Then shut up."I'll work on a c-section friendly one.
:)

Classic! This should be on a tshirt!